Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.

Rated M for several reasons.

Chpt 35 The Blessing and The Curse

RPOV

She's absolutely priceless.

I was prepared to tear into Em and Pete, what was the point in going along to keep an eye on her when they let her come home in this state? If he'd done anything to Bella that Tom's eyes wouldn't have been quite so close together when got up in the morning. Instead I find that she kissed him and has now decided that since her knees didn't go weak there must be something wrong with her.

I suppose despite her lack of experience she has been a little bit spoilt. Poignant, emotion filled romantic kisses from Ed and a face sucking or two from Major Seduction are more than most girls her age could aspire to.

Char and I were as reassuring as we could be. No, we didn't think it was anything to do with his body temperature and there was every chance that someone breathing, other than Santa Claus or one of his North Pole dwelling elves, could provide some action in the knee department. Yes, there's nothing like a nice firm man but there is more variety of firm to experiment with than just marble. And yes, it is possible that she is in fact completely normal and that you cannot always rely on a good knee trembler being delivered on a first date.

Satisfied, she's taken herself off to bed and with a martyred sigh I excuse myself to go up to my own room. Worrying about other people is exhausting. No one ever worries about me anymore.

Stripping off I climb between the cool silk sheets of our shamefully ornate bed, Em refers to our bedroom as the tart's boudoir. I love it, it's ludicrously ostentatious and Char specifically chose the colors and lighting to show off my blonde beauty to perfection. To anyone else it would look like there is no evidence of Em's personality at all in this room but we know it's there, it's a room fit for a princess and I am his princess.

I feel the bed dip under his weight.

"Are you asleep?" He whispers into my ear.

I smile slightly and snuggle further into the pillow with a fake sleepy sigh. I love this game.

"Mmm." He hums quietly to himself. "What could I possibly do with a naked, sleeping, goddess?"

He traces the tips of his fingers lightly up and down my spine and I shiver.

"Should I worship her with my body?" He murmurs, lips following his fingers as he gently presses me face down into the bed.

Oh yes, this goddess loves to be worshipped.

BPOV

Rose's dilemma is almost funny. On the one hand she wants me to enjoy as much of being human as I can but on the other all the pregnancies in Forks have clearly freaked her out. My brothers in contrast are very clear where they stand. I suspected they followed me on my first date with Tom but I know they did on the second one because just as our lips were locking at the end of the night Em appeared silently behind Tom's left shoulder making strangling motions. I learnt something new, laughing when a man is trying to kiss you does not get you a third date. At least we were able to go back to being friends afterwards, he was very forgiving.

I haven't been tempted again, despite the gratifyingly frequent offers. I was never that obsessed with boys in the first place, and despite my short intense relationship with Edward and the loss of my virginity to a lothario almost ten times my age, that doesn't seem to have changed. I sort of believe what Rose and Char said about being able to find a living breathing man just as attractive but since I'm going to be a vampire one day anyway it doesn't seem worth bothering about. My memories of Jasper's Tent will keep me going in the meantime.

The love I have for my new family grows everyday as does my resolve to become a vampire. The atmosphere at college encourages open debate, which even I am starting to engage in, but despite all the wide ranging hopes and dreams for the future my classmates and friends have shared I've felt not even the slightest tug to change mine. Not that they're that different, I want to belong and I want to be loved, and one day I'd like someone to love me the way Em and Pete do their wives.

Renee and I are drifting further and further apart, our emails and calls are getting less and less frequent as we move on to new phases in our lives, so I feel more comfortable about leaving her completely when the time comes.

The only real blip on my plan is Charlie. He doesn't really do emails or phone calls but we have spoken and I know he misses me as much as I miss him. Not bad for two habitual loners. And I can't help worrying about how he's going to react when I eventually meet with my 'fatal' accident, hurting one family so I can I live forever with a new one is not something I'm going to find easy. Char's advice was to spend as much time as I can with my father now and remember that he would want me to do what's best for me, knowing that one day he's going to leave me anyway.

Hence my trip back to Forks for the holidays while the others go visit with the Cullens. I'm really looking forward to seeing Charlie and it helps that this way I don't have to see Edward. Because Edward and I are having issues at the moment.

At first it wasn't too bad. I was relieved to be away from Alice's expectations and Edward's hope and I can't deny it was nice to talk to someone on the phone that cared about me and just wanted to know how I was doing. But over the months he's been talking more about wanting to try again and that makes me really uncomfortable. I told him I still loved him and I meant it at the time and he will always hold a place in my heart but the idea of being involved with him romantically again leaves me cold. And like the coward I am, what I want to avoid is actually having to tell him.

So with all that in mind my greeting for Charlie when he picked me up at the airport was probably a lot more full on than he was expecting, but he coped with it manfully.

We stopped to get our tree on the way home, laughing as we picked the sorriest looking example we could find to lavish our TLC on.

Charlie decorated it with our ancient stock of baubles while I went to the store to get all the supplies we'd need for the festive break. Driving my truck brought back so many memories, it still smelled the same and ran the same, as in slowly, and I mentally reminded myself not to tell Charlie I've been happily riding a powerful bike to school.

He's had a pretty full social calendar planned and I feel a bit guilty remembering my childhood complaints about how dull Forks was. We fished, that was dull, we went to a party at La Push which was awkward, we had dinner at the diner with his deputies and their families and we went to a recital in Port Angeles which had both of us squirming in discomfort but laughing our heads off on the way home.

I love my dad.

Christmas day was great. We cooked the dinner together, bickering all the while about how to do it, apparently Grandma Swan was a stickler for certain things and I learnt more about the Swan family than I've ever known before. And I bitterly regretted my mental absence last year.

We ate the lot, both of us changing into our sweats afterwards and stretching ourselves out, groaning, in the living room.

"So what are your plans for the future?" He asks when we've finished watching the Christmas special of our favourite show.

"Um. I don't know, I need to finish college and then I'll see . . . ."

"Bella." Charlie fixes me with his professional hard stare. "I've lived in Forks all my life. I'm a policeman. My two best friends are Quileutes."

"Um."

"I know what the Cullens are Bella, I've always known."

"Um." Shit. Keep quiet, this is a common technique for extracting information, pretending to know about something you suspect.

Oh god he's staring at me. Don't speak, don't speak.

After an interminable silence his lips quirk up into a smile.

"Nice try Bells but I do actually know."

"Um." Shit, how can he know, what does he know?

"You know." He says conversationally. "When Billy found out you were going away to college with them and I was allowing it he didn't speak to me for over a month."

"Um, ah." Total mental shutdown.

"Really Bells?" He chuckles. "All that money we've shelled out for you to go to a top college and all you can manage is Um?"

"Ch-Dad . . . . Um."

He sets his beer down so he can indulge in a full belly laugh.

What the fuck? I've stumbled into the twilight zone.

"I searched the federal database." He says when he's stopped laughing. "I thought I might find something entitled 'So your Daughter is Going to Become a Vampire' but apparently no such guidance notes exist. Go figure, the fecking thing is useless anyway."

"Um."

"You need to do better than that Bells, I'm your father." He admonishes gently, joking done.

"Have you always known?" I manage to croak , wishing with all my heart that Rose was here, she'd know exactly how to handle this.

"Yes. Harry and Billy couldn't help themselves, the day Dr Cullen turned up at the hospital they went into lynch mob mode. I managed to head it off at the pass but in the end they felt they had to tell me what the real issue was. In fact they had to tell me a couple of times before I went and faced off to Carlisle on their allegations."

"Holy shit." I mutter.

"Quite." He allows. "Carlisle was very matter of fact and his story tallied with what the guys had already told me. I didn't know what to do. I mean, there wasn't anything I could do. I would have ended up either dead or in the nut house.

So in the best tradition I decided to wait and see. The family moved in. They didn't cause any trouble. Nobody died. Despite my fear I had to accept that they were genuine, that Carlisle had told the truth, that they didn't, um, er, eat people.

The more time went on, despite Harry and Billy's animosity, the less reason I could find to hate the Cullens and the more I was able to convince myself that whatever was going on it was safe. I'm a cop Bells, I knew there was something different about them and I know Harry and Billy, so despite how crazy it all seemed I just learnt to accept it.

So much so that I didn't give it a second thought when you decided to come and live with me. Which was one of the happiest days of my life by the way.

When you announced you were dating Edward Cullen I nearly had a heart attack. But what could I do? You'd have had me committed if I said anything, I had to trust my instincts about them, that you'd be okay."

"I already knew, then." I interrupt.

"Yes, I found out afterwards. Carlisle and I had words. I trusted him Bells, still do, when he said you'd be safe. But it wasn't easy."

"So you hated Edward because he was a vampire?"

"No Bells. I hate Edward because he mulled over your relationship, came to his own conclusion and fucked off without discussing it with you. Which is exactly what your mother did to me."

My mouth makes a round O of surprise.

"Yeah." He says ruefully. "Parents can be bitter too."

"Oh dad." I gasp, throwing myself into his lap. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise for what happened between me and your mom." He says gruffly, hugging me to him. "If you're apologising for not coming clean about the vampire thing then don't bother. I can completely understand why you wouldn't tell me that, I didn't tell you either, I refer to my previous nut house comment."

"Oh dad." I whimper, hugging him back. "Phoenix?"

"Carlisle told me everything." He shrugs. "I'm afraid it didn't improve my opinion of Edward, even though he saved your life."

"Why?" I feel compelled to ask.

He growls.

"Why?" I press.

"If it was Renee." He answers quietly. "I would never have left your side or entrusted your safety to others. I understand why they did what they did, it makes perfect sense strategically. But I wouldn't have been able to do it."

"That's a bit . . . ." I hesitate for a moment. "Romantic."

"Bella Swan." He growls. "Be careful how you speak to your father."

I laugh, I can't help it. And then I sober up big time.

"Do you mind? I mean, it's not natural, I'll be, um, er, dead."

"Bells." He sighs into my hair. "Apparently dead is relative. As your dad I can't help but be pleased by the idea you'll live forever, that no one will be able to hurt you, at least physically.

I'm not chuffed about the Edward situation, he's a dick and unworthy.

But I can see that Rosalie and the others, they love you, what more can a father wish for? I hope you find a personal love one day, someone who truly deserves you, but hey, you'll have plenty of time to look. Absolutely no reason to rush and make a bad decision, I'm trusting you on that Bells. Use the extra time you'll have wisely, love someone who loves you back, with every fibre of their being.

Just respect your old dad by not chowing down on people, if you can."

In the absence of words I grip him tightly.

"Bells I don't understand the mechanics of all this, but um, when you 'die' please, find a way to let me know . . . ."

"I will. I promise."

"Okay, good." He states. "You can get off me now by the way, my stomach is really full."

Oh.