A/N: I'm still alive, but I had a lot of things to do for my thesis. I'm sorry. I swear I'll try and update regularly from now on. If you don't hear from me in a week, contact me and remind me that I have to update. I count on you!

Usual disclaimers: I don't own Twilight, only the original characters.

Usual plead: I still am not a native speaker. You find any disaster with tenses/grammar/poor vocabulary choices, you tell me and I correct them, hopefully learning something.

Ok, have fun. Feel free to insult me. See you soon.

38

Laguna

Alex.

Alex…

He was back. He had come for me. He still wanted me. But I didn't want him anymore… or was I wrong?

There was one thing that was sure, he had hurt me. No, he had destroyed me.

I had never had much self-esteem. But the fact that he had chosen me… well, it helped. But then he had left me. And Derek, one of his best friends, told me he had seen him with her. He had promised me that he would have never gone back to her, and then… and later, when I left because I thought he was dead, he had gone back to her again, instead of looking for me. Did he really care so little about me? And if it was so, why had he always said he loved me? Was any of the things he told me true?

I closed the French doors behind me, and went upstairs, deserting the living room and my family. I needed to be alone, at least for a few minutes.

The clock on the wall was still dead. I fell on the couch on which, according to Claude, I had spent the last three years, picking up one of the little square pillows from the floor and clutching it to my chest.

Was it possible that both Alex and Claude, in one way or another, had ended up hurting me?

Was it possible that what Claude had done to me paled in comparison of what Alex hadn't told me? Was it really worse, for me, what had Alex had done?

I heard footsteps coming towards my door and then Carlisle knocked.

"Come in".

I sat up, still clutching the pillow, while he entered, closing the door behind him and then coming to sit on the couch beside me.

"Claude told me about the uninvited guest…" he said. "You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to".

I sighed. "I was wondering why I felt like Alex hurt me more than Claude ever did…"

Carlisle looked at me, puzzled. He knew the whole story, he was the only one that knew every detail, but he didn't seem to understand what I was referring to.

"Claude hurt you a lot of times. Which one are you thinking about?" he asked.

"That, in his haste, he couldn't wait for me to…" I choked on what I was going to say. He couldn't wait for me to give birth to my child. "…he couldn't wait for me to…" I close my eyes. Some things were hard to remember.

"Shhh. I know". He got up from the couch, and then knelt on the floor in front of me. "Claude couldn't wait for your pregnancy to come to term." I nodded. It hurt too much to even think about it.

"Yes." I said. Carlisle sat on the floor, bracing himself for my memories.

London, 1404

"What have you done to me?" I ask, incredulous, to the man that had been my teacher.

"I have already explained this to you, ma petite cherie. I have made you like me. A vampire", he answers, calm, sitting on his chair.

I stand before a mirror, looking at my reflection. There are little changes in what I see. My skin is whiter, the freckles on my nose are gone, my eyes are not blue anymore but now they are of a creepy shadow of crimson, a colour that I know well. I am skinnier, if it could be even possible.

The scar on my womb hurts, like the wound had been opened and closed again.

"You killed me". I slowly turn towards him. He nods.

"I have also disposed of the child that died in your womb during your change, so you don't have to have it inside you forever." His words open a wound that, right now, I think will never close. What I pleasantly suspected had been true, even if I thought it was impossible. It had been a dream that Alex and I shared. But now, thanks to Claude, it had ended. And it had turned into a nightmare. "You didn't know you were with child?" he asks.

"I suspected it, but I wasn't sure. Trying to end a previous pregnancy, someone else made some disasters inside me", I reply, toneless.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Such fake compassion. Why should he be sorry? He has what he wanted: a doll to play with, or, at least, that's what he wants to believe. He doesn't know that, in doing so, he has lost any chance he may have had with me. And he didn't have a chance.

"Just stop it". My voice is harsh. "You knew?"

"Oui, ma cherie. I knew. I paid attention to you. Do I have to think that Alexandre didn't pay attention?"

I clench my fists. The temptation to erase that insolent smile from his face is strong.

"You knew… and you killed me? You could have waited! You had all eternity!" I want to break his neck.

"I don't like to wait". There is no irony, this time. "And… you know that if I can do something to take you away from him, I do it." His intentions have never been so clear. "How do you think Alex will react, when he'll find out that he lost his child? How will he react, knowing that you could kill him with a kiss? He will leave you, Magdalene, and you will have only me…"

"Even if you'll be the last man on Earth, Claude De la Croix, I'd rather be alone".

Getting back the present had never been so pleasant.

"I didn't remember how much it hurt…" Carlisle held his hand on his stomach, mirroring me.

"Thank you for accepting to share it", I replied, falling against the back of the couch. "And I'm sorry. It hurts so much because I had almost forgotten what an asshole Claude is." I forced a smile.

"I had almost forgotten it, too".

"I still wonder why I feel like Alex cheating on me with Adrianne feels worse…" I insisted.

"Well… I wouldn't swear on it, but I think it's because you love him", he nodded towards my left hand, and the ring I still wore. I started to take it off, and then changed my mind. "You never cared for Claude. If he hurt you, you still had Alex. But when it's Alex that hurts you, who do you have left?"

He was right.

But… but why did Alex do it? Why did he run to Adrianne? Why didn't he look for me?

I still loved him. But… did he still love me?