Chapter 37

"I've suffered from Anorexia in the past, once when I was a child; I refused to eat when it got really bad at home and then everything happened with my parents and it made the disorder worse. I still refused to eat or ate very little when I lived with David at the start. He got me some help though and he helped me through it. I relapsed after David and Jen died and it started with me saying that I wasn't hungry. Joe didn't really understand it back then when it was happening, mainly because he didn't know what was happening. But now he looks back on it, he sees all of the signs and regrets not doing anything more. Anyway, Joe got me through that and I've not relapsed since. I thought I was close to relapsing once Maya died, but I couldn't do that to you. My need to keep you happy overrode my need for control of something. That's where the anorexia stemmed from, the lack of control in my surroundings had made me crave the need for control and the only thing I could control was my eating habits. I did come close to properly relapsing after Maya, but I could see the desperateness in your eyes to get me to eat something. So I have you to thank for pulling me out of that before it had sunk it's claws into me once again. There's been a few times where I hadn't eaten for days in the past, but I refused to let it take hold of me and Joe had seen this happen which is why he was desperate for me to eat something." Zoë said softly and Horatio nodded, a little surprised.

"I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself." She said softly and Horatio nodded.

"Of course sweetheart, you know you can talk to me about anything. Besides, who would I tell?" Horatio smiled softly.

"Alexx? Nathan? I don't know…" Zoë shrugged.

"I wouldn't tell anyone anything if you didn't want me to, sweetheart, you know that." Horatio said softly and she nodded.

"If you feel like you're going to relapse ever again, please tell me, Zoë." Horatio asked softly.

"I'm afraid I wouldn't, Horatio. With anorexia, you find yourself hiding from those close to you. I know I wouldn't tell you, I'd do my best to hide the symptoms from you." She exhaled.

"So far though, you are the only one to pull me out of the first stages of anorexia." She said softly and he looked at her. "All the other times I was strong enough to pull myself out of it, but after Maya, I wasn't strong enough and I knew it was going to take hold of me again, that's why I was making up excuses not to eat and got annoyed with you when you tried to get me to eat." Zoë said softly. Horatio sighed and then nodded.

"Thank you for sharing with me, beautiful." Horatio said softly, she gave him a small smile and then sat up.

"I need to go to the loo." She said as she hopped over him and then slowly walked into the en-suite. Horatio shuffled up and laid there and then heard her washing her hands. He lowered his eyebrows when she didn't come out soon after.

"Zoë, are you okay beautiful?" Horatio asked softly.

"Yeah" she called weakly from the bathroom and Horatio quickly got up. He knocked on the ajar door.

"Mmm" she murmured quietly and Horatio quickly entered to see her sitting on the floor leaning against the shower glass.

"Zoë, what's wrong?" Horatio questioned as he quickly rushed over to her.

"I just feel really weak, like I'm going to collapse." She said weakly as she looked up at him.

"Okay sweetheart, do you think you can walk with my help? I need to get you back into bed." Horatio said softly.

"I can give it a go." She exhaled. He could see that her breathing was slightly laboured. He delicately helped her to stand.

"Horatio, I feel like I'm going to collapse." She mumbled breathlessly.

"Okay sweetheart." Horatio said softly before he swept her off her feet. He quickly carried her into the bedroom and placed her down on the bed.

"Okay?" Horatio asked softly and she nodded as he took her pulse and felt that it was normal.

"Thank you." She mumbled quietly.

"Would you like a drink?" He asked softly.

"Could I have a glass of water, please?" She asked and he nodded before he pulled on some joggers and a t-shirt.

"I'll be right back up." Horatio said softly and she nodded. He quickly walked out and Zoë closed her eyes again and then heard Horatio and Joe talking downstairs. Horatio came back up and into the bedroom and sat beside her and handed her the water as she sat up.

"Why am I tired again?" She asked softly.

"I'm not sure sweetheart." Horatio said softly as he rubbed her thigh.

"How's Joe?" She asked softly.

"He's okay, he slept well and he's just doing some work before he heads off to a house viewing at 9.45." Horatio said softly.

"Can you please go and give him my car keys?" She asked and Horatio nodded as he got up.

"Also, tell him that the new code is 5109?" Zoë said softly and Horatio nodded.

"Thank you." Zoë said softly and Horatio nodded. Horatio came back up after handing Joe her keys.

"He'll head off soon, get some rest beautiful." Horatio said softly and she nodded at him. Horatio left her to fall back to sleep while he put some more washing on and folded the dry washing. He quietly put it away in the draws and in the wardrobe without waking Zoë and then went down to clean the kitchen just as Joe was leaving.

"I'll be back around 2.30." Joe said softly and Horatio nodded.

"Are you sure she's okay?" Joe asked and Horatio nodded.

"She spent the day in bed last time after her procedure." Horatio said softly.

"Don't worry, if anything becomes worrying I'll take her to Nathan and I'll update you." Horatio said softly and Joe nodded at him.

"Thank you." Joe said before he walked out. Horatio sat in the study and made sure that everything was okay at the lab. He checked up on Zoë a few times as well as tidying the entire house. Horatio gently woke Zoë at 1.30pm as he sat on the side of the bed by her. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

"Afternoon beautiful" Horatio said softly and she smiled again and then looked over to the alarm clock.

"I'm about to make some lunch, what would you like?" Horatio asked softly.

"Mmm, you." She grinned as she stretched and Horatio chuckled a little.

"Do you want something small, like toast?" Horatio asked and she nodded.

"Please." She said softly and Horatio nodded.

"Do you want to eat up here?" Horatio asked and she shook her head.

"I'll come down, is Joe back?" Zoë asked softly.

"No, he said he'd be back around 2.30" Horatio said softly and she nodded and then sat up.

"Are you sure you want to come down?" Horatio questioned and she nodded.

"Do you want to change or stay in your shorts?" Horatio asked.

"I'll only waste energy if I change." She said softly and Horatio nodded.

"Actually, I'd like a shower." She said softly as she got up.

"Is that wise, Zoë?" He asked softly and she nodded.

"Literally a quick shower" she said softly and Horatio nodded. He got up and picked up a towel for her as she got up and walked into the en-suite with him following. He helped her to get her top off and then walked out, leaving the door open.

"Leave it open, please." Horatio said softly as he turned just as Zoë was pushing the door closed. She looked up at him and then nodded and left it open. She completely undressed and then quickly got in the shower. Horatio walked in to make sure she wasn't scrubbing herself again. She looked up at him and then stopped scrubbing and quickly got out after rinsing the soap off. She pulled a towel up and he walked out after her. She sat on the bed and took the bandage off her hand and threw it in the bin. Horatio quickly bandaged her hand up again.

"Shorts or jogging bottoms?" He asked softly.

"Is it hot down there?" She asked.

"Average." Horatio said softly and she nodded.

"Thin joggers then." She said softly and Horatio nodded and then pulled a navy blue pair of thin-fabic joggers and placed them on the bed beside her.

"Top?" He asked.

"Tank-top please" She said softly and Horatio nodded and then pulled out a black tank top and placed it on the joggers. She got up and began to dry herself as she looked up at Horatio going through her underwear draw. He pulled out a black bra and then her underwear.

"Small pants please, I don't want a VPL." She said softly. Horatio put them back and pulled out a small black thong and she nodded at him.

"What's a VPL?" Horatio asked as he placed them on the bed.

"Visible pantie line" she said softly as she picked up the pants and pulled them on.

"Have your previous girlfriends taught you nothing?" She asked with a smile.

"Evidently not." Horatio smiled shyly and then helped to get her bra on. He quickly looked down at her body in the black underwear.

"Do you like?" She grinned as she bit her bottom lip and he looked up at her.

"Mm-Hmm." Horatio moaned as he gave her a smile.

"Do you want it to come back off?" She grinned as she stepped closer to him and looked up at him and then wrapped her right arm around his neck as she placed an affectionate kiss on his lips.

"I want you to get dressed and then come down for some lunch." Horatio said softly and she looked up at him with her lips inches from his.

"You really know how to kill the mood, don't you?" She grinned.

"That was my intention in this case…" Horatio smiled back.

"Hmm, do you want me to play that game again? You couldn't resist last time I was a little unwell and bet that we wouldn't have sex." She grinned.

"No, please Zoë. You know what you do to me." Horatio said softly.

"Yes, I do, which is why I know what to do to get you into bed with the click of my fingers." She grinned before she placed a kiss on his lips.

"Not today or tonight, tomorrow, possibly, but not at all tonight." Horatio said softly and she nodded and then kissed him again. She felt him coming to life in his trousers.

"Right, I've got to get dressed then." She grinned as she backed off him.

"You are too naughty." He exhaled as he looked up at her.

"You said you didn't want it… so why you've got an erection beats me, that's your fault." She grinned up at him as she pulled the joggers up. Horatio exhaled a chuckle as he looked down. She picked her top up and then dropped it on the floor behind her on purpose. She grinned up at him and his eyes were on hers. She turned around and bent over and picked the top back up. Horatio looked down at her ass in the tight, fitted jogging bottoms as she bent over.

"Are you actually shaking?" Zoë questioned as she turned back around to him with a wide grin when she saw his hands trembling a little, perhaps from too much excitement.

"Please don't play this game Zoë. I'm actually begging you right now." Horatio said softly and her grin widened.

"Okay handsome, I'll let you off tonight." She grinned.

"Thank you." He said as he took the top from her and then pulled it down and onto her. He turned around to walk out when she placed her hand on his ass.

"You have the perfect ass, you know." She grinned up at him as she walked out with him and he chuckled. They walked into the kitchen and Horatio put some bread in the toaster as Zoë sat at the counter. He quickly poured her a glass of orange juice.

"What are you having?" Zoë asked softly.

"Toast too." He said softly and Zoë nodded. He walked over to her and hugged her from behind.

"How are you feeling?" Horatio asked softly.

"Better now that I'm in your arms." She smiled and he quickly kissed her cheek.

"How about moving those hands… up here." She said as she took hold of his hands and placed them on her breasts.

"I said no games, please." Horatio asked softly as he dropped his hands back to her lap.

"Okay, okay." She grinned as she turned her head and then placed a loving kiss on his lips. He pulled back when the toast popped up and then put the 4 slices on 2 separate plates and then buttered the both of them.

"Marmite?" Horatio asked and she nodded with a smile. He then sat down next to her after he placed the plate in front of her.

"So, are you going to explain the whole McDonalds thing to me?" Horatio asked with a smile.

"Oh gosh, I've been dreading you asking me about that…" She grinned up at him.

"It's not interesting really." She said as she looked up at him.

"I'm still curious." Horatio smiled.

"It's really not that interesting, but Adam brings it up every time he drives me anywhere… basically, Kaitlin got me absolutely shit-faced one night back at Uni, Joe wasn't too far off either… she was gone too. Anyway, I really wanted a McDonalds and it was about a 45 minute walk and it was 11 at night. Kaitlin then wanted a McDonalds and then Joe did too, so we set out at 11, all of us off our faces. Which to this day, I still blame Kaitlin for… anyway, Joe's father was on his way to pick Joe and I up and saw us walking along the road. He stopped and I begged him to take us to McDonalds first. He gave in and took us to McDonalds, dropped Kaitlin off and then drove us back to ours." Zoë said softly and Horatio nodded.

"I told you that it wasn't too interesting." She said softly and Horatio chuckled.

"Well, it tells me that you're comfortable with Adam." Horatio said softly.

"Of course I am, and I was drunk at the time, but I've known him from when I was a child, he knew David, Joe and I were inseparable from the age of 6, I grew up with him. I wasn't completely comfortable with him, but he knew the boundaries when it came to me and never once pushed them so he gradually built up my trust with the help of David. Now he's just like a good friend." Zoë smiled sweetly and Horatio nodded with a smile. They tided and then both went to relax on the sofa.

"Are you working tomorrow?" Zoë asked softly.

"No." Horatio said softly.

"You can go in if you want, I don't mind." Zoë said softly.

"I'd much rather be here with you." Horatio said softly and Zoë then looked up at him and smiled with a nod.

"You can't just take a day off because you'd rather spend it with me though." Zoë said softly.

"I can if I want, besides, you're still a little unwell." Horatio said softly.

"I'm just tired, I'm not unwell." Zoë said softly.

"Same difference, they don't know that anyway." Horatio said softly and Zoë chuckled.

"I can't believe you just said that." Zoë said as she looked up at him. Zoë fell asleep soon after on him only to be woken when the front door opened and Joe walked in.

"Hey, how were the houses?" Zoë asked and Joe walked into the living room with a small smile.

"They were nice, I think I'm going to continue to look though." Joe said softly and Zoë nodded as she looked up at him.

"Where else have you been?" She questioned softly.

"No-where… well, I met with father for lunch to discuss the houses." Joe said softly and Zoë nodded.

"You look stressed, are you okay?" Zoë questioned as she sat up and Joe nodded as he stepped back and clasped his hands behind his back.

"I'm fine, Zoë." Joe assured her.

"What have you done? You haven't done anything to my car have you?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"No, of course not." Joe chuckled a little.

"You're lying to me Joe. You won't get away with it for long, I guarantee that…" She said as she looked at him.

"I'll be right back." Joe said as he backed off and headed to the downstairs bathroom.

"Wait here Horatio, something is wrong." Zoë said as she got up and walked over to the bathroom.

"Joe, talk to me." She said as she stood at the door and watched him wash his hands. She looked down at the sink and saw that the water was turning red.

"What happened?!" She asked as she rushed over to him.