Bit of drama in this one I'm afraid. As always sorry it's taken so long! Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: CSI New York and its characters are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS. No infringement is intended. Eden Ashley is an original character. All mine.

It's currently 5am on this bitter Saturday morning in New York City. Ashley actually has the day off work today. But she also has two children, and Theo decided he wanted to play. So here they are Ashley sitting on the couch, and Theo happily bouncing away on her knee, watching some multi coloured mayhem on the TV. Kids TV freaks Ashley out a little, but the twins are at that stage now, where they love colours and music. They have just passed 3 and a half months, unfortunately they are also at the stage where they are putting everything in their mouths, the amount of time Ashley thought she was getting a kiss from one of her children and ended up with a chin full of drool. But she wouldn't change it for anything.

She wouldn't change this Saturday morning for the world, her and Theo enjoying some quality Mother, Son time, while her two girls continue to sleep. As happy as she is right now, and has been for pretty much the last 4 years, she feels like a cloud is hanging over her. It's a little over a month since Katy decided the world was better off without her, and attempted to take her own life. Ashley hasn't heard from her since that day in the hospital, and it's killed her, but she understands that Katy needs the time to get better. She hopes that she succeeds; more than anything. She's heard a rumour through Flack that Katy is returning to work next week. Ashley is looking forward to it and dreading it in equal measure.

Theo squeals with delight at something or other on the TV and Ashley is pulled from her thoughts. She hates that all she's been thinking about recently is Katy, not all the time, but in quiet time when she has a moment to herself; this time used to be filled with thoughts of Stella and Theo and Elissa. Stella can tell her mind has been elsewhere, of course she can, but to be fair to her, she's let Ashley be, she really does have the most understanding wife. It's their 2 year wedding anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks and Ashley decides she will make it one to remember for her beautiful wife. Because really Ashley knows, Stella deserves better than she's been getting over the last month or so.

She's disturbed again by the sound of footsteps, and looks over to see her stunning spouse slowly walking towards her, tying her dressing gown as she meanders over, and trying to rub the tiredness out of her eyes. Ashley smiles, and says quietly.

"Hey, what are you doing up? It's only just after five, go back to sleep."

Stella plonks herself on the couch next to her wife and son, the latter has dragged his eyes away from the TV for a second to acknowledge the arrival of his Mom, which he does so with a smile before quickly turning his attention back to the colours and shapes.

"I woke up and you weren't there. I couldn't get back to sleep." Stella explains.

"Sorry wifey, but our very demanding son absolutely couldn't miss this episode, it's integral to the whole series." Ashley smiles.

Stella looks at the TV and laughs. Before turning her attention back to Eden, she leans across and kisses her wife, before leaning her head on her shoulder and closing her eyes again. Ashley kisses the top of Stella's head, and thinks the only thing missing here that would make this a perfect Saturday morning is Elissa. But she's sure their beautiful daughter will be joining them fairly soon.

XXXXXXXXX

Ashley has just gotten through Monday at work, she's been on edge all day thinking maybe she would see Katy, or maybe he ex would come to see her. But she's just reached the end of her shift and nope, not one sign of her. Ashley knows she told her if it was too hard for her to be part of her life she would step back, but she really hoped it wouldn't come to this. She hoped they'd be able to find a way to co-exist as friends.

The thought that this apparently isn't going to happen, makes Ashley sad, her heart is heavy with sorrow. She has decided that a few drinks are the way forward, so she's roped a reluctant Adam into joining her at Maguire's, he's reluctant because he's seen this mood in his friend before, she doesn't want to go for a couple of drinks to have a good time, she wants to get hammered, usually to forget. But he supposes better she does it with him present than alone. He knows Ashley in the kind of mood she's in right now, would have no problem drinking alone.

They have been sat at the bar pretty much in silence for the best part of an hour. Ashley started on whiskey, Adam tried his best to discourage her but she was having none of it. To be fair though she's only had a couple, but the last thing he wants to do in send her home to Stella in a state.

They are sitting on bar stools, but facing away from the bar, people watching in happy silence. That is until something; or rather someone takes Ashley's attention. Katy has just entered the bar. Ashley's jaw drops, Adam doesn't appear to have noticed. Katy spots Eden, and heads right over to her smiling. Maybe she isn't cutting her out of her life after all.

Katy pulls her into a hug. "Here you are."

"Hey." Ashley is confused.

"Sorry I couldn't come to see you earlier, but I've been swamped, first day back and all." She seems genuinely happy.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel great actually, a lot better than I was. I'm seeing the department shrink, bosses orders, and I think she's really helping me."

"That's great news." Ashley can't remove the smile from her face.

"I was thinking we could get together soon, all of us, me you and Stella, maybe grab dinner or something?"

"Are you sure?" Ashley is delighted at the suggestion, Katy really does seem like a whole new person, no that's not right, she's back to her old self, the Katy she knew all those years ago, that same magic has returned to her eyes.

"Eden honestly, I was in dark place back then. I'm not there anymore, and I don't intend on ever going back." She sounds so resolute; Ashley can't help but believe her.

"That means so much to me." Ashley really does feel like a massive weight has been lifted. "Why don't you join me and Adam for a drink now?"

Adam who has watched the exchange so far reaches across his hand and shakes Katy. "Nice to see you again Katy."

"You too Adam." She focuses her attention back on Eden. "I would love too, but I'm meeting someone."

This causes a whole new set of feelings in Ashley. "Who are you meeting?"

Katy's attention is taken by a woman entering the bar, the gorgeous blonde smiles and waves as soon as she sees Katy. "Right that's me. We'll arrange something soon okay?"

Ashley just nods; it's all she can manage. Who is this woman? She watches as Katy catches up to her and pulls her into a hug, they are both smiling and obviously happy to see each other. The blonde then kisses Katy on the cheek, before they make their way over to the bar to buy a drink. These two are obviously more than just friends; and Ashley isn't sure how she feels about that. Obviously she's aware she has no right to feel anything other than happy that her friend appears to be moving on finally. But this is something she thought she'd never have to deal with, seeing Katy with someone else. She isn't prepared for it, and it makes her feel uneasy, dare she say it, jealous even?

She hates these feelings, she can't be jealous surely, she's with Stella, and she loves Stella. But the thought of Katy with someone else, makes her skin crawl. All of sudden she gets a small insight into just what Katy has been going through in the last few months seeing her an Stella together, and it makes her feel awful. It makes her feel like drinking.

XXXXXXXX

Ashley has been watching Katy and her date for the last 45 minutes; it's become apparent that, that is definitely what this is; a date. She's also sunk a couple more whiskey's, Adam is still trying his best to convince her to go home. Ashley is ignoring him, she watches as Katy rises and heads to the bathroom, Ashley jumps off of her stool and follows her. Adam questions where she's going but his pleas fall on deaf ears.

Ashley enters the bathroom, to find Katy adjusting one of her earrings in the mirror. The red head smiles as she catches sight of Eden's reflection in the mirror, that is until she sees the expression on her face.

"Hey Eden are you okay?"

Maybe it's the drink, but Ashley has tunnel vision on, she just needs to know. "Are you on a date?"

This takes Katy by surprise, she feels her anger increase immediately, you see Eden didn't pose it as a question, more as an accusation.

"Yes." Katy answers honestly, not really sure what's going on.

Ashley feels like she's just been punched in the stomach, she loathes feeling like this. Stella flashes into her head, but she quickly moves that image into the back of her mind.

"Who is she?"

"Eden what's going on here?"

"You've been back from the dead a few months, and you've moved on already."

Eden is drunk, Katy can tell that just by looking at her, but she has no idea what's happening right now. "I thought that's what you wanted. You've got Stella, now I'm moving on too."

Ashley leans against one of the stalls; Katy is still looking at her ex girlfriend through the reflection in the mirror. She can't seem to stop herself. "Are you sleeping with her?"

"That's really none of your business." Katy's annoyance is rising by the second.

"It took me ten years to get over you."

"Eden, this isn't some great love affair, it's one date." She can see her ex really is struggling with this, so she tries to be kind.

Ashley moves towards Katy, and places a hand at either side of her on the sink. So she's basically encasing her from behind. Katy's breathing hitches as Ashley moves her face to her ear and inhales the scent of her hair; it's something that's uniquely Katy, her shampoo mixed with her perfume, mixed with the smell of her skin. Katy closes her eyes, as Eden moves as if she is going to kiss her neck. As she waits for those soft lips to hit the supple flesh on her neck, Ashley seems to realise all of a sudden that this is Katy, this isn't Stella, and if she goes any further, she will be ruining her marriage and her family.

When the lips don't hit Katy knows Eden has lost her nerve, and she for one is glad, because she knows she wouldn't have been able to resist her; and truthfully the last thing she wants to do is ruin Eden's life.

Ashley can't believe her actions. What is she thinking? She's one of those people, an 'I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you' person. The thought of Katy with someone else is upsetting, something she never thought it would be, and something she's obviously going to have to deal with. But the thought of her marriage to Stella being over is soul destroying, and it's that thought that brings her crashing back to reality.

She looks back up to the mirror to see a pissed off looking Katy looking back at her. She hates herself for doing this to her as well, after everything that happened last month, the last thing she should be doing is playing with this woman's emotions.

"I'm sorry. I've got to go."

Ashley speeds out of the bathroom; she makes her apologies to a bewildered Adam and then heads out into the crisp New York evening. She heads into an alley just by the bar, and loses her guts. She can't believe what she almost just did. She is instantly sober.

XXXXXXXXX

By the time Ashley arrives home, Stella and the babies are in bed. Ashley goes to her children's room and watches them sleep for a while, they really are her world, she knows it's such a cliché but it's true. She loves these two little people more than she thought was possible.

Ashley feels terrible, and selfishly she just wants to make herself feel better. She removes her clothes and slips into bed behind Stella. Her gorgeous wife stirs as Ashley places her arms around her.

"Hey how was the bar." Ashley can tell she's just woken her up.

She doesn't speak. She just moves Stella's hair from her neck and starts to kiss every patch of exposed skin she can find. Stella turns in Eden's arms, and pulls her into a kiss. It's a kiss that's filled with desperation and longing. She can tell there is most definitely something not right with her wife here, but when she pulls back to look her in the eyes and is just met with sorrow, she knows she needs comfort, so she attacks her lips again, ready to provide it without question.

XXXXXXXXX

The next morning, Ashley is up at the crack of dawn, she really dislikes the person she was last night, she feels like she used Stella to make herself feel better, and she's disgusted that she did that. So she has gotten up extra early, got the babies up, washed, dressed and fed them, before doing the same for herself. Theo and Elissa are now happily playing in the front room, and Ashley is sitting at the kitchen island finishing off her cereal when Stella walks in. She smiles over at their children, happy that they are dressed already, Eden has been busy. Busy avoiding her too though, they need to talk.

"Morning." Stella sits opposite her wife.

Eden feels foolish and actually rather timid. She knows Stella knows her inside out, she knows she will have questions about last night. "Morning."

Ashley looks down at her cereal bowl; Stella is not going to let her wife get away with not talking about this.

"So what the hell happened last night?" Straight to the point as per usual.

"What do you mean?" Ashley's not sure she can explain it.

Stella decides to be very clear. "When you got home from the bar last night. We. . ." Stella doesn't know how to word it.

"Made love?" Ashley offers.

That is definitely not what they did last night, and Ashley knows it, the look on Stella's face screams to her wife that she knows it too.

"You didn't make love to me last night Eden. You fucked me." Ashley closes her eyes at the harshness of the words. "Last night was not about love." Stella is getting angrier and angrier, and she deserves a better explanation.

"Now are you going to tell me what the hell is going on? Because I have tried to be understanding Eden, I know what you've gone through with Katy hasn't been easy. But it hasn't been easy for me this last month living with someone who has been in the apartment in body, but has been somewhere else in spirit, with someone else."

Stella can fell the tears forming in her eyes, but she's determined they will not spill over.

"I have been a terrible wife this last month. I know that."

Stella moves around the table and takes Eden's face in her hands. "Hey, you haven't been terrible, you've just been distant. I've been hoping you'd come and talk to me at some point, but you never did, and then last night?"

Ashley hasn't been as effective in keeping her tears at bay; they are now spilling down her cheeks. "I don't deserve you."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" Stella makes herself comfortable on the stool again.

Ashley sighs. "Katy's back in New York. When I didn't see her all day, I thought that meant it was too hard for her to have me as part of her life. Which I understood, but I was upset at what I'd lost, so I asked Adam to go for a drink."

This is all understandable so far for Stella, she appreciates that Katy deciding she can't be around Eden would be hard for her wife to take, she's not a fan of the reintroduction of trying to drink away her grief, although she appreciates that she took Adam with her this time, that's something at least. Ashley continues.

"But when we got to the bar, we bumped into Katy and she had just been too busy to stop by the lab. She was fine, said we should all hang out sometime."

Okay now Stella is confused, that sounds great. Ashley who had still been staring at her cereal bowl, chances a look up at her wife. She can tell she's perplexed.

"She was on a date."

"What?"

"Katy was on a date in Maguire's last night. And I didn't know how to handle that?"

Stella heart starts beating faster, it seems to going at such a rate she's sure that Eden will be able to hear it. She almost doesn't want to ask the next question. "How did you handle it?"

"I never thought I would have to deal with seeing Katy with someone else you know. I mean she was dead." Ashley needs to try and get across where's she's coming from.

"Eden, how did you handle it?" Stella is really panicking now.

"I followed her into the bathroom. And I knew that all I would have to do would be to kiss her, and she'd drop her date in a second, and then I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore."

Stella's mouth is dry. "What did you do?"

Ashley looks her square in the eyes, tears still dropping. "I remembered that I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful children at home, and that I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise my family."

Pure relief. "Oh Eden, thank god."

"But Stella I thought about it."

A penny drops for the older woman. "And that makes you feel guilty."

"Of course it does."

"And that's what last night was about, you wanted to make yourself feel better for the guilt you felt."

Stella has hit the nail on the head, and it breaks Eden's heart. Stella continues. "You thought about cheating on me, and then you used me to make yourself feel better about it." She wants to be very clear.

"Yeah I'm a terrible person." Ashley's heart breaks a little.

Stella is inclined to agree at this precise moment in time. "Do you want her back?"

"No." Ashley is emphatic and instantaneous with her response.

"But you were jealous?"

"No, not really. I don't know what I was. I just never thought I'd have to deal with seeing her with someone else, so when it was right there and happening in front of me. I went a little crazy I think."

Stella is mad, Ashley can tell, she can cope with her being mad as long as she forgives her eventually, with this is mind she moves round the island to her wife.

"You have got to believe me Stella that's all it was. I just freaked last night, but even in the middle of it all, I knew I could never do anything that would risk my marriage. I love you; you know you are the one. I promise you I will never do anything like that again."

"How can you be sure? Say we get a couple of years down the line, and Katy meets her 'Stella' and they want to get married and have kids, is this going to rear its ugly head again?"

Ashley shakes her head. "If Katy is lucky enough to meet anyone who she loves, and who loves her half as much as we love each other, then I won't be able to be anything other than happy for her."

"You're sure?"

"Stella I'm positive. I hate myself that I put those doubts in your mind." Ashley's head drops again.

Stella pulls her into a hug. "Thank you for being honest with me. I need you to do something for me Eden."

"Anything."

"I meant what I said; when I said you haven't been here with me for the last month. You need to sort your head out." Stella takes a deep breath. "I think you should talk to someone."

"What like a shrink?" Ashley is not a fan.

"Well not necessarily a shrink, maybe just someone you trust to talk about your feelings with. I don't think looking in the bottom of bottles for the answers to your problems, is really working out very well for you."

"Point taken. Okay, I'll talk to someone."

Stella is shocked at how easily Eden has just agreed to this, she was sure there would be more in the way of a protest. "Really?"

Ashley smiles at the look of disbelief in her wife's face. "How many times, do I need to tell you that I would do anything for you, before you start to actually believe it?"

Stella smiles, and plants a quick kiss on Eden's lips.

"I've got to go. I'm already late for work." Ashley extricates herself from her wife, and moves to leave.

"Have a good day."

"I love you Stella."

"I love you too Shorty."

XXXXXXXXX

Ashley knows she's still got bridges to build with Stella, and rightly so. But right now she's more concerned with trying to fix her friendship with Katy. She's just crossed the threshold into the Police Department, she heads straight over to Katy's desk.

"Hey."

Katy looks up, and looks suitably unimpressed to see Eden. "Hi." It's short and curt.

"Do you have a second to talk?"

"What about?" Wow she really isn't going to make this easy for Eden.

"Please Katy, can we go and grab a coffee." Katy looks up ready to tell her former lover that she's busy, but the level of emotion, of shame in Eden's eyes makes her stop in her tracks.

She sighs. "Fine." She grabs her coat and follows Eden out of the building to the coffee cart in the street. They grab a couple of coffees and then park themselves on a nearby bench.

Ashley doesn't really know what to say. How does she begin to explain what happened last night, she's not really even sure she knows what happened herself. She knows she owes it to Katy to at least try though.

"My behaviour last night was out of order. I am so very sorry." She bows her head.

Katy looks at her determined to be mad at her, but in reality she understands it. Really she understands it better than anyone. Seeing Eden with someone else killed her, almost literally. She feels sympathy for her ex, she places a hand on her shoulder; this takes Ashley by surprise, her face registers as much, Katy can't help but smile as she pulls her into a hug.

"It's not easy is it?"

Ashley pulls back, grateful that her friend is willing to forgive her. "No it's not."

"How's Stella reacted?"

Ashley puffs out a breath and a half smile. "Not favourably."

"At least you told her."

"I was an idiot last night, I wasn't about to compound that by lying to her as well." Ashley feels raw.

"Good."

"She wants me to see a shrink." She's a little embarrassed by her confession, Katy picks up on this and tries to reassure her.

"It might not be a bad idea. An ex girlfriend coming back from the dead after 13 years, is bound to take its emotional toll on anyone."

Ashley can't help but chuckle. "It's not really me; talking to a shrink I mean."

"This isn't about you though Eden. It's about doing whatever it takes to save your marriage." Katy squeezes her shoulder.

"I never thought mine and Stella's marriage would need saving." Her heart sinks again at the thought.

"I don't think it does, not really. Maybe just a little medicine." Katy smiles again, glad that it seems they will be able to put the last month behind them and move forward as friends.

Ashley relaxes a little. "So how was your date?"

Katy raises her eyebrows. "Really?"

Ashley smacks her on the arm. "Come on, of course. I'm pretty sure I went temporarily insane last night. I want you to be happy Katy."

"Well okay. It was going great, until I came back from the bathroom crying like a baby. That kinda put a dampener on the evening." She nudges Ashley playfully to show her that she's not really mad at all.

Ashley cringes. "I am so sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It obviously wasn't destined to be."

"You know I know this barmaid called Caitlin, she's cute. I could get her number for you?"

They both dissolve into fits of giggles. That was it, they chatted happily for the next 20 minutes or so, Eden completely forgiven for her indiscretion the previous evening. By the end of their chat they both feel a lot better about their future; a lot more confident that they will become great friends.

XXXXXXXXX

Ashley steps through her front door and into her living room, clutching the bouquet of lily's she's bought for her wife. Stella is in the middle of tidying up, she's had a mega stressful day with the twins, at points today she's actually looked forward to going back to work. She sees Eden coming towards her, and can't help the unimpressed look that takes over her face at the sight of the flowers.

Well this is going well so far, Ashley sighs.

"You're late." Stella carries on with her clean up.

Ashley looks at her watch, she's not really that late, maybe 30 minutes later than she should be if her shift finished on time, which it barely ever did. She concedes she is a little late, but with good reason.

"Been to Maguire's again?" Wow clearly Stella is still really pissed off; in fact she seems a lot more pissed off than she was this morning.

Ashley swallows the anxiety she feels, Stella is giving her what she deserves so she can take it. She moves towards her wife and holds out the flowers. "I bought you flowers."

Stella stops what she's doing and smiles; they really are the most striking bunch of Lilies. Her favourites. "Thank you, they're beautiful."

Ashley feels like she can breathe again. Stella still wants to know exactly where's she's been. "Is this why you're late is it?"

"No. But I haven't been drinking if that's what you're thinking."

Stella sees the remorse on Eden's face, and she hates that she's hurting her here, but she needs her to know that she's serious, she needs to sort herself out, if they're going to get their marriage back to the perfect place it was in pre Katy's return.

"So?" it pains Stella to be this harsh on her. But her shortness leaves Ashley with no doubt that her wife expects a full explanation as to why she's 30 minutes late home from work, which she still contends isn't really late. I mean last week she didn't come home at all one day due to work. Is this what it's going to be like now? Has she really messed this up so badly that Stella doesn't trust her anymore?

"I was uptown, making an appointment with one of those fancy psychiatrists. I guess if I'm gunna see one, they should at least be good huh? I'll be late again tomorrow; I have my first appointment for an hour." Ashley explains all of this with her head down, it's starting to sink in just how mad Stella is at her, and she can't bring herself to look at the older woman, she knows the tears she's frantically fighting to keep at bay will spill over if she does.

Stella knows how hard it must have been for Eden to do that, to book that appointment. She knows her wife hates the thought of a shrink, it shows Stella just how much she is willing to do for her. When Stella gave Eden the out, of saying she didn't have to speak to shrink, she was sure she would take it and just talk to Mac or Flack or someone. The fact that she's taken this step reassures Stella just how hard Eden is willing to work for this. She decides she should be working a little harder too, after all they are both striving for the same outcome. Stella puts her flowers down, and pulls her wife into a hug. That bursts the dam for Ashley, tears everywhere. Stella lifts her face up so she's looking her in the eyes.

"Thank you."

Ashley can't speak she just nods. Before burying her head back into the crook of Stella's neck. Stella closes her eyes and embraces her fully. They can get through this. If there's one thing she's certain of; it's that.

XXXXXXXXX

So there you have it. A bit of trouble in paradise. I suppose it would be pretty boring if it was perfect all the time.

Next time round. Ashley and the shrink, plus she spends a little time with her boys. Stella and Katy reconnect. Mac and Christine make an appearance [I know I said that last time round!] Also introducing Detective Jamie Lovato for Flack!

Please take the time to review, or drop me a tweet at Eden_Ashley_Chr