Newfound Clarity

Disclaimer: Sadly, I am a poor college student and I don't own anything related to Red Eye.

Chapter Thirty-seven

"You make it hard to breathe/It's as if I'm suffocating/And when you're next to me/I can feel your heartbeat through my skin/It makes me sad to think this could all be for nothing/I wish there was a way/A way for you to see inside me/I never felt this way/About anyone or anything/Tell me/What do I have to do to make you happy?/What do I have to do to make you understand?/What do I have to do to make you want me?/But if I can't make you want me what do I have to do/I know exactly what you're thinking/But I swear this time I will not let you down/I'm not as selfish as I used to be/That was a part of me that never made me proud…God I hope you see what losing you would do to me/All I want is one more chance so tell me…What do I have to do to make you love me?/If I can't make you want me just tell me/What do I have to do?/To forget about you…" ~ What Do I Have To Do? By Stabbing Westward

"We've got a John Doe with multiple injuries, including a stab wound to the back. The knife is still lodged, possibly in his kidney. His pressure is jumping all over the place," an EMT explained as he wheeled the gurney through the emergency room.

Nurses went straight to work taking his stats and preparing the unconscious man for surgery.

He was wheeled down the hallway and into a waiting operating room. A surgical nurse attached a heart monitor while another administered oxygen through a tube in his nose.

As soon as the surgeon started to cut around the knife, the man's blood pressure dropped. An alarm sounded on the monitor.

The man on the table was dying. Jackson Rippner was dying.

A doctor applied the paddles to his bare chest, shocking his heart. His body jumped, but didn't respond.

The monitor continued to flatline.

"Clear!" the doctor called, putting the paddles to his chest a second time.

The tone continued.

It took a third shock to restart his heart. He didn't come alive, gasping for air, as actors occasionally did in movies. Jackson was still non-responsive.

He stayed like that for the next five hours as a team of doctors worked on repairing his damaged body. Jackson died three more times on the table.

After the last stich was tied off, he was taken to a recovery suite in the Intensive Care Unit. His room ended up being across the hall from Kat's. Not that he noticed. Jackson floated in the abyss between life and death.

When Lisa ran out of tears, she fell asleep on a cot Aidan had requested. He stayed awake, watching over his wife and friend. Darkness fell and the hospital slowed down. He didn't really notice.

A knock at the door caused him to jump.

He stepped around the cot and went to the door. He peeked out, coming face-to-face with his father-in-law and employer.

"How she is?" Kat's father asked, brushing past the younger man. He went straight to his daughter's side.

"Jim… come in…"

He took Kat's hand in his. "Well? How is she?"

"Still in a coma. The EKG is showing signs of brain activity, so there's hope. They're thinking about drilling into her head to release the pressure…"

James Robertson nodded. "I hope not. That's risky."

"I know. I'm holding off on the decision."

"And how's Lisa?"

Both men glanced at the sleeping figure. She had several hospital blankets wrapped around her body. Despite wearing a hospital gown, Lisa still wore the tattered and blood-stained coat. She refused to part with it.

"Coping," Aidan said softly. "She's been through a lot. I think she was just starting to get used to being around him…"

His boss sighed. "Jackson's not dead… well, at least not technically…"

"What do you mean?"

Robertson sat in Aidan's vacant seat. "He's been admitted as a John Doe. His wounds were beyond my abilities. With you here, I had no choice. This was the best place for him. Which is why I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell her."

"No visitors?"

"None. Plus they've got a cop stationed at his door for his protection. After what went down tonight, it's too risky to leave him alone. He would want it like this."

"How do you know? Did he tell you?" Aidan demanded.

"Not in so many words. The last thing he said was to tell Lisa it wasn't her fault. I think he knew he would die."

"Wait, he is really dead?"

James sighed again. "Not completely. He died during surgery. They brought him back, but he's still non-responsive. It's not looking good. I don't want her to see him like that."

"She's stronger than she looks," Aidan said, smiling at Lisa's sleeping figure. "Just like Katy."

His prediction was wrong.

A week passed by with Lisa almost sleepwalking. She traded the hospital gown for loose-fitting jeans and a t-shirt. Her curly hair was disheveled from sleep. Lisa refused to part with the coat, even just to get it washed. It was all she had left of Jackson.

Aidan watched her breakdown. She barely ate, didn't talk much, and slept most of the time. She stayed at the hospital with him and Kat, sleeping on a cot.

As far as Lisa knew, Jackson Rippner died on the operating table.

It had been Jim's idea to tell her that Jackson was dead.

Lisa lay curled up on the cot near the hospital bed. She kept her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She hadn't said much since coming into the room and announcing that Jackson was dead.

"Lisa, I have some bad news."

She looked up, but didn't speak.

"It's about Jackson. You're right. He didn't make it. He died on the operating table. I'm so sorry…"

She seemed to expect the news. But that didn't stop the tears. A fresh wave started, wracking her entire slender frame. She shook underneath Jackson's coat, her fingers digging into the material.

Aidan put his arms around her, knowing there was nothing he could say or do to ease her pain. There never was when tragedy struck.

"He's gone… isn't he…? He's really gone…"

"I'm so sorry, Lisa."

"I can't believe it… he can't be… he's Jack… he can't be…"

She dissolved into tears, her head resting on his chest. There wasn't anything sexual about her curling up against him. It was about comfort. Two lost souls finding comfort together and mourning their losses.

Down the hall, Jackson slept most of the week as well, his body attempting to heal itself. He wasn't out of the woods yet, but he'd recovered more than the doctors had hoped.

It was Jim who kept him updated on the world outside his hospital bed.

"Leese?" he rasped after a quick greeting. He always asked about her first.

"She's sleeping. She's healing slowly."

He knew Jim wasn't telling him the entire truth. There had to be a reason why Lisa wasn't here in his room. He trusted that she was still alive—unless… no, Jim wouldn't lie. Would he? Was it possible that Lisa died? Could Jim have lied in order to give Jackson a reason to live?

Looking at his old friend, Jackson knew that Jim was ruthless enough to lie if he assumed it was in Jackson's best interests.

She's dead… he couldn't save her. It was too late. That's why she's not here…

One week turned into two.

Lisa sat down in a chair beside Aidan. Together they watched machines breathe for Katherine. Her long curls were gone. Her head had been shaved when the doctors drilled into her brain to release the pressure. The EKG did show some brain activity, but not as much as anyone hoped.

"When is Jackson's funeral?" she asked.

Aidan glanced over at her. "What?"

"Jackson. He died in the operating room. When are we going to bury him?"

"We're not."

Tears leaked out of her eyes. "What? Is he in some unmarked grave?"

"It's not like that, Lisa." He shifted closer, taking her hand. "Jackson's not dead."

She frowned. "What?"

"I'm not supposed to tell you…"

"Tell me what?"

"He did die on the table. Jackson died three times. They brought him back, but no one expected him to make it. Jim said we should let you believe he was dead. We didn't want to get your hopes up."

"Where is he?"

"Safe. No one's going to hurt him."

She stood up, wrapping her arms around herself. "No, you don't understand. I need to see him. I need to know if he's…if he's alive."

Aidan sighed. "Lisa, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? Is he hooked up to machines just like Kat? I don't mind. I just have to know. I… I love him…"

The door creaked open.

Jackson stirred slightly, fighting to open his tired eyes.

A slight figure slipped into the room quietly. The figure moved over to the side of the bed and settled into one of the chairs. They made no move to attack him. For that, he was grateful. He was too tired to fight back. At this point, he might even welcome death.

At the very least, it would reunite him with Lisa.

The chair moved closer. The figure leaned forward, coming into the light.

Auburn curls dangled in her face.

"Jack…" a female voice whispered.

Lisa. She was here.

He opened his eyes. She looked like an angel, her hair disarrayed, and his coat loose on her lithe body. She had to be an angel. There was no way she was still alive. Jim didn't want him to mourn her death.

"Jack? Jackson?" she called again. Her pale hand reached out to touch his cheek.

He jumped. It was cold, much like he expected, but it didn't go through his skin. The cool limb warmed against his overheated skin.

Are you real? Or am I dreaming?

"Jack? You okay?"

Her hand shook his shoulder slightly. He opened his blue eyes wide, focusing on her. She took a step back, almost as if she were a bit timid, or even afraid of him.

"Leese…"

She moved closer to him, even climbing right up in the bed next to him. Her good arm went around his stomach. He winced slightly as she jarred his broken ribs. But he wasn't going to complain. She was here, with him, touching him and trusting him. He couldn't ask for more.

Her hair had lost its luster and the fruity smell of her shampoo. She smelled like antiseptic and death.

"I thought you were dead," Lisa whispered, resting her head on his chest. Was she listening to his heartbeat? Did he even still have a heart?

"Same. Jim wouldn't tell me. I assumed the worst…"

"Aidan told me. I saw… I saw you in surgery. I watched you die on the table, Jack. You were dead. Dead, dead, dead. I couldn't… I didn't…"

He pulled her close, an arm wrapping around her back. He kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. Let it out, Leese. Let it out…"

He was alive. He was solid, and real, and breathing. Aidan was right—there wouldn't be a funeral for Jackson Rippner. Not for a long time, she hoped.

It didn't matter that they were in tiny hospital bed, curled together amongst the mess of wires. It didn't matter that she looked like crap and felt like it, too. It didn't matter that Jackson only vaguely smelled like himself. They were both alive and together.

Lisa couldn't get close enough. Now that she was back with him, it felt almost like coming home. All of the tension and stress of the past few weeks melted away as she lay beside him.

It should have bothered her that she'd cozied right up next to a killer. It should have bothered her that it was Jackson Rippner who made her heart beat faster. That it was Jackson who she craved when the nightmares hit. That it was his touch, his voice, his scent that lingered long after he was gone.

She was completely infatuated with Jackson Rippner.

Is this what love feels like?

Jackson relaxed, keeping Lisa's small body tucked closed to his. He tried to ignore his bodily response to her closeness. It was hard, given the confines of the bed. He just hoped he didn't scare her away. After all, she was nice and warm…

He felt his eyes close, his mind drifting off to dream about a future—a future with Lisa that existed only in his head.

It was early in the morning when Lisa was ripped from his arms.

She let out a muffled cry, startling him awake immediately. He jumped upright, his damaged ribs forgotten for the moment.

Across the room, Lisa trembled, held in the lap of a bloody, but alive, Hamilton. He kept a knife to her neck, marring the skin further with droplets of red blood. Jackson scrambled to disentangle himself from the wires confining him to the bed.

Hamilton laughed.

With a quick slash, Lisa's warm blood splattered across the room.

Jackson jolted upright, panting heavily. Lisa rolled to the edge of the narrow bed, knocked off by his thrashing.

"Jack?" she whispered, touching his hand.

Another hand shot out, grasping her good wrist. She let out a startled squeak.

He froze, his eyes focusing on her. "Leese?"

She nodded, afraid to speak.

He dropped her wrist. "Leese…" he whispered, stroking her skin. His hand drifted across her neck. His touch caused her heart to race.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing… just a bad dream…"

Lisa shifted closer, attempting to reclaim her spot beside him. But he had other plans.

His lips captured hers while his hands found her hips. He pulled her closer to him, almost astride him, as he kissed her. Lips and tongues melded together. Their bodies met, moving together in unison. Injures were forgotten; pain disregarded.

Jackson's hands skimmed her body, memorizing every curve. She couldn't help but moan. Her good hand tentatively touched his leg. His entire body shuddered.

She pressed her body closer, straddling the very man she'd once tried to kill. A man who earlier that same eventful night she'd almost wanted to—hell, she wasn't even sure what she'd wanted from Jackson Rippner. A steamy one-night stand? A relationship?

Even now, after all this time, she didn't know what she wanted from him.

Judging by the tension in his muscles, he knew exactly what he wanted.

Lisa felt those last vestiges of control and worry slip away.

His tongue touched hers, giving her a taste of what he had to offer, even if he'd just died a few weeks earlier. He didn't seem to care. She didn't either.

She let go of her fears and inhibitions. She forgot about morals and rationality. For once in her life, Lisa Reisert just let herself feel.

Author's Notes:

Hey, I promised more JxL action! Let's see, three more chapters to go, I'm planning a sequel, and if you haven't seen Inception yet, get yourself to a theatre. I just saw it again for the second time, and it was even more amazing than the first time. There are just great performances all around from the cast and there's a good amount of Cillian.

The good news is that the next chapter is almost polished off. I'm at work on the second to last chapter as well. And if you need some more JxL, I just started another long one called Five Years Gone where Lisa is about to be married and Jackson comes back into her life to investigate her husband-to-be.

Again, I can't say thanks enough for all the amazing reviews. You guys are great. Not to mention my awesome beta, cypris88!

Lily – Jackson is alive, but I'm not too sure about Kat yet. Lisa has some faith in Jack, but he was in bad shape… I'm so glad you like Kat and Aidan—they're my two favorite original characters. And they're fun to write. :)