Raphael swallowed hard, his mouth dry. The last thing he wanted was to have a polyamorous relationship, even if it was with his alternate self. Fuck. His alternate self. That'd be so weird. Waking up every morning in bed with Leo and another guy, who was him, but not quite him and watching his Leo fucking his alternate self and perhaps he'd also have sex with his alternate self. Isn't that what Leo was asking? Him and his Leo to please the alternate Raphael in all the ways that mattered, even if it'd be awkward, creepy as hell and….
"I know what I'm asking is strange," Leo said. "I really do, but I…I just thought at least he'd still have me in same form."
"My Leo. It ain't the same. Do ya got any idea what yer askin'? Yer askin' me ta have a polyamorous relationship with technically myself and my Leo? Do ya get how odd that is? Why can't Raphael find someone else when he's ready? Why does it gotta be us?"
"I know. It's just…. Forget it. I'm sorry. I just wanted Raph taken care of and I thought if he still had me, even though it was my alternate self, he'd cope better with my death. I didn't even think how it'd affect you. I'm sorry. It was selfish on my part, I guess."
"It wasn't selfish, Leo. Just fuckin' strange. It ain't how I envisioned my relationship ta be with Leo and I doubt it crossed his mind neither."
"Look, put it down to a ridiculous request from a dying guy, who's concerned about what'll happen to his mate when he's gone. I'm sorry to have put you in an uncomfortable position. You don't have to stick around if the others return with my Raph. You can go back to your dimension. We'll be fine. I'm sorry."
"Why do ya Leo's always do that?" Raphael said and sighed.
"Do what?"
"Apologize so profusely, I feel like a shit for not wantin' ta do nothin'? Ya guys are so good at that."
"That wasn't my intention. I'd never try to guilt trip someone. It's clear you don't want to do it and I respect that. Hopefully, Raph will meet someone else and….."
"Ugh. Stop it, Leo. I don't like it, but I can't refuse a dyin' man's request. I'll honor it, okay? Ya got nothin' ta be worried 'bout. Raphael will be cared for in all the ways that matter. Shit. I'll even blow him if I gotta. My Leo won't like it neither, but he'll do it and we'll take care of yer kids. Stop worryin' and rest. Ya've been through so much and yer body's weak."
Leo's face broke out in a small smile, he pressed Raphael's hand and said, "Thank you. I appreciate it, Raph. It's a weight off of my mind. I'm more at peace now with my imminent death. I have another request. I wanted my Raph to make love to me, as I passed. Could you do that if he doesn't return before my death? I know it's a lot to ask, but….I need to feel that love and closeness. It's technically not cheating and…."
Raphael swallowed hard. Another crazy request he didn't like, but again, how could he refuse it? His Leo wouldn't like it and neither would the other Raphael, but technically it wasn't cheating and Leo would have his requests fulfilled and could die peacefully. Wasn't that what mattered?
"I'll do it if yer Raph don't return home in time," Raphael said. "Any other requests?"
"Thank you. I appreciate it, Raph. You're a wonderful guy. Your Leo's so lucky to have you."
"So is yer Raph. I'm gonna get ya somethin' ta eat, okay?"
"I'm not hungry."
"Ya gotta eat, Leo. Yer extremely weak. I'll be back in a bit."
Raphael returned a while later with a bowl of soup and fed Leo.
"I'm grateful you're here with me, Raph," Leo said and swallowed some soup. "It's comforting to know I won't be alone when I transcend. So many people are. I'm blessed and I'm lucky to have had such a great life with my family, even though it was short. Not many people get that, but I had it all. I had a strange feeling when you were getting the soup. A kind of premonition. I'm not going to survive the night. Something's going to happen. Maybe another stroke or a heart attack. I'm not afraid. I'm ready if it happens. I..."
"Don't talk baloney," Raphael said and fed Leo the last of the soup. "Ya ain't goin' nowhere until yer Raph's returned. It'll kill him if he don't get ta say goodbye ta ya and fate ain't gonna be that cruel. Yer gonna hug him, love him and then yer gonna go on that journey, okay?"
"Life doesn't always happen that way, Raph. You don't always get what you want or to say goodbye. Some people also never get to make peace with those who think they were wronged by them and they just to have to accept it. It's difficult, but it has to be done, so they themselves are at peace. Life's too short to hold on to grudges. You can say the person who never forgave was callous. Sure, but it was their choice, it doesn't reflect on the other person and they have to live with their choice wherever they are. Love hard, make the most of each day and don't bear grudges. That's the way to live life."
"Talkin' from experience?"
"I knew a girl, a human girl I rescued from a mugging. Her name was Nina. We became friends and I was often at her house. She told me that one day her cousin suddenly blocked her on Facebook and stopped talking to her. She didn't know why. Then her cousin had cancer and was diagnosed terminal. She reached out to her cousin through her cousin's younger sister and asked to talk to her. The younger sister said she'd do that, but she didn't and never contacted Nina. The cousin died a few months later and Nina never got the answers she so badly wanted. It tore her up, but she had to make peace and to accept that she never would get the answers. Life sucks like that sometimes. The younger cousin still hasn't contacted her and Nina's hurt, but she's decided that it's pointless crying about people, who couldn't care less about you. All you can do is focus on the people who do care. I resolved right then and there that I wouldn't let anyone I loved go through what Nina did. I'd tell them if I had a problem with them and I'd make peace with them. I'm glad to say that I have no ill will towards any of my family and they don't feel any towards me. I have some regrets that I won't be around to watch my kids grow up and to be with my Raph. That hurts something fierce, but…I don't regret every moment we had, even our fights. I was lucky to have a mate like him and I'll treasure those moments forever, wherever I am. So love, Raph, and never go to bed angry."
"What happened ta Nina?"
"She met a guy and moved to Ireland. Writes to me now and then. Raph knows and will inform her of my death. Ireland sounds like such a magical place. I'd have liked to have seen it and several other places, but…"
"Ya should rest and stop talkin' 'bout death. Yer Raph's gonna see ya and he's gonna tell ya he loves ya."
"I honestly don't feel I'll make tonight. If something happens, don't call for help. It'll only prolong my death and make my agony last longer. Make love to me and let me then slip away into eternal bliss. I don't want my kids seeing me this way either. I want them to remember Daddy happy, laughing and playing with them."
Raphael sniffed at the sad words and a stay tear ran down his cheek. He couldn't help it. Leo was being so brave and heroic, when he could have been a blubbering mess and furious about what was happening to him. Raphael knew he would be. Leo was truly Fearless and Raphael admired him.
"Don't cry, Raph," Leo said gently and squeezed his hand.
"I ain't. It's just yer so courageous, Leo. I couldn't be this way if it happened ta me. I'd be a wreck. Yer Fearless and I admire ya."
"I've had moments like that, but it's pointless having them. It doesn't change the inevitable. I'm dying and I choose to live my last moments smiling. Besides, your presence gives me the strength to face death. I couldn't on my own. So, when the time comes, make love to me and I'll go. Then tell my family and they'll make the necessary arrangements. I've asked to be cremated."
"I hope I can emulate ya when it's my time."
Leo smiled, squeezed his hand again and said, "I'm going to get a bit of rest. Stay with me, please."
"I'll be back now. I'm just gonna ask Dad if he's gotten any word on the guys. Hang in there, Leo."
Raphael returned a few minutes later to find Leo asleep, a small smile on his face. He sat down, took Leo's hand in his, fought back tears, as he studied the frail ex-leader and said, "Leo, don't ya fuckin' die before yer Raph comes back. Ya owe it ta him ta fight, so he can love ya and say goodbye ta ya. Give him that, please."
A/N Will Leo's premonition come true? Will 2003 Raphael get to say goodbye to his Leo?