Chapter I have no idea what number I'm on and am too lazy to look it up: Happy 18th Birthday Stacy-chan!
PS, thanks to Wyntirsno for betaing this on short notice.
PSS, she says Happy Birthday too.
And so, that day came to pass, as days have a habit of doing; that she would venture from the realm of rabid teenage fangirl to possibly slightly less rabid adult fangirl. Yes indeed, for on this day of publication, the famed self insert writer up north, the assertive self-proclaimed number one Regal Bryant fangirl would turn 18, and be considered an adult all across the world and on Pluto as well, despite the fact that Pluto isn't a planet anymore, which makes me sad since it always was my favorite.
Alas, I digress…
Now we join our heroine as she climbs out of bed at the completely unreasonable hour of 6AM. I mean, who gets up that early willingly? There is something seriously wrong with her…
She rubs the sleep out of her eyes, and brushes her long blond hair out of her line of sight, and then her eyes go wide with violent thoughts as she notices us all in her room.
"What in the seven circles of hell are you guys doing in my bedroom this early in the morning!"
"We're here to celebrate your birthday!" Siren said jumping around excitingly.
"How did you people know where I lived?"
"We have sources," Muse said as all eyes turned to Tyler, who backed away slowly.
"How did you get in my house?"
Tiger tried to discreetly hide a pink and blue battering ram behind his back.
It didn't work.
"Tiger," she glared angrily.
"You might need a new front door."
With a degree of anger that could only be compared to the time her wii was somehow mailed to Algeria and took 72 days to get back, Stacy proceeded to pick up a lamp and aim it in Tiger's general direction. However, she missed and instead knocked out her dad who was going to check on the various noises.
"Stacy, what's going on in here?" her mom said, as she too rounded the corner.
"Um," the no longer teen said.
Her concerns soon faded as her mom too fell unconscious, thanks to Tiger pulling out a 200-pound sledgehammer and bonking her in the head with it.
"You can't randomly go around knocking out my family," she then complained.
"I brought you a birthday cake!"
With this, all of Stacy's anger dissipated as she proceeded to glomp him, causing him to fear for his life.
"It's downstairs and my dog is down there guarding it."
"You let your dog guard a birthday cake?" Tyler asked skeptically.
Tiger pondered this for a moment. He thought of the possible ramifications. He also thought about an epic battle between killer penguins and zombie tigers, and what kind of effect that would have on South Africa's population of Koala Bears.
However, after taking back his train of thought, he realized he might have made a slight mistake.
"Oh no, she will get distracted by all the strange people here!" After unglompping Stacy from himself, Tiger ran down the stairs, hoping that no one had distracted his dog to get to the cake, but sadly, it appeared his dog had been unable to protect the tasty treat. Instead, the plate stood empty, completely cleaned of any evidence cake had existed on it.
He then noticed icing covering his dog's snout.
"Not again…"
"This has happened before?" Tyler asked.
"This makes three times."
Stacy though got over her disappointment at the lack of cake due to the fact she was distracted by the furry object innocently sitting on the floor.
The dog instantly warmed up to this slightly crazed no longer teen, gently licking Stacy's hand and pawing at her to which Stacy responded by gently petting the dog and scratching her ears. This brought back many memories of Stacy's own dog, Dodge, though sadly he was but a figure of the past.
And to bring this story out of a sad memory of dogs past, Stacy's siblings appeared in the room, obviously woken up by the strange noises.
"Stacy, I know you like getting up at an inhuman hour, but could you and your friends at least keep it down," Kelsey said walking into the room with Trevor beside her.
"Happy birthday guys!" Tyler said.
"Wait, it's their birthday? I thought it was Stacy's," Tiger said.
"Yes, since they're triplets, that means they have the same birthday," Tyler explained.
"Ah, that makes sense," Tiger then nodded and proceeded to pull out his RAINBOW. "Happy Birthday then," he said taking out a home theater system complete with a 67 inch TV (4.62 meters…give or take 5 or so), wii, xbox 360, ps3, and every video game known to dolphins, and of course, with a cherry on top and two US army rocket launchers adorning the sides.
"Here you go Trevor."
"Where did you get all these?" Trevor asked, after a prolonged period of shock.
"That is not for you to know. But if anyone from the Department of Homeland Security asks, you have never met me before, and your name is George."
"Do I get anything?" Kelsey asked.
"Um…" Tiger then rummaged through his RAINBOW, trying to find anything a girl would like. He finally found a pizza that had been in there for 7 years, 3 months, and 22 days (in metric that's 56 meters) and decided that would do.
Kelsey politely declined, and by politely, I mean shoved it into Tiger's face and went back to bed.
After eating not the worst pizza he had ever had, Tiger decided women were crazy.
"So where's my gift?" Stacy asked.
"Is not my presence enough of a gift?"
Stacy's face began turning a color of red resembling my new chair, which I really hope, won't randomly break in such a way duct tape can't fix again.
"Just remember you are an adult and will be tried as such should you kill someone," Tyler said trying to calm his friend.
"Not if they don't find the body," Siren encouraged.
"You're a terrible person," Muse said shaking his head.
"Thank you."
Tiger, fearing for his life, (with good reason) decided to follow logic and jumped out the window. Stacy pursued him along with the other random people, because, well, they had nothing better to do.
"Okay, time for your real gift." Tiger then rummaged through his RAINBOW once again, but kept pulling out fishbowls instead of whatever he was really looking for.
"Having trouble there?" Trevor asked.
"Yeah, do you know anything about multi-dimensional hammer space portal bags?"
"Oh, those are simple."
"Well, it seems like the quark rotation algorithm I use to sort the devices seems to be malfunctioning," Tiger said.
"Did you sort by spin or by color?"
"Spin; the colors can blend together. Plus, I hate art and anything to do with it."
"That could be your problem, if you do it by spin you have to take into account the quantum singularity difference caused by the boron's interacting with the neutrinos."
"I knew I forgot something," Tiger said smacking himself on the head. "Though I should be able to fix it with some duct tape, at least for now."
"When you get time I'd recommend upgrading to a Tachyon model, the imaginary mass can be helpful in regulating the spin of the gavitino."
And after the rest of the group spent quite some time wondering if the two of them were just making stuff up or actually had a scientific basis for their discussion, and Tiger jumping inside his bag to apply the duct tape properly, the random parody author emerged, carrying a cake at least 20 feet high. (23 Liters)
"Where did you get that?" Muse asked, feeling hungry all of a sudden.
"That is not for you to know. Besides, I needed a cake that big to hide a certain something in it."
"So you are going to have Regal jump out naked to surprise Stacy?" Siren asked with a slight laugh.
"Please no, that would be disturbing on so many levels," Stacy shuddered, not needing her innocence destroyed in such a cruel manner.
"Don't worry, I'm not that evil," Tiger said, shuddering at some of the things other authors had done to their poor innocent characters.
"Is this where the birthday party is?" a soft voice asked as its owner walked into the back yard.
And Stacy's thoughts were pulled away from the cake as she saw the sadistic villain walk up to her.
"Alice?"
"Yep," Alice said.
"Yay!" With a very high pitched squeal Stacy grabbed onto Alice and spun her around, as excited as a rabid fangirl meeting the guy of her dreams.
"And how do you live with this?" Tiger asked Trevor.
"You get used to it," he said with an uncaring shrug.
"Don't strangle her!" Tyler said, causing the author to notice how so many character's names started with 'T'.
"It's not my fault Alice is so epic she makes me gay for her!"
An awkward silence filled the air.
This awkward silence was broken by Tiger's cake spontaneously exploding.
I mean it's Tiger's cake, who didn't expect it to explode?
And as the frosting flew, out from the cake emerged, the one, the only Rebecca Black, aka, the worst musician to ever grace YouTube with a viral video.
And now that song is stuck in my head.
She must die.
Violently.
Before the heroes could respond, in the blink of an eye she charged at muse and punched him through the wall to Stacy's kitchen, knocking him out and placing him somewhat comfortably in the fridge. The good news is that when he wakes up, he will be able to answer the age-old question of what happens to the little light when you close the door.
"How is she so strong?" Siren asked.
"It's Friday," the crown evil of the music industry sang (if you can call it singing) while aiming a kick for Stacy.
Luckily Stacy managed to dodge it, but before she could get far enough away, she had to cover her ears to avoid the terrible yet catchy tune.
Tiger, pulled out his signature guns, and decided to approach this with the fire, ready, aim technique and launched the random number of 47 nuclear bombs in Rebecca's direction. However, his aim was less than good, so instead missed with every bullet, and instead blew up Kelsey's bedroom.
She won't be happy.
"We're screwed," Stacy said.
"What do you mean we, he's your friend," Trevor countered.
"Yes, but at this rate he'll blow up your room too."
"Let me handle this then," Trevor stepped forward and pulled a big red button out of his back pocket. Why do they make those big buttons red all the time? Maybe they should make some pink, blue, green, polka-dot, or even rainbow.
He then pressed said red button, causing a magical armor to encase his body from head to toe along with a giant butterfly net to be summoned on his back.
"Why a butterfly net?" Tyler asked as he narrowly dodged one of Tiger's meteors.
"Don't diss the net."
Trevor then jumped into the fray pulling out a flame thrower to incinerate the hundreds of wooden swords Tiger kept trying to throw at the singer who I have ran out of creative descriptions for. Trevor then flung the net over her, causing her to look up in confusion.
Suddenly, the true power of the net revealed itself, a golden light emanating from it, which banished Rebecca to the seventh dimension of the penguin empire. Sadly, she will not be forgotten…
"Now that that's done, I'd better be heading home before the Canadian authorities show up." Tiger said as he dawned his wings and began flying away.
"Trevor, if you'd be so kind," Stacy said with a grin, to which Trevor eagerly flung the net over Tiger. "You're not going anywhere until you review my stories!"
"But…but…but…how could the author be confined by such a net?"
"If it has wings and flies a butterfly net can catch it," Trevor smugly explained.
"You owe me some reviews too," Tyler said as he pulled out a roll of duct tape.
"NO!" Tiger screamed as the force that holds the universe (or at least his car) together was used against him...
To Be Continued…when Tiger gets caught up with reviews…this could take a while….