September 22nd, 2047
Charlotte,
I just finished reading everything you sent me and...wow.
How are we supposed to feel about our father being involved in Pippin? I hope this makes sense: If I only knew that the people who created Pippin pressured hundreds of men to commit suicide, I would be outraged. Like most people, I'd see everyone involved as criminals. I would think that only soulless, evil people could do such a thing.
However, mostly thanks to you, I know more about Pippin than that. I know the intentions of the writers, how they wanted to give each of the Pippins a "finale." Of course that can never truly justify the crime, but the intent matters to me since I have to come to terms with both the fact that it happened and that our father was a bystander.
Also, Charlotte, we know our father. Whatever role he had in Pippin doesn't mean he didn't walk us to and from school every morning when we lived on that sketchy block in Queens. Even now with his bad back, he walks up to my house every weekend to take the kids into town. And after everything our mother put him through, all the screaming and paranoia, he never abandoned her. Do you remember when we were standing in the hospital waiting room last year, after she'd passed? Our father was the only one crying. When I asked him why, he said, "I always cry when I learn someone has died." He's spent so much time in the past thirty-something years caring for others, which doesn't sound like something a "soulless and evil" person would do.
When our father was young, he was part of a well-intentioned tragedy. That part of his life represents who he was and what he knew then. Pippin probably shaped who he became: the man who raised us.
I can't tell you how you're supposed to feel, but I can tell you how I feel: I feel horrified by what took place and how shortsighted June's father and Benjamin were when they created the show. However, I also feel sorry that a family was separated by the show's end. Truthfully, I don't want to know why our father chose to be part of Pippin, so I'll always feel uncertain about that. But I mostly feel grateful that we know the person our father is now as opposed to who he was then.
I love you and hope to see you soon.
-Rachel