"Heavenless"
38. Shallow Blackout
Brigitte laid herself down and felt the bed swallow her. The sea of ache swallowed her, and drowned her easily. Sinking to the depths of it like a corpse tied to a stone, she shivered, curled up in a ball and bit into the toothbrush.
Her body spasmed. Her legs jerked and her left arm sprung. Her fingernails dug into her hips as she held onto herself.
She could hear the drums, beating out of control.
A guttural sound, first as a slow rumble and then as a full-on growl emerged from between her lips. She felt her saliva drip down onto the bed, through the toothbrush, and pain wracked her body one more time. She whimpered, wanting it to stop, wanting it all to stop, wanting just to be alright, wanted to hate life again instead of desperately trying to hold onto it. Wanted to write the nocomment suicide note just for fun instead of trying to remain.
You are so alive,Sam said, softly. You are living, breathing. I never understood why you seemed so morbid,why you seemed so fascinated with dead things when you had so much life in you.
Brigitte couldn't speak. Her throat was in knots and she was screaming into the toothbrush.
You're almost there. Almost there, hold on.
Hold on, B. You're getting there. You'll make it.
Brigitte felt a shockwave travel through her body. She felt her breath get stuck in her throat and then...