The Places Between the Stars
Chapter 38 'Look Homeward, Angels' or 'Academy Bound'
DISCLAIMER: Good evening. Please permit me to introduce myself. My name is 'Chief Inspector Claude Eustace Teal' of Scotland Yard and somehow I began the day in London on Earth in the year of Our Lord 1961 and as usual, I was hot on the trail of a certain gentleman what calls himself 'Sebastian Tombs' but around the Yard we knows him as 'The Saint'!
Next thing I knows is me legs are treading on air or clouds or something and I passed out behind the wheel of me new Austin motor but somehow the engine had shut itself down! Me last glimse ahead was of the 'Saint's white Volvo disappearing into a mass of cotton wool and I was being dragged inside it with him.
Me first waking moment came when the most beautiful blonde lady I had ever laid eyes upon was shaking me quite roughly by the shoulder and demanding to know why I was blocking her 'Lassiter Speeder 4000' w/ my 'piece of antique junk'? She said she was in a powerful hurry and she flashed some silly looking Cracker Jacks plastic card in me face and claiming to be a 'Senior Trouble Consultant' with the 3WA whatever that was!
I looked at her card thingy to play along with the poor lunatic and, sure enough, it identified her as one 'Anna Ridgeley Hathaway' who was a 'Subaltern (jg)' with the 'Worlds Welfare Works Association', a subdivision of the 'United Galactica Federation of Galaxies'. She was temporarily assigned to this time era year of AD 2251 in the 'City of Elenore, Western Shimougou', the 'Western Aquarian Galaxy HQ for 3WA'!
Reading aright the confusion on me face, she continued in a kinder tone that she was what I would call a 'cop' or a 'constable' as they were called in 'ancient' Britain. Then a young lad of about 25 summers strolled up and me newfound friend saluted him. He waved away the salute and threw away his cigarette.
"You look all in, Pops. Name's 'Tomah'. Slide over and I'll park yer jalopy across the esplanade behind the pyramid and the fountain so 'Blondie' here can get her aircar flying without damaging this rare old classic '1961 Austin-Healey 12XL LE' of yours, sir." he said and suited his words to actions. That was when I got the biggest shock of me life!
He pulled to a stop beside what looked like the 'Great Pyramid of Cheops or Khufu' which me wife has told me is all that remains of the ancient world's '7 Wonders'! Beside it was the 'Tivoli Fountain of Rome' which me and the missus visited when we went to Italy for our 25th weddin' anniversary. Again the kid noticed my puzzled look and grinned at me.
"No, old boy. That's not the 'Great Pyramid of Giza' from your Earth's Egypt nor is that the famed 'Tivoli' from Rome. The 'Knights Templar' 'replicated' them, I mean, made exact duplicate copies of them. They used the pyramid to hide their loot from Earth and used the fountain as a clue to their treasure trove's whereabouts which was millions of 'lightys' from here which is several thousand 'lightys' from your planet Earth, sir." he explained.
"Templar?" I shouted and suddenly recalled 'Mr Tombs' real name- 'Simon Templar'! Me new pal took me across the square to a huge complex of buildings all well guarded, mostly by ladies in, ahem, rather scanty 'uniforms'! 'Tomah' ('Major Tomah Jordan' was scientific officer for this 3WA thingy) explained that this was the 'Academy' where were trained all future 'tro cons' or 'trouble consultants' for the 3WA.
"Sounds to meself like a bunch o' space traveling intergalactic police constables." I chortled and the big lad smiled. "That's a very apt description of us, sir. Yes, I too am a 'senior tro con' but atatched to the R&D department of the 3WA. Hmmn. Nobody's looking after the old ivy halls of justice today. Tell you what, old fella. I have to see how a couple of my science jockeys are getting along so I am hereby placing you in charge of our 'Academy'. (I almost fainted!)
"I hereby assign to you the temporary ranking of 'Subaltern, senior grade', 'Mr-" said the kid and I supplied "Chief Inspector Teal, Scotland Yard', sonny. You see, me boy, I too am a 'cop' albeit a high ranking officer, a Chief Inspector of the CID or I was back on Earth in the year of Our Lord 1961. Everyone back home will think I've deserted me post I don't imagine, 'Mr Jordan', sir."
He had me raise me right hand and make a fist and then he had me place me right arm and fist across me left breast. He explained that was a 'galactic salute' and then he rattled off some mumbo jumbo which I took to mean the same as swearing allegiance to both king and country so I nodded and said 'I do' and he explained that I had just taken the 'Galactic Oath'. He took me up in some sort of lift to the top floor (I found out later this main building had 3,000 floors!) where he placed his hand on a plate beside a huge set of double doors (He called 'em 'portals') and they swooshed aside!
I swear 'tis God's honest truth now! Ye coulda easily put at least ten of the Commissioner's offices inside this office suite and still had room left over fer five o' me own offices! The 'desk' was a massive oval table which could have doubled as King Arthur's 'Round Table' around which the King sat 150 knights! This table could have seated twice that number!
'Tomah' pressed an intercom button on the table and a screen popped into view in midair above the table! A cute brunette girl of some 17 summers wearing a uniform like the guard ladies had on smiled at us. "Yes, Major, sir?" she said and he waggled a finger at her image. "Now, Edie. You know I'm your brother and you can just call me 'Tommy', right? Meet your new temporary boss. Say hullo to 'Suba Teal'. He's gonna be runnin' the 'Academy' until 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' gets back home with the 'dingbat'. Last word I had they were just leavin' 'Warrior's Gate' for home." said the tall ginger-haired kid.
"How long will it take them to, um, get home, Tommy?" I asked. He frowned and thought before replying. "They are pretty far "out. In fact, outside of the 'time/space continuum' by some 16 million 'lightys'." he replied. "Uh, 'lightys'?" I asked. "Oh, you know, old boy. From high school astronomy? A 'lighty' is a 'light year' or the distance for sunlight to travel to the Earth- about 186 million miles per second. That is also known as a 'warp' in space travel." yawned 'Tommy Jordan'.
"So what year will they get back here?" I asked, me head still spinning. "Year? Perish that thought, old boy. They'll be here in a couple of 'monthlets' (He explained that a 'monthlet' was the equivalent of two of Earth's months save that up here a 'monthlet' was 90 days, each 'month' being 45 solar days long. There are 6 'monthlets' to an Aquarian Galactic year.) provided the 'Boss' doesn't take any more side trips." chuckled the lad and when his sister arrived, he excused himself and left for his 'labouratories'.
She curtseyed and saluted me and then grinned and stuck out a gloved hand which I shook. I had never seen these 'uniforms' up close before this. She looked like an overgrown gossoon (baby) in a halter and a nappy (diaper). She wore one glove and knee high what they used to call 'Cavalier' boots. I was shocked to see that such a young girl was armed! She noticed my expression and unholstered her weapon and profferred it to me.
"I am not senior enough yet to wear a larger cannon like an M-XII or M-XIII like the 'Boss' wears. I wear an 'M-III miniblaster' because every 'tro con' must be armed at all times. 'Tommy' said you were a 'cop' or a 'constable'. Don't you have to have a weapon on your person at all times as well, sir?" she asked innocently and I gently explained that at the Yard, nobody usually carried a gun and she raised her eyebrows.
I examined her 'weapon' which resembled the toy cap pistols and water shooters me grandchildren played with. I frowned.
There was no magazine nor cylinder on the 'miniblaster' that I could see. She took it from me and pointed to a tiny 'battery' she called a 'power pack'.
"See this, sir? (I nodded) It's a 'power pack' and holds a charge of something like ten thousand 'blasts' of 'ionic energy' before it needs recharging. The charge light is glowing green meaning there is still a charge in it. If it turns red, I have to recharge it within 12 hours or risk its exploding. That would be very dangerous. A tiny 'power pack' like this would not do much damage but it could still 'atomize' these top 3 floor levels, sir. (She opened a drawer under the table.)
"Here. This is one of the 'Boss's 'M-XIII's but you can borrow it for now. I guess 'Tommy' will send in 'CC' to take your measurements for your new 'suba' uniform tomorrow. Uh, pardon my asking, but, you are a 'Terran', are you not, sir?" she said.
"A what? Oh . You mean I come from Terra, Earth? Yes, I do. Born and bred in merrie old England, me girl. I say! Tum's been rumbling a bit. Any chance of a meal, 'Miss Jordan'? I don't like to pry, but, what is your rank in this 3WA thingy?" I asked and my face was getting redder thinking about what I would tell 'Pamela' (My good wife back home) about this adventure.
She stood up ramrod straight, her arms perfectly still beside her shapely thighs and rattled off:
"Sir, 'Sub-Ensign- jg Edna Burroughs Jordan, acting junior tro-con, 3WA', sir." she snapped and then saluted me and curtseyed again.
We had a good standing rib roast, Yorkshire pudding, creamed peas, baked potatoes, coffee, baked Alaska and a bottle of claret circa 1897 for our dinner and all of it came out of a device that looked like the Xerox copier in my office back home. 'Edie' (She insisted that everyone called her by that name) explained that it was a 'replicator' and that on this galaxy, everything was recycled and re-used over and over again to be 'replicated' into anything- animal, vegetable or mineral!
It got quite late and I wondered where I could rent a room for the night when-
"Don't worry, 'Suba Teal', sir. 'Tommy' said I was to bring you back home to our little place and you'll be our guest until 'Mrs Brief' gets back here and can 'capsulize' a nice house for you on the common grounds. (I looked shocked which was becoming a new habit with me.)
"Most all of us gals and several of the guys can do 'mind read' and 'mind send'. It comes so natural to us that we sometimes forget that not everyone understands about 'mental telepathy' and think we've gone bonkers. I can't get my flying permit, my piloting permit until I turn 18 in a few more 'monthlets' so we'll have to take a 'holotaxi' home, sir." she said and I told her that I had an automobile we could use although it was a strictly an 'on the surface' vehicle.
She cooed with delight when she saw my 'antique' and rattled off facts and figures about me motor's model and year so quicly that it boggled me mind! I found out later that 'Edie' had a photographic memory and loved old Earth vehicles the same as her older brother.
Her 'little place' was the size of 'Windsor Castle'! However, where 'Windsor' has a mere 6 floors, 'Jordan's Jaunt' sported more like 500! She explained that 'Daddy' was 'Grand Admiral James Jordan' and he was the head of what I would have called 'MI6' back home. "So your father isn't with the 3WA like you and your brother?" I asked over tea that was served to us by 'droids' which did 'simply everything' in the house.
"Huh? Of course 'Daddy' works for the 3WA. He reports directly to 'God' though, not the 'Boss' like most of us have to do." she observed, flicking a crumb off her jeans before a 'droid' could get there. Thank goodness that 'Edie' had changed into a 3WA sweatshirt, torn jeans and sensible sneakers. Thise 3WA 'tro con uniforms' would take some getting used to indeed!
"Huh? Oh yeah, I mean his boss is the 'God of the 3WA', 'Uncle Vito Galadriel'. He owns the whole shootin' match includin' 'United Galactica Federation'." she explained.
"And this 'Boss' is an older gentleman?" I asked.
She giggled and spilled tea on the cat and the poor feline jumped a metre off the hearthrug. She took off though when a 'droid' tried to 'vacc' her fur.
"Older yes, gentleman no. 'Grand Marshall Kei O'Halloran' is almost 20 now." she said with a yawn and I upset the tea caddy!
"Only 20? And such a high rank already. She must be an exceptional young lady indeed." I said.
"She's a 'senior TC' and has been for 6 years. She entered the 'Academy' when she was 12. (She 'read my mind' again before she continued.) Nah, the 'Boss' never had no real parents. (I found out later that she was the equivalent of a 'test tube baby' on Earth.) She's from a really faroff world called 'Workoh' and she really raised herself, 'Mr Claude'. If 'Tommy' gets busy in his lab, we may not see him for a week or two.
"He's a friggin' genius. Daddy says he didn't get it from the Jordans and Mum said that he didn't take after the Fairchilds either. Mum was killed during a mission on 'Shack-G' but that was when I was only three. Can't miss what ya never had, 'Mr C'. More tea? (I declined and she asked 'Jenkins', the butler 'droid to show me to 'Guest Room 407 West'.)
"Relax, sir. I've put you on the 4th floor not the 400th. Nighty night. Get some sleep. We have to be at work by ten hundred hours. Yeah, we use military time here. See ya tomorrow, 'Mr C'." she said and I dutifully followed the talkative 'Jenkins' to the lift and rode up to the 4th floor.
"Will sir be requiring anything else this evening?" he asked me politely and I thanked him and said no. He bade me good night and then said:
"Sir, 'CC' will be here to get your measurements in the morning. Pleasant dreams, sir."
I was puzzled but the bath was excellent as were the cigars and the brandy. There was even a chocolate mint on the pillows. It was like staying at the 'Waldorf-Astoria' in New York.
"I crawled into the huge 'Louis XIV' four-poster which was a real antique indeed.
"Well, I have pinched meself and it hurt so I ain't been dreamin' all this time anyways. Drat! I forgot to turn off the blarsted lights." I mumbled and suddenly, the room was completely dark save for the light spilling under the 'portals' from the hallway outside my rooms.
Yes, rooms! I did not have just a bedroom. I had an entire 'otel suite w/ a settin' room, dinette and kitchen and a huge bath room and water closet as well.
"Wonder who turned out the lights?" I mused aloud.
"I did, Claude. Didn't ya want 'em extinguished? That was how I read your words, pal o' mine." snarled a very nasty male voice!
"Who are ye? Come on oot and shows yerself, sir!" I shouted, strugglin' into me new bath robe hurriedly.
"I can't do that, Dumbarse. I ain't a human like you, man. I'm the 3WA's 'Central Computer Programming Unit', 'CC' fer short. Hmmn. While you're awake, would ya mind standin' up so I can gits yer measurements fer your new uniforms, chum? Nah. Ya don't need to gits allnekkid, man! Sheesh! Unh huh. Gittin' a little paunchy eh? Too much beer I'd say. You was sure puttin' away the beef and puddin' tonight, man! Sure ya aon't part o' the 'pig squads', Claudey? OK. I have recorded yer measurements and filed 'em away in me memory banks. (I raised me arm like I done back in the fifth form in school and felt like a loony.)
"If ya got any questions, save 'em fer tomorry and ask Paul Drake or his wife or Perry Mason or that dish Della Street or that old stuffed shirt Ham Burger. They're all Earthers like you but they been here awhile. Oh yeah, you and Templar and the Holm gal ain't goin' home again any time soon. 'Night, old chum and don't let the bedbugs bite. Dunno why folks say that here where we ain't even got the lil blighters. Oh yeah, welcome to the 3WA madhouse, Teal. See ya at suns rise, pal." snarled 'CC' who was, without a doubt, the most obnoxious fellow I have ever met!
"You mean 'sunrise', don't you, Mr 'CC', sir?" I quipped.
"Huh? No, I meant 'sunsrise' alright. 'Shimougou' has three suns, not one like on your backwards planet, pal." he snapped and then I was conscious of being in an empty room once more.
"He's right, ya know, sir. 'CC' is always right. That's why he can be so darned annoying at times, most times." said Edie's voice from inside of me skull! "You will recall that I told you that many of us here can do 'mind send' and 'mind speak'? You call it mental telepathy on your world, sir. I am sorry for startling you. I merely wished to inquire if these rooms are to your liking? I could easily have Jenkins 'capsulize' a bigger suite or more rooms for you, Mr Claude, sir?"
"I can hear you OK but can ye hear me. me girl?" I thought.
"Of course I can 'hear' you, sir. You need not speak aloud. I can easily 'read' your thoughts. I fear that Tommy has quite a few friends visiting us at the moment so I was forved to have you make do with this tiny suite of rooms temporarily." apologized the lilting pleasant voice.
"These rooms are fine. Bigger than the last hotel suite me and the missus stayed in at Blackpool last summer in fact." I thought and Edie giggled.
"Yes, I keep forgetting that you are not a 'Shimmy' like us, Mr Claude, sir. Do you need anything else? No? If you do, merely speak or think what you need or want and Jenkins will be in with it directly." said the voice.
"Now I wouldna wish to deprive the laddie o' his proper rest-" I said aloud amd Edie laughed merrily.
"Jenkins is a 'butler 'droid', half aline and half machine. He needs no rest nor sustenance of any kind, sir. He, like all 'droids, exists only to serve us or to do whatever they have been programmed to do. They have no emotions so you cannot get them upset which irks poor 'CC' to no end. OK, I'll get out of your 'cerebral cortex' and let you get your proper rest, sir. 'Nighty night."
And as quickly as she had 'entered' my mind, she was gone! Curiouser and curiouser as 'Alice Liddell' was wont to say while visiting her own private 'Wonderland' down that white rabbit's hole. I yawned and settled my brain for a long winter's nap. Well, hang it all, back in London it was mid-winter although here it was more like mid-summer but a pleasant temperature and not too warm espite this world's triple suns.
Oh yes and afore I vist the Land o' Nod, I have a small service to perform for two nice blokes named The Keiman and Story Teller Guy. First, thankee to Mr Haruka-San Takachiho w/o whose kind permissions you would not now be reading any o' this fantastic drivel. We also want to thank any other persons whose creation we have used, are using or may use in the future. As always, anyone can use any o' our creations provided they give us credit for them. Now, where was I? Oh yes, Good night to ye!
Ah! I feel much better now and ready to take up where the good Inspector Teal left off.
Oh yes, this is Alison Prydonia-Poe or Poe-Prydonia, they are interchangeable. Anyway, ny the day/date calendar on my wristchromo, I saw that I had been asleep for three solar days! On my way to the bathroom for a quick shower, I almost collided w/ Fllaysie Allster, the chicken soup girl. Her latest batch looked and smelled an dprobably tasted as bad as the other countless bowls she had fed to me.
I must admit though, that soup did restore my strength and stamina, but enough was enough and I about-faced her as soon as I saw that she was gonna try and feed me some more of that mess. Too much of anything is not good for you and that goes double for her soup!
"I feel a lot better today, Fllaysie so why don't you give that to someone who needs it worse than I did. Take it to the Boss." I said and Fllaysie's smile brightened up her whole face. I could just pictur the poor child's reception in the Boss's ready room but I was in a devislish mood that morning.
The shower felt good and I immediately did my daily calisthenics without bothering to cover my basic foundation undergarments.
"Morning there, Princess. Don't mind me. I've seen it all before anyway, Honey. (My face got quite red and I fled to my bedroom to dress!) I meant that since I've been married to Yancey, I've seen everything already. Biym did I ever put my foot in my mouth this morning! What I mean is-"
"I know what you meant, Mr Drake. Now what do you want or are you just going around waking up sick people today?" I asked, zipping up my flight jacket. I was still a little cross at showing off my unmentionables to a member of the opposite gender and I think that I might have asked that a bit insolently and I hastened to apologize.
"That's OK, Princess. You did look really cute in those blue-" he replied.
"Who looked really cute in those blue what, Paulie? Morning Allie. Got any java?" yawned Paul Drake's better half who looked stunning even in pajamas and kimono.
"Uh, jeans, in those blue jeans. That's what I said to Allie just before you showed up, Darling." lied Paul.
"Oh, is that what you saw? Only Allie doesn't wear blue jeans or jeans of any sort, Dearest one." said Yancey icily.
"He meant my blue mules, dear. I was wearing them before I put on my deck boots." I tried to lie to save Mr Drake but a time lady just cannot tell a falsehood with a deadpan expression and Yancey's thoughts told me that she had guessed the truth.
"OK. I caught Allie doing her exercises in her blue panties and she did look awful cute in them, Yancey." explained Paul and the look on my face told him that he should have kept his big mouth shut. Yncey's glance at her hubby was ice-cold and her ice blue eyes were like ice in a polar dawn.
'CC' chose that moment to get Paul into even more trouble. "Oh, I think that Yancey's racy red ones are better looking than Allie's blue ones any day. Don't ya think so, Paul?" snapped the obnoxious computer programming unit.
"Then why did my husband decide to come over here and play peeping Tom if mine are so much prettier than hers?" snarled Yancey, setting down her java mug so violently that she broke it!
"Paul, you must learn not to say things like that to your wife." giggled Della Street who had just arrived with Perry Mason.
"That's for sure. Don't you agree, Perry?" chuckled Ham Burger, Victorine's new assistant DA.
"That is why I have remained a bachelor despite Della's womanly wiles." laughed Perry and then wished he had kept his big mouth shut!
"Hammy doeesn't gotta worry about anything since his wife ain't here!" snapped Yancey angrily then tried to apologize. "Ooh! Me and my big mouth! I am so sorry, Hammy. I fergot that Esther and the boys are still-" she added.
"Back home in 20th Century LA I would imagine. Morning all." finished Simon Templar, offering Hamilton a smoke.
"Where's Patty (Patricia Holm was Simon's main squeeze) today, Major Templar?" I asked, trying to defuse the tension in the air.
"She went berry picking. 'Gladdie' (Ahura Gladius Mazdan was our resident Djinn guardian and a very nice gentleman) is showing her where the java beans are grown high up on his mountain's hillside. By the by, any chance of a cupper, Marshall? A nice eclair or two would not come amiss either." replied Simon.
I busied myself wth the replicator because when I started up the replicator unit, all of a sudden everybody was hungry, thirsty or both!
Yancey finally realized that Mr Paul's catching me in my underbriefs had been an innocent mistake and she had forgiven him.
"Well Counselor, what have you and Della chosen to put in our 'time chest' next week when we lay the final stone in place for our new court house? Thank you, Miss Poe-Prydonia. I love your java." said our new chief assistant DA and I blished. He knew the java I make is repped up not made the old-fashioned way but I like to be complimented nonetheless and it always embarrasses me.
"The first volume form John DF Black's book of law, Hamilton. What did you, Becky and Gertie decide on, Della?" Mr Mason looked quite handsome today but the banns had already been read for him and Miss Street. ever the bridesmadod, never the bride for me.
Of course, marriage to a mortal man would never work for a 'time lady' like myself. For one thing, the age difference would be a problem. Mr Mason is in his mid 40's while I will soon be some three centuries his senior! A mere child of Gallifrey but much older than anyone on this planet.
Just then we heard a very loud rumbling coming from the direction of the mountain and we all raced outside. Patricia Holm crashed full titlt into poor Mr Burger! "Eruption! The mountain is really a dormant volcano! And it's spewing lava all over the place! Gladdie's trying to plug it up for us! He said we must evacuate the camp, the stalag and the MASH tents!" she yelled and the poor child was in tears!
"Pat! Where the Hell are your slacks?" howled Simon, ripping off his blazer and tying it around Miss Holm's midsection. In her haste, Pat had torn her slacks off while racing through a bramble patch.
"Yancey! Now Honey, this is just another accident and I-" stammered poor Mr Drake. "Never mind that now, Darling! We must get these people to safety! Hogan! Where's 'Xylo'? We need her space rig!" howled Mrs Drew-Drake.
"I'll get the rig, mum. I know where she berthed it. Back in a jiffy!" yelled 'Alvin Newkirk' suiting his actions to his words. Suddenly, words boomed out of the heavens! "Calm yourselves, my friends. My mountain is not erupting. A shop that was berthed inside the crater is lifting off." roared our friendly Djinn's voice. Then the giant himself materialized beside us.
With a screech of brakes, 'Xylo Phone's huge space rig settled to the ground in the middle of our encampment and 'Alvie' climbed out of the cockpit. "All aboard, ladies and gents. Miss Phone is still shopping in 'Victoria City' with Mrs Hochstetter (Helga) and Colonel 'Hot Lips' (Houlihan). So they should be safe enough. Hurry up and get aboard. The 'brig's (Hogan) at the controls and waiting." yelled Subaltern Newkirk.
At that very instant, an immense starship emerged from the mountaintop above us and momentarily blotted out our twin suns!
"Hey guys! That's the 'Starcrusher'! 'Member when 'Reds' (Supreme Marshall Kei O'Halloran) told us all about her hunt for that 'Barrymore' dude who had swiped it when he escaped from prison?" said Captain Andy Carter.
"Correction, fool! My name is Berringer not Barrymore! John Francis Berringer! I have been hiding in that crater w/ my crew right under the very noses of the 3WA for almost a year now! I have decided that it is time that I state my demands! Where is 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed'? I demand to speak with her! I am taking over 'Victorine' as you call this world! It appears that I have arrived just in time for the dedication ceremonies for your new court house structure. Where is O'Halloran?" boomed out a voice familiar to almost everyone here except yours truly.
Of course, I had heard the tales about Mr Berringer's quest for vengeance against the Supreme Marshall for killing his only brother Maximillian. But I had also been assured that John Berringer was safely imprisoned on a small moon near the Boss's home world of 'Workoh' many many 'lightys' away from 'Shimougou', Mars and 'Victorine'. Yet here was proof that he had again escaped and somehow acquired the old starship which he had purloined back in AD 2249.
"Sorry but she ain't here, Mr Berringer, sir." shouted 'First Lt Maxwell Q Klinger'. "Then who commands this rock in her absence?" roared Berringer. I plucked up my courage and raised my hand. "I command here, sir and I always have. Marshall Allison Poe-Prydonia, President of Victorine and Victorinian and Gallifreyan Ambassador to Shimougou and the Aquarian Galaxy. We are not interested in your demands, sir. And furthermore-" I began.
"You want proof of my power? So be it, damn you, woman! Watch the skies; keep watching the skies. 'Mr Monaghan'? Target whatever moon strikes yer fancy, lad and have at it! I advise all of you idiots to seek shelter. Fire, Mr Monaghan! Fire at will, sir!" howled John Berringer and then a marvelous thing happened as we scrambled anoard the space rig.
WHOOM! A neam of pure crimson fully half a kilometre in width and infinite length seedmed to leap from the tip of 'Starcrusher' and shot forth into the heavens! There was a deafening explosion and the sky filled with illumination! Suddenly, we felt a trmendous pull of our world's gravity well and we all looked towards our nine moons.
"What the Hell? Shouldn't there be nine moons up there, Allie? I only count eight!" yipped Yancey and we all followed her pointing forefinger. Sure enough, 'Zamasu' was gone! Luckily, it had not yet been settled as had four of her sister moons.
"I had 'Mr Monaghan' choose a barren moon for my experiment. Next time, I will have him choose an inhabited one. Well? Shall we continue, Madam President?" laughed Berringer and for the very first time since I arrived on 'Victorine', I was frightened!
"Good Lord! He can't have one of those damned things, can he? 'Kakkaroth', 'Piccolo'! The only weapon that cause that kind of destruction is the dreaded-" shouted Vegeta Brief. "The 'God Gun', husband." said Bulma Brief in a very subdued voice. "I saw that accursed thing demonstrated and used at least half a dozen times, but I didn't know one had been installed on 'Starcrusher'. In the name of merciful 'Kami' (god), let me be mistaken!" she cried and sank to her knees, her eyes filling w/ tears.
"Nice of Doc Cueball and Doc Wolfie to outfit this ship w/ a new and improved 'God Gun' just before I 'borrowed' it, was it not, my friends?" chuckled the man who had sworn to kill the Boss on more than one occasion. I burst into tears and so did every other woman present. Even Brigadier Klink, Colonel Burkhalter and Captain Burns were sibbing uncontrollably.
"We won't give up w/o a fight, you dog!" screamed Vegeta, launching a 'spirit bomb' at the huge starship. The bomb crashed into the shields and disintegrated. "Wouldn't have it any other way, Prince of Saiyaans. My demands are quite reasonable actually. Agree to my terms and all will be well. Refuse and- well, you still have eight left- for now. However, I grow weary of this tirade. Madam President, you and your staff cadre of officers will parlay with me aboard my ship. I will send transport for you at twenty hundred hours this evening. For those of you who do not know military time, that is 8 o'clock PM tonight. Oh yes, one more item. You and your officers will come aboard unarmed or I will target 'Mallagass' next and that moon is inhabited, I believe?" said Berringer who held all the cards and knew it well.
"Five thousand souls, lad." whispered Professor Edward Challenger who was as white as a 'yuyu' (ghost). "That many. A pity to have to cut short so many promising lives, wouldn't it? Unarmed at 2000 hours, Madam. I will make camp on theother side of 'Lake LeBeau'. Where was this guy getting all of his data from, I wondered. Could he have placed a fox in my henhouse?
Promptly at 8 PM, dressed to the nines in our formal 3WA uniform attire with highly polished deck boots, my cadre officers and I boarded an 'aether van' sent by John Berringer for us. We were all thoroughly searched for weapons before we were allowed to board the van. Mr Berringer was taking no chances it seemed.
A short flight across 'Lake Lebeau' brought us to 'Starcrusher' and Berringer's base camp.
"You may choose two of your staff to accompany you aboard the ship to meet with the Boss Man, mum. The others must remain outside with the other members of our crew- as hostages. Choose quickly, Madam." said a slimy looking weasel who could only be that horrid crybaby, 'Ming the Merciless', former ruler of 'Mongo'. Mr Berringer was certainly scraping the bottom of the barrel for his crew!
"Very well. I choose Dt Commodore Ichigo Kurosaki and Commander Piccolo to accompany me aboard to meet with your captain." I snapped, putting emphasis on the last word. I wanted it clear right from the beginning that I was this world's leader and not John Berringer!
"Greetings and salutations, Madam President-Ambassador. Ah, we meet again young substitute soul reaper and you, your majesty, King Piccolo. Welcome. Please take a seat." invited a tall man resplendent in a silvery gold flightsuit w/ more decorations on it than were on our Christmas Tree a few months ago! I had heard that Mr Berringer was conceited but this surely took the cake!
"You are confused, Berringer. I am not that same Piccolo that you met on 'Gysymeo' many years ago. I am his 'half', you might say. 'Kami' is our other 'half', the 'good half' as it were. Come to the point, Berringer! What the Hell are you doin here and what the Hell do you want from us?" snarled the taller 'Nemekian' who was quite impressive and towered over everyone in his 'weighted training robes'.
John Berringer glared at him angrily but said nothing. Instead he handed out cheroots to us and ordered java and cakes for us. Then he turned to Ichigo. Did he know that the reason I had chosen the young reaper boy was because his 'zampakutou' sword was an extension of his 'spiritual pressure' and could never be noticed on his person during a search for weapons. Piccolo was along w/ us because of his trmendous power and strength and needed no weapons.
"Where's that slut girlfriend of yours, Kurosaki? She still got the 'hots' for that 'Vash the Stampede' kid?" chortled Mr Berringer, trying to intimidate Ichigo into a fight. Good Kami in Heaven! Does he know that Ichigo really does still have a weapon? I wondered to myself.
"Most assuredly I know all about Mr Kurosaki's 'zampakutou' reaper blade being a part of him. However, if he chooses to draw it and make any attempt to use it against me or any of my crew, all bets are off and Mr Monaghan will 'vapourize' 'Galatea' immediately. Is that clearly understood?" said Mr Berringer quite softly and now I began to perspire. 'Galatea' was our largest moon and more than 20 thousand people were settled on it!
If that moon were to disappear, no telling what it would do to the orbits of the remaining six moons around 'Victorine'! I 'mind sent' quickly to Lord Piccolo to tell Ichigo not to draw his sword under any circumstances without my permission. I ahd heard enough about John berringer to realize that he was ruthless, mean, nasty and this man would not hesitate to carry out his threats against us.
"Yes. Think about that, Madam and young sirs. What would happen to 'Voc' if there was no more 'Galatea' up there? Oh my! I seem to have forgotten you, my dear. Where are my manners tonight? Permit me to introduce you to my science officer and 'mind sender', 'Subaltern Zoe Morton' lately of 'Pluto'. However, I believe that you all know each other, do you not?" laughed John Berringer. We were all in shock! We were under the impression that Zoe was on a long delayed vacation back on her home wrld of 'Pluto' visiting her relatives.
"It's not how it looks, Allie, my Lord Piccolo, young Ichigo! This 'fiend' is holding my entire family hostage in an ice moon orbiting 'Fryygia' so I had no choice save to agree to join his crew and bring them here to 'Vic'. Yes, I have been reading your thoughts for Johnny, Allison. Whatever he wants, I advise you to give it to him for the sake of my family. Well? Why do you wait? Tell them what it is you want here, John. You have them over a barrel just the same as you have me!" sobbed Zoe.
"Gladly, my love. I want a small world to call my own. No, not one that is already inhabited. I want a barren world and I want the 'Genesis Seed Unit' to amke it arable and able to sustain life. From this new world which will become my new headquarers, I will launch raiding sorties against cargo laden starships and spave trawlers unless-" chuckled the fiend.
"Unless what, Berringer? Will you get to the point before I fall asleep, sir?" snarled an angry Piccolo.
"Unless I am paid the sum of one billion Credits. Yes, my dear. I know that not even that hot-headed redhead who slew brother Maxey can authorize payment of such a sum, but 'God' can and will unless he wants to start losing some inhabited worlds, moons and atolls. You know my terms now. I will give you one solar monthlet which two solar months. Ample time to discuss my terms and amass my Credits.
"Oh and there is one other item, Madam and gentlemen." replied Berringer.
"And what might that be, Berringer?" roared Ichigo Kurosaki, his orange hair ablaze and his eyes flaming. Piccolo grabbed the boy when he noticed a glow coming from Ichigo's right hand. "For Kami's sake, boy! Don't draw your 'Z Sword'!" whispered the tall 'Nemekian' and Ichigo reluctantly sat down again.
"Your other cadre officers outside will remain with us as hostages to your good faith. As soon as I have my billion and we are safe on our new home world, I will give your officers transport back to this world. Hell, they can even keep the shuttlecraft I send them home aboard. Can I be any fairer than that, Madam Alley Cat?" he asked and my green eyes were smoldering. Zoe must have told him how much I hated that damned nickname! He was deliberately baiting me!
"Agreed. However, I too have another 'item' as it were, sir." I answered as surily as I could.
"And what is that, Madam Poe?" squealed 'Ming the Merciless'.
"You have hostages. I demand a hostage as well." I snapped at Mr Berringer as saucily as I could manage. It is difficult for a 'time lady' like myself to behave like a common street trollope but I somehow managed to pull it off.
"Fine! But- only one hostage. Agreed?" I nodded. "Which of my my crew do you want, Madam? Besides Miss Morton who is already part of my crew and whom I will not ever agree to hand over to you, my love." he added.
"Him. I will take the cringing crybaby for my hostage. Agreed?" I flared my nostrils at him, indicating 'Ming the Merciless' and nobody was ever so inaptly named as this cringing fool.
"Take him w/ my blessings, Madam Pussy Cat! I will be glad to be rid of the idiot!" chortled Mr Berringer, jovial once more.
"Leave the 'power sword' behind, 'Ming'. Better bind him up for the trip back, reaper boy. Here. Use this. I borrowed it from 'Wonder Girl'. Maybe now we'll get the truth out of the little beggar." laughed Piccolo, tossing Ichigo the 'Golden Lariat of Truth'. I produced a pair of 'forced beam hand cuffs' and another set of 'forced beam leg irons' and handed both sets to the soul reaper kid.
Snarling, 'Ming' unbuckled his sword belt and handed it to his superior. Then he permitted Ichigo to snap on cuffs and irons and then he reluctantly allowed him to encircle his waist with the 'Golden Lariat'. Anyone confined by this golden rope is compelled to speak only the truth no matter how hard they attempted to tell falsehoods.
I glanced at my wristchromo which showed the date to be the third of 'JunJul'. The monthlet would be up the third of 'AugSep' and until then Mr Berringer would hold the rest of my cadre staff officers while we held this little crybaby. Johnny had seemed not at all upset at my choice of hostage and indeed did not seem to be too inclined to have him back again.
I hovered my hand above my 'comm badge'. "With your permission, Mr Berringer, I will instruct my comm relay officer to send a signal to 'Shimougou'. I cannot contact 'Mr Galadriel' ('God of the 3WA' and the 'UG') directly. That must be done through channels. All I can do is contact 'Mr Garner' ('Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner' was my direct superior even though as a Marshall I technically outranked him as did the 'Boss Lady O'Halloran'). He will take it from there and the sooner he knows about this, the sooner they will make their decision, sir." O said.
"Of course. Do whatever must be done to expedite these matters, Madam. 'Khan' will see you safely back to your encampment. Yes, a lot of your old friends are aboard this vessel, Madam and gentlemen. Oh, I do apologize. Your 'comm badges' will not function aboard this ship as an 'energy damper' is in place so as not to accidentally set off the 'God Gun'. You understand my pre-cautions, Madam. Better to send your signal from your own HQ. I bid you all good evening. 'Khan'? Escort our guests back to their campsite.
"To hear is to obey, sire. This way, my old friends. After you, Madam Poe. How are your Daddies these days, my dear?" asked the tall space pirate whom I had thought safely tucked away on 'Seto Kaibo Penal Colony'. Who else did Mr Berringer have aboard his floating palace I wondered?
END of Chapter 38. Chapter 39 'Berringer Demands A Tribute' or 'A Saintly Favour' to follow soon. Sorry for the very long delay. But I must figure how to tie the ending of 'Places' into the ebginning of 'Victors'. Have a swell weekend.- Story Teller Guy.
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