Title: Learning As We Go, Part 38
Author: Caera1996
Disclaimer: Not mine
Rating: PG-13
W/C: 3,772
Summary: Sequel to The Basics of Primary Ed. AU. It is possible to read this story without reading TBoPE first, but it will make much more sense if you do.
This part: There's a little bump in the road that has Leonard and Jim divided until they manage to reach a compromise.

"No."

"Jim…"

"Leonard. No." Jim said sharply, absolutely no room for discussion in his tone.

Leonard paused in his preparation of dinner, surprised at the use of his given name, and the firm denial. He glanced over his shoulder at the other man, watching as he set the table for dinner, tension visible in his shoulders even across the kitchen. Jim's mouth was set in a hard line, projecting his displeasure with the conversation loud and clear. He didn't look up, keeping his eyes on the kitchen table, seeming to give the task at and his complete attention. Leonard turned back to the rice he was stirring, brows furrowed in consternation. He'd expected some resistance. He hadn't really expected such vehemence.

Leonard took a breath, biting back his immediate instinct to raise his voice at Jim, concentrating on the rice and giving the chicken in the other pan a poke maybe a little harder than necessary. He didn't know why he expected this to be different this time around. It wasn't like Jim could snap his fingers and change. And it wasn't as if he'd come out of the whole thing unscathed the first time around. He'd had a horrible reaction to contrast dye, he'd had a hard time coming out of his first experience of sedation, and of course there was the whole phobia he was still dealing with. That hadn't just disappeared. Life was busy, and his appointments with Chris Pike had been sporadic at best. Leonard hadn't really thought too much of it when Jim mentioned that he'd put off an appointment or had to reschedule, but in retrospect he wished he'd been more on top of it, more aware.

But…much like the original procedure, this six-month check-up wasn't really an option.

Though, Jim seemed to think it was.

"It'd be an MRI, Jim. Not a CT scan," Leonard said quietly.

"No difference," Jim said, the stubbornness in his voice not giving at all.

Now Leonard did roll his eyes as he reached the end of his patience, and turned to look at him. "Actually, there's a huge difference, Jim. And you're being unreasonable."

"I said no," Jim repeated, putting the last cup down on the table with a sharp knock of glass on wood. "And I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Talk about what?" Joanna asked, coming into the kitchen. "Is it time for dinner yet? I'm hungry."

Jim smiled at the little girl, completely dismissing the conversation with Leonard to focus on her. He picked her up and held her over his shoulder as she shrieked in delight.

"Yup, dinner's just about ready! Let's go wash our hands…" and he carried her out of the kitchen, leaving Leonard to finish up and serve their plates.

"Are you and Daddy fighting?" Joanna asked, as Jim carried her into her bathroom, Jack doing his best to trip him as he made his way down the hall.

"We were disagreeing about something, Jo, that's all."

"Your voice sounded like you were fighting." she persisted as she stood on the stepstool and washed her hands. Jim leaned against the counter, his arms folded over his chest as he looked down at her, a small smile on his face. Finished washing, she quickly dried her hands on a hand towel and dropped it back on the counter, no longer neatly folded. Jim decided to stay with Leonard's policy of "gentle honesty".

"I was a little frustrated, Jo. But I'm not angry. Sometimes adults don't agree on things, that's all."

"Kayla at school said her mommy and daddy were fighting a lot, and now she only lives with her mommy," Joanna said as she headed out of the bathroom. Jim followed, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Your dad and I aren't fighting, Jo. I promise."

Back in the kitchen, everyone sat down at the kitchen table to eat. Joanna dominated the conversation with talk of school and friends and the work she was doing, and then shifted to Spring Break, when she was going to stay at Janie's while her father and Jim took their trip to Seattle.

"How many more days Daddy?"

"Until Spring Break?"

"Yup!"

Leonard looked across the table at Jim who met his eyes briefly. "About three weeks, Baby. How many days is that?"

"Twenty-one," she answered immediately. Jim smiled a little. Between her memory and her number sense, she'd picked up the multiplication tables almost perfectly. Leonard just shook his head, still amazed. "That's a really long time! I don't think I can wait that long. Miss Aurelan says we're gonna visit the ranch, and go to the beach, and visit the zoo…"

With Leonard reminding her to take another bit of her chicken every now and then, Joanna talked on about their plans for Spring Break. Jim smiled at her enthusiasm, interjecting his own comments and ideas every now and then, and Leonard couldn't help but be lulled into a better mood as he listened to the two most important people in the world get along as if they'd always known each other.

After they'd finished eating, Jim took on the kitchen clean up so that Leonard could concentrate on kid clean up and bedtime. It was a school night, and Joanna was going through an annoying and time consuming I-don't-wanna-get-up-yet phase. Concerned about why she didn't seem to be getting enough sleep, Leonard had started checking in on her more than once before he and Jim turned in, to see when she was really falling asleep, and that was how he'd discovered what the problem was.

After she was put to bed, Joanna – sneaky little girl she was turning out to be – would lie in bed waiting to hear her father or Jim check on her. Then, if she hadn't already fallen asleep, she would get up, turn on the light in her closet, and read or color. Well, Leonard had put a stop to thatright away. To give her the time she obviously thought she needed to read or draw quietly by herself, they'd pushed her bedtime twenty minutes earlier. Once she was in her room, ready for bed, she had about twenty minutes before it was lights out.

Although she'd not appreciated having such an early bedtime at first, so far it seemed to be working. The one downside to it was that everything else had to be done a little earlier too. They hadn't realized how much that twenty minutes was going to impact their evenings, but they were adjusting.

So now, instead of watching a little television or playing on her computer after dinner, she had a bath right away, and had to be completely ready for bed before she was allowed to do anything else.

Earlier nights for Joanna also translated more time for Leonard and Jim, too, which was something Jim usually looked forward to. Tonight though, he was tense and annoyed. As he cleaned up the kitchen, washing dishes, putting the leftovers away, he tried to reason away the annoyance he felt. It wasn't reallyLeonard's fault. It wasn't his fault that he'd had a cyst on his liver that needed to be dealt with. It wasn't his fault that in the course of dealing with that cyst he'd had a bad allergic reaction that had exacerbated his extreme, overwhelming dislike of allowing anything medical be done to him.

He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the gut-churning fear he'd felt as he lay on the operating table. In that moment, as he held his breath to protect himself from the gas swirling in the mask over his nose and mouth, the only thing that had kept him on that table was the feel of Bones' hands on him. He remembered it very, very clearly…the grip Bones had on his hand, and the feel of his other hand resting on his chest. And the look in his eyes that promised, promised, he'd be okay…that everything would be all right. That was what made it possible for Jim to go through with it.

The thing was, though…Jim knew that Bones probably didn't realize that. Sure, he knew Jim was phobic, in the clinical-definition sense, but he doubted he truly understood how scared he was. And really…it didn't matter if it was a CT or an MRI or an x-ray. He'd meant it when he said he was never doing anything like that again.

But Bones was going to push, and he was going to want to talk about it, and he was going to try to reason with him, bargain with him, make promises to him.

And he just didn't want to deal with it…six-month check-up be damned.

So, when he was done in the kitchen, he made a quick decision. He headed to their bedroom, smiling to himself as he heard Jo and Bones talking as he helped her rinse her hair and finish up her bath. In the bedroom, he changed into a long-sleeved shirt, pulled on a jacket, and pulled on his sneakers.

Earlier, Hikaru and Scotty had invited him to join them for a beer. He'd declined, really preferring to spend a school night in with Bones and Jo. But that was before Bones had come home, holding a reminder postcard about scheduling an MRI for a six-month check-up, just to make sure the cyst hadn't grown back, and that everything still looked okay with his liver.

And now, after having that aborted…disagreement…with Bones about what he was willing to do with his own body, he didn't feel like hanging around for round two. Which, he knew, was pretty inevitable.

"Hey," Jim said, coming into the bathroom just as Bones was drying Jo's hair. "I'm going to go out for a little while…and you, missy, you better be sound asleep by the time I get back. So give me a hug goodnight now." Leonard looked up at Jim in surprise. He hardly ever did anything like that, and practically never on a school night. Jim bent as she raised her arms to him. Picking her up, he gave her a hug and smiled as she kissed his cheek.

"Goodnight sweetie."

"Goodnight Uncle Jim."

He put her down and Leonard handed the hairbrush to her. "Can you finish brushing your hair Jo?"

"Yup!"

"I'll be right back."

Jim checked a sigh as Leonard followed him out of the bathroom and down the hall.

"Jim…I didn't mean to upset you," Leonard said. "You don't have to leave."

"It's okay, Bones," Jim said, turning around to meet his concerned gaze. "Hikaru and Scotty invited me out, and I thought I'd go."

"I just…don't want you to feel like you have to run away from-"

"I'm not running away from anything, Bones. I'm going out to meet a couple of friends for a beer. I'll be back later, okay?" Jim said, raising his voice a little to talk over him.

Recognizing it was time to back off, even as much as he didn't want to, Leonard raised his hands in a placating gesture.

"Okay," he said. "Just…I don't want you to leave because you're angry."

Jim softened a little at that, hearing that vulnerability in Bones' voice, and knowing he was the cause. He stepped into his space to give him a kiss. "I'm not angry," he said reassuringly. "I just need to get out for a while. We'll talk when I get back, okay?"

"Yeah. Have a good time."

Leonard locked the door behind Jim, and tried not to read too much into this. Despite what he said, Leonard knew part of the reason he was leaving was because he wasrunning away from what they had started talking about earlier. And he got that. Really, there was very little anyone could tell him about denial and the lengths that you can convince yourself to go to under the guise of normality for the fake comfort of not facing something.

He'd done that…for years…with Jocelyn.

Jim did it…for years…by ignoring the basic necessities of maintaining good health.

So, yeah. He understood. But that doesn't mean it could stay that way.

Leonard went through the rest of the motions of the night, finishing up with Joanna and letting her do the quiet reading time, then actually making sure she went to bed.

"Is Uncle Jim back yet?"

"Not yet, Baby. He's visiting with some friends, but you'll see him tomorrow morning."

"Yeah," she said, drawing her Benji to her and tucking the stuffed animal under her chin. Leonard hesitated before leaving, settling on the edge of her bed and running his fingers through her hair, brushing his thumb over her cheek.

"You okay Jo?"

Joanna sighed and rolled over so she was on her back, looking up at him.

"Uncle Jim said no, but your voices sounded like you were fighting and I don't like that."

"Hm…well, Uncle Jim was right. We weren't fighting. We were just disagreeing about something. No big deal at all, and nothing for you to worry about, okay?" he said sincerely, wanting his daughter to trust and believe that.

"Okay," Joanna replied.

"Okay. Give me a kiss Baby." He leaned down to her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He kissed her forehead, her nose, blew a raspberry on her neck, making her giggle and squirm away. He caught her in his arms and gave her a hug. "Love you Baby."

"Love you too, Daddy."

He stood and shut off her light. "You're in bed now, got it?"

"Got it. Can you leave the door open for Jack?"

"Okay…goodnight Baby."

Leonard left the door open slightly, and turned the light off in the hall. It was early…he assumed that he had quite a bit of time ahead of him before Jim returned, so he settled at the kitchen table with his laptop and some student papers he wanted to get done.

He found it difficult to get into the work in front of him, preoccupied as he was with what was going on with Jim. But he stuck with it, and managed to get through the bulk of the papers before his attention started waning too much to be trusted.

Glancing at the clock – a little after nine-thirty – he packed up and headed to the bedroom, keeping a light on in the family room for Jim.

"So how've you been, Kirk?" Hikaru asked, kicking him under the table to get his attention from the one of the screens showing a game.

Jim rolled his eyes and took a swallow of his beer. "You know how I've been, man. I see you every day."

"Yeah, forty-five seconds while we're handing groups of kids over to each other or passing in the hallways don't exactly count," he replied.

Jim smiled and shrugged, turning the bottle around with his fingertips. "I'm good," he said. "I'm really good."

"So Leonard's treatin' ya right?" Scotty interjected, dropping back down in his chair.

"Oh, yeah. Better than..." he paused, smiling. "He's…amazing," Jim said, feeling himself flush a little. He cleared his throat and finished his beer. Hikaru and Scotty exchanged glances, smirking at each other. "What was that?" Jim asked, catching the look that passed between them.

"We've just never seen you almost speechless," Hikaru teased. "He must be something special."

"He is," Jim assured them. "And I should get going."

"Ay…don't want to keep the man waitin', now do ya?"

Jim rolled his eyes and pulled some money out of his wallet, dropping it on the table. He stood and clapped a hand on Scotty's shoulder, tossed a little salute at Hikaru who raised his glass to him in response.

"I'm glad you came out tonight," he said. "Let's do it again…maybe bring Len next time, too."

Jim nodded. "Definitely. 'Night fellas."

Jim headed out of the bar to the parking lot, and took a deep breath of the sweet-smelling night air to clear his head of the atmosphere of the bar. He stretched, and let himself in the car. Time to go home.

It only took a few minutes to get to the apartment, and when Jim let himself in, he saw that Bones had left a light on for him. He detoured to the kitchen to get himself a bottle of water. Not one to drink much at all, he'd only had a couple of beers over about three hours and he didn't expect any ill effects in the morning. But it was late, and it was an early morning, so he figured making sure he was hydrated wouldn't hurt.

He turned off the light in the kitchen, checked on Jo (sound asleep in her bed), and quietly pushed the door to their bedroom open, smiling a little at the sight that greeted him. Bones was laying on the bed, propped up at an angle that suggested he'd dozed off while watching television, that was still on. An arm over his head, his shirt rode up a little, exposing a strip of flesh at his belly. He was still dressed in his jeans…obviously waiting for Jim to get home.

His heart melted a little at that, and he immediately felt bad for doing exactly what Bones had called him out for earlier…running away. He shouldn't have. If he'd learned anything over these last months…almost a year now…it was that no matter what the problem was, the answer was something that they could find together. They werethe solution.

Jim quietly undressed, stripping down to his underwear, and then eased onto the bed. Leonard shifted, inhaling deeply and stretching as he felt the warm, familiar weight above him. He opened his eyes and smiled a little at the sight that greeted him. Jim leaned down and kissed him, as he pulled on the hem of Leonard's shirt, pushing it up his body. Leonard sat up slightly, making room so Jim could pull the shirt over his head. Hands at the waistband reminded him to lift his hips so that his jeans could be eased down. He watched as Jim moved back to tug them off his legs, dropping them on floor.

Since they were laying on the comforter, Jim snagged the throw blanket at the foot of the bed and pulled it up over them, settling himself against Bones, in his arms, and sighing contentedly as he turned toward him, holding him tenderly. They kissed softly, forgiveness in each gentle meeting of their lips.

"'M glad you're home," Bones said, voice still a little rough with sleep.

"Me too," Jim said quietly. He closed his eyes, the feel of Bones' fingers trailing absent-minded patterns onto his skin soothing. They lay together in silence, the only sound in the room the low volume of the television that they both felt too lazy to do anything about.

Jim swallowed a couple of times, trying to make himself broach the subject that he instinctively wanted to back away from. Finally, though, Bones did it for him.

"I know you hate it…"

"It's not just that I hate it, Bones," Jim said. "I'm…it's terrifying. It's overwhelming, it's suffocating. It's being pinned in place when you're shaking because every cell of your body is screaming at you to get the fuck out of there. So…yeah. I hate it. And it's terrifying. And I hatebeing forced to deal with it. And when it's necessary…that's one thing. But this…I just don't think this is necessary."

Leonard remained quiet, listening to Jim as he did his best to articulate why something that he thought of as just an overreaction was anything but that to him.

And he realized that he'd been insensitive to Jim.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. Jim's grip on him tightened.

"Not your fault," he said immediately. "I don't like to talk about it."

But it couldn't stay like this. Both men knew that. Leonard knew Jim didn't think this check-up was necessary, and maybe it wasn't. More than likely, everything was fine. But they still did need to check. And Jim knew that Bones wasn't going to just drop it. He wouldn't be Bones if he did.

"What about an ultrasound?" Bones asked, after a couple of moments of silence. "Remember Gaila, the red-head? What is she did an ultrasound instead. And if everything looks okay, we'll follow up with a blood test to confirm. But…if anything looks off, Jim, we'll haveto do the MRI."

"That…would be better," Jim said. The ultrasound wasn't nearly as difficult for him to get through. And while blood tests would never be fun, they were tolerable. Much more than an MRI or a CT scan.

"But Jim…you need to keep seeing Chris about this. Okay?" Leonard said, squeezing him and dropping a kiss to the crown of his head, the only part of Jim he could easily reach in this position. "We'll go together if you want, but it needs to be more regular than it has been."

Jim nodded, understanding Bones' concern. They were both in good health now, thank God, and hopefully that would continue. But as they both got older, Leonard wanted them to be able to take care of themselves. And the way Jim was now…he could barely make himself go for a check-up.

"You don't have to come," Jim said. "You're so busy with Jo and the hospital and your classes…"

"Jim," Leonard said, cutting him off. "If you want me there, I'm there. I will always make time for you."

He knew that. Bones said it often. But to hear it like that…it never ceased to amaze him. "Okay." Jim said. He raised his head, looking up at Bones and meeting his eyes. "We'll go together. And I'll get better at all of this."

"Jim, you're perfect. I just want you to be able to take care of your health. I want you around for as long as I can have you."

Jim swallowed and nodded, as always touched by how fervently and easily Bones expressed what he felt for him. They lay together, warm under the throw blanket, legs entwined, the feel and scent of their bare skin so comfortable and comforting.

"Hey, so…we're going to be in Seattle over our one year anniversary," Jim said, wanting to change the subject and lighten the mood a little.

Leonard smiled. "Yes we are. That was the plan."

"I can't wait," Jim said, and he meant more than just the trip…he was looking forward to everything that was laid out for them in their future. And Leonard understood.

"Me either, Darlin'."