Dear Giver Of Sweaters,
Whoa. Just. Whoa. Next time I see Hippy I'm gonna ask her for another insightful story. Maybe she's some kind of wisdom-granting monk in disguise! Though I hope she can't read minds... I've thought some pretty naughty list worthy things in her direction. Grrrr! If Cody had heard that story, she would have figured it out in a second! I'm at a disadvantage I tell ya! My brain's not cut out for all this philosophical mumbo-jumbo riffraff ulcermania! *sigh* It's back to the books after Christmas break I guess. I'm not thanking you for the sweater because it looks like a leprechaun and a tomato had a baby and that baby puked on this sweater. I'm guessing it's re-gifted. And I'll be damned if the leprechaun and the tomato are on the nice list. Seriously. Cursed for LIFE. Ewwwww... getting the image of that whole sweater thing out of my head now. Eject! EJECT!
[Blackjay is inducing a concussion]
Alright, one giant mallet to the head later, and everything is all good... at least until Saint Patrick's Day rolls around. Or I watch Veggie Tales any time soon. Oh hug-muffins.
[Blackjay is inducing a concussion]
Oooowwww... I hope all these floating spots in my vision aren't permanent. Like my permanent record at the North Pole. I'm such a naughty little boy. Oh, and thanks for the tip about Hippy's greatest weakness. I'll put it to good use. I feel the monotonous laughter coming on again. MWAHAHAHAHA! HE HE HE HE HE! NYAK NYAK NYAK NYAK NYAK! What? I couldn't resist throwing in a little Penguin action at the end there. Oh boy, I think those whacks to the head with a mallet are getting to me. But hey, iz Chrizmaz yez? Notin ta be worri'd bout eh? *hick* I fink i'v hed too mech eggnog. *hick* Whopsy! Uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllll righty then! That wasn't weird, like, AT ALL. I feel so dizzy. Maybe I'm just tired. Or maybe I'm just the only person in the world who gets tipsy over eggnog. Oy, what the heck man. What am I even writing now? Mmmmmmmmm... I'm going to bed now before I say something even stupider and morally WRONG. And by bed, I mean the pile of mannequins in the corner. Not. Creepy. At. All.
Too Tired To Care🌙
Dear Jayden,
Are you feeling nauseous? Because either there's something seriously wrong with you, or you're just doing what you always do. Acting like an idiot. But you haven't been known to be dishonest in your messages, I'm going to assume the worst. You do realize it's around freezing temperature outside, right? You could get pneumonia or worse... death by stubbornness. And don't you try to convince me that one of Alfred's old Christmas sweaters is enough to stop frostbite, because we both know no leprechaun and tomato rejoiced after its creation. So I'm going to tell you this once before taking drastic measures... go to a homeless shelter until winter is over. Or at least until the weather is bearable. You can die of food poisoning. You can die of metal infection. You can even die falling from extreme heights if you want to. Just don't die now. Any other time is fine... just not now. Oh, and I'll be saying the same thing next time you decide to risk your life too. Food poisoning, infection, and fall damage are just the least likely causes of death for you at the moment. Anything else is completely plausible.
I'm Batman (just a reminder)👤