Hi Everyone.
Thanks for your patience.
Here you go.
SM owns. I enjoying making them different.
Chapter 38 – Confusing Emotions
It was just before ten the next morning when Edward called Bella to see what time she would like to have breakfast.
Agreeing to meet him in half an hour, she wasted no time getting herself ready. Promptly at ten-thirty, there was a knock on Bella's door announcing Edward's arrival. She grabbed her bag before opening it and greeted him warmly.
"Good morning."
"Good morning to you, too," he responded in kind.
"You're right on time, as usual."
Edward laughed. It was something Bella was getting quite used to hearing.
"My family would never believe it. Seriously, I'm known for my tardiness. My sister's have complained about it for years. When they got married they each took it upon themselves to call me constantly to ensure I made it to the church on time," he recalled with a smile.
Bella stepped out into the corridor and pulled the door closed behind her.
"And did you make it to their weddings on time?"
"Mostly," Edward summarized. "Although for Rosalie's wedding it was literally like that scene from that movie…what was it? The one with that British guy where he was running to the church and the bridesmaid had her backside hanging out of the back of her dress."
"Four Weddings and a Funeral," Bella said, answering his question. "And which one, by the way, were you? Hugh Grant or the bridesmaid?" she asked as they began to walk toward the elevator.
Edward chortled. "Is that his name? And I'll have you know my dress wasn't as bad as hers, and it did set off the color of my eyes," he said, fluttering his eyelashes at her.
"Green then, was it?" Bella quipped, playing along.
"You noticed," Edward said. "My eyes, that is."
"Of course," Bella said.
"And yours are dark brown. Brown eyes. Dan's are just like them."
Bella's eyes narrowed, Edward's words triggering a long distant and previously forgotten memory. She stopped in her tracks as her mind flashed back to the past.
"What is it?" Edward asked her, halting alongside her.
"You called me that," Bella replied, furrowing her brows while concentrating on her scant memories.
"I called you what?"
"Brown Eyes. The night we met at the bar. You called me Brown Eyes."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Bella answered quietly.
"I don't remember that," Edward
"I hadn't either…until just now."
"Can you remember anything else?" Edward asked her, genuinely intrigued. He reached for her upper arm. He was desperate to connect with her and her memories of the past since he could recall very little of his own.
"I drank Coronas. I never drink Coronas," Bella said, still lost in the memory.
"Coronas were my standard fare back then," Edward whispered quietly as they stood facing each other in the corridor. "Anything else?" he asked again, filled with trepidation. Not having his own memories to draw upon, he feared finding out Bella's in case her vague recollections gave him cause for even deeper regret.
"You had a mullet," she giggled.
"Oh, gawd. Of all the things you could possibly remember about me, you remember that?"
"I always remembered you had a mullet," she admitted. "I'm just pulling your leg."
"Gee. Great. Thanks for that."
Bella started moving toward the elevator, and Edward fell into step beside her.
"So what about your own wedding?" she said, deftly redirecting their conversation. "Were you on time for that?"
Briefly taken aback by the sudden change of topic, Edward regrouped and laughed in response.
"Yes. I slept at my parent's place the night before and everyone had me up bright and early. I was dressed in my penguin suit three hours beforehand and had to hang around until the ceremony with my mother stressing about me spilling something on myself. We ended up playing pool in my father's study until we had to have photos taken."
"You must have looked very dapper in your penguin suit," Bella suggested.
"I scrubbed up all right," Edward replied, leaning forward to punch the button at the elevator.
"You must have made a striking couple."
"We didn't look too bad," Edward agreed vaguely.
The doors to the elevator opened and they stepped inside. There were five other people in it, and Bella and Edward smiled at them politely and rode the rest of the way to the lobby in silence.
Once they stepped out of the elevator, they made their way to the café for a late breakfast.
"Have you spoken to the kids this morning?" Bella asked as they neared the entrance where they were met by the smiling maître d'.
Both Bella and Edward bid good morning to the young lady before they were lead into the café.
"I called Dan and Cassie's room after you. They'll be joining us but not until eleven or so, I think," Edward said over Bella's shoulder as he followed her to their table.
"I thought they'd be a bit slow off the mark this morning," Bella concurred.
Helping Bella into her seat before taking his own, they then settled in with two piping hot coffees. Neither was in a hurry to get to the breakfast buffet this morning. It was while enjoying their coffee that Bella continued her line of questions from earlier.
"If you don't mind me asking, what was Tanya like?"
"You mean, what did she look like?" Edward asked.
"Yes," Bella said, sipping her coffee.
"Why?"
"Curiosity?"
Bella's question caught Edward off guard. He sipped slowly at his coffee while he contemplated his answer.
"Tanya was tall. Long blonde hair with a slight wave in it. She was fairly sporty, I suppose. She liked to exercise and kept herself pretty fit."
"Where did you meet?"
"At a college party."
"Was she into music?"
"Not the way I suspect you're thinking. She liked dancing and dance music, but playing music as in an instrument? No. The only music she played came out of a stereo."
Bella smiled at that.
Edward looked at her closely.
"What's with all the questions about Tanya?"
"I don't know," Bella said, not really wanting to admit that she was curious about Edward's previous relationship. Relationship or relationships she wondered to herself. Has he had more than one serious relationship? I've never thought to ask.
"Bella?"
"I'm just curious, you know?" she said, trying to explain her sudden interest in Edward's ex-wife.
"She's not a part of my life anymore."
"I know."
"Then why…"
Bella shrugged. "I'm just trying to get an idea of what you were like when you were younger, that's all. It dawned on me that you know a lot more about me as a younger person than I do about you."
"Fair enough…but why ask about Tanya?"
"I don't know…I'm sorry I brought it up."
"No, no. Don't be. It's fine. I told you I'm an open book. Ask me anything you like."
Bella took another sip of her coffee. Feeling inexplicably brave she blurted out her next question.
"I've just been wondering…why me?" she said, looking at him shyly.
"Excuse me?" Edward asked. He was growing more confused by the minute from Bella's questions.
"Why you slept with me all those years ago? I'm obviously not your type."
Edward drew his eyebrows together into a frown. He had absolutely no idea where these questions were coming from.
"What makes you think you're not my type?" he asked her.
"Well, I'm nothing like how you described Tanya, and I never have been…so I was wondering what it was that made you pick me out of all the people in that bar that night."
Edward sighed heavily. He placed his coffee cup on the table and looked directly at Bella. Bella's line of questioning worried him, and he couldn't explain why.
"I don't know, Bella. I really don't know. I have next to no memory of that night at all. I don't remember anything really until I woke up the next morning alone in my room. I didn't even really put together what had gone on until later in the morning. I…" Edward said, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "I was stoned and drunk," he said, grimacing at the memory of his own behavior.
"So, you picked me up for no reason other than you thought I'd be an easy lay?"
"What? No!" Edward answered vehemently.
"But you just said you don't remember anything."
"I don't. But I…Bella," Edward said, stumbling through his words. "I would never think that of you."
"Not now, maybe, but then?" she said, looking at him directly.
"Oh, Bella. Please. Don't do this. My behavior back then was inexcusable. I was a selfish, drunk, dope-smoking college student. I …"
This morning's yet to be started breakfast was turning into a complete disaster. His residual excitement from the night before regarding his tentative demonstrations of his feelings for Bella was being washed away by a tide of bewilderment and anxiety.
Bella shut her eyes and tried to erase the images that were forming behind her lids.
She, too, was at a loss to explain her actions or her thoughts. This wasn't how she'd planned to start what was supposed to be their last morning together.
"Edward, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just too tired. I shouldn't have come down for breakfast this morning. I should just go back to my room and let you have breakfast with the kids, alone."
"No," he said, reaching for her hand across the table. "I don't want that."
Bella shrugged, drawing her lips together into a thin line before she removed her hand from his and went to gather her things. She didn't look at him.
"What are you doing?" Edward asked her in alarm.
"I'm just going to head back to my room for a bit. I don't really think I need breakfast this morning anyway and a bit of quiet time to pull my head together wouldn't hurt."
"Bella. I've got no idea where all this is coming from, but why do you have to go? Can't we just sit here and talk?"
"Oh, Edward…I'm feeling a bit…I don't know…out of sorts this morning," she said, trying to explain while not really understanding what was going on herself. "I really don't think I'll be good company. Let me catch up with you a bit later."
"Bella…"
"Hmm," she said, looking up at him, finally meeting his gaze.
"I thought we were past this."
"Past what?"
"Past you running away. Past you hiding your feelings from me. I thought you trusted me."
"I do," she said, still unable to put into words what she was feeling. How could she explain to Edward the doubts and fears that began to slowly meander through her mind after he kissed her goodnight last night? How could she explain that she felt somewhat thrilled but scared at the same time? How could she explain that what she was feeling unnerved her and undermined her newly-acquired confidence in their friendship?
"Then why run away?"
"I'm not."
"Aren't you?" he asked, looking at her closely while his mind desperately searched for reasons to make her stay. Edward was perplexed to say the least. He had no idea what had brought about Bella's sudden interest in Tanya. Punctuality…wedding talk…Tanya. He could see the link in their conversation but not whatever it was that led Bella to ask her final question.
Bella looked at Edward and frowned, hesitating. Does he have a point? Do I really want to go back and revisit the past again?
Edward picked up on her hesitation. He wanted to seize the moment. They had both come too far in the last week to fall back into old patterns of behavior.
"Come on, Bella. Let's go talk somewhere private. We can go for a walk if you like. Just let's talk this through. Please."
The war of words in Bella's mind continued to crescendo to a loud buzz. Should I? Shouldn't I? Why should I?
She looked to Edward and saw his beseeching expression.
"Please," he said quietly, sensing her continued indecision.
Bella agreed, nodding her head silently.
Without another word, Edward got up from his chair and stood behind Bella to help her from hers. He ushered her out of the café to the confused looks from the m'aitre d who'd gotten used to them being a regular fixture at breakfast each day. Edward offered her a curt smile as he silently led Bella past the entrance and out into the lobby.
"Where would you like to go?"
"I don't have my coat," Bella said.
"All right. Well, we can go upstairs and get it, and then go for a walk."
"All right."
Edward placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her over to the elevators, hoping with all his might that they wouldn't run into Dan, Cassie and Sammy on their way down to breakfast.
Fortunately, when the elevator doors opened, they were nowhere to be seen. After waiting for the elevator to empty, Bella and Edward entered, and he pushed the button for their floor.
Edward couldn't stop the flashbacks of memories that entered his mind, mirroring a similar situation just a week before.
What's made her think back to that night in the nightclub? he thought to himself, wanting desperately to believe that whatever was upsetting Bella this morning they could deal with together.
When he'd fallen asleep the night before, Edward had been worried that maybe his sneaky yet heartfelt parting kiss might have made things awkward between them this morning. He'd been grateful that it hadn't seemed the case…until the conversation had turned to Tanya, and then their ill-fated first night together…what had been the link between those thoughts? He still failed to make a connection.
Bella and Edward traveled in silence to their floor. When the doors opened, once again, he gently ushered Bella out of the elevator and down the corridor towards their rooms.
"Are you all right enough to grab your coat?" he asked her quietly. "I'll meet you back out here."
"Do you mind if we talk here instead?" she asked, when they reached her door. "I don't really feel like going for a walk."
"Fine. If that's what you want to do."
She looked at him briefly, and a mixture of worry and uncertainty crossing her features as she reached into her bag to retrieve her key. Edward tried to smile reassuringly as she stepped past him and unlocked the door. Wordlessly, he followed her into her room and closed the door behind them before making his way to the table. Pulling out a chair, he sat down and watched as Bella as she fidgeted nervously with the buttons of her cardigan.
"Bella," he started, his voice strong and friendly. "What's upsetting that gorgeous head of yours? What's made you go back to the past?"
"I don't know, really," Bella said, turning to face him and stalling for time.
"I think you do," he said, regarding her closely. "We've gotten past keeping secrets. You can tell me anything," he reminded her.
"It's silly really," Bella said, trying to brush the whole thing aside.
"Then let's laugh at it together, shall we?" he said to her quietly, knowing full well that whatever was bugging her wouldn't be silly at all.
Bella looked at him, uncertainty written all over her face.
"Come on, Bella. Let's do what we do best together…talk things through. We've made huge strides in our friendship with each other this week. Let's keep that going forward."
Bella took a deep breath, finding an opening with Edward's words.
"I think that's what's taken me by surprise," she said, honestly. "This," she said, pointing back and forth between the two of them. "I hadn't expected this," she said, continuing her hand movements.
"What? Our friendship?"
"Yes."
"That we've become friends?"
"It's more than that. You've become someone who knows me…more than I've let anyone ever before. Even people who have known me for years don't know things you do now."
"And that's a bad thing?"
"No." Bella said quickly. "No, not at all. It's just that…I didn't expect to feel this way I feel now," she clarified. "And when we were talking about your wedding, I realized that even though you know me, I really don't know much about you and that made me think about your life before all of this…and what it was like. And then out of no where, the memory of you calling me Brown Eyes hits me. Then you described Tanya and what she was like…and I'm nothing like her. The complete opposite by the sounds of it. And that made me wonder what it was that attracted you to me in the first place, that night in the bar…and why you even bothered with somebody like me when there were so many other people there." Bella spoke in a rush, her thoughts trailing rapidly from one to another. "My mind went into a bit of a tailspin, and it's freaked me out a little bit knowing that our friendship has become so important to me…"
She trailed off, finishing her verbal vomit with an incomplete thought.
"Our friendship has become important to you?" Edward asked quietly, his mind grabbing hold of that thought, and his heart soaring upon hearing those words.
"Yes," she answered simply. "I mean, I feel closer to you than I have to anyone in a long time."
Bella crossed to the small table and sat opposite Edward before she continued.
"I've always been…I don't know…guarded, I suppose…with people. Always tending to keep to the sidelines by not ever really putting myself out there. And now you," she said, looking at him directly in the eyes, "you know so much about me…and you sense when I'm freaking out…and you calm me. You go out of your way to challenge me and talk to me…when you could just so easily walk away," she explained, raising her eyebrows almost daring him to tell her differently. "I'm not your concern here…Dan is," she continued. "Dan is your focus…and yet it seems like you are just as focused on me and our friendship as much as you are on Dan, and that is, well, it's lovely and special and…nice…but I don't understand why you'd do that. And yet I know that if you stopped…I'd miss it," she explained, her gaze now on the remnant of a small scrap of paper that had been left on the table in front of her, which she absentmindedly pushed around with her forefinger.
Edward watched her closely, his mind racing from all the things Bella had just told him.
Is it possible that she's starting to feel for me what I feel for her?
Excitement began to build in his chest, and he had to force himself to attend to what she was saying rather than his spiralling emotions.
"And now it seems," Bella continued on, drawing a deep breath and completely unaware of Edward's musings, "it seems like all of a sudden, you're leaving…and before we know it, you'll be back across the other side of the country, and…I'm going to miss this," she said honestly, gesturing between the two of them again. "I'm going to miss you being here to talk to…to share things with. It's like, in a day or so, I'm going to have to put this Bella away again and bring out the old Bella…the one that wears the suit of armour…and go back to my life the way it was before." Bella took another deep breath. "It scares me to think that once you go home…we'll lose all of this."
Edward reached across the table for her hands and held them in his own. He didn't speak aloud, however, the look he gave her spoke volumes. He understood her concerns, for he, too, had been silently dreading the same things.
Edward's actions gave Bella the strength to admit something to him that she had only just really worked out for herself.
"I think you're the first real friend I've had in a very long time…and you're leaving…just after I've found you…or you found me…or Dan found you…or whatever the hell has gone on the last month or so," Bella said, trying to make humor lessen the impact of her words.
"Bella," Edward whispered her name quietly. After her admissions, he was struggling to keep his feelings for her in check. He rubbed the backs of her hands with his thumbs in what had become a familiar caress to them both. Edward did momentarily consider telling her that his feelings for her ran deeper than what she thought, but he was worried that Bella's reaction to such a declaration would negatively affect their friendship; a case of too much, too soon. So, he answered as honestly as he could at this point.
"I'm Dan's father, but I've also become your friend, and I will remain your friend, first and foremost. I promise you that. I can be both. I can do both."
She looked up at him, tears in the corners of her eyes. Edward couldn't tell if they were tears of sadness or relief.
"I don't want to lose what we've found here either," Edward explained. "And I really respect the trust you have placed in me this week. I will keep your confidences sacred, and I will never discuss your most private memories or thoughts with another – ever."
Bella offered Edward the gentlest of smiles, and in a completely unsolicited response, showing the true depth of his feelings for her, Edward reached up and used his thumb to wipe away a stray tear that had begun to slide down her cheek. As he did, his fingertips gently bushed along the hairline at the back of her neck, and Bella closed her eyes against the sensation, her stomach clenching in response providing her with yet more evidence that her feelings for Edward were changing significantly.
Edward tried to measure his actions. Bella deserved so much more than someone who would love her then leave her. He had to remind himself again of the promise he had made to himself the night before. Bella spoke the truth. In a day's time, he would be leaving and flying back to his home across the other side of the country. He wouldn't allow history to repeat itself. He was a grown man now and fully understood the consequences of his actions. While he desperately wanted to show her the feelings he had for her, any physical intimacy, even if just a kiss, would only complicate their parting, and they both knew that there would be enough for everyone to contend when their group parted the next day without having to add yet more emotional pain into the mix.
Edward removed his hand from her face and once again took both of hers in his.
"I want to talk about what happened at the night club that night," he said quietly.
Bella closed her eyes and shook her head slightly from side to side.
"Edward. Please…really…there's no need. It was stupid of me to bring it up this morning," she said.
"What you said before is true," he said, ignoring her protest. "You don't really know much about my life back then."
"I'm really embarrassed I brought it up," Bella said. "Let's not go back over old details. It won't serve any purpose, and it has no bearing on who we are now as people."
"You wouldn't have brought it up unless something about it was bothering you, Bella."
Bella went to interrupt again to stop the conversation from going any further but Edward sensed it and stopped her before she could start. He squeezed her hands in his and held her gaze when she looked at him.
"Let me tell you a bit about myself from back then," Edward said. "Please."
Bella looked at him and pulled her lips into a tight line. She did deeply regret her momentary lapse from earlier in the morning when she had asked Edward if she had been nothing more than an easy lay.
"It's important to me that you understand some things."
Bella didn't know if she was going to like what she was going to hear, but Edward's earnest pleas wore down her resolve. He had listened to her and her deepest, darkest secrets. She owed him the same.
Bella nodded her head and looked at Edward.
"All right."
"Good. Well…where do I start?" Edward said to himself trying to order his thoughts. "That summer, only a week or two before that trip, I inherited a large amount of money from my birth parents' estate. I had just turned twenty-one, and under the terms of their wills, money from their estate was to be held in trust until that time. My parents, Esmé and Carlisle," he said, clarifying to avoid any confusion on her part, "had never reared me any differently from either of the girls, but then, when I turned twenty-one, I suddenly had access to all this money that I hadn't even known about until a few months before that. They had been rightly worried about the effect inheriting that money would have on me. I'd been a rebellious teenager for quite a while, and with the formation of the band and my independent streak, combined with my less than stellar attitude, I felt I had the world at my feet and could do anything I wanted. Honestly, my behavior was way out of control that night. I'd had a steady girlfriend for some of the time I was at college but we'd broken up before that trip. I wasn't in the habit of picking and choosing from the groupies that hung around the band. Some other members of the band weren't quite so discerning though, and it was usually me that ended up finding someplace to crash for the night while they bought random girls back to our room. I started to drink heavily that trip, and the money from my inheritance meant that I didn't have to watch my dough that holiday, that's for sure," he laughed to himself, remembering his miserly ways during his earliest college years. "Anyway, for whatever the reason, I cut lose that night. I remember that I started drinking earlier in the afternoon, and by the time we started to play, I was well and truly on my way. I don't remember when we got the dope, and I don't really remember meeting you. I don't have any clear recollections of us going back to my room."
"What do you remember?"
"I remember waking up the next day with the hangover from hell. I remember trying to recall what the hell went on, and then I remember…" he continued before his voice trailed off.
"What?"
"I remember finding the bloodstains on the sheets and not realizing at first what that meant. At first, I thought that'd maybe I'd fallen down and hurt myself on the way back to my room." He guffawed wryly, and then took his hands from hers and held them over his face, effectively hiding himself from view.
Bella, too, hung her head, that particular memory bringing with it deep shame and regret.
Edward took a deep breath and removed his hands from his face to look at her.
"Bella, I am just so sorry for that. I…there are just no words for how I felt when I began to get flashbacks as to what happened."
Bella didn't look up at him. Her head still hung low, shielding her eyes from view.
"Please, Bella. Look at me."
When Bella didn't respond, Edward tried again.
"Please," he said simply, while taking one of her hands in his and squeezing it gently.
She looked up at him. In her eyes, he saw pain and embarrassment.
"What made you come back to my room? Why did you?"
It was Bella's turn to breath deeply, steading herself for even more revelations.
"I was tired of being Daddy's little good girl. Everyone else was out having fun, and I was always toeing the line…doing the right thing…being the good girl. I just wanted to have some fun. I just wanted to be like everyone else."
"I am so sorry I did that you, Bella. Your first time shouldn't have been at the selfish hands of a drunk."
"Honestly, I don't remember much of it. I'd had quite a bit to drink myself by that point. I don't really remember anything after leaving the bar at the end of the gig, and even that is decidedly blurry."
Some silence settled between them before Edward asked his next question.
"What do you remember?"
Edward had asked Bella that question a couple of times already this trip, and each time she had managed to avoid answering it. Not this time.
"I remember you tasted like cigarettes," she said softly. "That's my strongest recollection, aside from the hair," she smiled.
Edward exhaled slowly.
"I remember you had long brown hair and that your skin was soft and smooth," he offered in a whisper.
Bella closed her eyes.
"I was so embarrassed when I woke up in the morning. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I slipped out of the bed and tried to find my clothes around the room hoping like crazy you wouldn't wake up so I could just sneak away. I was silently berating myself for being so stupid, and I felt like…" Bella didn't finish that sentence. She couldn't. "I'd forgotten all about writing that note. I didn't remember it at all until Dan came home and told me you still had it and that he'd seen it, and then I was embarrassed all over again."
"When I found the note, it didn't make any sense to me. It wasn't until a little while later after the painkillers had kicked in and my mind started to clear that it dawned on me what it was all about." Edward spoke from the heart with his next sentence. "You changed my life that night Bella. In more ways than one, and I could never have expected that single night could have such far reaching consequences."
"Me either," Bella said, agreeing. "I just wanted to get out of there and put it behind me…but that wasn't meant to be."
"Bella, I need you to know. I wasn't that guy. Not deep down…I wasn't the sex-driven band guy you met that night…not really. I was a stupid guy who'd been trying to be someone he wasn't. You woke me up to that. You brought about more change in my life that one night than any other event in my life…and now you've done it again. My life will never be the same, and I don't want to ever go back to being the lonely and isolated man I had become up until last Thanksgiving. You've brought out the better man in me. You experienced the worst and have now helped me find the man I've always wanted to be. I don't want to lose that nor what we've found. I don't want to surrender our friendship and our new found trust to the tyranny of distance and time. I want to keep what we have and see what the future has in store for us – you, me and Dan, together. I want us to be able to share in our son's future, and I want us to continue to be close – to give our son everything the past has never provided him – two loving parents who are there for their son and each other whenever we're needed."
Edward was even more perilously close to laying the full depth of his feelings on the table in front of them. He had to hold himself back from reaching for her and pulling her to him. His belly and chest ached from the emotions he fought valiantly to keep in check. He knew he'd said enough for one morning. He instinctively knew that putting too much out there could scare Bella away.
Edward was wise enough to realize that there were very few times when life gave you second chances, especially when you had so frivolously thwarted the first. He understood now that time could be their greatest ally rather than their enemy. He would give Bella the time needed to adjust to his role in their lives. He would give himself time to sort through his feelings for her, and he would give their relationship the time it needed to develop naturally and strengthen along the way as he was sure it would. Edward was certain that with time and trust and honesty, he would get the chance to have everything he ever wanted - to be a loving father in a loving relationship. He just had to be patient enough to allow time to do its job, to let it reveal their future slowly and to cherish each moment in the journey along the way.
"I'd like that," Bella responded.
Edward sucked in a quick breath before reminding himself that Bella was responding to what he had said, and not what he'd been thinking.
"Me, too," he said, recovering and smiling at her.
"Thank you," Bella said simply.
"For what?" Edward replied, taken aback.
"For being you, for caring."
"How could I not?" Edward asked her sincerely. "When what I have to care about is you and Dan."
"You make it all sound so simple."
"In my mind, now, it is."
Bella looked into his eyes and smiled at him, a smile that he returned from his heart and soul.
Their moment, however, was broken by the sound of Edward's stomach growling loudly.
"Excuse me," he said, laughing to cover his embarrassment.
"Are you hungry there, Mr. Cullen?"
"It seems so, Ms. Swan."
"The kids must surely be at breakfast by now and wondering where the devil we are."
"Probably."
"Sounds like we should be joining them."
"Are you up for that?" Edward asked her, concerned that maybe she needed more time to deal with everything they had spoken about.
"I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Absolutely," Bella said, sounding positive and determined. "Forget my momentary lapse this morning. It was just a bit of silliness," she said, waving it away with her hand.
"Never."
Bella looked at Edward quizzically.
"What you think and how you feel is important to me. Keeping things to yourself won't help any of us move on from here. Honesty and trust is what we have built this week, and we can't let that slip, even with the distance between us."
"OK."
"OK?"
"Yes."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
"And so do I. I promise to always be honest and true with you. No secrets," he added for good measure.
"No secrets," Bella agreed.
Edward smiled warmly at her. "And I believe this is called progress."
"Indeed it is."
They both smiled. They were doing that a lot nowadays.
"Breakfast?"
"Or what's left of it by now."
"Let's go," Edward said, standing and holding out his hand for Bella, "and grab your coat. If there's not much left, we might have to go out for a bite."
"Right," Bella answered, looking around the room for her coat while holding onto Edward's hand. "It's there," she said, pointing to the love seat in her room.
Edward dropped her hand and crossed to collect it while Bella picked up her bag.
They made their way to the door, Edward, as always, stepping aside to let Bella through first before closing the door behind him.
"Give me a minute, and I'll get my coat," he said as he crossed the hall to his door.
"Take your time," Bella offered as he slipped inside.
Moments later, they were standing side by side at the elevator doors waiting for a ride to the lobby. When the doors opened, they were met by several astonished sets of eyes.
"Where have you been?" Dan questioned his parents. "We got down to breakfast, and the maitre d' said that you'd been and gone but hadn't eaten. Breakfast's all but over," he continued as he, Cassie, Sam and Chris stepped out of the elevator to meet them.
"Is everything all right?" Cassie asked thoughtfully.
"Everything's fine, Cass," Edward replied looking at her and then Dan. "Bella needed to come back upstairs to get her coat 'cause we thought we might like to go out for a walk after breakfast, and we started chatting and lost track of the time, I suppose," Edward said, trying to explain their unexpected absence from breakfast without revealing any of the specific reasons as to why. He glanced at his wristwatch briefly to reinforce the point.
Edward, focusing his attention on Dan and Cassie, didn't notice Sammy's shrewd look at the two of them, but Bella did. She smiled at Sammy, trying to back up the innocence of Edward's story, and while Sammy returned her smile, Bella didn't believe she bought the explanation.
"So, I take it you all have eaten then?" Edward asked, redirecting the conversation.
"Yeah," Dan replied. "I doubt there'd be much left down there now though."
"Not to worry," Edward replied nonchalantly. "We can go to a café down the road. Do you have plans for the morning?" he asked the group.
"Ah, well, we thought we'd just hang around really," Cassie said, "seeing as we're leaving so early in the morning."
"Yes. About that. I was wanting to tell you all at breakfast, but we seem to have missed that boat. I called the airlines this morning and changed our flights. We're on the 5 P.M. flight, instead of the 5 A.M. one. I thought everyone might appreciate having another day together."
"Really?" Cassie exclaimed.
"You did?" Bella questioned, wondering why he hadn't mentioned anything to her before now.
"That's great!" Dan declared, reaching out and putting his arm around Cassie's shoulders.
Edward was grinning broadly, glad that his actions were met with such obvious happiness. Sammy and Chris were yet to say much, but Bella, already alerted to Sammy's nonvocal reactions, noticed a brief, yet definite, silent exchange between the two. She also noticed Chris reposition himself so that he was standing next to Sammy – in very close proximity. She wondered briefly whether or not he had whispered something to her, but if he had, she hadn't caught it.
"I called your parents, too, and despite your father's grumbling about a late night pick up, Sam, they're all meeting us at the airport when we arrive. You won't get home until after midnight, but it gives us all another day together here, so I thought it was a good idea."
"A very good idea," Dan said, looking down at Cassie.
"And we have a late check out, too. I spoke to the front desk this morning, and we don't need to be out of our rooms until two o'clock tomorrow afternoon, so the breakfast we can do breakfast together tomorrow morning, " Edward concluded, looking to Bella and giving her the quickest of winks.
The kids were chatting excitedly among themselves at this extra piece of news, so Bella took the moment to draw Edward's attention.
"You have been busy this morning, haven't you?"
"It's a new year with a new start, Bella. I didn't seem any point in wasting any of it," he whispered to her quietly while looking at her intently.
"So," Edward said loudly, looking back towards the kids and gaining everyone's attention again. "Plans for today, since we have more time up our sleeves than you thought?"
"I don't know…" Cassie said, thinking aloud.
"Lunch?" quipped Chris, who received a none-too-gentle elbow to the stomach from Cassie in response.
"Well," Edward said, directing the conversation again, "I was wondering if anyone would like to go ice skating?"
"Ice skating?" Sammy repeated, her attention moved from Chris who was exaggeratingly rubbing his stomach.
"Ah-huh," Edward confirmed.
"I haven't been ice skating in years," Sammy said, her voice reflecting a mixture of excitement and alarm.
"It's simple, babe. Keep your bum off the ground and your feet on the ice, and I'll pull you around. Too easy!" Chris said from his new position tucked behind her, where she couldn't elbow him again quite so readily.
"And you can skate, I suppose," Sammy said, sounding snarky and looking over her shoulder at him.
"New Hampshire boy," Chris said, confirming the obvious. "I was born with skates on!"
"Your poor mother," Sammy retorted.
"You don't know the half of it," Dan said, verbally sledging Chris.
"Shut up," Chris replied, rolling his eyes.
"She's got a couple more just like him at home, Sam," Dan reminded her.
"It's lucky the woman's still sane," she said.
Both Edward and Bella chuckled under their breaths at that last comment. While Bella had only met Chris' entire family once or twice, they were a force unto themselves. In Bella's opinion, Sammy really had no appreciation of just how true a comment that was.
"So, are we skating or what?" Edward asked. "We can't spend our time standing in the corridor all day discussing the emotional fortitude of Chris' mom."
"I'm in," Chris piped up immediately.
"Us, too," Cassie answered for both she and Dan.
"OK. Me, too," Bella answered, smiling and looking at Dan and Cassie, noticing again just how close the two of them had become. Dan had moved to wrap his arms around Cassie, his chin resting gently on her shoulder. She leaned back into him and had her hands resting naturally on top of his that rested on her stomach. They were the epitome of togetherness, and she knew in her heart that her son would hurt dreadfully when he and his girl were to separate tomorrow.
"Sam?" Edward asked, looking over to the one member of their group who had yet to commit.
Everyone else in the group followed suit.
"Oh. All right," Sammy agreed.
"You'll be right, babe. I got your back," Chris said, wanting to sound encouraging.
"It's not my back I'm worried about," Sammy grumbled under her breath at him.
"Then I'll take care of that bit, too," Chris retorted, and using both hands, slapped Sammy's butt cheeks noisily.
"Hey!" Sammy said, spinning around to hit Chris on the shoulder.
Bella actually guffawed aloud at Chris' brashness, and yet, his actions provided confirmation that Chris and Sammy had, in fact, started a little holiday romance of their own over the last week.
Dan and Cassie didn't hide their own amusement, both of them laughing loudly.
Edward, too, smirked at the events playing out before him while his mind automatically began to wonder just how complicated tomorrow afternoon's airport farewell was going to become.
And so, two hours later, after Bella and Edward had caught a very late morning coffee and croissant at a local café nearby, the group found themselves lacing up their rented skates at the JFK Memorial Coliseum, an ice-skating rink in Manchester. Both Dan and Chris took charge of the girls as they led them out onto the ice, eager as always to get moving. With raucous laughter, Cassie and Sammy slowly found their skating legs – well, at the very least, they learned how to maintain their balance.
Bella, not unfamiliar with skating but not what one could call proficient, managed to stay on her feet and had a wonderful time. She and Edward, who proved quite competent himself, completed slow circuits of the rink, skating hand in hand. They chatted and joked like the firm friends they had become, and shared smiles and quips with each of the kids as they passed by.
All-in-all, it was an enjoyable way to spend a couple of hours. Chris and Dan mucked around on the ice a little here and there, even racing each other at one point and regularly made the girls squeal in their attempts to trip them over. The boys thought these activities were hilarious but such hilarity wasn't always mirrored by the girls.
Hot Coffees and chocolates with some warmed Danish pastries after skating topped off a relaxing afternoon and it was a little after four when the group finally made their way back to the hotel to prepare to go out for a last night dinner Edward had organized at a local restaurant. Forever observant, Bella wondered what clothes Chris would wear, but it became apparent that he had packed some extras. When the group met again in the lobby at six o'clock, he was changed and dressed to impress.
After enjoying pre-dinner drinks in the bar before heading out to waiting taxis, they made their way to the restaurant where they dined on a range of dishes and drank their way through a couple of bottles of wine. The six of them had a lovely evening, everyone silently pushing away the intrusive thoughts that this was their last chance for an evening meal together.
As they left the restaurant to return to the hotel, the kids decided to catch a cab, eager to spend time alone together, but Edward and Bella decided to take one last late night stroll. The group parted with promises to meet for breakfast at nine in the morning, and Edward and Bella, in their coats, gloves and scarves, waved goodnight to the foursome as their cab pulled away.
"So, Ms. Swan," Edward said, reaching for her hand and tucking it into his arm.
"So, Mr. Cullen," Bella responded in kind.
"Do you know which way we're headed?"
Bella laughed. "No idea. I thought you knew!"
He leaned close to her and whispered in her ear. "If I lead, will you follow?" he asked her quietly, the conversation taking on an entirely different intensity in a matter of moments.
Bella pulled back and looked at him in the eyes. "I trust you, Edward."
"As I do you, Bella."
He leaned in and gave her a chaste but meaningful kiss on her forehead. Pulling back, he gently guided her down the sidewalk.
"We've come a long way this past week, haven't we?" he asked her, striking up their conversation.
"We most certainly have."
"This morning, you said that our friendship has become very important to you. I want you to know that it has become extremely important to me, too."
Bella nudged his side, acknowledging his words but finding it difficult at the moment to form her own.
"This isn't just about Dan anymore," Edward continued, "not for me."
Bella remained silent as they walked side by side, but she rubbed his upper arm with her free hand. She couldn't believe after all the talking they had done this past week that words were failing her now.
Edward allowed the comfortable silence to settle between them. He was enjoying her little show of affections – her silent touches, her shy but meaning-filled glances in his direction, her gentle and reassuring smiles.
It was several minutes later when Bella finally spoke.
"Have you given any thought as to how we manage things at the airport tomorrow?"
Edward sighed heavily. "I've thought about it. I've run a couple of scenarios through my head, but no matter how I see it, it's going to be tough."
"I know. I'm kind of dreading it actually."
"It can't be avoided," he said, squeezing her hand that rested on his arm.
"I know," she agreed again, "especially now that Chris and Sammy seem to have hooked up."
"That always seemed inevitable to me," Edward said.
"Really?"
"The lady doth protest too much," Edward paraphrased. "Chris is a lot like Emmett in many ways. I thought there was a spark there early on, before we came out, even."
Bella looked up at him and raised her eyebrows, silently encouraging him to continue.
"She used to describe him as a Neanderthal. I know they were more or less forced to spend a lot of time together when they traveled, but I kinda gathered that there was a bit of a spark then, too."
"You're very perceptive for a man."
"Now that sounds like a back-handed compliment, if ever I've heard one," Edward said, nudging her shoulder.
"It wasn't meant to be," Bella said, apologizing. "It's just that you're very in touch with your feelings and that's not something that I expect for a guy. Guys are usually the strong, silent type, are they?"
"It's taken me a long time to learn to open up emotionally, Bella. Open up the right way, that is," he said, silently remembering his rebellious teenage years. "And I'm still a work in progress. I told you this morning. I'm a different man now than I was a month and a half ago. You've given that to me. You've brought that out in me, and it feels good. I'm the happiest I've been in a very long time."
Bella's emotions, already so close to the surface, refused to be held back any longer. She stopped walking, and Edward moved around to face her. She lowered her face, trying to mask her tears.
"What is it?" he asked her quietly.
"You say the darndest things sometimes," she said, sniffling.
"What?" he said, reaching for her chin and lifting her eyes to meet his.
"You're happy?" she croaked.
Edward smiled at her.
"Very."
She smiled back at him.
"So am I."
"Oh, Bella," he sighed as he reached for her and cradled her face in both his hands, his thumbs brushing away her errant tears.
"And I'm sad, too."
"Why are you sad?" he asked her gently.
"'Cause tomorrow all this ends and you go home and…" her voice trailed off.
Edward rubbed her cheeks again with his thumbs.
"And what, Bella?"
Bella shook her head slightly in his hand.
Edward used the one phrase that always seemed to resonate with her.
"Talk to me," he whispered quietly.
Bella closed her eyes and took a steadying breath before she opened them to look directly into Edward's. She struggled to conceal her growing feelings for him. He was leaving tomorrow, and she would not expose herself to that kind of situation, ever again, no matter whom it was with.
"Dan's had a traditional family for the very first time: a mom and a dad," she started quietly, willing her voice to cooperate. "And he's had Cassie and he's just been so happy. He's positively beaming, and tomorrow all that disappears for him, and it's breaking my heart knowing how sad he's going to be and I can't do a thing to stop it."
Edward listened to what Bella said. To be honest, he experienced a flash of disappointment. He'd hoped that maybe she'd admit that she was going to miss him and had she done that, he knew he would have been hard pressed not to kiss her openly where they stood.
It took him the briefest of moments to regroup and push that personal disappointment away. Of course, Bella's first concern would be for her son. She was a mother after all, and he knew from experience of his own mother's ultimate concern for her children time and time again. Bella was no different, and understanding this part of her was vital to understanding Bella the woman.
"We'll help them, Bella. They'll get through this. They've been separated before," he said, caressing the back of her head with one hand as he tried to reassure her.
"But it will be different this time. They're so much closer."
"I know."
"They love each other, Edward."
"And they'll work this out. They're only young. They've got time on their side and their families," he added as his hands came to rest of her shoulders.
"It just makes me so sad," Bella said, fresh tears forming.
"I know," he said, pulling her into his arms and allowing himself the intimacy of kissing the top of her head. "I know."
Bella nestled in Edward's embrace and tried as she might, the tears continued to spill.
How can I explain everything that I'm feeling when I don't really understand all of it myself? she thought as she stood there being comforted by the man whom she realized had come to be so much more than just her friend and Dan's father.
"The future is more than just tomorrow, Bella," he said, rocking her gently from side to side. "Tomorrow is just another day on the journey. Let's handle it when we get there, OK?"
Bella nodded her head against his chest.
He gave her a moment longer to collect herself. He was enjoying the feel of holding her in his arms, and he knew that this moment would have to be enough for him – for now.
Finally, he pulled away slightly and brushed some stray strands of hair from her eyes.
"Do you want to walk some more or do you just want to grab a cab?"
"Can we get a cab? I'm feeling a little chilly all of a sudden." It was true. Bella felt goosebumps form along the hairline at the back of her neck. She wondered silently if they were caused by her leaving Edward's embrace.
"Sure. Let's try and flag one down," he answered, reaching for her hand as he turned and started to scan the street and the passing traffic. They walked silently side by side along the sidewalk toward the next major intersection. It took only a further minute or two before they were seated in the back of a cab and headed toward their hotel.
They traveled in relative silence, each with their own private thoughts. Bella was surprised when they pulled up at their hotel only minutes after getting into the cab.
"I've got this," Edward said unnecessarily while handing cash forward to the driver. He'd paid for every cab ride they had taken during their stay, and Bella hadn't even thought about retrieving her wallet from her bag.
They alighted from the cab and silently made their way into the lobby and over to the elevator. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, though. They both instinctively felt that words weren't needed to maintain their connection.
As they stepped into the elevator, and Bella pushed the button for their floor, they looked at each other and the atmosphere changed. They both felt it. For the first time in a while, awkward smiles were exchanged, neither really knowing what to say to the other.
Their awkwardness was interrupted by the ping of the elevator as the doors opened up onto their floor. They stepped out, and Edward reached for Bella's hand as they moved off down the corridor toward their rooms. He squeezed her hand trying to re-establish the intimate connection they had just minutes before, and Bella returned his pressure wordlessly.
They stopped outside Bella's door.
"Well, I suppose this is goodnight," Bella said, looking up at him.
"Yes, it is."
"I've had a lovely time this evening," Bella said, cringing as the words left her mouth. This isn't a date, Bella.
"I've had a wonderful week," Edward returned, not letting go of her hand.
"Me, too." Don't cry, Bella, don't you dare cry again, she warned herself.
"I'll pick you up for breakfast?" he asked, unnecessarily. He always walked her to breakfast.
"That would be lovely." How formal did that sound, you twat! Oh God, could this get any more awkward? Just say goodnight.
"Have you got your key?"
"Yes," Bella replied snapping out from her internal musings. She rustled through her bag and retrieved it.
"Allow me," Edward said, reaching for it and gently removing it from her fingertips.
"Thank you," Bella said, trying to not be overwhelmed by his closeness as he leaned across in front of her and swiped her room key in the lock.
"There. All done," Edward said, pushing forward to open the door and then leaning back slightly but not far enough.
His breath brushed against her hair, making her nerves tremble as a result and the butterflies in her stomach erupt. She smiled weakly, focusing on the button at the top of his coat. She couldn't look at him at the moment. She knew that would be her undoing.
"Goodnight," she said quietly, so quietly that had he been any further away, he might not have heard it.
"Goodnight, Bella," he said, and leaning in just a fraction more, he kissed her hair just behind her ear. In doing so, his cheek nuzzled against the side of her face. She closed her eyes to the sensation. It was their most intimate moment to date, and she held her breath, overwhelmed by him.
Edward hesitated for the briefest of moments before pulling away and squeezing her hand then releasing it for the night.
Bella opened her eyes, looked to him and smiled softly as she used her weight to further open the door.
"I'll see you in the morning," he said, finally stepping back from her and allowing her to move into her room and gently close the door.
Edward stood in the corridor and put a hand up against the doorframe, leaning against it. He breathed deeply, focusing his eyes on the slit at the bottom of the door and watching the light escaping from it change in intensity as Bella began to move into her room, turning on more lights as she went.
You've done the right thing, man, his inner voice consoled him. Bella deserves more than what you can give her right now.
Then why does it suck so much? His alter ego argued.
'Cause the good things in life worth having are worth waiting for, his good-guy self reasoned. And Bella's worth it.
AN: To G and L - major cuddles for this one.
I am going to rec a story again. Have you ever wondered what might have happened if Edward hadn't been able to save Bella at the end of the first book?That Pain to Miss by HelenahJay - the link is in my profile. It's another vamp fic and it's almost complete. It's uniquely different and she has woven aspects of canon into it but in different ways to the original. Tell her I say "Hi".
Thanks again for sticking with me during my break. I hope to have the next chapter up within a fortnight. We're coming to the twelve month anniversary of this fic. I posted the first chapter on July 19 last year. If anyone had told me I'D STILL BE WRITING IT twelve months later, I would have told them NO WAY...but here I am, still writing, and here you are, still reading. I hope you can stick it out with me 'til the end.
Until next time
Leisa