This chapter was a bit rushed and I'm facing minor Writer's Block, but I wanted to get it out there. Probably requires improvement.
Ch. 38
Aurelie knew it best not to go searching for him at this time of night, as she did not wish to disturb him if he should be in his private quarters, and so she settled on the thought that she would confront him the following morning.
Then she remembered that her belongings, including a fresh sleeping gown, were in the stables and that she neither had the energy nor the skill to navigate herself outside to find it. Instead, she stripped down to her thin ivory-colored chemise, gently laid her elegant red dress on the back of the chair to the vanity, and removed her jewelry. She pulled out the beaded haircomb and pins and let her hair tumble past her shoulders.
Seeing the gifts that Erik had given her lying on the vanity made her wish that the night had not yet ended. How she longed to be in the courtyard once more, dancing with Erik by the moonlight, and she mourned the evening that could have been.
After she had peeled back the coverlet on the bed and sandwiched herself between the soft sheets, she blew out the candle that sat on the nightstand.
But she found that sleep would not welcome her so easily. Her mind raced with thoughts of Erik and the events of the past year.
She remembered how frightened she had been by his presence on the day that they had first met. She had viewed his neighboring estate as a curse that had only multiplied the problems that she had been facing.
How wrong she had been! Erik had proven to be a blessing in disguise, and quite possibly, the best thing to ever happen to her.
At times, when she started to feel pity for her humble circumstances, she would remind herself that she was rich in companionship and a friendship that she had never had, before. It did not matter how much money was in her pocket, or what type of dresses she wore. What mattered most were the people in her life, and now that she mourned the loss of her mother, Erik had proven to be the most valuable person to her.
Then her mind wandered to the turning point in their situation-the day in which she had professed to be his wife and the two of them had shared their first kiss. She never would have imagined that things would have turned out the way they had, and that their friendship would never be the same since then.
One year ago, she never would have thought that she would have developed affectionate feelings for a man, let alone, Erik. She nearly wanted to laugh at the irony of it all-how he had scared her so by revealing himself to her over one year ago as the infamous Phantom of the Opera, and how she had cursed the idea of living beside his neighboring estate, but how she had come to love everything about him, later.
Perhaps their little charade of a feigned marriage had not been a good idea, after all. It seemed to her that she was letting it get carried away, even at times wishing that it was true and feeling the pain of the reminder that it was not.
Erik's cooperation with the ruse was, unbeknowingly to him, hurting her. What if he had not developed similar feelings to her own and had simply played along in order to save both of their reputations?
She knew that there was a very fine line between being successful at this game of theirs and things taking a turn for the worst, and that they were treading precariously close to that defining line.
She did not wish for Erik to treat her any differently or to allow her special priveleges under the facade that she was his wife. She did not want for him to be especially kind to her or to show any sort of romantic gestures out of obligation, rather; she wanted his behavior to be based upon his own feelings and genuine sentiments.
And she was finding it hard to distinguish what was false and what was real. Was he simply acting the way that he was because he was grateful for all that she had done and he had to play his part, or was he sincere?
She did not want this game to toy with her heart anymore, and she needed clarity. She could not go on pretending that this wasn't affecting her. She needed to know how he truly felt, and if he did not feel the same way then she would have to determine what to do next.
She simply knew that she could not live a lie, anymore, and so she was determined to make this known to him as soon as she would see him in the morning.
She could only hope that things would go in her favor, and that, against the odds, he felt something for her as well.
When Aurelie had risen the next morning, she groggily walked to the door and opened it with caution, hoping that Erik was not around to see her. She needed to use the bathroom, and she had no dress to change into, making her almost-transparent chemise embarrassing to look at.
Instead of seeing Erik, she found a pleasant surprise beside her door. On the floor was a tray full of food and her belongings.
Ah, she thought with relief, there will be no need to outwit the Phantom of the Opera while attempting to reach the bathroom!
Her morning was filled with her everyday mundane activities, such as eating the delicious breakfast that Erik had given her, bathing, and changing into a clean yellow dress.
One hour-and-a-half later, she was in search of Erik. She had not seen him anywhere, and had even gone so far as to knock on the door of his bedchamber, but had elicited no reply.
She figured that he must have been outside, and she had been correct.
Minutes later, after she had distanced herself from the estate and navigated through the long grass, she approached him with a smile as he stood among the trees.
Erik seemed to be his usual self, dressed in fine attire and preoccupied with Caesar, with a calm expression on his countenance. Aurelie wondered if he had been troubled with thoughts of her or the kiss in which they had shared, but he seemed to behave no differently than before.
This observation caused her great disappointment, as he was all that she could think about, and she found that her mind could not rest from these thoughts. She could not continue to go about her day as usual, for there were too many questions of grave consequence that needed answers.
"Good morning," he said to her.
Erik brushed the dirt from Caesar's back until his black coat had regained its shine. He knew that Aurelie was there, but he could not bring his eyes to look at her; instead remaining on his task-at-hand.
He wondered if she would still be upset over his taking liberties with her and kissing her impulsively. He hoped that he had not acted in a way that would ruin their friendship permanently.
"Good morning," Aurelie replied, noticing how he would not look at her directly.
She was about to ask him why this was, when she noticed something white move among the trees behind him. Craning her neck to see what it was, she wondered what the odd flash of movement could have been.
"Ah yes," Erik noticed her curiosity, "Go and take a look."
Aurelie took a few steps until it had come into view.
A large white horse was casually grazing among the grass, and it lifted its head to whinny at her. This majestic animal was a beautiful cream-colored white that made it look ethereal in Aurelie's eyes.
"How beautiful!" she exclaimed.
"She is one of the carriage horses from my stables across the road," Erik explained.
This time, he could not refrain from lifting his gaze in order to watch the pleased expression on Aurelie's face, and he found himself smiling as well.
"She is hardly ever ridden and I figured that she could use a bit of exercise, today," he added.
Yes, the sun was shining and the breeze soft enough to enjoy. It was a fine day for a ride.
Aurelie walked closer to Erik and Caesar as she was reminded of why she had been looking for him.
"Erik, I wish to discuss what transpired last night..."
Erik did not respond, instead, he set down the brush and adjusted the saddle on Caesar's back.
"It is something that we seriously need to talk about," she added with an impatient urgency.
After a little over a year, it was about time that they discuss the dynamics of their friendship, or at least clear a few things up. It was not fair for either of them to be guessing and making assumptions, and she wanted to know the truth.
Erik did not wish to hear about it, let alone to think of it, after all; he had already punished himself enough by taking to a depression and self-loathing all night and morning.
Why would he wish to be reminded of his foolish inclinations and behavior, of his lack of self-control, when he had sworn to himself that he would never fall into a woman's snares, again and yet had? Why would he wish to be reminded of what he would never have, but yearned for all of his life?
No, he did not want to hear of how he had overstepped his boundaries by being so bold as to kiss a woman who could never love him. He was incapable of being loved, and he did not need her reprimandings or 'discussions' to know this.
All that he wanted to do was to continue to pretend that she loved him, to continue their little charade that he both enjoyed and suffered from. If he would never find true love or have a wife, then this would be the closest thing that he could experience, and he did not want to ruin it with the complications of his feelings. He did not want her to shatter the fantasy that he found himself living in, even if it would have to be confronted one day.
But now was not the time for that confrontation.
"It can wait," he interrupted her.
"For what?" she asked, a bit surprised. Did he not view it a serious matter that required their attention?
"For this," he replied.
Erik walked over to the tree near the white horse and untied her leadrope before promptly walking her towards Aurelie.
Confused, Aurelie glanced from the horse and back to Erik.
"For our ride, together," he added.
"You...you wish for me to ride this horse?" she asked, shocked.
It had been many years since she had ridden a horse, and she was almost a bit scared to do so. She worried that she lacked the experience and skill, and that she would fall off and injur herself.
"Yes," he replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "For Caesar is a bit too partial towards you for my liking, and I fear that if you rode him, you would steal him away from me entirely!"
Aurelie laughed, as Erik was rarely in a humorous mood, and the tension between the two of them seemed to dissipate.
"But I have not ridden in so long that I am afraid that I will be ill at it," she confessed on a more serious note.
Still, Aurelie reached up to pet the horse between her eyes with a smile. Ever since she was a little girl, she had always had a fancy for horses and wished to spend more time with them.
"Then we will not hasten ourselves, for we have the entire day at our leisure. There is a place, in particular, that I wish to show you," he replied with an increasing enthusiasm.
Although Aurelie was frustrated by the fact that he would not discuss something that she deemed to be too important to ignore, she settled on the idea of enjoying a day with him, nonetheless.
After all, perhaps she would find a more opportune time, later, and she vowed that she would not give up so easily.
"Alright," she smiled. "Show me."