I've been struggling to write this chapter. I was forcing it, really, to try to pick up with only a little transition to get us to the important plot point regarding Mrs. Roberts meeting with Mr. Bennet in London, however Mr. Gardiner wasn't having it. I finally decided to dump everything I wrote and try again from where Mr. Gardiner wanted me to begin. Of course Mr. Gardiner was right, but even so I still struggled to write about what he wanted me to write about from his POV without doing a lot of summary, so all told this chapter took 3x as long to write as it should have.

Note, I have made a couple of changes to chapter 25 which was the last time we heard from Mr. Gardiner to fix some consistency issues with the chapters that follow after it and a slight change to chapter 35 to make it work with this one. If you see anything that is still messed up continuity-wise, please let me know.

Mr. Gardiner's POV

Chapter 36: Everything I Thought I Knew Is Upended Now.

The day before I was to marry Madeline Reid, there was not much I needed to do to be ready for the morrow. It ended up being a day for reflecting on all that had transpired to bring me to this point.

Shortly before my twenty-first birthday, Mr. Bennet announced, "Tomorrow we are off to London; I am taking you to seek your fortune there as I have never truly needed a secretary and you are wasting your talents at Longbourn. I think you may be well suited for a position I have heard about, but it will require discretion and discernment."

I wondered what he was about. Had I displeased him? Why was he wanting me to leave what had been my home for the past eight years? My family and all I knew were here; everything beyond Hertfordshire was the great unknown.

He must have seen from my expression what I dared not voice aloud as he told me, "Edward, I am a selfish man. I have enjoyed your company overmuch. You have been as both a brother and son to me. Did you know I originally hired you on a whim, to have a further bit of leverage to keep your sister in line? Yet you proved yourself from the beginning."

"I thank you Mr. Bennet," I told him. "I have been happy here."

"I know," he answered me, "even if you have not always been happy with me. Still you held your tongue and served me to the best of your ability, doing all I could ask and more. However much you and I might both want you to remain, there is no future for you here. Regardless of all the work you could do for me, I simply have not a big or profitable enough estate to give you an adequate salary upon which to support a wife and family. If the estate were mine to devise as I chose, and if you were not their uncle, I might have asked you to bide your time (perhaps ten years) for my daughters to grow up and marry one of them and pass Longbourn on in such a manner, but as that is a complete impossibility, you must find a better position and so to London you must go."

I was surprised to find I was to meet with Mr. Dowdy (the former Mr. Hosmer) at his London home. I knew he had moved to the north after his marriage and we seldom saw him after; though Netherfield was still his, neither he nor his sisters lived there. Mr. Dowdy looked the same as always, though dressed in finer clothes, slightly fatter and with a bit less hair. After some pleasant exchanges between him and Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet excused himself, promising to return at half past three.

"Ah, Mr. Gardiner, I am glad you are seeking new employment as if you suit it will benefit us both. I had the deepest respect for your father and Mr. Bennet speaks most highly of you, says you virtually have a university education from him, and are a hard worker who knows how to keep his trap shut. These are good qualifications to me. Now has Mr. Bennet told you aught about what I seeking?"

"No, Mr. Dowdy, he has not," I replied. "In truth, until we arrived I did not even know I would be speaking with you."

"Very good, he is being discrete, too. Mr. Gardiner, I often say more than I should. Because of this propensity I need to surround myself with people who are loyal and true, who will act at my direction and mine alone. My wife and I have a bit of a problem . . . but before we discuss that, I must have your word that nothing I say about the Dowdy family will be told to another soul."

"You have my word. Although it has been years since I worked in my father's law office under Mr. Phillips, I know all about keeping matters confidential."

"Excellent, that is just what I would expect from Mr. Gardiner's son. When I married my Anna I knew nothing about the true extent of the Dowdy wealth. I knew their estate was much larger than mine, but that was all. When I had Mr. Phillips work out that I would inherit their estate if Anna should pass before me with no children (that was my price for giving up my name), I thought I was really getting something, but little did I know the true extent of their wealth. In addition to their estate and of far greater worth is an ongoing shipping concern, an import/export business and even shops to sell such merchandise."

I nodded, intrigued that there might be a place for me among such a myriad of enterprises.

"Each part of their business appears to be a separate concern. The shipping business was the first and Grandfather Dowdy having made his fortune wanted his family to move up in the world but did not want to give up the potential for increasing their wealth and not being made for idleness could not bring himself to fully divest from it. Thus it was made to look as if it was sold some forty years ago, yet they own it still. There is a man that appears to own it, and is paid well for such deception, but it he is a mere figurehead with no authority.

"My wife's father, likewise having a keen mind, understood they could further increase their profits if they also owned the products they transported and even the shops that sold them. He also determined there was much money to be had in the slave trade. My wife, being both a stubborn and tenderhearted soul, has been seeking these past fifteen years to get her father to terminate dealing in such human trade and he, being equally stubborn, refused until she had the leverage to make him. Can you guess what means of persuasion she had?"

"In truth Mr. Dowdy, I cannot."

"Ah, being called Mr. Dowdy still rings oddly in my ears. It is a hard thing for a man to give up his name, yet in my name there is a clue."

"Had it something to do with your marriage?"

"You are as clever as anything. You are the first one to have guessed at even half. After Miss Dowdy's brother died, her parents were most anxious for her to marry. However, understanding she now had a power she had not had before, Anna made her agreement conditional on her family turning away from the slave trade, and destroying its slaver ships. Her father railed at her, berated her, called her interest in the business unfeminine, but eventually when she would not be moved, agreed that he would do as she demanded upon her marriage to a man of his choosing."

He looked most thoughtful then.

"Oh how it hurt my Anna when her father kept suggesting men to wed her that cared nothing for her, wanted to merely use her as a conduit to wealth and looked on her appearance with horror. She feared such a man upon marriage to her might even take her father's side and overrule her previous agreement with her father. But fortunately for me, she was unwilling to sacrifice herself in such a manner, even though it might have saved some lives from the middle passage. Knowing me a bit through my sisters, she suggested me instead as a kind of compromise candidate. Ours was to be a business arrangement and she was willing for that, but I found that despite how much her smallpox scars may mar her, she still has beauty underneath, plus a quick mind and lovely soul."

When talking about Mrs. Dowdy, Mr. Dowdy's eyes got a far away and softened look, one that I had seen when Mr. Phillips got when he talked about Mary-Ann or like my father had when he talked about my mother. I knew then, that no matter how the marriage may have started, Mr. Dowdy was now in love.

"The problem my wife and I are having now is that it appears my new father decided that rather than destroying such ships, that he instead change their names and nominally transferred the ships to others. He was skilled at hiding such assets, a skill he undoubtedly learned from his father. We suspect he called on his most loyal employees to pretend to buy the ships but operate them for him. When Anna discovered the matter she felt sick and it was not just because she was also expecting our first child at the time."

"Congratulations to you both."

"You may congratulate us three times over. My wife has produced a daughter and a son, and we have one slated to arrive in the next three or four months. Yet over all this time the foul business is still being conducted. I think Anna's father underestimated just what I would do for her happiness. I need someone who can review the books (we arranged to have copies made), trace the money, interview others where he must and find out which ships were transferred and what investments are still used in the slave trade. My wife wants the ships destroyed (they are simply not suitable for other purposes and if sold our hands may be thereby made clean, but it will have little effect on the trade in general). If you can succeed where others have not, I would be most grateful."

I agreed to labor for him and the remuneration was most generous. I often had to travel to Plymouth and Portsmouth to see about ships and sometimes brought with me a Mr. Coats who served as both an enforcer and a spy (he was a former navy man).

I enjoyed the work, but I did regret the distance to Longbourn as I had not been back to see my mother but once before she passed away suddenly. However, Mr. Dowdy did not begrudge me time to return home to properly mourn her and put her to rest.

Over the course of the next two years, I was indeed able to trace some of the ships and armed with such documentation, the younger Mr. Dowdy and his wife were able to confront her father and ensure their destruction.

With such a successful outcome, the former Mr. Hosmer was well pleased and recommended me to the man who operated the Dowdys' London shop (though I was still also employed directly by Mr. Dowdy to keep tracking down the outstanding ships as much as I might be able as aided by Mr. Coats). Within nine months I had impressed the manager enough that I was more or less managing the London shop under him. That man was Mr. Reid.

I had just turned twenty-four when Mr. Reid invited me home for a family dinner. Within moments of entering his home, I was smitten; not with his eldest daughter as perhaps he intended (a genteel, soft-spoken, but ultimately forgettable brunette, though she did have striking blue eyes) but with the youngest. Miss Madeline was seventeen and not yet out, but she was a pretty maiden with honey-colored hair and hazel eyes, more green than brown or blue). Even though I hardly exchanged words beyond a bare greeting with her, from hearing her converse with others it was obvious that she was witty and intelligent. When I was asked my opinion during a general conversation (shared by most of the occupants of the sitting room as we awaited dinner), it was only natural that my small contribution expanded and supported a point she made. She then looked in my direction and smiled at me. When she smiled her whole face smiled and that was all it took for me to be lost.

At that first family dinner, I was seated well away from Miss Madeline; Miss Reid was across from me. I felt all the oppression of such a grouping, still I kept glancing in Miss Madeline's direction, my ears perfectly attuned to hear her speak (her voice had a richness to it that caressed my ears ever time I heard it).

After dinner, I learned about the method of conversation they employed to communicate with Miss Horatia Reid (the spinster sister of Mr. Reid and aunt to his children). I had been introduced to her by Mr. Reid when I first arrived, but had not thought much of it when she merely nodded at me rather than saying anything, as it was flurry of conversation at that time.

I learned Miss Horatia Reid was deaf during the course of being reintroduced to her in writing. Her words were (as read by Master Reid, the person who was next to her generally reading her response aloud to the rest of us), "I am pleased to make your acquaintance Mr. Gardiner. Please excuse my previous silence upon our earlier introduction. I have been deaf since childhood and do most of my communicating through writing."

It did not take long for me to be comfortable participated in some friendly exchanges with the group in which I would also write what I said. It seemed a fun game to write things down and also read them aloud. I was more cautious and thoughtful about what I said in such a manner knowing what I wrote was preserved.

After a bit of this, Miss Horatia Reid wrote, "I get to have so few conversations with new people that I should like to have one with Mr. Gardiner." I came to sit by her in a chair near hers turned at a 90 degree angle from hers. Between our chairs there was a side table that held her pen and ink (around the room there were other ink pots, pens and pen holders set out so that anyone could easily converse with her). I soon learned that this was her preferred angle as it allowed her journal to most easily be exchanged, but still allowed for the viewing of each other's faces without an awkward turning of the neck.

The first thing she wrote that was directed at me was, "Mr. Gardiner, you should feel free to address me as Aunt Reid. It causes too much confusion to call me Miss Reid since my brother's eldest daughter has come out."

"Yes, Aunt Reid." I wrote back. As other conversations flowed around us, there was no need for me to read our exchanges aloud. This turned out to be a good thing as we engaged in a rather intimate conversation that I was just as glad that others were not privy to.

She asked me many questions, seemingly to get a measure of my character. I found myself charmed by the level of wit and good sense she could put into the written word and how expressive her face was to add additional meaning to what she said. We filled almost the entire front and back of two pages in this way.

However before she needed to start on a new page (only three quarters of the back of the second page was filled), with a very deliberate look at me, she wrote on the following blank page: "Do you fancy my niece, Miss Madeline?"

I imagine I pinked a bit, but wrote back, "Why do you think so?"

"Because I am not a fool. While others are busy listening to and taking part in conversations around the dinner table, I decode glances and expressions. Though Madeline was seated far away from you, you looked far more often at her than at the persons beside and across from you. You also keep glancing in her direction even while we write. From what I have learned of your character thus far, both from my brother and what I have observed and you have written tonight, I think you might suit. If you are interested you must bide your time. Do not be so obvious; court her whole family as you cannot yet court her."

As I would not commit my admiration to paper where it might later be shared with her father, I merely wrote back, "Thank you for your advice."

She wrote back, "I apologize Mr. Gardiner for asking at all. You are more prudent than I. Still I would have you reassured that I can keep confidences, should you ever wish to share them." She then paused her writing, looked at me, and then tapped on the side of her head with a single index finger; I believe she did so to indicate that she would keep such things to herself in her mind. She then wrote, "If you are interested, I can get you invited to more family dinners. At the next one, I will draw her into conversation with the two of us."

She handed her journal and pen back to me. I hesitated, the pen paused over the page. I then looked at her and gave a deliberate nod but did not commit anything to the page, merely set down the pen and handed the notebook back to her.

She smiled then at me, ripped the page out of her notebook (it was quite loud and drew everyone's attention), very deliberately walked over to the fireplace and threw it inside. The whole room watched from the ripping to the disposal, though no one said anything.

Master Reid, gestured for her journal and said his words as he was writing them. "Why did you do that, Aunt Reid? I thought you liked to keep your conversations."

She gestured for her journal and then he stood beside her and read as she wrote. "I asked a question of our guest that I think was a bit too personal. He answered, but it is not the sort of thing that should be recorded."

He looked at me curiously and again I think I pinked a bit. Master Reid wrote back and read it to us. "We will let you both keep your secrets."

Aunt Reid then deliberately went elsewhere to have another conversation and I then began speaking with Master Reid and his father.

Aunt Reid was as good as her word and had me invited to their house often. Although I spent the bulk of my time conversing through writing with Aunt Reid, soon Miss Madeline began to join us. I found myself falling deeper and deeper under her spell, and I fancied that she felt similarly, but any growing affection between us went unspoken.

The next day I was at a family dinner after I learned that Miss Reid had become engaged, we were able to be a bit more forthright with each other, though we were separated from each other as always by Aunt Reid. I told Miss Madeline, speaking the words most quietly rather than writing them, "I hear that soon the name Miss Reid shall refer to you."

She gave a slight nod and whispered back, "I have been waiting for this elevation for sometime. It has been hard these last two years to not have the right to suitors."

I felt this comment was directed at me, as it had been two years since I met her. Miss Madeline then picked up Aunt Reid's journal and in placing it in my hands, touched the side of one of my gloved hands with her gloved hand. It felt like a deliberate mistake and for a few seconds we lingered with both of us grasping the journal at the same time. Under cover of the journal, I lightly traced the back of her gloved hand.

I told her, "I am most glad that shall change soon."

Our eyes held each other longer than was proper. Perhaps worried about how obvious we were being, Aunt Reid took the journal from us both and wrote, "What characteristics do you think are important in a spouse." Then, I believe for cover, she added, "I think I may have gained an admirer at church; I am not at the ideal age to marry, but perhaps it bears consideration."

Thus perhaps a quarter of an hour was spent with the three of us expressing the ideal characteristics of a spouse. In such a manner we informally courted until the auspices of Aunt Reid until Miss Madeline's sister's marriage.

On the evening of the new Miss Reid's coming out, there was to be a little gathering at the Reid house. I had learned from Aunt Gardiner that her father was inviting some single men with good prospects. I knew my own were not as good as some and despaired that there might be another man waiting for this opportunity. I could not imagine that she had attracted no interest besides my own.

However, I was nothing if not determined and I had no wish to lose her. I worked up the courage to speak to Mr. Reid shortly after he arrived at the shop (he had the key so I was waiting outside for him). I said, "Mr. Reid, there is a matter of some importance I would like to speak with you about."

We walked to his office and when we were both seated he asked me, "What is this all about?" Then he said with a little chuckle, "It has not escaped my notice how much time you have spent in the company of my sister. You are perhaps a little young for Horatia, but I would not stand in the way of your happiness."

I did not know what to say and could feel my face reddening with the heat of embarrassment. In truth, had Aunt Reid been two decades younger and if Miss Madeline did not exist, I would have been interested in Aunt Reid (I thought well enough of her that I had even considered who I knew that she might suit). But in truth I had never considered her for myself, but I did not want to offend Mr. Reid. Therefore I was silent as I scrambled for how to answer that would not offend him.

He then added, "Come now, Mr. Gardiner, I was just having a bit of fun with you. I know you have been waiting for my Madeline. That is what you wish to talk to me about, it is not?"

I breathed a quick sigh of relief. "Yes sir. I have known my own heart for quite some time, but it would not have been proper to act on it before her come out. May I court her with an eye toward marriage? Of course I would ask her first, but want your permission to do so."

"It would be rather bad form to have her commit, such as it is, with her never having a chance at any admirers. Still, I think well of you, so I will let you tell her of your admiration and that you wish to court her. Still, before our gathering tonight I will tell her that I have no intention of letting her court anyone for at least three months. If she is still most fond of you then, well then you have my permission. But still," and here his face looked severe,"even if she agrees then, I shall have you treat my daughter with the utmost respect. You shall always be properly chaperoned. She must court for at least three months before I will allow her to entertain any offers."

Thus it was that I began to court Miss Madeline exactly three months after her come out and proposed and was accepted another three months after that. At least her father had pity on us and did not make us wait beyond the calling of the banns to wed. The time of our engagement dragged when we were apart so I savored every moment when we could be together.

On the day before we were to wed, I was happy to know that this was the last we would be apart. I was very much looking forward to our married life, but given that she was an innocent, I did not wish to rush the consummation of our marriage when the time came, so I made sure to take myself in hand both that night and on the following morning so that I might have sufficient patience in doing my best to delight my wife before our physical joining.

It was as well that we had that almost seven months between when I first talked to her father about courting Miss Madeline and when we wed, as she fell with child almost immediately. Thus when I was twenty-seven and she was twenty, it was that we became parents when our first child, Lavinia (as named for my dearly departed mother), was born.

One evening I arrived home to my dear wife and daughter (who was not more than three months of age), I saw to my surprise that they were not alone but joined by Mr. and Mrs. Bennet and Miss Bennet.

It was most unexpected as they had never informed me that they planned to visit, and most especially that my sister had come at all. I thought she was unlikely to come see us until Lavinia was much older as Fanny had a way of tearing up a bit whenever she saw a young baby. I knew (though she did not talk about it, no one did) that she was missing her poor dead son, Tommy, who had only lived a few weeks.

When Mr. Bennet and Fanny had returned from London those eight long years ago, it was clear they were both horribly torn up with grief. Although we had no official notice of their son's death, it was most evident from their faces and empty arms. Only little Lydia was cheerful, but she stayed close to her mother after they returned, would come up to Fanny and pat her leg while looking at her with big concerned eyes, would come snuggle her for a few moments whenever Fanny seemed especially down.

I, of course, did not bring the topic of Tommy up with Fanny. It seemed to me, to all of us, really, as if any discussion might break her. But of much concern to me was that Fanny seemed to rebuff any attempt at comfort from Mr. Bennet. I did not understand it. He was not to blame; no one was as far as I knew. Everyone knew it happened sometimes that a child might seem healthy when born but not live very long despite receiving the most loving of care. Sometimes it happened, too, that a mother might seem fine upon the birth of her child and then sicken and die herself within days due to childbirth fever.

Once I dared to ask her about it (it was only a few weeks before Mr. Bennet took me to London to see Mr. Dowdy). We were taking a walk in the garden at my request (our mother had urged me to get Fanny to get out and take some fresh air as Fanny seemed to virtually live in the nursery now).

"Fanny, I do not know if you know this, but before Father died, he charged me with promoting your marital happiness. I know you are grieving, it is most natural when a child dies, but why are you pushing Mr. Bennet away? You should seek comfort in one another. After all, he is grieving, too."

She patted me lightly on the arm. "Oh Edward, if only it was as simple as all that. You know not of what you speak, but I appreciate your concern."

I could tell by this that she meant to shut down my attempt to talk with her about the matter, but I was determined to push on. "I want to help you, truly I do, beyond any charge from Father because I care about you both."

"Edward, I cannot have any faith in him as one who has broken our marital vows. I know I was not the bride he wanted, but still I thought that we had grown closer, yet for many years he took comfort in the arms of another."

I was silent then, and she must have read that there was no surprise in my face for she said, "You knew."

"Yes, but that does not mean that I approved. I did not think you knowing would help anything. Was I wrong?"

She considered, biting her lip and wringing her hands. "I do not know, but a small part of me thinks that he deserved to lose his child, his heir, as King David lost Bathsheba's child when he had done wrong. Though I think I have taken the loss perhaps harder than he has."

The analogy confused me a bit, it was my sister who had lost her child. "And well you should, having the long lasting affection for your son, nurtured while he was still in your womb. I cannot understand how it would feel to be finally parted from one you have carried so close for so many months, who breathed, fed, and gave you every expectation that he would remain in the world, to then depart from it so soon."

I thought a bit more and then asked, "Did you find out in London? Did he go to see Mrs. Roberts while there?"

"He not only saw her there but had her dwell in our home. He expected that I should just accept their 'relationship' as if it was nothing to me, just his right, his due to have her for himself."

I was shocked, truly shocked, that he would act in such an infamous manner. I did not ask any further questions, just enfolded her in my arms as she sobbed. Finally I told her, "Now, now, it is at an end now, is it not? She remains there and he is home with you."

"Yes, it is well and truly over." She told me, but then added, "However can I ever trust him again?"

I had no answers.

It was curious then that the Bennets had come to London at such a time. My sister and her husband seemed anxious, he tapping his foot, jiggling his leg in a manner that was most unfamiliar to me from all the years I had worked for him, her seemingly having trouble following the conversation. I was determined, then, to get to the bottom of why they had come as I did not believe their claims of wishing to see Lavinia and to give Miss Gardiner a bit of a London come out.

When Mr. Bennet said he had some business in London for the following morning and asked if his wife and daughter could spend more time with Madeline and Lavinia while he attended to it, I decided then and there to try to spend some time with my sister on the morrow and ferret out if at all possible, what had them both so anxious. Therefore after they departed for their inn, I walked the few blocks to see Mr. Reid and secured his permission to spend the next day at home.

When the morrow came, Mr. Bennet brought his wife and daughter at exactly nine o'clock and then hurried away. He had not been gone above ten minutes when Fanny told me, "Edward, you know London quite well. Are there any cafes or other similar types of establishments outside of Hatchards, within view of the front door? I wish to go right away! Jane should stay here with Madeline and the baby."

I found this most curious, "Why do you want to be there? I do not understand."

"Well are there or are there not, Eddie, we must go right away!" She grabbed my arm and tugged me toward our front door. I found the whole matter most curious. "Whatever you want, sister, but I cannot say that I have memorized all that is on Piccadilly."

Thus I found myself hiring a hack and telling the driver to take us to Piccadilly. Along the way I was able to get a bit of better intelligence from her. She told me, "Mr. Bennet has a meeting at Hatchards at ten which I cannot attend, yet I wish to see who comes."

I asked, "Do you think he is meeting Mrs. Roberts? He cannot still be enamored with her after all these years, can he?"

"He is meeting with her and perhaps another," she confirmed, "and I want to follow her afterwards but not be seen. It is most important. I have not a good plan, but I cannot stay here and do nothing."

"Why would you want to follow her? If you know he is meeting her, why did you let him go instead of demanding that he stay away from her?"

She gave a little sigh. "I do not blame you for not understanding, but I need to follow her, find out where she lives. It is of the utmost importance."

"But would she not recognize you or me also? It is not a sound plan. We need someone she does not know." It suddenly occurred to me just what I needed to do. I rapped on the hack to get the driver to stop and redirected him to where Mr. Coats lived. In a few minutes we reached his home in a less than savory part of London and I had roused him from his stupor (part of his rough looking appearance was caused by his love of the bottle) and got him into our hack, explaining that I had a job for him to do. He made an odd companion for us.

Along the way, I explained that we needed someone followed, a ginger lady, but that we would point her out. Fortunately there was an ice cream shop across from Hatchards which we were able to stay in while we watched the front of the Hachards. Looking through the window, Fanny and I scanned every woman leaving Hatchards while Mr. Coats contented himself by eating a large dish of ice cream.

It was no more than half past ten when Fanny spotted Mrs. Roberts. The years had not been kind to her and I may not have recognized her on my own; it appeared she had much hard living. Her dress was stained and her hair was more white than red.

I nudged Mr. Coats and apprised him of his quarry. He stumbled out of the shop without another word and began following her on foot. We stayed where we were.

Perhaps thirty seconds to a minute later, I saw Mr. Bennet run out the door. He was scanning in each direction as if seeking her as well, but she was out of view by then. He spotted us in the shop window, scrunched his face up and shook his head in "no" while making a bee-line to meet us.

"What are you doing here, Fanny? And why have you involved Edward in this. I told you not to come. What if you have scared her off for good?"

"She did not see us. Truly she did not. Edward is having her followed; maybe we will be able to find him."

I was quite confused. "Who are you trying to find? I do not understand."

Mr. Bennet looked at me as I was a fool, "My son, damn it."