Year Five, Chapter Thirty-Eight
The Tough Talk
Jacob's Point of View
Blondie, Emmett, and I were in the garage working on some new wreck Rose got me. Okay, Rose and I were working on the car, Emmett seemed to be doing anything he could think of to hinder our progress.
We had been talking about some of our classes, sorta. I was telling them about the engineering classes Nessie and I were taking, but everything Rose said about physics just sounded like gibberish to me. Hearing Emmett tell us how he was really "loving" his Women's Studies classes was all I had hoped for.
It was really nice of Rose anyway, to get me this car, and a fun new project to work on. At least it was something to take my mind off of the gossip going around the Engineering Department, regarding me and Nessie. I think that was why Rose got it for me. Everyone in the family knew. Some were more upset than others. But Nessie was young, mistakes happen. She just misspoke, and I should have intervened better. In the whole scheme of things it was not that big of a deal, really. And she was right, who cared what the humans thought. Okay so it did bother me, but I was trying to not let it.
Nessie said she didn't care about mindless human gossip, so I was trying not to let it bother me. But I did not like the way a few of the guys were leering and gossiping about her, behind her back. But they only talked to each other; I never left her side, so they never approached her.
On more than one occasion, over the past few weeks, I found myself growling, under my breath, at a group of guys in reaction to what I heard them talking about. Why would they think that if Nessie was sleeping with me, she would be with them as well? But then again, she was beautiful. It was why I wanted to be with her when she was at school, I needed to protect her better. I am sure guys would have noticed her, with or without Rob shining a spotlight on her.
If I was not a wolf there would have been no way I would have been able to hear them. Once they saw me coming they shut up. But they did not realize I could hear them from as far back as I could. This was getting out of hand. Hopefully something else would happen at school soon and some other fascination would garner their interest and take their attention off Nessie.
There was nothing I could really do for now. Nessie, could hear what they said as clearly as I could, she said she did not care and did not want me to do anything. So that left me just stewing.
Rob however was another matter entirely. I could not believe he told as many people as he did. And when I found out exactly what he said, it made me want to smash him into tiny bits. Not that I would, he was human, and Nessie didn't want me doing anything to him either. But why would he even do that? I thought he was my friend. He claimed it was just "locker room talk", but I didn't care what it was. That didn't excuse anything. No one should speak about Nessie, or anyone for that matter, like that. While I was unable to put a stop to his gossip, the damage was already done, our friendship was over.
I tried concentrating on the car. It think it use to be a '62Ferrari 250 GTE. It was in such bad shape I could barely tell. I was amazed Rose was able to find so many original parts for it. I guess when money was no object it makes things easier, even obtaining obscure almost obsolete engine parts.
"Hey Jacob, don't worry. Whatever we can't find we can just have custom made." she smirked. Where was that thinking when it came to my Rabbit? "Don't worry about it. I've got it. YOU have much more important things to concern yourself over."
"I do? What?" Schools going okay. At least the classes were. There were no outsider vampire threats in the area, we haven't heard from that Volturi pervert in months. Wasn't the car suppose to be taking my mind off of the Nessie and me rumors? What else did I miss?
Rosalie saw the confused look on my face of course. "Renesmee!" she said as if the answer was obvious.
"What's wrong with Nessie?" I jumped up from where I was seated on the floor. What had I missed? She told me she was fine with everything. Was she actually upset by Rob's gossip?
"Nothing's wrong with her. But while you're in here with us, she is out with HIM." Nahuel? Nessie had been spending time with him recently, trying to get to know him better.
Rosalie couldn't even say his name anymore. Not since she learned how he would dispose of his conquests by feeding from them, to avoid any complications, i.e. children. I guess it was kinda good that he didn't want to be like his father in that way.
But he was a vampire. Well half, anyway. He wasn't like the Cullens. I knew that. His aunt had red eyes. I knew what they ate, at least what he ate in the past. I believe his aunt, and her new mate, still fed from humans. Even if he did currently eat only human food Rose still didn't trust him. I didn't like him either but I was trying to give him a pass after my conversation with Edward a month ago. And I keep reminding myself that he did save Nessie's life, all those years ago, from the Volturi.
Nahuel had changed. Edward assured me he had. Not just his diet, he had given up women, altogether. It was the only reason I was able to be in the garage while Nessie hung out with him right now. She was just in the house, making another fruitless attempt to teach him chess.
So why was Blondie still so worried? Edward had explained to her his complete change, just like he had with me. And she had seen for herself how Nahuel had been eating entirely human food since staying with us, this time. He claimed to truly have changed in the last year, and his behavior seemed to confirm it.
"They're just friends Rosalie, she isn't interested in him that way. And I also don't believe he is suddenly going to decide he's hungry, and have her as a snack."
"Don't be so sure. You heard what he said about his past. How he would ensure he did not end up like his father."
"WHAT!" I was enraged. How could she think that my sweet little Nessie could . . . No, it wasn't possible. She would have told me. She tells me everything. She doesn't think of him that way, I kept repeating to myself. (I silently prayed she would pick me when the time came.) But him? Would he take advantage of her like that? No, he said he just wanted to get to know her - for the time being, at least, and he would wait, for now. Edward would hear something in his thoughts if he changed his mind. Blondie was wrong. "That's ridiculous. There is no way anything is going on between them."
"No, not yet. But I've seen the way he looks at her. He's just waiting, getting close to her, becoming her friend, so that when she is ready he can make his move. It's only a matter of time."
"Edward would never allow anyone to hurt her." I knew I was grasping at straws. If she had changed her mind and returned his affections, then no one, not Edward, Bella, Rose, or myself would be able to stop her. Normally I loved her stubbornness, but not now, not with him.
"Edward has faith in him. Too much in my opinion. He thinks Nahuel will be able to control himself, when and if the time comes, like he himself was able to do, while Bella was still human. He wants Renesmee to be able to make her own choices. But she's like my own daughter, and I could never take that risk. You however, would never hurt her. You're not capable of it."
That was true. Because of the imprint, I won by default in Rosalie's eyes. She loved Nessie more than she hated me, but Nahuel was too much of a risk. Technically she did not hate me anymore, I think. We had actually even become friends over the years. But it wasn't Rosalie that I needed to win over, it was Nessie. And I didn't even realize I should have starred fighting for her yet. She was just still so young. But if it meant protecting her I guess I needed to start.
But then, oh god, a thought occurred to me, and I hung my head. "I can't." It came out as a whisper.
This is so embarrassing. I haven't had any desires of a sexual nature for years, ever since I imprinted on Nessie as a baby. I didn't mind at the time. I barely noticed. In truth I hadn't noticed at all until my Pack brought it up a couple of years ago. It didn't seem to matter before. It wasn't like I would do anything with Nessie when she looked like a child, even if everyone knew she was mentally years ahead of me by her first birthday.
"What's wrong now?" she huffed.
How am I going to explain this to Rose? "I only want what Nessie wants. Clearly she doesn't want me like that."
"How do you know that? She loves you."
"It's not a romantic love. I would feel it if it was. I would have a physical reaction if she did. I would be able to . . ." I don't want to say it, please get where I am going with this. Oh! Why did we have to have to be having this conversation in front of Emmett?
"Oh, you mean you can't . . . You haven't . . ." I have never seen Rose's eyes so big.
Emmett was roaring with laughter.
"No," was all I was able to get out.
"Wow, I was wondering how you were able to keep things in your pants," Emmett went on, "with Nessie looking so grown up nowadays. And you sleeping next to her at night, too. I guess the gossip around school is untrue after all. I was beginning to wonder if Edward was giving you a pass since you imprinted on his daughter, and stuff."
I know he was just joking but that did not stop me from wanting to kill him right then and there. But instead I just started growling at him . . . for now.
"Seriously have you looked at her recently. Pretty hot," he added.
"Emmett, she's FOUR and your Niece!" I snarled. What the hell?
He laughed again, louder this time. "Just giving you a hard time dude."
"Well, we'll just have to work around it, and change her mind." Rose said, ignoring her husband. Idiot!
"But don't you see, I can't. She doesn't want me. I could never force her to do anything she didn't want to do, let alone be with me if she chooses someone else."
"But it's you who doesn't see. She hasn't chosen either of you yet? You still have time. You need to fight for her. Does she even know how you feel?"
"Of course she does." I reminded her of the incident that happened during our movie night, shortly after Nessie got her first period. Everyone in the family had found out, of course. But at the time she was still physically too young and I had to stop her. I had rejected her and she had never tried anything like that with me again. Did she think I was permanently rejecting her? She said she understood at the time. I told her that I loved her and we could be together, that way, when she was older, but she had not tried anything since. Did she think that I would never want her like that? That I was just trying to placate her at the time? Oh no! What had I done? At the time I thought I was doing the right thing. But had I lost her forever, romantically at least?
"I don't think that is as big of a problem as you are making it out to be." Rosalie started. "Nessie is a smart girl. I am sure she knows what you meant."
"I hope you are right," I agreed, "but if she picks Nahuel, what are you going to do? It is her choice who she wants to be with and we will need to respect it. You know he has changed. He won't hurt her and I believe he does care for her. He could make her happy. Isn't that what is most important?" Don't get me wrong. I don't want her to pick him, but if she did I guess I would survive, since she would, I would ensure it.
"That's good to hear, I am so glad you have changed your opinion about Nahuel." Nessie voice rang from the doorway.
"Nessie? How long have you been listening?" What had she heard? I hope she did not hear everything.
"Not for long. I'm sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop on your conversation." She said, looking sadly over at Rose. "I just heard you defending Nahuel. It's nice to hear that you two are finally going to start getting along. I'm so glad you realize that he would never hurt me . . . because I wanted to talk to you about him, Jacob." She got silent for a minute. It seemed like whatever she was about to tell me was hard for her.
Was he leaving and she would miss him? But he had mentioned that he was going to be staying this time. Maybe that was it. She didn't realize I already heard that he planned to stay and she was trying to break the news to me gently.
"Jacob you know how Nahuel has been coming here, year after year? To get to know me? In order for things to eventually . . . well, in the hopes that someday we might . . ."
She looked so nervous. I guess I could help her out just a bit, without embarrassing her and being too explicit.
"Nessie, I know why he comes here. We all know he is here for you, and not just to celebrate your birthday."
"Okay, well . . . I think I need to see what he's like on a more personal level."
"What are you saying, Renesmee?" Rose actually growled. I had never heard her growl at Nessie before. Emmett heard it too and moved to position himself behind Rose.
"Calm down babe, let her talk before you bite her head off." Emmett whispered in her ear.
"I think it's time he and I started dating." She said flat out.
"Oh." was all I was able to get out at that moment. I was too late. This was like my worst nightmare coming true. I know I just defended him to Rosalie but I never actually, truly believed it would happen. I had always told her she had a choice and I meant it. So if that is what she wanted I guess I would have to live with it. What else could I do. Well, live with it, and protect her . . . forever. I just hope I would not need to protect her from Nahuel.
Rosalie was not as accepting though. "NO!" She screamed. "You stay away from HIM!"
"Calm down baby," Emmett said as he grabbed her in a hug. I know he was trying to comfort and restrain her all at once and I was suddenly thankful I had resisted the urge to throttle him a minute ago.
"Rosalie, why don't you give me some time to talk to her alone. It will be okay. Trust me." I didn't really know if it would be, but I wanted to get Nessie away from her. She seemed a bit dangerous like this, not that I thought she would ever intentionally hurt Nessie, (that was why she was so upset in the first place, just the possibility that Nahuel might hurt her, was too much to even consider) but accidents happen.
"Nessie, let's go for a walk." I suggested leading her out of the garage and into the woods towards one of our favorite spots, near where we found the birch wood for the chess set.
"Please don't look so sad, my Jacob. We will always be together. You know I love you."
"I love you too Nessie, but why now?" And why him? "I thought we were in agreement that you were still too young? You are only four years old. You have forever, there is no need to rush into things."
"No, you, and the rest of the family, believe I am too young. I do not. And Nahuel does not either. And between the two of us, you have no idea what you are talking about. You have not been through my life like I have. Nahuel has. He knows how mature I am. And I hear the guys at school, they don't seem to think I am too young . . . for anything." I just gave her a look like she was crazy for that last one. She must have known how that was a long shot towards her arguments, but she didn't seem to care. I could feel through the imprint how she needed me to understand her way of thinking, her way of seeing the world. She believed she was old enough for this. I could tell that she felt she was and she needed me to start realizing that, one way or another. But I was unwilling to give up so easily.
"Nessie I have been with you since the day you were born. I know you better than anyone. There is still so much for you to learn, to experience before . . ."
"And just how do you expect me to get that experience Jacob, if I am never allowed to do anything? I can't be cooped up at home forever. I thought you understood. I thought my going to college was everyone's way of telling me that you all finally saw me as an adult. I look like one don't I? When you rejected me a year and a half ago it was because you thought I still looked too young. Well I don't look too young anymore. Do I?"
"No." She had me there. And I could tell I was not going to change her mind about this. This is what she wanted and needed. I had to let her. I could feel it through the imprint. I just also had to hope she would be safe. I took a deep breath to calm myself before speaking again. I wanted to make myself perfectly clear and not have her think I was speaking out of hurt, anger, or fear. "Just promise me to please be careful with him. Go slow and don't do anything you're not ready for. Nahuel is older than you, more experienced." Much more. "You're still just so young, even if you don't think so. I don't want him taking advantage of you."
I didn't like the thought of what I would need to do soon. I would have to watch them, well watch over her when she was with him; not in some sinister peeping tom sort of way, but just to make sure she stayed alive and in one piece.
She looked so embarrassed by our conversation, and a bit angry. I did not want her feeling that way. I guess it would be strange for her. She was so young and innocent, and I was the other man, for all intents and purposes.
"Jacob, I don't intend to do anything like that with him. I just need to see if there's a possibility of us being together."
"So then . . . " how could I ask my next question, without offending or embarrassing her more? "you don't intend to pick up where he left off in the woods last year?"
"No, certainly not. I don't know him well enough for that yet." She replied and I breathed out a heavy sigh of relief. "But I have to begin somewhere, if we might ever have a future together."
But why him? "Is this because of what happened in the past between me and Bella? You never really got over it like you said you did, and you are still mad at me, right? Is that why you don't want me?" This was my fault. I had lost her because of my own stupidity when I was a teenager.
"No, this is not some sort of punishment for before. I am not mad at you and I don't want to hurt you. I just need to explore all of my options."
"Have you mentioned this to Bella and Edward yet?"
"Yes, my father was the one who suggested I started by dating him . . . um . . . first."
"Oh, okay, I guess." What else could I say? That was the one thing I thought Eddie and I would be in agreement with, but I guess Nahuel's change had changed Edwards thinking more than I realized. I thought he would have required her to wait longer, at least until she turned seven and stopped aging.
"Um, should I give this back to you?" She asked, fingering the promise bracelet I made her for her first Christmas. I had woven and rewoven it many times over the past few years, each time she grew, so that it grew with her, but it was essentially the same bracelet.
"No, keep it, please, even if you no longer want to wear it. I gave you that as my promise to you, that I would always be there for you, not the other way around. Of course if you don't want it, . . . or me, then I guess you could . . ." Could what? Throw it in the garbage, like a worthless piece of trash? Did she not want it anymore? Did she not want me anymore? No, she just told me she loved me and we would always be together. Just not romantically, apparently. But had she changed her mind already? Why did I have to bring up my past with Bella?
"NO! I want to keep it, I just didn't know if you still wanted me to have it, seeing as I will be with . . . him."
"Nahuel. It is okay. You can say his name. I'm a big boy. I can handle this." I forced a smile on my face, trying to defuse some of the tension. "I have always told you that you deserved to make your own decisions, and choose who you wanted to be with, and I meant it. I always assumed it would be Nahuel, if it was not me you chose. It's not like there are a lot of other options. Well I guess if you fell in love with some human and asked Carlisle to change him for you . . ."
It was amazing what I was willing to tolerate if it meant that Nessie would be happy. Not too long ago I wanted to kill each and every Cullen when I thought Edward had turned Bella. Now I was practically offering to go find some poor pathetic human that would essentially be killed, or made undead, for Nessie, if she wanted him.
"No, no humans. I could not take a life, or change one, anymore than you could. You were right. It is between you and Nahuel." Hmmm, she thought better of me than I did.
Wait did she say "is" and not "was"? Did I still have a chance? Was her decision not final? I could only hope.
But then again, Nahuel had changed. For her. He went through a miraculous change solely for the chance to be with Nessie. He did seem to genuinely care for and about her. And she was picking him, at least for now it seemed. I would not stand in her way if it was what made Nessie happy. That was the most important thing. If she was happy, I would be happy.
….
Renesmee's Point of View
"Jacob, did you open your invitation yet? It came in the mail this morning." I asked as I popped my head into our bedroom. I wasn't sure if he would be happy about it or not.
"What invitation? Did we get invited to a party or something?"
"Um, no, not a party exactly. Here," I handed it to him, after retrieving it from the entryway table. He must not have seen it when we returned from class today.
"Thanks, hon . . . I mean Nessie, er Renesmee." He corrected under his breath. He seemed so sad as he began opening the envelope. Maybe this was a mistake. Even if I could not help the timing of its arrival I should not have been the one to give it to him, and I don't think he would be happy to see it.
"Jacob, please don't do that." I grabbed his hands just before they pulled out the invitation. I needed to clarify things between us and that traitorous piece of paper would not help right now. "Just because I have my first date with Nahuel next month," I know it was far off, since I told Jacob last week about my plans, but I wanted to give him some time to get use to the idea, "does not mean you can't call me all of the nice nicknames you have used all these years, ever since I was a baby. It is still me, still us. Right?"
"I doubt Nahuel will appreciate it. I know I would not like it if I was the one who got too . . . um . . . . and someone else was calling you their sweetheart . . . it wouldn't be right."
"I disagree. I am your imprint, those rules don't apply to us? We are going to be together forever. You and me, and maybe him too. I should be able to call you whatever I want and so should you."
"Alright . . . honey." He relented and even managed to crack a smile when he said "honey". "So if that is settled can I open this now?" I had been holding his hands the entire time but released them now and he pulled out the paper. I watched helplessly as his face fell. Damn, stupid timing. How could I have been so thoughtless?
"Jacob? Are you okay?" I doubted he would be.
"Um, I . . . Crap! I'm sorry Nessie. I'm fine really. I just thought, well hoped, things would have worked out differently for him . . . them. But I guess that won't happen now."
"Do you want to go? If we both received an invitation to the wedding they probably invited everyone from your Pack and all of the imprints. Possibly Sam's Pack too. Embry never mentioned anything when you Skyped with him?"
"Yeah, he did. This is just happening so fast. But this is not actually a wedding invitation Nessie. It is a 'Save the Date' card. Sort of a pre-wedding invitation. The wedding is so far off that couples like to mail these out to guarantee guests won't make other plans. It's only October 12th, honey. The wedding is not for another four months," he said pointing to the date listed on the card of February 14, 2011. "The official invitations will probably come sometime in January."
"Oh. So how is Embry doing with all of this? It must be hard that his imprint is marring someone else."
"Strangely enough he is actually not that bad. According to him, Henry is a good enough guy that really seems to love Colleen." Jacob then added under his breath, "Just not as much as Embry does."
"Well I am glad that they are all getting along. I was worried about Embry when he finally decided to come clean to Henry about the whole mistaken gay vibe."
"Yeah, well it is not exactly all peachy either. It was more than a little rocky there for a bit, and it has only gotten slightly better between them. But since Embry doesn't see Colleen romantically, since she does not want him too, Henry soon figured out the same thing. Not that he knows anything about imprinting, or wolves, or anything. But I think he can see that Embry has no desires for his fiancé in that way. I think Embry is trying his best to show him that he just wants to be a really good friend to his future wife."
"It's nice that they are able to at least trying to share her like that."
"Yeah, it is a little strange, but they are trying their best to make it work, it seems."
I hope, if all goes well between Nahuel and I, that the three of us will be able to make things work too.
...