Chapter 38: Everything But

Sasori went into the next room and spotted a man with blond hair crawling around on all fours. Recognizing him as his partner, Sasori stepped forward. "Deidara?" he asked. "What are you doing?"

Deidara looked up for a moment, then back down at the floor. He didn't seem very interested in what his partner had to say.

Sasori squatted down and watched Deidara for a while. He crawled to the middle of the floor and flattened himself to the ground, making small purring noises. Tilting his head to one side, Sasori thought he knew what was going on. "Are you being a kitty-cat?"

Deidara looked up. "Meow?"

When Sasori overheard Hidan telling Deidara about the secret commands, he had decided to test it out on Deidara to see if they were real. He remembered asking him to be his playmate, but had forgotten all about the second command he had given to him. He had told Deidara to become a cat when he heard someone snap their fingers. Since Sasori hadn't done it, he figured that Deidara had heard someone else snap their fingers and turned into what was rolling about before him now.

Sasori couldn't care less who the culprit was. All he cared about was having a new game to play. Since Deidara was a cat, it only made sense to play cat games with him. Sasori extended a chakra thread from his fingertip and danggled it in front of his partner. "Here, kitty-kitty! Come play!"

Spotting the shiny thread, Deidara came over and started batting at it with his hand. He made small mewing sounds, attacking the thread playfully. He rolled onto his back and started batting at it with both hands which he had balled into fists, meowing happily. Sasori laughed, having a great time. This was a lot of fun for the both of them.

"Good kitty, good kitty." Sasori scratched under Deidara's chin and listened to him purr. He loved having his chin scratched. Sasori pet Deidara for a while enjoying the blond's reactions. He purred loudy and rolled from side to side, giving Sasori easier access. He liked being scratched along his spine and behind the ear and along his neck and under his chin. He was getting a good massage from the little puppet boy.

"Get back here!"

"I told you, no!"

Startled, Deidara jumped up, looking into the next room. Kisame and Hidan were on the move again. Konan couldn't hold them back any longer.

"I said I didn't do anything!" Kisame screamed, running from the large scythe.

Hidan tried to cut him off by throwing the weapon at him from behind only to miss and have it sink into the floor behind Sasori. Frightened, Deidara gave a loud hiss and ran down the nearest hall he could find. Sasori pouted. He didn't want the game to be over yet. Deidara was a cute kitty.

"I'll kill you, Itachi!"

"Tell that to him! I'm not Ita- ahh!" Kisame ducked as Hidan hurled kunai at his head. "Stop it!"

"Only when you're dead!" Hidan pulled his weapon out of the floor and chased Kisame into one of the rooms. There was crashing and banging and then both of them came running out, followed closely by another member of the Akatsuki.

"Can't I have any peace in this place at all?!" yelled Kakuzu.

"Sorry! I thought you were over there still!" Hidan called, still running after Kisame.

"I thought I was safe in here!" Kakuzu roared and started to chase after both of them. He lost interest quickly and decided to find another room to hide in, hoping he wouldn't be bothered again.

Konan came out of the other room looking very annoyed. She saw Sasori sitting on the floor by himself, a giant hole in the floor where the scythe had landed. "Did you get hurt at all?"

He shook his head. "Nope. What is he so mad about?"

"Oh, who knows?" she lied. "Let's try to stay out of their way for a while and play a game together, hm?"

"Sounds great!" Sasori jumped up, clinging to her happily. They walked off together, ignoring the yells coming from down the next hall.

"I'll kill you!"

"I told you, I'm not him!"

Again, Itachi was trying to make the most of the little time he had left. He had a few ideas but no time to carry them out. It was such a shame. As he thought, more ideas came to mind but again, there was not enough time to do anything with them.

"Itachi! Help!" Kisame grabbed him and used his body as a shield. "Hidan's gone crazy! He thinks I'm you!"

"Really?" Itachi said innocently. "You don't say? Huh. Imagine that…"

Kisame may not have been the most clever member of the Akatsuki, but he wasn't an idiot. "What did you do?!"

"Me? Why, whatever are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me! You had something to do with this, I know it!"

"Ok… I may have made him think you're me. Big deal."

"It is a big deal! He's trying to kill me!"

Itachi shrugged.

"Don't you care?!"

"Yes…" he said hesitantly.

"You don't, do you? I knew it!"

"Don't get all dramatic on me. Of course I care about you; it's just that in this situation it's… better you than me."

"You're heartless!"

"Oh, come on! He's not really going to kill you. Besides, I've seen you fight. You can take him. At the very least, you can ball up and start crying. That'll stop him."

Kisame didn't answer that statement. He seemed too beside himself to retort. "Stupid Genjutsu… Images wrapped up in an illusion…"

"Hm?"

"I know how Genjutsu works and I know how your Sharingn works, too, for the most part! You created an image and placed it on me so whenever he looks at me, all he sees is you! Messing with the senses… You're a cruel man, Itachi."

Kisame was smart in that he had figured it all out by himself, however, it was the wrong conclusion. It was hypnosis, not Genjutsu. Still, it was a good explanation. Itachi was rather impressed.

"I'll kill you! Where'd you go?!" Hidan appeared in front of them, holding his scythe in both hands.

Kisame slid behind Itachi, cowering. Itachi saw this and realized why Kisame was running away and hiding from Hidan rather than fight back. He couldn't. Hidan was holding a scythe which was, in fact, a kind of knife in a way. No one had reversed Kisame's fear of sharp objects. No wonder he was behaving this way. He couldn't help it.

Hidan looked straight ahead and saw two people standing in front of him, both of them Itachi. "Don't think a simple Shadow Clone will be enough to trip me up!"

Itachi smiled. "I don't intend it. But it did slow you down a bit, now didn't it?" He spread out his arms in a lazy gesture. "After all, which one is the real one?"

Hidan looked from one to the other. Then, gripping his scythe tightly, attacked Kisame. "Simple enough… this one!"

Kisame screamed and backed into the wall. "But I'm not Itachi! He is! That's the real one!"

Hidan's blade pierced the floor right where Kisame had been standing. "Nice try!"

"I'm serious! Why do you think I'm the real one?!"

"Because you're afraid of me hacking into you. Therefore, you've got to be real. Besides, he didn't even flinch." Hidan pointed to the real Itachi who never made any sort of movement during Hidan's attack. Again, it was a good conclusion but the wrong one. Hidan truly believed Kisame was the real Itachi and focused his rage on him alone. He pulled his weapon out of the floor and raised it. "Now die!"

"Ahhh!" Kisame took off again down a long hallway. "Leave me alone!"

Itachi smiled. This was pretty entertaining. With less than an hour left, maybe this was good enough. He decided to sit back and watch the show.

Konan knew something was going to happen if things went on the way they were. She realized that simply letting things run their course wasn't an option anymore. If things kept up the way they were, someone was going to end up killed. Running out the clock wasn't going to work anymore. Hidan had grown more violent. She couldn't wait an hour for everything to go back to normal. Who knew what he would do during that time?

"Itachi!" Hidan bellowed and came running down the hall, swinging his weapon wildly. "Get out here and fight like a man! You coward!" He just missed her head by mere inches.

"Hidan! Watch where you're swinging that!"

"Then get out of my way, woman!"

She grabbed his arm. "Enough's enough! This has to stop!"

"I'll stop when he's dead! I will not be manipulated anymore for some cheap laugh!"

There was nothing else she could do. Holding him back with one arm, she raised the other and snapped her fingers. "Sleep." Hidan dropped his scythe and fell back into her chest. "Now listen to me, Hidan. When you wake up from your trance, you will no longer be angry with Itachi. Do you understand?"

He nodded twice.

Just to be on the safe side, in case Itachi got anymore ideas, she thought it best to make it so no one could get him in another trance. She could only think of one way to do that. "And when you wake up from this trance, you will feel very, very sleepy. All your strength will be gone and you'll only want to sleep. You will fall into a deep, peaceful sleep. Understand?"

He nodded again.

"Good." She snapped her fingers again. "Awake."

Hidan opened his eyes and started to stand. He wobbled, leaning against the wall with his shoulder. "What happened?" he asked weakly. "I feel really tired all of a sudden. It just hit me."

"Maybe you should go to bed and take a nap for a while."

Hidan nodded up and down. "Yeah, yeah, sure…" He started walking, but his movements were sloppy. He wobbled and swayed, unable to walk a straight line. He could barely keep his eyes open.

"Are you ok?" she asked. She didn't know the command would work that fast.

"Yeah, yeah… I'm fine… Don't worry about me. I'm ok…" He took two steps then stopped, his body swaying from side to side. "Konan?"

"Yes?"

"Catch me." Hidan fell over backwards into her. Or rather onto her. Konan was knocked off her feet and found herself trapped underneath Hidan. She pushed him to one side, getting up.

"Hidan?" she asked but he didn't answer. He was already snoring. "That worked fast..! Maybe it was the way I worded it? I guess I should have said 'you'll walk to your room and take a nap' or something like that. Too late now."

Konan physically dragged Hidan down the length of the hall and into his bedroom. She hoisted him onto his bed with all the strength that she had. Hidan was pretty heavy. She rolled him to the center of the mattress and covered him with a blanket. He grabbed it with his hand, pulling it close to his face and snuggling up. Out of curiosity for what he would do, Konan reached down and patted his head. He didn't do anything until her fingers touched his ear lightly. He smiled. She smiled, too.

"I guess even this little S.O.B. can be cute at times." Konan left the room, closing the door and making sure no one was around to bother him. While he was asleep, no one should be able to command him. And this way, he stayed quiet. She walked away with a long sigh. Peace at last.

"So…" Itachi appeared behind her suddenly. She didn't jump. She had a feeling he would be showing up in such a way. How typical of him. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Just tucking him in."

"Aww..!" Itachi mocked. "How sweet. Did you give him a kiss, too?"

She rolled her eyes. "We have less than an hour to go. Let the minutes pass with peace."

He snorted. "Not that I could do anything anyway. You've hidden everyone on me and anyone else I don't have the commands for." He looked behind Konan then down the length of the hall and behind himself. "Wasn't Sasori with you?"

"Yes, but I distracted him so that I could sneak away."

"Ah. He as getting on your nerves was he?"

"No, you were."

Itachi shrugged indifferently. "So what'd you do?"

"I gave him a piece of paper that had 'please turn over' written on both sides."

Itachi burst out laughing. "Haha! Classic! You know, I tried the same thing with Sasuke once. He figured it out after turning it over three times. He was pretty sharp for a four year old."

"Well, I figured this will keep him busy for a while."

"Where are the others?"

Konan counted them off on her fingers. "Zetsu's still cleaning the kitchen, Sasori's doing that in one of the rooms, Kakuzu is hiding in his room doing who knows what…"

"Kisame's barricaded himself in the bathroom," Itachi informed her.

"And Hidan is asleep in his room. That's everybody."

Itachi pouted. "So now we just wait out the hour? That sucks… How boring."

"It's not as bad as you…" Konan stopped. "Wait. Aren't we forgetting something?"

"The other commands to the ones I don't know?"

"No, I mean seriously," Konan slapped his shoulder. She tried to think. "I feel like we're missing someone."

"You sure?"

Konan counted off on her fingers again. "Kisame's in the bathroom, Hidan's sleeping in his room, Kakuzu's in his, Zetsu's in the kitchen, Sasori's down the hall… I'm here and you're standing next to me…" She looked at her hand. "We're missing someone."

"Who?" Itachi counted off on his hands as well. "Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Sasori, you and me…" Itachi tried to think then realized something. "Have you heard any explosions today or pretentious babble about art?"

Their eyes widened realizing that they were short one member whom neither had seen all afternoon.

"Deidara!"

How could you guys forget everyone's favorite artist?! Shame!

Please review! There will be two more chapters so enjoy it while you can ^-^