Lost. Chapter 35
A/N: Sorry this took so long again. Dx Thanks so much for all the reviews! :D You guys are awesome! :D There's only three more chapters left. I may be able to squeeze in a fourth. Dx I do have plans for a sequel though. Also, I made a blog for this fanfiction. The link is on my profile. Thanks again to my wonderful beta! :D
I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel
waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel
waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel
waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you, ohhhh
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
Comatose by Skillet
~/~
A clap of thunder signaled the start of the fight. Thunder illuminated the figures in front of each other. Lightning silhouetted their figures against the darkness as lightning split the sky. Feliciano was the first to advance, heading straight for Ludwig. Following their leaders move, Feliciano's allies charged forth, each with their own target in mind.
Ludwig braced himself for Feliciano's blow. All thoughts of making Feliciano pay for what he did to Gilbert vanished in thin air. It was easier to say he was going to do it than to actually do it. Feliciano had been his best friend. Feliciano might be able to kill Ludwig, but Ludwig wasn't sure if he could be able to hurt Feliciano.
Oddly, Feliciano stopped in front of him, brown eyes glinting in the moonlight. "So you only have a knife?" he observed with a curt laugh. He returned his sword to its sheath and retrieved a knife similar to Ludwig's. "It'd be no fun to beat you at an unfair fight!" he smirked.
Ludwig wanted to plead with Feliciano; this felt so wrong! He shouldn't be fighting Feliciano. He could tell Feliciano was getting desperate. His eyes, though sharp with anger, was hiding the hurt of Lovino's betrayal. He had lost almost all the people he used to hold dear. At least he still had his allies though. It was his own fault, but Ludwig couldn't deny that he felt bad for the Italian. He understood the pain he must feel.
His path had gone astray as much as Ludwig's had during World War II. Every country makes bad decisions during their existence. Ludwig's had been World War II. Yet Feliciano hadn't been afraid of him when he should have been. He had hurt Feliciano too, after all. Feliciano may have been forced to leave him due to his boss, but he had come back to help him during his hardships. The Feliciano here was not the Feliciano he knew. His Feliciano was just lost inside a monster.
Feliciano made the first move. Ludwig blocked him, surprised by his force. Feliciano had never been good at training, yet he must have been with holding his true strength. The force behind his blow was impressive.
Fighting was not what it seemed to be in movies. There were no flips, or fancy turns, or any other choreographed moves. This was real; this was life or death. One wrong move and one of them could lose their life. They wouldn't get any extra lives for being fancy.
Feliciano steadily advance on Ludwig, metal clashing on metal. Ludwig winced as the knife cut his hands. It was dark out, but some of the moon's light that filtered through the clouds reflected on the knives, making it easier to see. Thunder boomed around them, drowning out the sounds of metal striking metal. Pandemonium surrounded them in chaos, engulfing them in the clamor or the clash of knives.
Ludwig quickly began to get out of breath. Feliciano seemed to be relentless; constantly advancing and constantly trying to land a blow on Ludwig. Ludwig's hands were cut up badly. Blood mixed with rain and began to drip from his arm. He couldn't feel the pain anymore. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, protecting him from the sting of the wounds.
Ludwig couldn't make a move to hurt Feliciano. In his head, he could see Gilbert's body lying still, sword protruding from his stomach. He knew what Feliciano was capable, and he was furious. His older brother was dead because of him. But at the same time, he couldn't bear to see Feliciano with his knife embedded in his chest. He couldn't stand the thought of him being the one to end Feliciano's life. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he still loved the Italian despite all the pain he caused him and everyone else.
"Feli, please!" he begged him. His breath was heavy and his voice was deeper than usual. His eyes looked into Feliciano's pleadingly. For once, he noticed that Feliciano's eyes were open. He hadn't kept them closed as he used to do. Seeing this caused a sharp pain in Ludwig's chest. He had like it when Feliciano's eyes were closed. He didn't want him to see the hardships and miseries. He wanted him to feel how good things were. It was just more proof of how Feliciano had changed, "Just stop this! It's not too late! Please, I don't want to hurt you! More lives don't need to be lost!" he begged.
"Don't call me by your little pet name! I'm not your 'Feli'!" he snapped angrily. He attempted another hard blow at Ludwig and managed to cut his arm. Ludwig winced lightly and pulled back. "And I worked too hard to abandon this now! You don't know how much pain you put me through all those years!" he snapped, voice cracking slightly.
Ludwig's eyes softened sympathetically, "Feli, I understand it now; I understand how I hurt you. I'm sorry, but that is no excuse for you to do the things you did. They didn't deserve to die...Alfred, Ivan, Kiku, Gilbert. What did they do to you that was so horrible that they deserved death? Don't you think that this has gone far enough? You took everyone I loved from me; first you, then Kiku and then my own brother."
Ludwig's voice grew more and more desperate, more tears mixed with the rain. He could not contain the sob that tore past his throat. Feliciano's fighting slowed until he came to a stop. He looked at Ludwig, shocked. He had never seen Ludwig cry. They stood facing each other, surrounded by a bloody battle, the only stillness in the fight. Ludwig didn't hear it though. All of his concentration was on Feliciano.
Blue eyes rose from the muddy ground to look at the brown eyes in front of him. "Can't you see?" he pleaded, his voice dropping. He had reached his wits end. Saying those words aloud made him truly realize that he was alone; that all of his best friends, and his own brother were gone.
Feliciano was silent as he watched Ludwig. Slowly, he lost his fighting stance and his body became relaxed. He watched Ludwig, a confusion of emotions taking over his eyes.
"Couldn't you see how I loved you?" Ludwig whispered. "I..." Ludwig trailed off. Blonde eyebrows knitted together. He had to find the perfect way to tell him. "I know I'm not good with emotion, but I loved you, Feliciano. Everyone else could see it. Why couldn't you?"
Feliciano's eyes watered with his words. Ludwig could tell he was battling with what he felt was right for him to do. He had felt hurt because of Ludwig, yet Ludwig's words were so sincere. His reaction encouraged Ludwig to spill everything. He had nothing left to lose for he had already lost it all.
"You were my best friend, Feli. You gave me my first real friend in a long time. You made me feel things I hadn't felt in a very long time. You made me feel...like I wasn't alone." Ludwig whispered. Tentatively, he took a step towards Feliciano. Feliciano looked down, unable to meet his gaze. Ludwig wasn't sure if it was tears, or rain that was dripping from his face. He dropped his knife to the ground, looking at Feliciano's face as it splashed in the mud.
"Then you took that all away." Suddenly, he charged into Feliciano, pinning him to the muddy ground. He quickly straddled the Italian's waist with his hips and held his arms above his head. He peered close to his face, piercing blue eyes penetrating wide, brown eyes.
"You betrayed me! You kidnapped me! You beat me and you changed everything. All the good things you made me feel we're suddenly a lie! All the good things you made me feel we're gone!" Ludwig spat angrily. All his pent up anger and grief was let loose. Feliciano's eyes hardened at his words. He wiggled from under the German, trying to free himself, but Ludwig wouldn't let him up.
Feliciano tried frantically to get out. He turned his head, looking for his allies. "Help!" he yelled. "Peter!" he exclaimed. Ludwig winced. Hearing Feliciano cry for help reminded him of old times, except Feliciano was calling for Peter instead, not him.
Peter glanced at Feliciano but barely gave him any time. Anger filled his eyes as he saw Ludwig straddling the one he claimed to be his lover and his leader. Feliciano fell still in shock. His eyes filled with hurt that he didn't bother to cover.
"Mattie!" he cried, turning to look to Canada who was locked in a battle with Arthur. He didn't even acknowledge him other that the quick wave of his hand. Feliciano desperately turned to the Baltics, his desperation rising.
"Lithuania?" he cried. Of course, he got no reply. "Latvia? Estonia?" he asked. No reply from either of them. He fell still in Ludwig's grip, mouth slightly parted and eyes wide. He had built everything up around them. He had done things for them to help them get revenge. But when he needed them, they ignored him. Peter, the one who he had thought was his lover had ignored him. Mattie, whom he had been good friends with, ignored him along with the Baltic's. The only people he had trusted and had let into his plot had betrayed it. The pain was evident in his face.
Like Germany, Feliciano was truly alone.
Ludwig saw his weakness and pressed on, hoping to make him see, "You killed Kiku! You killed our friend! He wouldn't do a single thing to hurt you, yet you caused his death. Yes, his death was unintentional, but my brother's wasn't!" Ludwig had to pause to regain control of himself. He didn't want to yell at Feliciano. His breath came out as heavy gasps. Tears freely ran down his face. The rain pelted down on them mercilessly. He lowered his voice again, "You killed him..." Ludwig whispered, "You had an unfair advantage. You know that he had no chance! You knew, yet you killed him anyway!" Ludwig cried out. Feliciano angled his chin upwards and looked into his eyes, brown eyes sharp.
"You knew he had no chance," Feliciano whispered, venomously, "Yet you left him. You left your own brother to die."
A silence drew between the two. Feliciano's words sunk into Ludwig. As much as he hated to admit it, his words were true. He had left his own brother to die. He didn't have to listen to him. He could have stayed and fought by his side. They could have fought Feliciano together. Then Gilbert wouldn't have had to die. But because he chose the easy way out, his brother had paid the ultimate price.
Feliciano took advantage of his vulnerability. He thrust into his chest with all his might and pushed Ludwig off of him. Ludwig lost his balance and fell onto his back, stunned. Feliciano scrambled to his feet, grabbing the knife he had dropped.
Ludwig wasn't sure of what was happening. It was all happening so quickly. First he was getting through to Feli, then he angered him, and now Feliciano had turned on him yet again. However, Ludwig couldn't feel the pain anymore. His body felt numb. Ludwig didn't feel the will to fight anymore. His best friends were dead or hated him, and his brother was murdered by his old best friend. Without them, he didn't feel the need to continue fighting.
He simply lay on his back as Feliciano rushed toward him, knife bared, eyes hard with the intent to kill, and frown on his face. All of his anger towards his back stabbing allies was aimed at Ludwig. Ludwig closed his eyes, sending up a silent prayer as he waited for death.
'I wonder if I'll see Gilbert?' he wondered to himself. He often wondered if countries went to the same place humans went to when they died. He hoped they did. Then he wouldn't be alone anymore; he'd be with Kiku and Gilbert again.
Ludwig heard a second pair of footsteps racing towards him. Ludwig opened his eyes as the footsteps halted. Lovino was standing in front of him, arms outstretched in a defensive stance. In front of him, Feliciano's eyes were wide and his body trembling.
"No..." Feliciano whispered.
Lovino let out a weak groan and collapsed to his knees, his body slumping. It was then that Ludwig put two and two together. Ludwig's eyes widened. He couldn't believe what had just happened! Lovino had tried to protect him! Lovino, the one who always voiced his hatred for Ludwig had saved his life. He had blocked Ludwig's body with his own, taking Feliciano's blow. Ludwig was behind him and couldn't see the damage, but he knew one thing was for sure...
Feliciano had stabbed his own brother.