Painted Sky

Bella POV

WOWZA. MERCY ME! I HAVE READERS WHO ARE SO INTO THIS STORY, I WAS GETTING THREATS AGAINST BELLA. YOU GUYS ARE INSANE.

ITS BASICALLY A TEAM BELLA VS. TEAM EDWARD SITUATION GOING ON WITH YOU ALL AND IM LOVING IT. WHAT TEAM AM I ON? I'LL NEVER TELL. LETS JUST CALL ME SWITZERLAND FOR NOW.

LETS JUST REMEMBER THAT THINGS CAN ONLY GET WORSE BEFORE THE GET BETTER.

ENJOY...OR NOT...

It all belongs to SM.

I was the world's biggest bitch and I knew that. How could I not know that?

I had just taken advantage of Edward in the most disgusting way possible. Who was the abuser now? Her name was Isabella Swan and she was sickening.

I didn't know how this trip was going to turn out but I guessed that after the little stunt I pulled, Edward would probably never forgive me.

I just needed him to hurt.

I know that sounds sadistic, masochistic, whatever you wanted to call it but I needed him to hurt as badly as he had hurt me. It wasn't a revenge thing although it did feel kind of good to have the upper hand for once but my main goal was to give Edward just an inch of the pain that he had inflicted on me and I think I accomplished my goal.

Even in the dark, I saw the hardening of his green eyes when I turned my back on him and I knew that he was broken inside from my horrible idea of payback. It sickened me to think that Jacob rubbed off on me a little more than I cared to admit. That was one of his moves and now that I was on the other end, I didn't like it one bit.

Bella the Bitch was not a person who I wanted to turn into. She was cold, crass, evil, mean, vindictive, hurtful and I couldn't stand her. What kind of a woman was I? I let my son stay with this man, his children called me 'Mom', we had a home, we had a relationship and I just crapped on all of that.

Don't tell me that I was immature or childish or selfish or unsympathetic because I knew all of that.

Edward's "violation" as it would now be known, was an hour ago and I couldn't bring myself to even think like a normal person. I was so messed up right now that I needed a serious therapy session.

Had I done something so horrible that Edward would never consider me as his love again? I knew that I still cared for him beyond a shadow of a doubt but for a week, I nearly starved because he couldn't bring himself to man up.

Should I have expected anything less? Was a week enough time for him to digest everything from my past? I was probably being unfair but seeing him today just set me off. He came in like He was treating me like I was the only one who did something bad. As I saw it, we both made some mistakes when handling this situation. He recognized that but I seemed to be the only one hurting while he got off without a mark on him.

That was the main problem I was facing. Why was I always the one who got hurt? Was I just not good at relationships? I had only been in two for the majority of my life and one ended in flames while the other was heading that way.

This was ridiculous. Edward and I both needed to just beg each other for renewal. I had caused all of this, I'll admit it. I shouldn't have kept things from him for so long but he did exactly what I feared he would. He ran and when I did apologize or explain things, he shut me out. I thought that things would get better as the days went on but I was proven wrong. Being separated by a whole country was a way for us to look back at mistakes and think but now, we were ten feet from each other, separated by a wall.

I had to trample on his warm advances with my cold heart and I think I might have taken things too far. I was going to have to own up to what I did and just take whatever punishment Edward dealt out. At least he now knew what it felt to be left after bearing your soul to a person you thought you could trust.

"Get up." Edward's vicious voice said from my door. I sat up in bed and his eyes glowed in the darkness. He was pulling on jeans over his naked body.

"What are you talking about?"

He seemed to have an angry vigor about him. I had just left him in his bed, naked, used, disregarded and I knew he wasn't going to take that lying down. I didn't expect him to. If he wanted this to work then we both had to put in the fighting time.

"I want to show you something. Get up." Edward commanded and ripped the sheets from the bed, "I'll be back in five minutes." He left the room, slamming the door on the way out.

I staggered around the room looking for something warm to put on. I didn't know where we were going but I just hoped he didn't throw me off of a mountain or something.

I put on jeans and a warm navy blue sweater with some snow boots just in case we went outside. I grabbed my parka and slowly opened the door. Edward was standing against the opposite wall in similar clothes as mine with a hard look.

"I have thought for a long time about what you just did but I've come to a conclusion." He spoke gravely.

"And what's that?" I whispered.

"If you want to hurt me, then I'll allow it. Kill me for all I care but don't ever use me again." He walked away and I silently knew that I was supposed to follow him.

"What about the kids?" I asked as we walked out of the door.

"Emmett's coming in a second." He said lowly.

We actually passed a sleep walking Emmett on the way to the elevators and he was muttering a string of curse words under his breath without even acknowledging us.

"Where are we going?" I asked, scared to speak as we got into the elevator.

Edward didn't answer me but pressed the button to the top floor of the hotel. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and he didn't even want to look at me so I kept my head down.

We were on the elevator for a long minute while the air grew heavy with hate that was rolling off of his body.

"What was the one thing that you asked me not to do when we we first started this?" He asked in almost a snarl.

"I don't remember." I lied.

"Stop bullshitting me. You asked me to never act with you. What the fuck was all of that if you didn't expect to follow your own rules?"

I didn't know what to say or do. Edward was right. I had asked him to spare me the acting when we started dating because I needed to know that he wasn't some character all the time.

"You just fucking played me like a piano and I don't appreciate it." He pinched his nose, "I get that you're mad at me but none of this was my fault. Everyone is blaming me for shutting you out but what about me? I didn't get a warning, I didn't get any kind of inkling about what was going on and then, what you did tonight was despicable. I thought I knew you better than that Bella." He was talking like I was his child and that killed me.

"I needed you to hurt as much as you hurt me." I told him the truth, "We had to be on the same level or I wouldn't ever be able to get back up after you kicked me down."

"We're adults Bella. We're too old to be playing games and I don't know how I feel about you right now. I was willing to forgive everything because I knew we would make it in some way or another but now, what should I think? I don't know you anymore...or that's how I feel at least."

"You had to know what I was feeling. It wasn't a revenge thing, it really wasn't but until you know the pain you inflicted on me, I don't know how I was going to get past anything. Everyone seems to be able to just bounce back but me. I'm always getting hurt." I said mostly to myself.

"I want the old Bella back, before all of this shit happened. There's a difference in having confidence and being a plain bitch." All the fluff was gone from his voice, replaced by shame.

"I'm ruining us aren't I?"

"Yes you are." Edward said simply as the doors of the elevator opened up and he left quickly, turning to the left and walking down the hall. Rooms were on each side of the hall but I kept my head down, my eyes suddenly interested in the pattern on the generic carpet.

He went all the way to the end of the hall where a door opened and it said 'stairs' on it so I deducted that we were still going up. He took the stairs two at a time, leaving me behind but I caught up to him. We went up two flights until we came to another door.

"Where are we going?" I asked, out of breath as we neared the top.

He didn't answer me and I really didn't expect him to but I thought I'd try anyway.

We went to the very top of the stairs where Edward pushed open a heavy door, leading us into the crisp, cold winter morning. It was pitch black but the stars and lights from the city below lit up the roof of the hotel so that we weren't sitting in complete darkness. There was snow everywhere but no flakes were falling from the sky for which I was thankful.

I had been spending too much time around snow lately.

On the edge of the roof was a small, round table with two chairs and thermoses of what I guessed were coffee or hot chocolate. There were blankets on the chairs and under any other circumstances, this setting would have been incredibly romantic but I doubt that Edward was bringing me up here to woo me. Not after all I did.

"Sit." He plopped down in a chair and then pointed to the one across the table from him.

"What are we doing up here?"

"We're watching the sunrise." He picked up a thermos, "Coffee?"

"Sure."

I noticed that even when he was pissed at me, he was polite and gentle.

"Is this supposed to be a metaphor for something? The rising of the sun?" I said.

"Maybe we should have come at sunset." He sighed and leaned back in his chair, eyes on the horizon while mine were focused on him.

"Sunset?" I was scared to ask.

"Yeah. I think we need a real separation Bella." He said without emotion but I knew he was acting. I could hear it in his voice.

"Is this because of what I did tonight?"

He let out a deep breathe that turned to a cloud of smoke in the cold air, "Partly but no. This whole situation as made me see that we have lots of growing to do. We're destroying ourselves Bella."

"I'm..."

"Don't say you're sorry just to save your ass."

"We can get past this. I know we can."

"We're acting like children Bella and that tells me how much growing we both have to do. What the hell were you thinking tonight? You made me feel like trash."

"Now you know how I felt when you sent me off to Boston..."

"Bella, just stop it. You always play the victim and I'm tired of it."

"The victim?" I was getting mad now.

"Yes, do you think you're the only one who has been abused? How the hell are you going to get over the past if you keep bringing that up?"

"Really, Edward? Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"Bella, I told you that I would never hurt you or do anything like what Jacob did."

"But that's why I went to your room tonight. You just don't get it." I threw my hands in the air and stood up, "You hurt me ten times worse than anything Jacob ever did and you just think that its no problem. I had to make you hurt so that you would know what I was feeling."

"And you call yourself an adult?" He looked at me ashamedly, "You could have just asked me to apologize."

"When? When you were busy ignoring me over the phone or when you pushed me out of your house?"

"Bella, we've both made mistakes and I'm sorry for what I did but I was in shock. What did you expect me to do?"

"I expected you to let me talk, let me explain. The first couple of days after Chicago, I said to myself that it was ok because you just needed to think and then after that week, I said to myself that you were still in shock. Then I went to Boston and you still wouldn't talk to me but I said to myself that this separation was good for us because you needed to think without me there but after a while, I needed to hear you say that you forgive me."

"I do. I told you that today when I got here and I thought we were moving forward but you just trampled on any sort of relationship that I thought we could have. I want to end this. I have to stop this pain for both of us."

"You're willing to just throw everything out of the window?" I was close to tears.

"Yes. I see that we can't have any sort of normal life with you hanging onto the past like you do. I can't keep doing this." He ran his hands through his hair.

I hated how quickly the tables had turned and I knew I was being pathetic.

"Please don't do this."

"I have to Bella or were both going to go crazy. You have things to work out, I have things to work out and we both have lots of growing to do. I don't want to be fighting with you because of something stupid."

"I'm sorry Edward. I never meant to hurt you this way."

"I guess Jacob is going to win in the end." He sighed.

"I told you that he always does." I was crying by now and was surprised the the cold hadn't frozen my tears on my face. I sat back in my chair with a thud.

"How do you want to do this? We have kids that need to be taken care of, all your stuff is at my house, and I want it out."

"You told me that you would never leave me."

"I don't trust you anymore. I don't know who you've become and I'm sorry but I won't put myself through more pain. If I end this now, we won't have to go through hell."

"You're putting me through hell right now. I don't want to be away from you, Will doesn't want to be away from you."

"I know and it's killing me. I don't know what we're going to tell them."

"Do you even care about me at all?"

"I love you so much, my heart hurts just thinking about being away from you but it could be worse. Think about if we got married and all of this happened then? We would be devastated."

"You're being a coward Edward. You promised you wouldn't leave me. Can't we fight for us?"

"Is that what you were thinking when you climbed into my bed last night?"

"I know it was dirty and wrong of me but I had to make you feel what I was feeling. That's the only way you would have gotten my point. You hurt me worse than anything."

"You see how horrible we are?"

"Will thinks of you as a father. What are you going to say to him and what I'm going to tell the kids about why I'm not around anymore?"

"You're in Boston so it's not like you're around anyway." He shrugged.

"I know I haven't been the most upstanding person in the past few weeks but I'm trying to deal with this."

"There you go being the victim again. How about you switch the positions for a second? What am I supposed to do?"

I knew exactly what he was talking about and at this point, I was pathetically trying to keep whatever slice of a relationship I had from crumbling.

"I need you Edward." My head was practically in my lap.

"Not like this." He shook his head, "I'm not good for you right now. You have a lot to get over and you can call me a coward or whatever you want but I can't give you the help you need and I'm sorry."

I wasn't going to fight him anymore partly because I didn't have the strength but also because it looked like his mind was set.

"I'm sorry." He repeated.

Suddenly, the once dark sky was filled with brilliant oranges, reds and pinks that lit everything up as the sun peaked over the mountains in the distance. The metaphors from our surroundings were so abundant, it was almost funny.

I could go off about how the white snow represented purity, the rising sun represented a new life, the clean air, the mountains, the stars, the moon, everything meant something in my eyes. The painted sky was actually haunting as the sun crept up over the horizon.

It felt like my whole world was being turned upside down and I didn't know if I should grovel, keep apologizing or what but I knew none of that would work on Edward. I was truly sorry for hurting him and looking back, I saw the error in my ways but it might be a little too late.

"I don't want to be away from you. You're the first good thing to happen to me in a long years." I whispered.

"Bella, you're acting and this performance is disgusting. You can't climb into my bed, treat me like trash, be a complete bitch and then expect me to just roll over. I brought you up here to end this and I don't need you making it harder. Just take it."

"I can't. I know I'm being...whishy-washy or whatever and I know that it's annoying but I..."

"You don't know how much this is killing me but it's for the best."

"You don't believe that."

"You're right." He chuckled, "I would rather just wipe the slate clean of these past few weeks but we both know that won't solve anything."

"Then what will? I can beg if you want, I don't care."

It was funny how the tables had turned and now I was the one on my knees, pleading.

"We need some time apart Bella."

"What am I going to tell Will?"

"I'll talk to him, I'll talk to all of them."

"I'm sorry. That's all I can say." I wiped my face.

"You can't have it both ways Bella. One minute you're sorry and then the next you're hurting me more. I don't get you anymore. Where did Bella go?"

I didn't have an answer for him. I was the same Bella as normal but my mean streak was starting to show and I hated it. I needed to pull myself back together because I was going to lose everything if I kept being such a bitch.

"I'm sorry." It was becoming more of a mantra now that I had said it so much.

"Stop saying that." He almost snarled, "I can't take it when you say that. I don't want to hear it."

"Then what do you want to hear?"

"Nothing. Nothing you could say is going to make me trust you for a long time. You just acted the hell out of that situation and I don't even know who I'm talking to right now."

"You're talking to me." I all but begged him.

"No, you're not Bella. You've turned on me."

"I told you, I warned you that Chicago was going to change things and now you're mad at me because I was right?"

"No, I told you I wasn't mad at you for anything. Yes, I made a mistake by not talking to you about your past when I found out and I'm sorry for that but I'm not going to apologize for the way you just treated me. I saw a vindictive, immature woman who didn't even think about anyone but herself." He shouted, causing some of the snow to fall off of the roof.

He calmed down by taking a quick drink from his thermos and pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. He lit one with skilled precision and took a deep drag before blowing out an impressive cloud. He took deep breaths and closed his eyes.

"You're so confusing Bella. One minute I see glimpses of the Bella that I feel in love with and then, you turn on me. How am I supposed to follow you?"

"You can trust me. I'm sorry for treating you so badly and I'm sorry for being such a bitch but I'm hurting Edward. I'm hurting so badly that I can't think sometimes. We had to hold off filming one day because I couldn't breathe and Alice had to sit with me until I calmed down. I have nightmares of this exact situation and I don't know what I would do without you." I poured my heart out.

"Well then you should have reminded yourself of that last night.

He stayed cold as the snow at our feet and took another drag from his cigarette that was resting in between his fingers. The strong smell of tobacco was thick but it didn't bother me as much as Edward's attitude towards me did.

"You brought this on yourself Bella." He kept staring at the sky, the sun illuminating all the beautiful planes of his face.

I hung my head, my voice too thick with tears to even say anything else. I didn't know what else I could say to make him see how hard I was working to repair the the horrible situation that I had just created.

"Are we...done?" I asked, trying desperately to keep some words between us. I needed to hear his voice.

"For now." He took another puff, "I can't be around you when you're like this." He shook his head.

"For now, what the hell does that mean?"

"You and I both know we won't be able to stay away from each other but I think we need a break. A couple months, a complete break."

"A clean break." I clarified.

"When we get things figured out, we can try again I guess."

"You can't do that Edward. I can't go on a roller coaster of emotions until you feel ready."

"You will if you still love me like I love you. I need time away from you or I'm going to snap." He got up, threw his cigarette in the snow, stomped it out and began to walk away.

"What are you going to tell the kids?"

"Let me worry about that. I'll make something up so that they'll understand." He said before I heard the heavy metal door slam behind me. I actually jumped in my chair as the sound echoed off of the mountains and created a clang.

My heart cracked down the middle, splintering throughout my body as its shards cut deeper and deeper.

I feel to the ground, grabbing my chest and my body was suddenly wet from the abundance of snow. I shuddered from the cold but didn't move. I deserved the pain, the numbing pain both from the cold and the shredded heart that was currently causing me to practically die.

You deserve this Bella.

How could I have ruined the best thing that ever happened to me? Edward was a strong, proud man and I knew that what I did tonight, pushed him over the edge. I was so stupid and couldn't believe that everything I had done over the past couple of days were enough to break what we once had.

You hurt him beyond the point of rebuilding.

I was so much in love with him that I couldn't even think about what was going on in my head. What was I going to do without seeing him, talking to him, touching him.

You had a man who loved you, who loved your son.

What were the kids going to think? What was I going to do to calm Will down once he realized that he wouldn't be seeing Edward as his father anymore? I couldn't even bring myself to stomach that thought. Will needed a father, he had a father in Edward but now, I had screwed things up beyond belief. Would I ever be able to see Dani or Demetri again?

Now he's gone.

What would the magazines say? Not that I really cared but I was going to be put through the ringer. Our relationship was going to be judged form every angle and I was going to be blamed for so much. Not that anyone would know the truth but the truth didn't matter in Hollywood.

My mind shut off completely. I was dead to the world and could have cared less that the cold was actually becoming painful.

You deserve this Bella.

I would have jumped off of the roof if I didn't have my son to care for. I would have done it, not caring about anything.

I cried, I sobbed, I wailed.

You deserve this Bella.

I sunk deeper into the snow, letting it cover me on all sides and I held my chest and whimpered in pain.

He is gone because of you. You deserve this Bella.

Everything I had done in the past few weeks had led up to this. My lying to Edward, my keeping secrets from him, my shutting him out, and last but not least, my despicable treatment of him last night

What have you become Bella?

The cold froze to my bones, carrying with it, chilling memories of abandonment, pain, and horror from a darker time.

Edward leaving me was worse than any scar left on my body by Jacob, any burn left from an iron, any bruise, any cut, drop of blood that he drew from my soul. Jacob's pain, I would have taken ten times over what I was feeling right now.

I don't know how long I rolled around on the ground, without purpose, without feeling but the sun was high in the sky when I was finally able to open my eyes and not shut them immediately. I felt like these past few days had all been a dream. I would wake up from this nightmare and things would go right back to normal, right?

Something told me that I was never going to be back to normal because without Edward, I wasn't me.

I should have known that.

Now look at you Bella!

Edward needed someone better than me. Someone who didn't treat him like garbage, the way I had tonight. My goal was to hurt him. What kind of person and I that I deliberately wanted to hurt someone, let alone the man I loved.

My head was swirling and I could actually feel ice crystals in my hair as I sat up in the snow. The water from my tears was frozen on my face and it was painful to pull off. My clothes were wet and freezing but I didn't care. I tried to stand up but the pain was too much for me.

I crumbled back onto the frozen rooftop.

I could have screamed but what was the point. What was I going to say that would mean anything?

Another hour later, I couldn't breathe because my lungs were too cold. They were constricting to a painful degree and I knew I had to get inside before I died.

Edward didn't even come to check on me but then again, why would he?

I meant nothing to him now and that's the what I deserved. I brought this on myself so now, I had to suffer my own consequences. I claimed to be a newer Bella, a stronger Bella but the truth was that nothing meant a thing without Edward.

With that thought, I picked myself up with a laborious heave and tried to steady myself as I stood on two legs that were shaking.

There hadn't been any fresh snow since this morning so I could see Edward's footsteps in the white powder and I tried to step into them precisely, once again, a metaphor in my mind. Me following Edward.

His stride was wider than mine of course but I stood in each of his footsteps as I made my way to the door. I didn't have any strength to pull it open but I did all I could and finally made it inside.

I held onto the stair rail so tightly, my hands hurt. I didn't trust my legs and made it down to my room about an hour later. I was so messed up, it took me a whole hour to get down five floors.

Pull it together!

But I couldn't. My body felt like a shell, my mind was still shut down, my face hurt from the wind, my hair was frozen in my scalp, my eyes pained from the tears but the thing that killed me was my heart. My heart was ripped out, stomped on, ran over.

You deserve this.

I didn't have a key to my room, our room, so I sat on the same carpeted floor that I had judged not a couple of hours ago and waited. I didn't bother knocking. Edward wouldn't answer.

I stared at the doorknob and waited for it to turn, someone to appear. It never did.

I heard the soft padding of feet coming down the hall and tried to hide my face so that no one would see me.

"Bella? Is that you?" Alice's chirpy voice sounded in my ears and it felt like I had a hangover, "Oh my God. What happened?" She got on the floor next to me and I felt her tiny hands feeling my body.

"Nothing." I said or at least thought. I don't think my throat made any noise.

"You were supposed to be at the premier an hour ago. You missed the press conference and we were looking for you everywhere. Eleazar and Emby are pretty pissed. You missed your first movie Bella. Where the hell were you?" She talked too fast and I only caught a fraction of what she said.

"On the roof." I made my voice work, if only minimally so that I knew I was alive.

"Let me look at you." She lifted up my head and I saw her eyes grow wide, "You're blue Bella. What the hell were you doing on the roof? I think we need to get you to the hospital. Let me call Edward." She whipped out a phone and I didn't think I could move so fast.

I grabbed the phone and shut it so quickly, it almost didn't happen.

"You can't." I said with more force, "He doesn't want to talk to me. He doesn't ever want to talk to me again." My lines and delivery were pathetic. I sounded like some love sick high schooler who just got dumped by my first boyfriend.

"What did he do?"

"Nothing. This isn't his fault." I shook my head. I was suddenly more awake. It wasn't like before but I could finally talk in a whisper.

"I told him not to do this. I told him not to do anything rash. He just works on impulse when he gets angry. He didn't mean whatever he said, I promise you Bella."

"No, I hurt him too much. I broke him too much and this is my fault."

"Nothing is your fault Bella. Stop blaming yourself. All this abuse has been too much for you. Jacob broke you and now, Edward."

Is that really how people saw me? As some broken woman who had been treated badly by the men in her life? That was why I needed to pull myself together. I had always been stronger than this. The problem was that Edward was different that Jacob. He was more and my pain was greater.

"I had something good and then turned it into hell. I always do. What am I going to do without him?" I held my head in my hands, praying that this was all a dream again.

You deserve this Bella!

"We have to get you to the hospital Bella. You look like you're about to die." Alice tried to help me up off of the floor and the both of us struggled.

"Where's Will? I can't let him see me like this."

"Edward took the kids out for the day. I think they went skiing. Everyone else went to the press conference and the movie. You have a lot to answer for but right now, I need to get you better." She opened the door to the room and I felt the soft fabric of the bed as it curled around me. I didn't have the strength to stay awake anymore so I didn't.

The Sundance Film Festival is the largest independent cinema festival in the United States. It's the main showcase for new work from American and international independent filmmakers. It comprises competitive sections for American, international dramatic and documentary films, both feature-length \ and short, and a group of non-competitive showcase sections.

Guess who missed it?

I did.

I was scheduled to stay in Utah for three days, basically the weekend, before I went back to Boston to film. That didn't happen.

I had to take care of my son because suddenly, we had some readjusting to do.

My walking nightmare was coming true because I saw Edward every day. I had to. How could I not? He was apart of his family and I was intricately twined, being in Carlisle's movie, being friends with Alice and Rose. Being around Jasper and Emmett. I had to see him all the time.

From our talk on the roof to the time we left Park City, Edward acted like we were new acquaintances. He was cold, he was dark, he wasn't Edward. He was a new man, free from me.

The only time we did have a normal talk was when we needed to have some sort of script of what to say to the kids.

We didn't specifically come out and say 'we're breaking up' because kids don't understand that language. We explained that things happened that was going to cause some "alone time" for a little while. That was how Edward put it because I couldn't bring myself to rip the family apart.

We didn't tell anyone else what was going on but they all knew. They could just sense a shift. They looked at Edward and I both with sad eyes. I was glad that no one was pointing blame because it would have certainly fallen on me.

Carlisle made up some bullshit excuse on how he needed to do some solo shots without me in Boston so it wasn't important if I missed a week. He was rescheduling things for my benefit. He told me to take some time to get things together back home.

I called my mother and begged her to stay in LA for a little while. I needed someone there to take care of Will and since Edward was no longer an option, she jumped right on a plane without hesitation. She taught kindergarten and had a little more leniency with taking time off for which I was thankful.

I felt like the worst mother on the face of this earth. Not only was I rearranging my son's life, but I couldn't be there to answer the questions that were sure to arise from this. Why wouldn't he have a brother and sister anymore? Why wouldn't he see Edward anymore? Would he be able to go over their house? Probably not.

We landed in LA after three disastrous days on the mountains and thankfully Will was asleep when Eric took us home because I didn't have the strength to explain things to him right now.

"Are you sure you're going to be ok Bella?" Eric asked as he helped me with my two suitcases.

I looked at the lonely, dark facade of my house, my house. When was the last time I was even here?

"I'll be ok." I said. I never talked in more than a whisper now and even though my eyes didn't cry tears anymore, the pain in my chest never went away. I knew it never would.

Eric carried Will inside and laid him in a foreign bed, a bed that hadn't been used in months. Eric left tepidly after I nearly pushed him out of the door. He didn't want to leave me alone but I said I would be alright.

The next week passed terribly slow.

My mother arrived the morning after we did and I was thankful for her because I needed someone. I still talked to Alice over the phone but things had changed and I could feel it. She went back to Boston as well as Carlisle for filming but everyone else stayed. She was always clipped, not in a rude way but in an unsure way. She didn't know what to say and I wouldn't know how to respond.

As Edward promised, three boxes of mine and Will's stuff arrive at my doorstep the morning I got back and I unpacked them with shaking hands. A man arrived two hours after that with Cesar in tow and just basically left him with me.

I missed seeing Dani and Demetri, I missed Edward, I missed Coco, I missed the house, the piano, the bed but I never cried about it.

You deserve this Bella!

That was my chant for the week and until I got on the plane to Boston, I had to repeat it so that I wouldn't go over to Edward's and beg for forgiveness. I would have done anything but would any of it help? No.

Edward had made up his mind and now I had to live with that.

I don't know how they did it but I shouldn't have been surprised when the tabloids broke the story that Edward and I had had a "falling out" as they put it. Edward and I were ripped to shreds. Whose fault was it? What happened? Who did what to whom? Why was everything kept so secretive?

It was everywhere. On the news, in the papers, in the magazines. I was painted as a goldigger and Edward was basically left unscathed. I was just another one of his conquests. That hurt the most. Everything that my enemies said was true. Jacob, Victoria, Jessica, I knew they were all somewhere grinning like fools at my misfortune. Once again, I felt like I was the only one hurt. All the blame was placed on me, which was deserved but it was hard to see myself that way.

"How are you doing today Bella?" Stacy, a makeup artist on set, asked on my first day back. I had been crying all morning, not for Edward but for Will. I hated to leave him back in LA and I just wanted to get this film over with so that I could go back to him. I still had a couple of months through.

"Fine. Is Alice here yet?" I replied, trying to be nice but I could tell that she didn't by me.

"Yeah, she's been here all week. We had some pickup shots to do with the supporting cast so she's been supervising."

"And Carlisle's doing ok?"

"His normal self." She shrugged, "Nicest man off of set but once the camera's rolling, he's all business." She started applying heavy eye makeup to my face and by now, we had this down to a science. She worked quickly and I kept my eyes shut.

"You look sick. What's wrong Bella?" She said and her voice had a hint of knowledge in her voice.

Everyone, from the makeup artists, to cameramen, to food service guys were in the know when it came to rumors because they were always around the source. They spent some much time with the actors, that when things came up in the press, they basically knew if they were true or not.

"Nothing's wrong." I answered.

She gave me the eye of a mother who knew too much but didn't say anything.

We continued to work in silence until my whole outfit was complete.

Filming was moving ahead of time with Carlisle behind the camera and all of Boston was abuzz because a famous director was in their city. Hundreds of people came out on those occasions when we were outside to try and get a glimpse of what we were up to. The cold weather never stopped them.

Thankfully today, it was mainly some of my scenes and I didn't have to really speak to anyone.

The script was demanding and some days, I went back to the hotel without an ounce of life in me but I was getting better.

Ten minutes before my first day back began, I went up to Carlisle who I hadn't spoken to since Sundance. He was of course, busy yelling at someone who was probably trying to change the script last minute.

"Uh...may I speak with you really quick?" I asked hesitantly.

Carlisle turned and his face immediately softened, "Oh, Bella, I'm glad you're ready. We have a tough schedule today? How was your time off?"

"Good." I lied, "I wanted to speak to you before we began filming."

"Sure but before we get to that, I want to know how you're doing."

"I'm...getting better." I said softly.

"What happened?" He sat in his chair with a puzzled look, "I never knew my son to be a quitter but he just says that things weren't working out. That doesn't sound like him."

I took full blame, "I made some mistakes. It's not his fault..."

"You two were so happy. I just don't get it." He shook his head.

"I'll explain it to you one day." I gave him a smile to put him at ease, "How are the kids?" I asked.

"Just as confused as everyone else. I haven't seen them since Sundance but Esme said they miss you and Will. They just mope around."

I hung my head, "Nothing is their fault."

"I know but I don't think that's how they see things. This is hard on all of us. You were apart of our family and I'm sorry that things couldn't have turned out better." He let out a deep breath, "What is it you wanted to talk to me about."

"Oh, well as you can probably guess, I'm going through a lot of emotional things at the moment."

"Of course." He nodded solemnly.

"Today's stuff is pretty harsh and I'm probably not going to be following the script very closely. If I have...some kind of episode, I want you to film through it."

"Film through it?" He said slowly.

"Yes, I know that my emotions are going to be similar to those of the character and I probably won't make it through a single take coherently...thinking about stuff." I explained.

"I don't think I could do that Bella. I can't put you on screen like that." Carlisle actually looked scared.

"I need you to keep filming. I won't get through it if we keep stopping after every take. Just keep filming until you get what you need."

"Do you know how vulnerable, how...exposed you'll be? You're going to be hurting on screen and that's what people are going to see." He put his hand on my shoulder, "I won't do that to you."

"I want you to." That was all I said and pleaded silently.

We didn't speak for a full, long minute and he was testing me with his eyes.

"I don't like this Bella."

"I need you to keep filming." I said as I was whisked away, under the lights of the sound stage in my makeshift bedroom. My hair, makeup, appearance was done and everyone was moving really fast, trying to get things ready.

Carlisle sat behind the camera, eyes on mine but didn't say anything.

I was suddenly alone, under the lights, in front of hundreds as they watched the scene in front of them.

"Are...are you ready Bella?" Carlisle's voice was scared.

I nodded firmly.

You can do this. You have to do this.

You deserve this Bella!

"Action!" His booming voice rang throughout the room and my real torture began.

HOLY EVIL EDWARD BATMAN

DO YOU THINK HE WAS JUSTIFIED IN BREAKING UP WITH BELLA? YOU ALL WERE PRETTY HARSH ON HER LAST CHAPTER. I KNOW SHE'S GOING THROUGH SOME THINGS BUT JEEZ. I UNDERSTAND THOUGH. YOU GUYS LOVE YOUR EDWARD.

ANYWAY, JUST KEEP ON READING. REMEMBER THAT I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS TO WE'LL HAVE TO SEE HOW THIS PROGRESSES. HOLLYWOOD BREAKUPS ARE NEVER EASY. WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS? WHAT WILL EDWARD DO? WHAT WILL BELLA DO?

THESE ARE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERING BUT ALL THAT WILL COME IN TIME. SORRY TO HAVE SUCH A HEAVY CHAPTER SO EARLY...

GO JOIN ME ON TWITTER

(at) johnnyboy1029

GO NOMINATE ME FOR A TWITASTIC AWARD

http:/twitasticawards(dot)webs(dot)com

AND FINALLY...GO REVIEW

THVC TOMORROW HOPEFULLY.