They Never Knew
Chapter 36
I Can Be Okay
Good song to listen to for soundtrack music: Evgeny Emelyanov- Sorrow
Amy took deep breaths struggling with being so incredibly embarrassed at breaking down in front of her family or being too far gone to actually care. The longer
and longer she looked at Emma the more and more she missed the feeling of fading away until there's nothing…she closed her eyes trying not to remember.
Flashback
Numbness
Wet sticky liquid…oh it's blood.
Pools of it everywhere…sounds?...Footsteps.
Yes most definitely footsteps.
The pain was gone…that was good
The light was fading darkness was coming to let me rest.
Isn't light supposed to be the last thing you see?
I'm almost done…
Flashback Over
'No! You can't do this right now. Emma needs you! You can't leave her, not again.' Amy shook the thoughts off noting that the room was completely silent. She
turned to face the group taking in their faces quietly before finding a spot on the floor to focus on. "Where was I?" Her voice was raspy, hardly recognizable to
the usual bright tone her voice normally displayed. "Emma was getting better?"
Amy looked up to meet her mother's gaze. She had long ago started referring to her as "mom" inside her head. She had yet to actually call her this though.
Amy realized that this wasn't only a reminder she was asking. Was Emma okay at this time? Was she actually getting better? Amy knew it while none of the
others were paying that much notice. Amy's lips stayed in a straight line as she looked her mom in the eyes. Searching for something that she actually had no
idea of what. "Yeah…she was." There was a moment of silence as Amy watched the tears pool in her mom's eyes. 'You caused this. This is all your fault!'
The voice screamed at her. That voice was unfortunately right.
"Anyway, things were okay for a small amount of time. Emma was getting better, recovering quicker and quicker. The more she progressed the more she was
able to see me, which only increased her progression. It was amazing to watch her heal and become the old her again. It was as though the version that had
been hurting so deeply wasn't even there anymore." Amy felt her lips curve upward in the smallest of smiles remembering her and Emma joking again.
Laughing in the lounges or hanging out in her room that was becoming brighter as Emma decorated.
Flashback
"You know if you hung some curtains it might bring more color to the room." Amy was looking at the window and comparing the colors of curtains in her head to
the pain on the walls. "Maybe a yellow or a light purple. Something bright. You know, it might sound stupid but I read a study showing that brighter colors
increase positivity and productivity in people. I'm thinking about buying something bright for the apartment. I could use a little booster myself." Emma smiled at
Amy loving that things were starting to feel more normal and at ease between the two of the rather than the tense awkwardness that had built up the last few
months before coming here. Emma was glad to say things were finally turning around for the better.
Amy sighed looking at her phone before standing up and waving Emma towards her. Emma playfully rolled her eyes as her sister pulled her in for a tight hug.
They stood like that in peaceful silence before she pulled away "I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded smiling as Amy left the room. She looked at the clock on her
wall realizing she had a therapy session in fifteen minutes.
Emma made her way down the hall that she had now grown familiar to. She smiled as she saw Jen setting chairs out. She walked in silently joining her in her
task. Jen looked up surprised as Emma started helping before smiling warmly shaking her head. "Hey Emma."
"Hey." She said as they continued with the moving of the chairs.
"How's Amy doing?" Jen had learned a lot about Emma in their private sessions along with the group ones. Anyone in the group knew that Amy was Emma's
world and that each visit made her stronger and more successful in her journey. She couldn't be more happy with the girls progress. "She's doing good. She
actually said she had been getting more sleep and working a little less. Which is good for her, she really needed a break." Jen nodded knowing Emma would give
no more detail than that. "That's great! I can't wait to meet her face to face when your therapy sessions with her come around." Emma paused looking up
confused. "Oh, when you get far enough along in your recovery therapy with the family members in required so that they can understand and be supportive
with what your going through. It helps every patient that takes it." Emma nodded only looking slightly uncomfortable. "Emma you don't have to worry you're
not quite there yet." Again only a nod and a smile from Emma. The women rolled her eyes knowing Emma was only being stubborn.
The group gathered and sat in their circle. Emma sitting next to Jesse while Jen was across from her. Emma had met a few more people since being in this
group there was a boy named Shawn sitting in the seat to her right who liked Suduko and talking. Emma found it a humorous combination and found herself
spending many breaks between sessions playing Suduko and talking about the most random things. The thought made Emma smile while totally missing the
comments that had just been made until it was her turn. "Emma?" She looked up at Jen "Hmm?" Jen sent her that knowing smile that let her know she knew
exactly what she was doing. "It's your turn to discuss." Emma thought a second remembering that every day they go over something they've discovered about
themselves. "I found that I quite like Sudoku." Shawn gave her a sideways smirk which she returned. Jen nodded moving on the Jesse.
Emma continued to look around the room noting she now knew at least everyone's names. There was a total of seven people in the group. Jesse, Jen, Shawn,
Jason, Derik, Sherry, and herself. Emma felt like she belonged here. She missed her sister desperately but actually being able to see her made it all so much
better. Emma felt like everything would be fine. Every day she learned something new about herself even something as simple as liking Sudoku…yeah
everything would be fine. She just knew it.
Authors note: So I'm sorry that I missed yesterday but this chapter is a little longer so hopefully that made up for it. It's late and I'm tired so I'm not going to do much extra stuff. So my wishes for you are that you all have a great night and you have peace. I will see you hopefully tomorrow.