**Author's Note: Hey y,all! I know that this update has been a while in coming. I got super busy over the holidays, and work has been extra exhausting lately. When it gets cold out, we get a lot more clients (I work at an agency that's affiliated with recovery houses) since people want shelter from the weather. So I've been extra busy with new clients at work, and by the time I get home at the end of the day, the last thing my brain wants to do is write, after all the paperwork I have to write at work. I just wanted to let y'all know that I never plan on abandoning this story until it is finished. Even if that means taking mini hiatuses like this last one, I still will come back to the story. It's my baby at this point, so I won't let it go until it's 100% done lol.

With that being said, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**

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Ben stood up from the bed as you closed the door behind you. His hair looked a bit tangled, and there were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept. You felt a jolt of guilt at the thought of him waiting up all night for confirmation that you were okay, while you were snuggled cozily in Negan's big bed.

Speaking of which, Ben had to have heard you thanking Negan, and so would know that he had escorted you back here. Not to mention, you were still dressed in Negan's light grey, baggy sweatpants, which were obviously too big, and tucked unfashionably into your knee-high, black boots. There was also the fact that you still had wet hair from the shower…and panties stuffed in your bra.

Thankfully, Ben didn't seem to notice any of this. Instead, he came across the room and stopped in front of you. Gently placing his hands on your shoulders, he held you at arm's length and scanned up and down your body, as if looking for visible injuries.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" he asked worriedly.

Reaching up to lay your hand on top of one of his, you reassured, "I'm fine. Just fell down out in the woods, bumped my head like a moron, and got a mild concussion. Dr. Carson said I'll be a-okay."

Ben asked a couple more questions about the concussion, such as if you were taking any medication (no) and if you were to be on bedrest (also no). You were sure that if Dr. Carson had given any recommendations for bedrest, that Negan never would've let you leave his room. So even though you hadn't talked to Dr. Carson directly, you acted as if you had, to calm Ben's worry.

Once he seemed satisfied that there were no mortal wounds, Ben's eyes focused on your lower half, as if he was only now taking in your appearance. His brows furrowed as he slowly asked, "Are those...are those Negan's pants?"

Trying really hard not to blush, you stared at a point over Ben's left shoulder and gave a half-shrug, half-nod of affirmation.

"You spent the night with him, didn't you?"

Your gaze jerked back to Ben's face at that, and you could tell by his expression that he already knew the answer, but wanted to hear you say it. Nodding again, you replied, "Yea, I did. But only so that he could make sure my concussion didn't get worse. And he slept in his office, on the couch." You weren't sure why you felt the need to add that last part, but you did anyways.

Ben's lips curled up slightly on one side in amusement. "You made Negan sleep on the couch?"

Giving a slight smile back, you confirmed, "Yep. Did you really think I'd have stayed if he hadn't?"

Ben gave his signature boyish grin in response and chuckled, "Only you could kick the king off of his throne for the night."

Tilting your head slightly, you scanned Ben's face, trying to figure out what exactly he meant by that. He stared back, brows raising expectantly, as if waiting for you to respond. When you instead opted for silence, he gave a small sigh and walked back across the room to sit on the edge of your bed. You felt the air in the room shift, and knew that the next question out of Ben's mouth wasn't going to be one you wanted to answer.

Wanting to turn around and leave, but having nowhere else to go, at the moment, you walked over to the bed and sat down beside him. Curling your legs up on the mattress in a comfortable position, you settled in for what was probably going to be a doozy of a conversation.

"So, what happened last night?" Ben asked, his body turned towards you and gaze half hidden behind the wisps of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. His voice lowered almost to a whisper as he added, "Why did you leave?"

Unable to maintain eye contact, you glanced to the left of Ben, eyes landing on your bedside table. Looking at it reminded you that you had forgotten to grab the note, which was probably still on Negan's own bedside table. You wondered what he would do with it, when he found it…

Forcing your thoughts away from the note, you sat there silently, considering how much to tell Ben. A large part of you wanted to tell him everything, but that tiny part, which was still scared, held you back. Instead, your brain was frantically trying to categorize which details were necessary, and which could be omitted.

As if he knew exactly what you were doing, Ben reached out and laid one of his hands on your own, where it rested on your knee. Bringing your gaze back to his, you saw that his expression was determined when he said, "I don't want any lies this time. I know something is going on with you, and that it involves Negan. If you don't trust me, then just say so, and I'll leave you alone. But don't treat me like I'm an idiot by giving me more excuses and half-truths."

Much as you didn't want to hear those words, Ben was right. You had jerked him around long enough, and it was time to decide if he was trustworthy or not. And you found that it didn't take much thought for you to realize that you did indeed trust him…but struggled to show it. It was so much easier for you to throw up emotional walls with everyone and keep them at a safe distance. You had even done so with Maria, despite surviving out in the woods together and knowing her for longer than anyone else at the Sanctuary. However, you justified it in your mind by saying that it had been smart not to 100% let her in, since she was now one of Negan's wives. While you trusted her with more information than most people, there was still that part of you that wondered, if push came to shove, whether or not she would choose the other wives over you.

Ben, on the other hand, had consistently been on your side, since the moment you arrived here. He had taken you under his wing on the very first day, when you had been assigned to the kitchen, and acted as a mentor of sorts. In fact, you had always wondered if he had put in a good word for you with Negan, since it was unheard of for someone to be promoted so quickly on a job, let alone the fact that you had went from dish washer to head of the kitchen in less than a month. You had never asked him, since you knew he would shrug it off or deny it, but you were certain that Ben had had your back, and defended you, since the moment you walked into the Sanctuary.

He had offered you loyalty and friendship…even though you hadn't fully given it back. But now, you wanted to finally meet him halfway. If it hadn't been for him and Negan, you could still be lost in the woods, or even dead. Opening up fully to Negan wasn't something you were ready to do, yet. Especially since you were still processing everything that had happened in his room, and still weren't sure how you felt about his more sadistic side. However, you did feel able to finally open up to Ben, and prove to him (and yourself) that you were capable of trusting him. You would put yourself out there, tell him what was going on, and if that was the final straw for him, and made him turn his back on you…whelp, better to know now.

"I think it's probably best if I start at the beginning," you suggested, relieved when he only nodded in response and waited patiently for you to start speaking.

Taking a deep breath, you dove in…and told him everything. You began with your solo outings in the woods, and how you had bartered extra food in exchange for Dwight letting you past the fences. You then discussed your initial meeting with Negan, when he saved you from the walker, and how that interaction snowballed into your current situation.

Unlike Maria, Ben didn't just listen silently, with little expression. He asked you to clarify on some parts, and commented on others. His eyes were big as saucers when you told him about that first meeting in Negan's office, and the kiss that had resulted. He laughed and gave you a high five when you told him about beating Negan at chess, which caused you to relax more, your shoulders losing their hunch and the words coming out less shaky and rapid. Both of you got a chuckle out of the discovery of Trixie and Dwight in the showers, and Ben just shook his head and gave a soft, "Wow."

You felt a little awkward when discussing the second outing in the woods, and didn't go into massive detail about just how intimate you and Negan had gotten against that tree, before Dwight interrupted. And when you got to the part about the confrontation in the gardens, relaying what Negan had told you, including the part where he had called you a 'puppet', Ben glowered and muttered, "Fucking dick," under his breath.

You skimmed over the last week and how upset you had been, not wanting to focus too much on that, for fear it would resurface old emotions. But, of course, Ben seemed able to fill in the gaps anyways, and his expression showcased empathy and compassion. When you felt tears start to form, and tried to apologize to him for leaving without saying anything, for worrying him, he reached over and put his hand on your knee in comfort.

"It's okay," he reassured softly. "I understand."

Nodding, you brushed a hand across your eyes to clear them, and continued on. You told him about your encounter with the walkers in the woods, some parts of which were still slightly fuzzy, and how you fell and knocked yourself out. Ben's eyebrows lifted in surprise when you told him how Negan had carried you back to camp, where you had then woken up in his bed. Blushing a little, you hesitated, unsure if you should tell Ben about what Negan had confessed last night. Negan would be pissed if he found out Ben knew about him feeling such a vulnerable human emotion of fear. However, you wanted feedback from Ben, truly wanted to hear his thoughts on the situation, and so it was only fair that he know about this newest development.

After you had told him about the conversation last night, and Negan's admission, you tried to end on a more playful note, by telling him about Negan's bathroom. "The jerk has a huge shower with hot water! And the towels! I haven't felt towels that decadent in years."

Ben grinned and rolled his eyes. "Of course, he would have fluffy towels. Dude probably has his own private masseuse and spa somewhere around here too."

You both chuckled at this, before lapsing into silence. Fighting not to twist your hands nervously, you watched Ben, who seemed to be deep in thought. He was tracing a circular pattern on the bedsheet with his index finger, with eyes cast downward.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he met your gaze with his own and calmly asked, "Do you love him?"

Those four simple words shot through you like a bullet, jerking your body and widening your eyes in shock. Your brain was hyperventilating while trying to gather data that would either confirm or deny Ben's question. Meanwhile, your subconscious was sitting with demurely crossed legs and downcast eyes. It was so silent and still that it appeared like a statue, as if afraid any movement or noise would frighten you…would cause you to run.

"I…" you paused, completely at a loss. Frustrated, you stood up from the bed and paced across the room, running a shaky hand through your wet hair.

Why is this question freaking you out so much? Just say no, and be done with it.

Ben also stood up from the bed, but didn't approach. He was analyzing your face, and you had no clue what it was that he saw, but it made him give you a sad smile. For some reason, his response pissed you off, and your voice was low and quivering with both anger and the threat of tears, when you growled, "Don't you dare look at me like that."

"Like what?" he asked softly.

"Like you pity me!"

Ben dropped his gaze to the floor at your words, and he shook his head slowly, while saying, "I don't pity you…I'm scared for you."

You rocked back on your heels at this; it wasn't at all the response you had been expecting. "Scared? Why the hell would you be scared? I learned my lesson about running out into the woods on my own, so trust me, I won't be doing that again anytime soon."

Lifting his gaze, Ben still avoided eye contact, instead staring at a point over your left shoulder. He gave a sigh and said, "That's not what I'm scared about. I want to know what happens from this point forward? Where do you see this going? After last night, people are going to start speculating, more so than before. And sure, he might be intrigued by you now…heck, it sounds like he actually likes you and not just your appearance…but, what happens when his interest wears off? Men like Negan are always looking for more, for the next beautiful challenge to show up and spark their interest.So what happens when he decides he's worn you down to his liking, and he finds a shiny new toy to play with? Where does that leave you, and your emotions?"

You physically jerked at the words "new toy", glaring at Ben and willing him to look at you. Had his words just been a coincidence, or had he purposely used that phrase to get a reaction out of you? And fucking hell, if you were being honest, he wasn't alone in his concerns. They were ones that you had wondered yourself, and hadn't been able to answer. But Negan had told you just last night that you weren't a toy, after all. Did he mean it? Or was Ben right, and you were just the current shiny object, the intriguing challenge that kept him entertained…for now.

There were too many thoughts and emotions going through your head, so you just shrugged and stared down at your feet while whispering, "I don't know…I have no fucking clue."

The silence stretched, and you raised your head to see that Ben was finally making eye contact, his face void of any visible emotion. Taking a few steps closer, so that he was standing right in front of you, he gazed down at you and sincerely said, "Well, whatever you decide to do, whether it's continuing this…thing, with Negan, or telling him to go to hell in a handbasket, just know that I'm here for you. And that I will risk the iron and Lucille to kick his ass all over this compound if he hurts you again."

His words caused a small smile to form on your lips, and your chest felt warm and fuzzy at the realization that Ben wasn't going to abandon you, or even condemn or judge you. He was, as usual, staying by your side and being supportive. If your voice sounded a little shaky and your eyes felt a little watery, you ignored them, in favor of saying, "I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you, but thank you."

Smiling, Ben huffed out a small laugh, and replied, "You really need to think more of yourself, sometimes. There are plenty of people who would skin me alive in order to take my spot as your friend."

"Not Trixie," you fired back.

Giving a real laugh this time, Ben agreed, "No, definitely not Trixie."

If you had known that you would feel this relieved by unloading everything onto Ben, you would've done so sooner. It was as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Sure, there was still a lot going on and a lot to consider, regarding Negan, but knowing that you could confide in Ben made you breathe a little easier.

Deciding that it was now time for you to ask a question, you inquired, "Negan told me about you finding the note and alerting him to me being missing, but…how many other people do you think know what happened?"

Some of that earlier weight settled back on your shoulders at the look on Ben's face. He avoided eye contact again, causing you to step closer and say, "Ben? How many know?"

He closed his eyes for a few seconds before looking at you, and honestly replying, "Probably all of them."

Your mouth dropped open in shock, and you echoed, "All of them?"

"When Negan and a group of Saviors went out into the woods looking for you, he also had the group, that stayed behind, search the compound. They went door to door, asking if anyone had seen you. The whole community was buzzing about it, until we got the announcement late last night that you had been found and were safe. I tried to come see you, but Simon intercepted me and said I had to wait until the doctor gave you the clear to return to your room. I'm not sure if everyone knows you were in Negan's quarters, or if they assumed you were in medical. But I think it's safe to say that they all found Negan's response to the situation to be…a bit out of character."

Fuck, fuck fuck…

You could feel panic starting to creep in, as you wondered how the hell you were going to deal with this situation. You had the strongest urge to go find Negan, to let him take control and fix the problem by ordering everyone to ignore the situation had ever happened. Much as you wanted to be angry at Ben, for alerting Negan to your disappearance, you knew that he had reacted out of fear and concern. And, in all actuality, it was Negan's reaction that had caused the whole compound to find out, even if said reaction was also apparently out of fear and concern. You wondered if he, at all, regretted making such a show out of the situation, since it was quite possible people would insinuate it to mean that he might care about you…

Ben snapped his fingers in front of your face, effectively drawing you away from your racing thoughts and back to the present. You had been subconsciously rubbing your fingers against your temples, the slight headache from this morning elevating in intensity as a result of stress.

Ben gently took you by the arm and guided you back across the room to the bed. "We'll figure out a way to deal with it, or just tell people it's none of their damn business, if they ask questions. Right now, you need some rest. Dinner prep is at 2, and your meal plan says tonight is veggie lasagna. If you don't feel able to come join us, just stay here and relax."

Nodding, you assured Ben that you would be there for prep. He was right about you needing rest; both your emotions and the residual concussion were causing you to feel exhausted, despite just waking up a couple hours ago.

Ben gave a mock salute, causing you to grin, and quietly left. Now it was just you and your thoughts, which were still jumbled and all over the place. Unzippering and pulling off the boots, then removing the panties from your bra and throwing them in the bin of dirty clothes, you crawled underneath the covers. Reaching over, you pulled the watch out of the bedside table drawer, the digital letters reading 11:24am. Setting the alarm for 1:30pm, you laid it on the table beside your head and rolled over to get more comfortable. You fell asleep within minutes, Negan's pants still on your legs and a million thoughts still racing around in your head.