This chapter will be in Sam's POV.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX: Things Are Looking Up. Or Not.
I wasn't sure what had gotten into me lately or when I finally noticed.
Maybe it was because it was all just unfair. Right before Dean had died, we patched things up between us. Then the whole demon thing with Abaddon happened and I guess it went downhill from there.
It seems whenever things start looking up, it all begins to fall apart shortly after.
Maybe I noticed when Cas made it clear Dean didn't want me in the same room as him.
"We need to talk." Was all I said before I shut the door behind me.
Or maybe it was when my brother cringed and moved farther into the room once I entered.
Dean seemed afraid of me and it was all my fault.
Thinking back, I regret almost every decision I've made the past week. I guess Cas and I have switched roles. Before he was the dick who didn't believe in my brother, now it was me.
"I'm sorry." I said, trying to get Dean to understand that I really was. I couldn't think of anything else to say, there was no excuse for how I've been acting.
"Why are you so fucking angry all the time? If anybody has a right to be off the rails it's me." Dean spat. I should've known that my behavior had caused a negative effect on my brother's point of view of me.
"Because it's not fair, Dean. None of this is. You don't deserve this, I don't, Cas doesn't. Yet, this is our life." I couldn't help the absolute sorrow that enveloped my tone. It was all true. I've been thinking 'why me' for ages.
"Yeah, it is our life and you know what? It always will be. Might as well accept it now." Dean continued to stay on the floor, one leg spread out in front of him while the other was bent, his arm resting on his knee. I noticed that he hadn't made one attempt to make eye contact with me since we started talking.
"How did we get to this?" I asked faintly. Dean and I used to work. Sure, it hasn't worked in at least seven years but it used to. I guess when people get older, the harder it is to deal with them.
Dean chuckled coldly as he finally turned his head to make eye contact. "I don't know Sam, you tell me. You're the one who has been hell bent on making me seem like I'm the bad guy these past few weeks. You used to be on my side." That amount of bitterness in my brother's voice was almost unbearable. He blames me for all of it.
"Because you were the bad guy! I didn't believe in you. You didn't have to agree to go back to Abaddon, yet you did. And you said it was to protect me but that's the same bullshit you've been spouting for years, Dean." I said with my tone full of venom. Before I came in here I had planned on apologizing to my brother and sweeping it all up. I'm not sure when I lost sight of that goal.
Dean winced at my comments but kept going. "Because that's all I have and always will be doing Sammy, protecting you. That's my job and I will never stop doing it." By this point, Dean had stood up and walked over to me. Looking at him, I could tell he was fuming. My brother's eyes flashed black and he turned his back on me, cursing under his breath.
I didn't know what else to say. So instead, I grabbed my brother's shoulder and turned him to face me.
I decided the best thing to do at this point was to go with my gut.
I hugged my brother.
At first, Dean just stood there, limp in my arms.
After what felt like decades, my brother finally returned the hug and even patted me on the back.
I pulled away from him but kept one hand on Dean's shoulder. "We're going to fix this. I promise."
Dean just nodded sadly and backed up. We weren't quite back to how we used to be, but we were making progress.
An instant.
That's all it took for things to go bad again.
One second Dean was standing in front of me, green-eyed and sad. The next, he was towering over me, black-eyed and cruel.
I barely had time to recognize the situation before a hard right hook to my jaw sent me falling to the floor.
….
When I slowly started to regain consciousness, the first thing I heard was guilt-stricken words from my brother.
No no no.
I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't even have to see Dean to know he was stressed, I could hear it in his voice.
I felt the tight grip of ropes securing my wrists and ankles to a cold metal chair. If I had to guess, I'd say we were in the bunker's dungeon.
Opening my eyes slowly, I saw Dean was hunched over on the floor, knees brought up to his chest. He had his elbows resting on his kneecaps, his hands cradling his head.
"This can't be happening." He muttered. He had his fingers dug into his hair, looking like he was about to rip it out.
"Dean, just calm down. Everything's okay." I said softly.
"Just- Just shut up. I need to think." My brother said through clenched teeth. It was obvious Dean was struggling with himself and I felt powerless to help him.
"Dean, just untie me and it'll be okay." I kept trying to say reassuring things, but it seemed every time I said something my brother's whole body would cringe.
"I need to fucking think." He said with frustration. Every now and then Dean's head would make a sudden turn to the left or right like the two sides of him were fighting for dominance.
Who would win, I was unsure. For mine and my brother's sake, I hope it would be his humanity.
….
TBC
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