Disclaimer: The work contained within is merely my playtime with the characters created by Joss Whedon and I in no way own any of them, or anything like that. Unfortunately. It sucks. But I'll just continue my plot to kidnap and clone James Marsters for myself.
Rated NC-17. Just in case.

Si Primo Venit

Clear Thought

'She's not dead.' Angel carefully lifted Faith from her slumped position, listening closely to her heartbeat as it struggled to keep going. 'But if we don't get her to the hospital soon, she will be.'

Buffy looked at them for a few seconds, the little voice in the back of her mind asking if that would really be such a problem if they didn't get her there in time. Then guilt reared it's ugly head. She'd been prepared to kill Faith, locking away everything that told her it was wrong to take a human life, no matter what that person had done to her. Now she felt ashamed, wondering how she could have behaved that way.

Hated someone didn't mean they should die.

'I'll take her.' Buffy said, ignoring the look of surprise on Angel's face. 'You need to get to Spike.' Angel nodded, handing the girl over to Buffy with more than a little hesitation. She glared at him. 'I'll get her there. Just make sure you get to him.' He didn't reply, turning and leaping from the rooftop, landing on the ground three stories below with a grace he was probably only holding because of the Slayer blood. It had been hard to hold himself back from draining Faith till her heart stopped and he could admit it had only been his soul that held him back from that edge.

He ran through Sunnydale, feeling the wind on his face, and he grinned as he picked up the speed. He had never felt like this before. Whilst he had killed Kendra, he'd never felt this power from her blood, perhaps because he was too busy trying to destroy the world to stop and smell the roses. One thing he'd always lacked as a soulless vampire, was an ability to enjoy the world around him. He was too intent on destroying the beauty rather than appreciating it. Having a soul made that possible.

Within moments he was at Spike's apartment and for a brief moment, he stopped at the door. He didn't have to do this. He could leave. Make his way across the world, continue his fight, leave all this behind him.

But then...she'd never forgive him. He may not like Spike, and he may never have a chance with Buffy, but thinking of her hating him for the rest of her days, no matter how many they could be, burned him. He'd never forgive himself if he left her in that much pain.

He'd always be a monster, but he wouldn't be that monster.

So he opened the door to the apartments, and took the stairs three at a time, satisfied he was doing the right thing.

The emergency room was quieter than it had been the last time she was here. So when she called out for assistance with the barely alive girl in her arms, she had several nurses and a doctor descend on her straight away. They whisked Faith off to the emergency O.R, and Buffy was asked to give her details. As she stood at the desk, having questions fired at her, she suddenly realised she knew nothing about Faith beyond her full name. She didn't know her next of kin, or her allergies, or if she liked Saturday morning cartoons and cereal. She didn't know if she liked liquorice, or what type of candy was her favourite. If she preferred diet soda or plain water.

She didn't know the girl at all, and she'd been prepared to kill her. She'd made judgements on her behaviour, knowing that Faith had not had an easy start to life, let alone to being a Slayer.

Shame was the only thing she could feel right now. What kind of person did that make her?

Hours passed as she sat waiting for someone to come out and tell her what was going on. When a doctor approached her, asking if she was with the injured girl, she'd nodded, standing to meet him and whatever news he had.

'She's stable.' The doctor started quietly. 'You got her here just in time. Do you know what happened?'

'We-we were jumped.' Buffy said, repeating the words she'd been practising. 'Walking home. She tried to fight, but one of them pinned her down. I tried to help...' She trailed off, hoping it was enough. The police hadn't been by yet, but she guessed they would be at some point. The doctor nodded, taking in the bruises on her face, the cuts on her skin.

'She lost a lot of blood. We managed to stop it and get a transfusion into her. But she's not out of the woods. This could go either way.'

'Is she awake?' Buffy asked hesitantly.

'No.' The doctor's mouth set into a thin line. 'You have to be aware...she was very badly injured. She may not wake up at all.'

Buffy trembled. She'd done that. Her and Angel. And she would have taken it all the way. Made sure that Faith was dead.

God she was a monster.

The ER doors chose that moment to slam open and the Mayor strode in, flanked by two officers. His gaze fell to her and the doctor, whose eyes widened as Buffy looked away. She needed to leave. But she would come back. She wouldn't leave Faith alone, not again.

'You.' The Mayor spat. 'What did you do to her?'

Buffy backed away, ignoring the doctor's questioning look. She could feel the metal of Faith's knife on the skin of her back, concealed beneath her shirt, covered in the other girl's blood. 'What I had to. What you forced me to do.' She said, noticing the officers reaching for their guns.

'Sir?' The doctor asked. The Mayor continued to glare at her murderously, the outward friendly slash evil exterior she'd seen before gone, replaced by the face of a father. Buffy knew then, that his act of caring for Faith was not an act at all. And she felt worse. She hadn't given that to Faith. She'd betrayed her first.

She didn't wait for him to send the officers after her. She turned and ran, sprinted through the halls to the morgue, and a way out she'd used before. She needed to get to Spike and make sure he was okay.

Spike opened his eyes slowly, seeing the room through blurred vision. He tried to look around, but his body was submerged in pain and heat. It was like floating in lava. Every inch of his skin buzzed with agony and he would have cried out if he'd had any screams left. A presence in the room got his attention and he reached out, touching cool skin at his left.

'Buffy?' He rasped quietly, unable to figure out who it was. The bed dipped under the weight of his visitor and he realised that it was too heavy to be her. 'Giles?' He asked, trying again.

The figure grasping his forearm, placing it over his stomach. 'Spike.' He didn't place the voice. 'You need to drink.'

'Drink what?' Spike gasped out, his voice raw.

'The cure.'

Spike blinked, trying to clear his vision. Slowly, the figure swam into distinction and he was surprised to see it was Angel before him. 'C-cure? H-how?'

'I have it. But you need to drink.' Angel leant down, vamping out and biting through his own wrist. 'You need to drink.' He repeated, his voice gruff. Spike's nostrils flared at the blood and he recognised the scent.

'Slayer.' He said, seeing the slight wince of Angel's eyes. Spike shook his head, his fevered eyes wide. 'N-no. Where's Buffy? Where's-' he coughed, the dryness of his throat catching him off guard. The coughing hurt more with the rest of the pain in his deteriorating form, and he shuddered and spasmed on the bed. Angel held him down.

'Buffy is fine. The blood is from Faith. But she isn't dead. No one died for this, Spike. You can take it.'

'N-no. I c-can't.'

'You have to.' Angel said forcefully. Spike shook his head, attempting to move away. The younger vampire held him fast, but the blond squirmed away, falling from the bed in his attempts. He crawled along the carpet, feeling the burn of exhaustion in his muscles and bones, knowing he would not get far. 'Spike.' Angel's voice came to him like a nightmare, the scent of blood thick in the air. Slayer's blood. Making him yearn, making his demon scream.

Gods he was so hungry.

The other vampire was upon him, and Spike fought back weakly, unable to stop Angel from pressing his bleeding wrist to his mouth. The ambrosia he'd tasted before hit his tongue with an explosion of memories and a flash of red hair turning to blonde. Faces and memories - the Slayers he'd killed. Buffy. Oh god. This was Faith's blood.

He found a burst of strength and pushed Angel and his wrist away, pulling himself to his knees and then to his feet, grunting with the effort. He turned, aiming for the door.

'Spike.' Angel said, getting to his feet from where had landed. 'You need this.'

'N-no.' The blond stuttered, not looking at him.

'You haven't had enough.'

'I can't drink that!' Spike yelled, stumbling as the last vestige of his strength left him. Angel grabbed him before he hit the floor, holding him against the wall, looking into the tortured blue eyes of his elder.

'You have to.' The brunette said. 'For her.'

'I can't.' Spike wept, cursing himself for the weakness. Angel snarled, pulling back a fist and punching him. Spike didn't react and Angel slammed him against the wall. 'Stop!' The older vampire pleaded, feeling himself slipped. Angel hit him again and something inside Spike snapped, pushing the soul and the man aside. He vamped out, fixing yellow eyes on the younger vampire who dared to strike his elder.

He pushed him away, snarling, almost falling but keeping upright. He lunged for Angel, pinning him down and sinking his fangs into the juncture of Angel's neck. The elixir that Angel had stolen flowed into his mouth and he closed his eyes, drinking hard and drinking deep. Angel groaned underneath him, making no attempt to escape. Spike wouldn't kill him. He'd done what he needed to do anyway.

For Buffy.

She took the stairs slowly, hesitant to find whatever lay before her in Spike's apartment. She didn't know if Angel had made it here in time, or at all. Her nerves were frazzled. So when she came to the front door of his abode, she waited, trying to sense out the occupants. There were two vampire signatures. He was still alive.

Relief flooded her, and she pushed the door open, taking in Giles with his nose in books, and Xander propped in the old armchair Spike had found in a charity shop on Main Street, another book in his hands. It was a hideous thing but Spike had taken a shine to it, saying it had "history". She'd mocked him for that for days.

Angel was on the sofa, several empty blood bags on the table before him. He looked paler than she'd ever seen him, but that could only mean one thing. She didn't even stop to greet them as she put on a burst of speed to the bedroom, flinging open the closed door. Before her, bathed in early morning sunlight, his wounds healed and bare chested, was Spike.

Healthy, alive, Spike.

She smiled as she burst into tears and he turned to her, smiling softly. Buffy threw herself across the room and into his arms, holding him so tightly that if he'd been human, he would have died. He held her back, running his hands over her hair, shushing her as she sobbed into his chest.

'You're alive. You're okay.'

'That I am, pet. Thanks to you.' He pulled back, putting a finger under her chin and raising her eyes to his own. 'But we'll be having a chat about killing Slayers on my behalf, yes?'

'She's not dead.' Buffy said quietly. 'We made sure...' She gasped a breath. 'I betrayed her, Spike.'

His brow furrowed. 'Pet, she was the one...'

'No.' Buffy shook her head. 'I did it first. I never got to know her, not properly. I never gave her a place. She could have belonged with us and I cast her out.' She closed her eyes and leant her forehead against his collarbone. 'I won't let her wake up alone. I won't abandon her again. She might hate me forever, but I have to make this right.' She held onto him tight. 'I'm a terrible person for what I did.'

'Maybe you are, kitten.' He said quietly. 'But a truly terrible person wouldn't have realised all that. A truly terrible person would have killed her outright.'

She pulled away, looking up at him with a soft smile. 'How do you always know what to say?'

He smirked. 'Some people are just naturally amazing, Buffy. You should know that.' He moved to rest his forehead against hers. 'You're one of them.'

The Slayer melted.

They'd relocated to the library for the war plans. Buffy had thought about everything whilst she'd been waiting at the hospital and come up with a plan. She was tired, beyond tired, and Spike had bugged her to take a nap. She would, but only once she had the soldiers motivated and moving. Then she could maybe spare an hour. She wanted to make sure she had everything out in the open.

'That's the basic plan. So. Am I crazy?' Six pairs of eyes landed on her. Spike smirked, not needing to look at her.

'Well, "crazy's" a strong word...' Willow said, looking at her best friend with hesitancy.

'Let's not rule it out though.' Giles muttered, pulling his glasses out. Buffy looked directly at him.

'You don't think it can be done.'

'I didn't say that. I might, but I haven't yet.' He said, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards.

Cordelia raised her hands. 'Okay, well, I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.'

'We attack the Mayor with hummus.' Oz said suddenly, leaving the room in silence. Cordelia tilted her head.

'I stand corrected.'

'Just keeping things in perspective.' The werewolf said with a small grin.

'Thank you. My point, however, is crazy or not, it's pretty much the only plan. Besides, it's Buffy's and she's slay-gal, you know. Miss Like-to-Fight, so...' She trailed off, unsure of what else she could say.

Xander smiled over at his former girlfriend. 'I think there was a 'yea' vote buried in there somewhere.'

'Well, I need you all on board. Especially you, Xander. You're kind of the key to this figure here.' Buffy looked directly at him and the boy swelled with pride.

'Key? Me? Okay, pride... humility... and here's the mind numbing fear. What do I have to do?' He asked earnestly, leaning forward.

'Do you still remember any of your military training from when you became soldier guy?' The Slayer asked and he nodded in excitement.

'Ooh! Rocket launcher?'

Buffy shook her head. 'Rocket launcher's not gonna get it done. Took a volcano to kill one of these things last time.'

Giles stood, replacing his glasses on his face. 'Buffy, all of this is dependant on your being able to control the Mayor. How do you plan to do that?'

'Human weakness. That's the way I'm gonna get to him.' She took a breath, looking to Spike. She'd already filled him in, and he reached over, squeezing her hand in reassurance.

'Human weakness.' Giles stated.

'Right.' She affirmed.

'Which is what?' The Watcher asked, confused.

'Faith.' She said. Everyone looked at her again and she pulled the knife from her jacket where she had concealed it, placing it on the table. It was still coated in her blood. 'When I was at the hospital, he turned up. And he was pissed. Beyond pissed. He was so angry, so...hurt. She is what made him human. That's how I'll get him.'

'You haven't an enormous amount of time.' Wesley announced his presence behind the group.

'Hey, it's Mister States-the-Obvious!' Xander greeted sarcastically. Buffy glared at Wesley.

'The Council isn't welcome here. I got no time for orders. I need someone to scream like a woman, I'll give you a call.' He looked sheepish as he glanced to the ground and back up again.

'I'm not here for the Council. Just tell me how I can help.'

Silence fell again and then Cordelia smiled at him. 'Oh, you are so classy.' She looked at Willow. 'Isn't he just so classy?'

'It's a start.' Buffy stood, feeling a bit like a general as she did so.

'So there is something I can do? Besides scream like a woman?' Wesley asked. Buffy looked around at her friends, knowing what she needed each of them to do.

'There's plenty. Chores for everyone. Okay, this is how it's going to lay out...'

To Be Continued...

I'm going to try and have another chapter up in the next couple of days. I'm back at work tomorrow, and I have a driving lesson and the gym after that, plus I have some paintings to do for my god-daughter (Peppa Pig, oh how I hate her) but somewhere in all that, I'll squeeze out another chapter.

On a story related note, I'd really like some feedback on this chapter. Especially Buffy's epiphany about Faith. I love Faith. I never used to, but she's got such an amazing character. The development on the show was amazing, but I always felt Buffy should have included her more, then maybe she wouldn't have gone to the darkside. Discussion on this is most welcome :)