A/N I know ya'll want me to get to the good part BUT there is much more drama to be had AND may I point out that the story IS called the longest journey ever. But please stay loyal and keep the reviews, alerts, hits, etc coming, they keep me going! (That and coffee)

Chapter 38 A little sadness is ok

After work John and Raven crashed in the room they were sharing, she looked fine but John could still see the sadness in her smoky receptors, she was hit right to the core by seeing Kharma's new baby. She didn't say anything else to him as she slipped into the bathroom. Raven reappeared several moments later in her pjs. Still not uttering a word she slipped into bed and closed her eyes.

"You can pretend to sleep all you want Raven but I'm gonna keep asking until you spill" John said gently. Raven shuffled around, his lips firmly shut. "Raven keeping it bottled up won't help no one especially you"

She rolled over and looked at him, her heart sinking further seeing the hurt in his eyes. He was the one person that would get it and she was just shutting him out.

"Its stupid" Raven finally mumbled. Sadness had taken over her voice. Strong and confident had gone and for a moment she was that scared girl again. John touched her shoulder, her skin feeling different to him.

"Memeber you told me nothing is stupid unless it comes from Izzy's mouth"

Raven finally let out a small giggle, "I just remembered somethin Chase told me"

"What was it?"

Raven let out another sigh "We were sittin around one day talkin about the future and stuff. This may shock you but one day I would like to get married and have a family. Chase said the same thing and we had it all planned out." Raven sniffed "Two days later he killed himself and sometimes I wonder if he killed himself just so he wouldn't have to marry me"

"Raven I highly doubt that"

"Well who would want someome like me?" She rolled her eyes angrily "Anyways seeing the baby today just hit a sensitve nerve. I was meant to marry a great guy who loved me and have a family but instead I was burying his body"

"Raven tell me about Chase"

She sat and looked at him, wondering why he had asked that of all questions. "Why?"

"Just tell me about him. What kind of guy was he? What did he look like? How did he act when you guys were together?"

Raven sighed but didn't speak, she was still wondering where exactly to start. "Chase was a sweet man, he was built like you but a little smaller yet he wouldn't hurt a fly. He had black hair and the most delicious brown eyes." Raven smiled at her memories. "His eyes used to make me crave chocolate like fat kids crave cake. He was always patient and sweet except this one time this guy got a little to close to my breasts. Chase punched him so hard his nose just shattered. I had never expected such a mean streak from my sweet Chase. When we got home he actually said sorry for losing his temper, he just didn't want me to get hurt. He always said that anyone who hurt me would pay for it" Raven sighed the lump in her throat away "Ironic it was him who hurt me the most" She punched the blanket "I still didn't guess that he was going to kill himself and thats what gets me the most, I should of seen it but I didn't" Raven closed her eyes sadly "Its my fault he's gone" Sad tears slipped from her cheeks, "I'm sorry John, but like I said I still have bad days."

John held her close, his hand rubbing her back soothingly "A little bit of sadness is ok Raven, its all apart of healing"

She just lay in his arms and wept silently, he was right, she was human. Sadness was ok. John held her until she fell asleep, gently he shifted her so she was on her side of the bed. For a moment he looked at her peaceful face, a small smile appearing. Raven was certainly beautiful. John had always thought that but looking at her now, it was like he had just noticed that she was a beautiful woman because right up until right now, he actually never thought of her as a woman.