Darn it, procrastination is a bad bad thing. For me. I'm really not supposed to be on here. I'm supposed to be being an adult and doing adult things. I'm bad at adult-ing ok?

Inspired initially by the once upon a time Instagram group (oh yes, there is one) and a hauntingly beautiful cover of say something by Jasmine Thompson.

Emma's heart raced, her palms were damp, her muscles tensed. He couldn't mean...

I'm not ready.

"It's traditional to answer the question, love." Killian's voice is lighthearted but his eyes are full of nervousness. He's holding a ring. Where did he get a ring?

Of course he's nervous he just asked ... Oh God, he just... Marriage is for people who have their lives together, right? People like Snow White and Prince Charming. For grown-up, rational people. It's for people who want a white picket fence, 2 1/2 kids and a golden retriever. Family photos on the wall, drawings on a refrigerator. I don't have any pictures to put up on a wall... I don't even think I like golden retrievers! Who doesn't like golden retrievers?

"I... Killian... I... can't talk about this."

"Swan, I love you. I spent a year apart from you and I never want to have to do that again. I want to marry you. I want to see you in a white dress and spend the rest of my life with you, maybe even..."

"Stop it. Killian don't, please-"

"Don't what, Emma. Don't love you? Is that what you want because it's a little bloody late!" He always wears his heart on his sleeve and she can see it breaking... but this is too much. Too fast. Too much.

Why is he doing this to me? Things were fine. Normal. We were fine but it's not enough for him. Never enough.

Killian is reaching a hand towards her and suddenly Emma jumps up. She just needs to run, needs to escape. She can hear him saying something behind her but she blocks it out as she races for the door of Granny's.

He wants more. He always wants more. What if I don't have anything more? Couldn't you just have let things be?

The air in the street is brisk and she takes a deep breath as she stalks out of the diner. She's not sure where she's going. Away. Away until things make sense again. Until he stops chasing, stops pushing, stops needing...

"Swan, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you," she hears him behind her and walks faster. Needing to escape, fuming because he was trying to ruin everything. She was finally starting to think she could do this, could figure out how to be home... but now everything is ruined. She couldn't marry him. Couldn't be that person he needed...but now what? People don't just go on happily flirting over dinner after something like this.

"Emma, Sweetheart, listen to me - " He's just behind her now and finally close enough to grab her arm and turn her back towards him. He releases his grip as she turns and glares up at him as though facing down an enemy combatant. "We don't have to talk about this now, but please don't run away from me."

"Can't you just be happy for a moment?" she spat out, "Things were good, we were fine, why do you always have to push-"

"I push because I'm the only one that will!" He shot back, "You are not exactly pounding down my door to show me that you...that you- bloody hell Swan... that you anything."

"Anything? We've only been dating for a few months... but you know I... I care about you but-"

Suddenly he took a step forward, his left arm pressed her into him while his right hand pulled her into a crushing kiss. It was a contest... A play for dominance like Neverland, but for once he wasn't letting her lead. His touch was searing and hard; greedy and desperate and she pressed back. This she knew how to do. This was safe. She instinctively clenched his leather jacket around the middle, pulling him forward, as if there were any distance left to close.

Her hands slipped up and around his neck. She pulled herself up and into the kiss giving him the fire... the passion he wanted. Maybe it would be enough? She pushed herself onto her toes as his left arm crushed her even tighter. His hand buried itself in her hair, but this time it was more than just a caress. His grip was hard and he forced her head into the angle he needed, kissing her deeply, making her head spin and not giving her a single moment to think... She couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't take control, could only feel.

Feel hard muscles and cold metal at her back, the tight grip on her chin, the heat of his lips, the chill of his rings, the need she could taste. Was it her need, or his? For a few precious moments she forgot to run. Her heart was pounding (or maybe that was his) and then just as suddenly he was gone.

He pulled away gasping for breath and leaving her chilled in the night air. He was watching her again, his heart in his eyes, waiting. Waiting for the answer she couldn't give him. As soon as he pulled away the panic returned, a clawing deep in her stomach telling her no.. she wasn't that girl in the white dress. She wasn't that girl who had everything together, she was just pretending. And now he was going to find out who she really was...

She took one step back then another, "I can't Killian-" Every step impaled him through the heart, she could see it in his eyes but she couldn't stop.

"We can talk about this another time, love, let me walk you home?"

"I don't want to talk about it later, Hook, I don't want to talk about it ever!" Emma lashed out, her temper flaring up again, (too much, too much, too much) "I just need... some space... "

This time he took a step back and she instantly regretted it... not like that. Not that kind of space. "If you still want to walk me home though..." she started but Killian just closed his eyes.

"You've just rejected my proposal of marriage, love," he smiled that little self-deprecating smile that made her heart ache. "I think perhaps, I'm going to need a little space as well."

"Are you still... I mean Henry..."

"Chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, love, as promised."

He turned and walked away, away from Granny's, away from her, away from the town, back towards a harbor with no pirate ship. When she got back to her parents' apartment Mary Margaret immediately went into the kitchen

"...this looks like it's going to be a hot chocolate night," she called, and Emma smiled halfheartedly. She could hear Henry in the next room talking to someone on the phone, probably Regina, and the cooing of baby Neal nearby as Charming tried to put him to bed. Henry was right, she realized suddenly. She needed to get her own place.

Snow appeared a moment later with two steaming mugs.

"So... What is it? What's wrong?"

"Killian... he..." Snow's eyebrows furrowed and for a moment Emma could swear her eyes darted over towards her bow and quiver. "He asked me to marry him," she finally said quickly.

"Oh... Well... um, that's ... Congratulations?"

"...I said no."

"Oh." Snow repeated, "really?"

"What? Should I have said yes? I mean Henry needs a father figure right?"

Snow almost choked on her cocoa, "I think Henry's got plenty of family in just about every position! This is about you, Emma... if you don't love him." Emma must have looked sheepish because Snow paused, "I mean you've... you've had something going on for months but... Emma do you... love him?"

"I... I think so," Emma finally admitted, "but it's not that simple. I mean you can love someone without having to run off and get married right away, right?"

"Yes.." Snow said hesitantly, "Of course, you have to do things when it is right for you."

Emma put her head in her hands, Cocoa untouched on the table, "I might have ... kind of told him I didn't want to talk about it... ever."

Snow pushed her hot cocoa closer, unsure of what to say, "and how did he take that?"

"Not great. I'm really bad at this kind of thing...but he said he'd still come over tomorrow. Remember he was coming over for breakfast. We were going to make pancakes before Henry goes to spend some time with Regina.

"Do you still want him to come over for breakfast?"

"Of course, I just... God, I've ruined everything haven't I?"

"No, Emma, no. Just talk to him about it tomorrow. Tell him what you told me, and that you just need some more time. I'm sure he'll understand."

Emma nodded glumly. Snow gave her a hug before going to help Charming tuck in their young prince. The house grew quiet...temporarily with a newborn in the house, but even so Emma couldn't sleep. It was 2 am when she decided she couldn't take it anymore. Changing quickly she slipped out of the house and walked back towards Granny's. She knocked softly at his door at first but gradually louder until Red came up behind her.

"He's not in there, Emma," she said sleepily.

"Oh, sorry I just... wait how do you know that?"

"Wolf ears remember, he hasn't come back since you ... left."

"Oh," Emma deadpanned, "I'm sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

Ruby shook her head, "It's all right, Emma, go find him, he headed out towards the docks, you probably already knew that."

Emma nodded and hurried out of Granny's making her way to the harbor. It was quiet and cold and she didn't know how she was going to find him but she knew she needed to. What was she going to say to him? 'Sorry I said I wouldn't marry you, but I still need you.' Yeah, great plan.

When she reached the docks she was hoping she would find him seated at the bench or in the boathouse, maybe just walking, but he was nowhere to be found. She walked until her fingers started to get numb in the chill but the docks were empty. Unless he was on one of the boats? In a cabin listening to her call for him and ignoring her. He wouldn't do that to her, would he?

When she got back to Granny's Ruby must have heard her coming back alone and came out to meet her.

"He's not there," Emma told her, "he's still not back in his room?"

"Sorry Emma, want me to help you find him?"

Emma considered for a moment but finally shook her head. "Get some sleep, he probably just… needs some space, he said he'd be back for breakfast anyway.

She slipped quietly back into the apartment, but her mother was already awake, pacing back and forth in the living room with Neal.

"Emma? I thought you were… where did you go?"

"Killian's gone, I can't find him anywhere," Emma sighed, falling down heavily onto the couch.

Neal had finally gone back to sleep in her arms so Snow sat next to Emma putting one arm around her. "He'll be back, Emma, you said in the morning right? Just give him some time and he'll be back."

Emma retreated back to her room. 4AM. But it's ok. He'll be here when I wake.

Despite the late night Emma woke early. The smell of pancakes already drifted through her door. Snow and Henry were already starting breakfast? She hurriedly dressed, listening for the sound of his voice through the door. As soon as she was dressed she burst into the kitchen.

He wasn't there. Charming held baby Neal and Snow and Henry were mixing batter, but no Killian. Snow caught Emma's gaze and came over to give her a hug and a kiss good morning.

"Don't worry Emma, he'll be here. He told you he would be, right?"

Emma nodded, glancing at the clock. He was late.

Killian Jones was never late.

It was a little abrupt, he could grant her that. They'd been having such a wonderful time these past few months, though, that of all things her storming out of Granny's in a fit of rage was not what he expected. And then... "I don't want to talk about it later, Hook, I don't want to talk about it ever!"

I'm not ready yet, he could have understood. He could have waited. But never? His pain must have shown on his face because she tried to step forward, "If you still want to walk me home though..." Killian closed his eyes.

Let's just pretend this never happened, right? Let's pretend you didn't just tell me you've no intention of marrying me, of ever being truly mine as I long to be yours. He tried to smile but he knew it probably looked wrong.

"You've just rejected my proposal of marriage, love...I think perhaps, I'm going to need a little space as well tonight."

Her face fell, "Are you still... I mean Henry..."

Henry. He had agreed to come over for breakfast in the morning. Now she was afraid he would break his word?

She asked for Henry? For Henry? What about for you Swan, do you still want me?

Clearly not, or she wouldn't have felt the need to react quite so violently to his proposal.

"Chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, love, as promised." Killian Jones did not break his word, despite the fact that being around Emma at this particular moment drove a spike through his heart. Seeing that look in her eyes, nervousness, and God... was that pity? He retreated, making for the docks out of habit.

I don't want to talk about it later, Hook.

He hadn't been Hook for a long time, and that stung almost as badly as her rejection. What was I thinking, he taunted himself, thinking that the princess, the bloody savior, would be mine?He made his way onto one of the boats, one of the few that still used sails. Probably belonged to Prince Eric at one point, but he wasn't exactly around to object. Why not? He had hours before breakfast and sleep was an unlikely prospect.

Killian double checked the navigation desk for maps of the area before pulling up the anchor and dropping the sails. It wasn't the Jolly Roger, not by a long shot, but the waves lapped at the bow and the ship rocked under his feet and he could breathe. Could finally breathe. He sailed under the stars until the coast was only a distant spec. The sky glowed a light pastel as flashes of green moved through the sky like waves on the water. He had thought it was another curse the first time he'd seen it, but Swan said it was normal... Aurora something, though he still couldn't figure out why the world without magic would name such a lovely display after a princess of the Enchanted Forest. For hours Killian allowed himself to drift, going where the wind and currents took him, watching only the stars and the sky and not thinking of Emma Swan.

It was a lie.

She was always there, in the back of his mind, taunting him. I just need... some space... Finally he made his way to the navigation desk. He'd lost track of the coastline hours ago, but so long as he could see the stars he could always find his way home. Or back at least. Setting a course for Storybrooke he watched the colors fade as hints of predawn grey crept into the sky. Finally, after hours, and with the sun just peaking over the horizon he caught sight of land.

It wasn't right though. The port was busy and unfamiliar and...he checked the maps again. It should be here... As he drew close to the port he saw a sign,

Welcome to Portsmouth, NH.

Bloody Hell.

This is something I could really see happening. No theatrical will she won't she anymore. Now they're dealing with the big stuff. He's all in, she's still scared. He's not going to give up on her, but wounded pride... Yeah, that could be a problem. Particularly if she dances one step forward one step back for a while...

Threw our spoiler kiss in there for good measure because I was tired of seeing the same story over and over (great stories, don't get me wrong I just wanted to go somewhere completely different. because I can.) No, I don't think that is what the scene will actually be about, Just having fun.

Oh and If any of my lovelies are on tumbler I'm there now...gusenitsagirl... Come find me!