Chapter Thirty-Six: Freaky Future Fantasies
The image of her took his breath away…still and quiet, like an angel. His angel. He could see her smile, her blue eyes seeming even brighter in the whiteness, sparkling with more emphasis than he had ever seen before. She put her hand out, looking him in the eye and telling him it was okay…that everything would turn out all right and she would be there to protect him. He took her hand and held it tightly, standing next to her and looking over the vast scene before him… His hand fell from hers as he took a step forward. Heat rose into the air, touching his face and exposed skin with its deep intensity. His eyes began to water and tear through the thick smoke, causing him to blink them away and focus more on what was happening. A dim light surrounded the scene, nothing heard but the distant crackling of fire. His arms were tightly wrapped around her limp and fragile frame, holding her upper body erect with a tilted knee. A hand rested on her face, his nervous eyes staring at her in shock and disbelief. Red streaks were visible through her blonde hair, contrasting her paler skin further. Her arms and legs lay loosely on the damp pavement, his diaphragm shielding her from the heat and flame. Her eyes opened at last, loose breaths escaping her lips with difficulty. She reached out to him, pulling on his chest in desperate fragility. She closed her eyes again, squinting through the pain and swallowing the blood that coated her throat. He said nothing, only stared at her helplessly. "Ryan…" she blurted, her fingers still gnawing at his collar. His eyes burned through her, mouth too dry to reply or call for help. This was it. How did this happen? Why? "Ryan." she repeated. The earth around him shook and blurred through the clouds of darkness. He sat there with her, unable to save her one last time…and knowing deep down that after this, his life was over. "Ryan." she continued. "Ryan."
He felt a shake again, a sharp pressure against his chest. "Ryan. Hey….Ryan, wake up." He leapt forward, completely disheveled and unaware of his surroundings. The same darkness filled the room. He gasped for air, blinking awake, feeling an uncomfortable wetness. He felt a hand on his chest and looked to his side, seeing the silhouette of a crooked head. The hand left him and the silhouette shifted, a bright light flicking on in an instant. She appeared to him again, eyes wide with deliberate concern. "Ryan…" she said again, touching his face with the back of her hand. "What happened?" He was soaking wet. His t-shirt stuck to him, forearms damp and neck dripping sweat. "You're burning up." she stated, moving her hand around each point of his face. He swallowed, resting on his palms and trying greatly to catch his breath. Confusion engulfed him. Was that a dream or...some kind of vision? Her eyes stayed glued to his, searching for answers.
"I-I don't know what happened…" he admitted. "I don't even remember falling asleep." Marissa's hand fell from his cheek, sliding it over one of his shoulders. She scrunched a hand, feeling the cotton of his shirt between her scrunched fingers. "You're soaking wet…come on." She got up, pulling him with her off the side of the futon. He looked around in delirium, the bedside lamp illuminating the room in which they stood. They were still in the pool house…must have dosed off from before. The same dream twice in a row? Only this time it had gone on further. She led him up the few stairs into the kitchen area of the pool house, switching on the light. She let go of his hand again, reaching over the counter to rip some paper towels. Folding them into a small rectangle, she turned on the kitchen faucet and let the water soak in. Ringing it out slowly, she flattened it again and pressed it up against Ryan's forehead. He closed his eyes, the cold water somewhat calming him. Marissa held it to his head, taking it off every few seconds to apply it to his cheeks and neck. After the towel became warm, she tossed it away and retrieved a single glass from a cupboard. Again, she turned on the faucet to fill up the glass halfway. Ryan shakily took it from her hands, lifting it up to his mouth and trying his best to swallow the cold liquid. He set down the cup, only taking a sip, and stood staring at the counter.
He walked passed Marissa, stopping in front of the shelves that held his clothes and picking out a fresh white t-shirt. He lifted the wet one over his head, tossing it across the room to land on the floor near the door. He pulled on the dry shirt, sighing with comfort and starting to feel better. "Ryan, what's going on with you?" Marissa asked. He walked back over to her, stopping at her feet. "I don't even know how to explain it." he admitted, shaking his head. "Can you try to at least?" she begged. He took her hand once more and led her back to the futon, sitting her down and taking a seat beside her. He looked down at his hands, not knowing where to even start. Why was this happening to him? He always had weird dreams…but this broke the mold entirely. "Remember earlier…when you came by and woke me up?" he asked, lifting his head to look at her in the eye again. She nodded silently, gesturing he go on. "Well I had a dream…and I told you that you were in it." he continued. "I didn't know where we were…you just- you just took my hand and told me everything was okay- that you'd be there to protect me."
Marissa listened intently trying to figure out why he was so shaken up over this. "And then what?" she asked. Ryan looked down again and sniffled. He ran a hand over his face and up into his hair, letting it fall down to his lap again. "And then…you looked ahead…and I looked too." He paused, getting flashbacks of what he saw. The fire. The darkness. The blood. Her cold skin and pale face. The smell of death that lingered even now. His eyes shut tight and he shuddered at the thought. Marissa gently put her hand on his leg. "Ryan, its okay." she whispered softly. "What did you see?" He opened his eyes and touched her hand, squeezing it tightly. It wasn't cold at all like he imagined. She put a hand on his back too, rubbing up and down to calm him. "I saw us…" he said finally, looking up at her again. "I saw us. We were in the middle of the road…I don't know where. Nobody else was around. It was just the two of us, and a car was on fire behind us." Marissa looked at him peculiarly.
"On fire?" she repeated. Ryan stared at the rug, nodding at her question. "You were in my arms. I was sitting on the middle of the road and you were lying in my arms." He squeezed her hand tighter. She sighed in panic, looking down at their hands entangled together. "Was I…"she started quietly, unable to finish the statement. Ryan shook his head and kept his eyes on the ground. "No, no not yet." he said. "But you just looked so…" he searched for the words. "You looked so fake to me." he said. "You were just white and laying there repeating my name over and over." She swallowed loudly, letting go of the grip on his hand. She sat there fiddling her thumbs, trying to make sense of it all. "But, what does this mean?" she whispered. "They say dreams mean something." He shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know." he admitted. "Maybe I'm just-"
There was a knock at the pool house door. Kirsten appeared in the doorway, interrupting their conversation with a bright smile. "Oh. Hi Marissa." she said cheerfully. "Sorry, I didn't know you were here." Marissa half smiled at Kirsten, everything still lurking in the back of her head. Kirsten stood outside of the pool house, leaning on a column that rose high from the patio. "I just came to see if Ryan wanted to eat." she explained. "Seth and Sandy are back if you want to say hello, Ryan." she said. Ryan got up and half smiled too. Marissa followed behind. "You can stay if you'd like, Marissa." Kirsten said as the three of them started across the patio. "It's Tai so we have plenty." Kirsten chuckled and put and arm around Marissa's shoulder. Marissa looked hesitant, glancing at Ryan to see if it was okay. Ryan stopped and turned around, looking between Kirsten and Marissa. "Yeah, why don't you stay?" he agreed. Marissa smiled at him and nodded, walking inside with Kirsten.
Sandy stood at the counter, scooping food from metal containers into large serving bowls. Seth sat at the table, already chewing rapidly. Sandy looked up from the food as footsteps and voices were heard from outside. Kirsten emerged into the house, followed by Ryan and Marissa. "Hey Sandy." Ryan muttered, walking to him and leaning on the island. "Ryan…" Sandy said, pulling him in for a hug. Over Ryan's shoulder, Sandy spotted Marissa standing at one corner of the table, watching Seth shovel food into his mouth. "Hi Marissa." Sandy said, handing Ryan a bowl of food and carrying one himself. Marissa lifted a hand and gave a small wave, smiling at Sandy as he gave her a huge too. They all encircled the table, pulling out chairs here and there and plopping themselves down. "Hey Ryan!" Seth mumbled through his mouth of noodles. Ryan gave him a high five and took his place at the table across from Marissa.
"So…you guys have to tell us about your weekends." Sandy said, filling his plate with Tai noodles and chicken. He smiled and looked at both Seth and Ryan, waiting for a response. Seth chewed the best he could, spewing a few random phrases. Everyone else remained silent, listening to Seth ramble and crack himself up about the happenings of Brown University. Ryan shuffled the food around on his plate, twisting his fork around and trying to tune out Seth's cackles. He looked up at Marissa who was doing the same, looking at him silently, her eyes basically saying everything. Ryan pushed his chair out and stood up from the table. "I'm uh, I'm actually not that hungry." he said, picking up his plate. "Thanks for dinner you guys, but I think I'm just gonna go lay down." Sandy and Kirsten nodded, as Seth paused his story. "Are you feeling all right, Ryan?" Kirsten asked, watching him walk to the sink and discard his food and silverware. "Yeah, I'm fine." he said. "Just not that hungry."
He walked across the rest of the kitchen, opening a back door and letting it close quietly behind him. Marissa still sat at the table, fork in hand. "I should…I should go see him." she said, getting up and walking to the door. She looked back at the table before turning the handle. "Um, thank you both for dinner." She smiled at Sandy and Kirsten who both nodded respectively. She looked at Seth who sat inaudibly, whispering goodbye and finally opening the door. Out on the patio, the pool house was dimly lit. She moseyed across to the doorway, looking inside through the glass. Ryan sat on the futon, head down and hands on the top of his hair. His elbows were rested on his knees and he sat still. She knocked lightly, opening the glass door and stepping inside. He looked up at her, letting his hands fall, and let out a deep breath. She stood a distance away, observing him from a far. He looked so tired, even though he had slept. His hair was messy, pointing every which way with no hopes of tame. In only a t-shirt and sweats, he looked as cute as ever.
She took a few steps forward, stopping in front of him and kneeling down to the floor. He looked down at her, sitting on her feet between his knees. They looked into each other's eyes in silence, Marissa's hand reaching up to rest on his cheek. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, leaning into the warmth of her hand. He sighed, and opened his eyes again to look at her. Marissa sat up slightly, now on her knees, face to face with him. She moved her other hand to rest on his shoulder, their faces only inches apart. She leaned in first, resting nose to nose and finally letting their lips touch. Marissa kissed him slowly, pulling his face in closer as seconds passed. He pulled her in by the waist, letting both hands rest on the small of her back. They both were gentle, knowing nothing would come from it…just enjoying each other's closeness.
Marissa pulled away from him, her eyes still tightly shut. He panted, rubbing a hand up and down her back. "What was that for?" he whispered as she sat back to the ground. She shrugged, licking her lips and taking his hand. "It just seemed like you needed it…" She played with his fingers, knowing the dream subject had to be brought up again. She squeezed his fingers and sniffled, finally intertwining their hands again. "So…" she started. He stretched out his bottom lip, looking to the side with this awkward moment. "I don't know what to think, Ryan." Marissa spoke. "I know it's probably not a big deal…it was just a dream. I just don't want you to take it this seriously." He nodded and rested his face in the other free palm. He knew she was most likely right. It was only the intensity of the dream that freaked him out. Even though he was asleep, he felt like he was right there when it was happening. He felt the heat. Smelt the smoke. Felt his heart break looking at her that way.
"I know." he finally said. "No more worrying, right?" Marissa smiled and got to her feet, bending to kiss him again. "No more worrying." she agreed. She glanced at the clock and straightened her jacket. "I should probably get home, huh?" Ryan stood up with her and nodded, bending backward to stretch and crack his back. He stood with her in the middle of the room, rubbing her upper forearm. "…Unless you want me to stay with you tonight." she suggested, putting her hands on his sides. He raised his eyebrows but shook his head no. "That's okay…I'm sure I'll be fine." he said with reassurance. Marissa nodded and looked into his misty blue eyes again. He pulled her in close, wrapping both arms around her arm back, squeezing her gently in a tight hug. "I'll see you tomorrow right?" she asked against his neck. "Tomorrow is Day 1 in Operation Make-Up." They both laughed, thinking of Seth and Summer's not-so-helpful help tactics. Letting go of each other, Marissa kissed his cheek and reached for the door, opening it widely to step out of the pool house. She looked back at Ryan with a warm half smile and walk away into the darkness.
He stood where she left him, hands in his pockets, staring out of the glass doors in aimless concentration. Finally he moved backward, sitting slowly on his bed. He shifted, centering himself perfectly between the pillows. He was still exhausted, but feared sleep now for obvious reasons. He sat there in total quiet, listening and thinking to himself. He needed a way to stay awake…