The Crooked Knife

by Browneyedbluez

Em suggested I join Twitter to make professional contacts. Between new friends there, and the security of my diary, I may survive this move to New York./ Em said Twitter was a good place to blow off steam, but that's why I keep a journal. Bloody git.

38. Chapter 38

The Crooked Knife

By CKBarGuy and BrownEyedBluez

We don't own Twilight. Or yellow Porsches.

Chapter 38

Wednesday January 12, 2011 AM

Dear Diary –

Ok, God forbid my diary ever gets into the wrong hands, and I really shouldn't write in it when I'm upset and PMSing.

I just re-read what I wrote last night after chatting with Edward. I didn't realize just how stupid self-loathing looks on paper. I know it won't be easy to tell him: obviously, since I've never been able to tell anyone in five years. Not even the therapists got the whole story, because I had to protect Em. But if Edward could let me in the way he did last night, he deserves the same respect and honesty from me.

It scares me a little, no, a lot, how much I don't want to lose him. I haven't let anyone get this close since Em, for this very reason. I just pray he won't decide I'm too damaged and not worth the trouble.

He wanted to tell me last night so that today would be perfect. I can't let my fucked up history mess that up, either, so I'll wait. Maybe I'll do a trial run with Angela before she leaves. If she's still talking to me afterward, then maybe it'll be easier to tell him. If she leaves on Saturday and never wants to speak to me again, at least I'm moving out of J's that day, too. I won't have to face her disappointment or her brother's.

The snow is really coming down and a state of emergency has been declared in NYC. I seriously doubt that car he's sending will get through. But hell, high water or ten feet of snow can't keep me from that man. I'm heading out and if I have to tunnel through the snow, I will.