Chapter 38

Four Seasons Hotel

46 Westferry Circus

Canary Wharf, London, UK

0245 local

I can't believe we've been dancing and shaking hands until almost 0300 in the morning. Harm guides me up the hallway towards our suite, which came as quite a surprise to me earlier. I thought we would go back to our house after the festivities, but Harm simply dangled the entry card to the suite in front of my face and grinned. "As far as I know our bedroom is currently equipped with hundreds of paper cups filled with water. And I don't want to spend my wedding night cleaning that up." With that he simply leaned in and started guiding me to the elevators.

Considering this is going to be our wedding night, Harm seems rather passive, only placing his right hand on the small of my back and giving me that hammer smile that's given me weak knees for years. Only when the elevator doors slide shut he turns around and holds me tight, both his hands on my waist. He starts to kiss me, but not passionately like I expected. Instead he keeps it sweet and loving, when I know his mind is really elsewhere.

Harm fumbles the key card into the lock and holds my shoulder to stop me from walking in. I want to turn around and fire off an annoyed remark but I don't get the chance to say a single syllable, before he sweeps me off my feet and carries me over the threshold. I laugh at the sheepish grin on his face and swat him just for the sake of it. "Hey, it's tradition!"

"Yeah, because we are so good at traditional!" My husband only shrugs and puts me down on the ground. "It's what husbands do, Mac. They carry their wife over the threshold. It's kinda like throwing the bouquet for the girls…" I roll my eyes and give him another poke on his chest. "Yeah and throwing the garter for the guys."

We look at each other and suddenly burst out laughing. I really hope Harriet got a good shot with the camera when Varese first caught the bouquet and then, a moment later, Sturgis got my garter. "You cheated, Mac. I overheard you earlier when you told the girls not to catch your flowers." Ha, Harm really has some nerves… "And you honestly thought I wouldn't notice you flipping that thing strategically into Sturgis' direction?"

He gives me a frown and another one of these sheepish grins. "I actually meant for Keeter to get it, but Sturgis got in the way." Well, I better not mention, that the great Harmon Rabb junior, strategically trained and battle-tested miscalculated the direction of his target. It will give me ammunition for later. Marines can never have enough of that against sneaky Navy guys after all.

We stand there, looking at each other and I'm mesmerized by the depth of those blue grey orbs that can tell so much more than the vocal cords in their owner's throat. I walk closer to my new husband and put my hand over the place where his heart is. I can feel it racing in his chest like I know my own does right now. The enormity of today slowly settles in and I have to swallow hard.

Later, I wouldn't be able to tell who started the first kiss or how long it took. All I know is that of their own accord, our heads move closer together and my lips part willingly, welcoming Harm's. We deepen the kiss and our lips dance to a rhythm of their own.

Harm's hands slowly glide down my face towards my shoulders, then lower even to my elbows before he folds me into his strong embrace, against the hard planes and angles of his chest. I can feel the heated ache of desire rushing through me and my arms wind around his neck, one hand sliding through his silky hair and cupping the back of his head, so I can pull him even closer to me.

When we draw back from each other, we are both panting, our chests rising and falling at an irregular pattern. His blue grey eyes have turned a dark shade of grey. "I've been waiting for this forever, Sarah." He whispers in a rough voice, just before he leans in again for another kiss.

I start popping the golden buttons on his dress uniform open, peeling one after the other through their holes. For years I've dreamed to take this particular uniform off him, imagined what it would be like and the most colorful imagination doesn't even come close to this.

It feels like our first time all over again and Harm surprises me once again. It will never cease to amaze me, how the proud and eloquent man turns into a shy and vulnerable being in moments like this. I give a nervous laugh when I feel his warm hand searching for the zipper at the back of my dress and with a little help we both manage to open my wedding dress together.

I'm not far behind either and his uniform jacket drops to the floor, frustrating me with the white t-shirt he always wears underneath. We take turns in peeling parts of our clothes away and soon we are both only covered in our undergarments, all the time sharing kisses that are achingly sweet and passionate at the same time.

Harm takes glorious eternity to peel my bra off my body, first sliding it off one arm and then the other, then leaning in to press tiny kisses on my shoulder and arms. By the time he has it finally off, I'm trembling all over.

His gaze travels over me, from my face lower to my breasts and then back up, caressing my body with his eyes and without a conscious decision, my hands lift and start exploring the hard muscles under his shirt, pulling it up his still hard stomach and kissing what I uncover. I realize in awe that his abs start contracting beneath my touch and his breath comes in rough, ragged hisses that sound suspiciously like my given name. "Sarah, please…" The hiss turns into a groan when my hands find his nipples, and I give in to the temptation to taste them. I kiss my way from one to the other and finally push the shirt over his head.

"My turn" he groans and takes my hands off his shoulders and holds them to my side for a moment. His hands slide up my flanks and softly cup my breasts, caressing the ultra-sensitive skin they find there. It takes every ounce of my self-restraint to keep moving and he doesn't make it any easier, when his lips close over my right hard nipple, his tongue lightly gracing me.

When he switches sides, I can't take it any longer and start fumbling at his Navy issued white boxers. I push them off his hips at the same time he finally pushes away my lacy panties and within seconds, both items fall onto the soft carpet underneath our feet.

Before I can do anything else, I'm in his arms, cradled against his chest and he carries me over to the waiting king size bed of our suite. He puts me down in the middle and immediately I reach for him, expecting him to stretch out beside me. But he doesn't. He decides to kneel at my hip, his right hand slowly sliding from my throat down, through the valley of my breasts and then across my stomach. My eyes follow his hand and I realize his muscles aren't the only ones contracting underneath a lover's touch. I look back up at Harm and find his face in deep concentration, his eyes barely holding in the firestorm of desire.

I drag him down next to me and marvel again at how unbelievably male he is. The hard muscles have filled him out when he got older and he is no longer the trim, lean man I met all those years ago.

He props up on one elbow and leans over me, pressing feather-light kisses to my cheeks and forehead, then my nose before his lips find mine once more and I loose myself in another of our kisses. My brain barely registers his hand sliding the length of my body, his nails creating a delicious friction on my smooth and already over-stimulated skin.

His hand finds all my sensitive spots, and like the trained pilot he is he zeroes in on them with his mouth, kissing each and every one of them thoroughly, coaxing me to heights I only find with him.

It feels like his hand and mouth are everywhere at once, provoking sensations so intense I'm not sure I'll be able to endure for very long. I fall over the edge when I feel his strong fingers sliding into the most secret part of me, arching my back to get more of him and he draws it out, slowly sliding his fingers in and out and a second wave is already in the making before the first one has really ebbed away. "It's ok Sarah, let go for me." Comes the whisper in my ear a second later and I start loosing track of where he is and when, because just a second later, I feel his lips over my sensitive bud and all intentions I might have had in drawing this out fly right out the window. With a strangled groan I fly over the edge a second time, panting hard.

As soon as I can breath again, I push him back down onto his back. He has taken me onto a very sensual journey already and I need to take him with me now, to show him the same slow pleasure he has offered me. I reach for him and grasp his straining manhood but he turns my hand away determinedly.

I know I sound pleading now, but I really need to feel him, to make him tremble like he made me tremble. "Please… please let me touch you." He shakes his head violently and presses another set of kisses against my throat "I can't Sarah, I want you too much right now."

For a moment his words don't make any sense, especially considering the impressive, rock-hard evidence currently pressing against my hip. I can feel the control he is imposing on himself, his body trembling from the strain all over and I can even hear his struggle in the hitch of his breath.

His hand travels again, this time behind my knee which he raises a second later and pulls it over his own hip, bringing us intimately close to each other. It would be so easy to move this last inch closer to him, but he holds me down, not letting me move up his timetable.

We are half on our sides and with a shift of his hips, I can feel the broad, blunt tip of him probing gently at my entrance and this time he doesn't manage to hold me back, because I arch my back and press closer, urging him on to finally join us together.

I almost cry with joy when he slowly and tenderly slides inside, filling me completely and still waiting for my body to accommodate him. A wave of sheer happiness sweeps through me, threatening to consume me completely. No matter how often we do this, it always feels like two halves have come together.

"You alright?" The lone tear sliding down my cheek must have caused this concern and all I can do is draw his head down for another kiss and rasp in his ear that I'm feeling wonderful. He tenderly wipes away the wetness on my face and starts withdrawing from within me with the same tenderness he entered a moment ago.

He slides almost all the way out and already I'm aching to feel him deeper inside again, but I don't have to worry long, because he slowly moves back towards me and I can't help but smile up at him. It seems to encourage him to start a rocking motion that caresses me from within, while his hands still make love to my breasts and both sensations take me away to a world of pure bliss and sensation.

His pace is torturing me, I need more than this, but he doesn't give an inch, instead keeping to his rhythm, while I'm desperate to reach my release. The urgency in me makes me whimper, I know, but I can't help it. Somehow he must sense my distress though, or he wouldn't suddenly pick up the pace

Somewhere in my brain it registers that Harm is somehow holding himself back a little and I try to push against him, urging him on to let go. Between pants I tell him what I need. "Harm, its ok, just let it go. I need you to let it go." He looks down at me and he's obviously unable to talk at this moment, but he seems to have understood what I want, because he quickens his pace and rolls fully on top of me, placing his full weight on his forearms and now rocks his entire body back and forth, stroking me even more with each thrust.

I wrap my legs around his waist and draw him even closer, deeper, silently showing him that he can't hurt me. I can already feel the sweet tension slowly build inside me, spreading from the core of my very being, waiting to be released.

I feel the tension momentarily coil tighter and tighter inside me and I know I can't take much more of this sweet torture. Harm thrusts once more and that's all I need to fly over the edge, shattering my control into a million pieces and all of them scream 'complete happiness' at me. And all these tiny pieces belong to one man only, always did and always will.

I can feel Harm's release too; uncoiling deep inside me and pleasant warmth spreads through me, lulling me into a cocoon of happiness. He tries to draw out both our pleasure, his eyes squeezed shut, and a long, throaty groan escapes his lips that sounds like my name. His whole being is trembling violently for what seems ages until the tension finally leaves his body and he slumps down next to me in exhaustion.

It takes us both a while to catch our breath and once I can think more clearly again, I start chuckling, which earns me a confused look from my husband. "I'm sorry, Harm. I just thought, not only the first kiss as man and wife is unbelievable!" He gives me that shy smile he always sports when we are in an intimate moment like this. "It was, wasn't it?"

He rolls over to wrap me into his arms and we both wrinkle our noses at our stickiness. I don't want to leave the bed at the moment though and when he tries to get up I tighten my hold around his waist to let him know I want him to stay.

Four Seasons Hotel

46 Westferry Circus

Canary Wharf, London, UK

0334 local

We lie there for quite some time, neither of us saying anything. This moment doesn't need any words anyway. The woman I love is finally wearing my wedding band on her hand, a hand I'm currently holding and stroking slightly, and we just celebrated our commitment to each other in a wonderful wedding.

After all the buzz of today's events, the quietness of this hotel-suite is welcome, especially since I can share it with Mac. I know it sounds sappy and silly, but right about now, I don't have a care in the world.

After a while Mac sighs and I turn my head so I can look at her, her big brown eyes upturned to me and a small shy smile on her lips. I draw the finger of my free hand over her cheek and lean in for a chaste kiss. "Care to share?"

She blushes for a moment and I raise my eyebrow. "Am I that obvious?" I nod my head slightly and she settles back onto my chest before she starts speaking. "I just thought about the moment I realized I was seriously in love with you."

Oh oh… she isn't going to get into the fact that we, mostly I, wasted nine years of our relationship until we got married, right? Not in our wedding night of all nights? "And?" I ask carefully, trying not to say too much, knowing I better keep my big mouth shut in moments like these.

She gives a little shrug and starts talking in a very low voice, barely above a whisper. "I'm not sure. I think it was that night in the Appalachians." Hmmm, I remember her asking me about 'Sarah' and whether or not I still loved her. I can remember that I wondered why her voice suddenly sounded so jealous, too. "I knew for sure when you told me you were going back to active flight status."

I tighten my hold on her involuntary. In hindsight, the fact that I was in love with her even then made me go and ask for her opinion. I kiss her temple to offer silent support, knowing I hurt her badly then.

We fall into silence once again. Her hand is trailing lazy patterns over my chest, her head comfortably snuggled into the crook of my arm. We don't take time for things like this often enough. Just cuddling and spending time together. At least not since our relationship turned physical. I make a mental note to enjoy this more often and not just on Sunday mornings before everyone gets up.

I chuckle. Keeter would laugh at me, if he could see me like this. It's Mac's turn to lift her head and look dumbfounded and I hurry to explain. It's not smart to start laughing while in bed with your wife… or so I'm told. "I just thought about Keeter and the fact that he would laugh at me if he could see us like this. You know… me in bed with a beautiful woman and doing nothing but cuddling…" A big grin spreads her stunning lips and she leans over for a kiss that turns into something else immediately.

"I understand fully… pilot reputation and all that." She leans down for another kiss and for a moment there is nothing else, just her and me. We kiss for what seems forever, lazy and slow, like there is no tomorrow.

When we finally lean back to catch our breaths, she brushes her hand over my locks that stand without doubt in all directions by now and pecks my nose.

We settle back into the covers and cuddle for a little longer, my eyes almost dropping shut by now. It's been a long day and an emotional roller coaster for both of us. I can feel how the adrenaline is slowly disappearing now and it only leaves a satisfied glow behind.

But before we fall asleep, we really ought to take a shower. Mac grudgingly agrees and drags herself out of bed to walk over to the Jacuzzi waiting for us there. I'm kind of proud for arranging this but one look at her and I decide to try the bathtub in the morning and really only go for a shower at the moment. Mac is dead tired and to be honest, adrenaline or not, so am I. We make quick work of washing the sweat off each other instead of enjoying this whole experience some more.

I'm almost asleep when Mac asks me about when I knew I was in love with her. I was afraid she would ask me that earlier and hoped she wouldn't bring it up again. But here we are. I don't answer for some time until she props herself up on one elbow and looks down at me expectantly. Damn!

"I… uh…" The one question a guy really fears… This is really hard. I could always adapt the facts a little I suppose… A raised eyebrow later I decide on the truth. After all, it's my wedding night and it's really not smart to start a married life together on a lie.

"Well, I don't know exactly when I fell in love with you." That's god's honest truth. "I… well… when you were tried for Ragle's death and we were in the Admiral's office because Brumby and I didn't agree on things, he accused us all of being in love with you…" She knows that story. I told her that on the Admiral's porch on her engagement party to Brumby.

"When he said it, it suddenly made me think and I had to accept that he was right." Not that I would have admitted as much, but still. It hit me really hard at that moment. "Before that… I never really thought about it." Which is true as well. Until that moment, I had never even stopped for a second to analyze my feelings for Mac. Sure she was important to me and part of my life like nobody else, but I had never really considered anything beyond friendship… at least apart from my occasional thoughts of kissing her. Only after Brumby's accusation, was it suddenly clear to me, that I wanted a whole lot more than what I'd usually had with my other girlfriends.

Mac doesn't say anything for a long while and I'm too chicken to turn my head and check if she's angry or not. "I know it sounds…" But she jumps in "very male!" That makes me turn my head and I'm relieved not to find her angry. She does seem a little hurt though.

"Mac, Sarah… you meant a lot to me and I knew that. You have to admit I've always been very protective of you. All Brumby did was stating the obvious. It wasn't like he made me see that you were lovable… he just pointed out what was already there." That seems to soften her a little but she's still way too silent.

I sit up on the bed and rest my back against the headboard, dragging her closer and pulling her into my arms. "I know how this sounds." I reach for her right hand that now sports her wedding band and start playing with the golden sign that will, from now on, show the whole world that she is spoken for.

"I wanted this for a long time. Even when we weren't on talking terms I sometimes imagined what it would be like to see you wear my ring and know that I would come home to you from wherever my job would take me."

We sit there for a little longer, and after a while I can feel the tension leave her and she snuggles closer to me. "I love you, too."

With that we slip beneath the covers and she settles into her favorite position: my arm around her, her head against my chest and her arm thrown across my torso. I grin at the picture. My Marine is possessive… but considering everything, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Harm and Mac's home

High Meads road

Beckton

London, UK

1502 local

In a way it's mean that Harm has to be at the office already while I was given the afternoon off. I had actually hoped to spend some time with Chloe, now that she is here, but she and Mattie spend most of the time holed up in Mattie's room, listening to things that give me a headache. It's a miracle they aren't deaf yet.

I have just curled up on the couch to start on my brand new Tom Clancy novel, when the phone rings and I groan.

"Rabb residence?" I stifle another groan when I hear who's on the other end and explain who I am. "This is Captain Byram's office at COMNAVAIRLAND, ma'am. I just wanted to let you know, that your husbands request to be taken out of the carrier-qualification-schedule has been approved. You'll get this in writing, of course, but your husband told me it was urgent, when he called our office about his request on Friday."

For a moment I'm paralyzed. What does this mean? I thank the Petty Officer on the phone and hang up, not knowing how to take this. Why the hell would Harm send in a request to postpone his quals, after assuring me they would neither interfere with our wedding nor with our honeymoon?

I just hope for his sake, that he didn't lie to me about that. That would be just great. A fully planned honeymoon cut short because Mister supersonic needs to be on a carrier god knows where.

I promised myself a while ago, that I wouldn't get angry about Harm and flying anymore. And I'm currently trying very hard to keep that promise. I'm worried though and I have a hard time keeping my temper in when he gets home. I just hope for my nerves, that he won't be kept at the office.

Harm and Mac's home

High Meads road

Beckton

London, UK

1632 local

Another day at the office and that means another day closer to my alone time with Mac. I really enjoy our family life with Mattie and I have to admit I like it that my mom and Frank are still around London and come to visit. But as good as that is, I want to be alone with my new wife for a while where nobody bothers us.

I enter our home and find her going through some papers at the living room table. Her erratic moves with the papers tell me, she is wound up a little and I better not tick her off just now. I move in behind her and gently wrap her in my arms, giving her a proper hello, but her head seems to be far away.

"Where's Mattie?" I ask, hoping our young charge has decided to take Chloe out to see some stuff around the city, rather than spend another afternoon holed up. "She and Chloe went to see Madame Toussaud's. I convinced them that listening to music is possible in the evenings too, but that sightseeing makes only sense during the day… at least at their age."

Mac gives me a noncommittal shrug and goes back to her stack of papers. "How was your day?" I ask while angling for a soda in the fridge and I earn another shrug of shoulders again. "Maaaac… did something happen?" Alright, Rabb… it's obvious something happened. I want to probe some more but I don't get the chance.

Mac whirls around and gets up from her spot on the table and towers in front of me. "You tell me. Carrier quals, COMNAVAIRLAND, request… ring a bell?" Oh, oh…I hold my hands up in surrender to calm her down. "Mac, it's not what you think." But she doesn't listen.

"Not what I think? You told me your quals wouldn't interfere with our wedding or honeymoon, you failed to tell me you had to postpone them. I guess I should be happy you postponed them instead of the wedding, right?"

I turn her around to face me before she can stomp off to fume somewhere. "Mac… Sarah. Would you please calm down? I didn't postpone my quals alright?" Mac only snorts sarcastically. "I didn't! I put in a request not to renew my carrier qualification at all!" Her struggles against my grip stop and she simply stares at me in shock.

I hadn't meant for her to find out like this, but damn it, what's her problem? She never liked it when I went up. Mac keeps staring at me open-mouthed and only comes to herself after a long moment. "You won't keep up your Hornet-qualification?" Her voice is full of suspicion and shock.

I wipe my hand over my forehead and try to put together a speech that wouldn't work her up any further. "No, I won't. I put in my request to end my re-qualification flights last Monday." Instead of softening, her eyes become harder though and the hands she stems into her hips only underline that I've managed to step onto yet another landmine.

"Interesting that I get to hear that from a Petty Officer, down at COMNAVAIRLAND, instead of you. And after you handed in the request no less!" I hate it when she starts twisting things like that. Already I can feel the anger and frustration creep up inside my own throat and I can't leave out the sarcasm when I tell her I didn't know I had to check all my decisions with her.

"All your decisions? Harm, this is an important part of your career and you don't feel the need to at least tell me about it?" Just bloody wonderful. Now anger has given in to hurt and I already mentally kick myself for the comment. On the other hand I don't understand what the big deal is and I tell her so.

"Big deal? It's not a big deal that you give up flying for good? It's not a big deal that you turn in your wings… the wings you fought so hard to keep after you crashed your Tomcat into the Atlantic Ocean the night before my destined wedding to Mic. The very same wings you valued so important that you left JAG and all your friends behind, after an eight year break? The ones you jeopardized your career for and probably postponed your promotion to Commander?" She comes walking towards me and hammers her index finger into my chest with each word, her voice getting louder and louder.

I turn around and walk back towards the front door. "You know what? I thought you of all people would be happy I finally stop flying. What was it you accused me of? Playing Peter Pan and following a boys dream when already a mature man?" With that I put my cover back on and slam the door shut behind me.

I get behind the steering wheel of my Corvette and hit the accelerator as hard as I can, making the tires screech as I speed off. Only a couple blocks away from our home do I slow down to take a break. I should know better than driving like this… especially in this car.

Why is she so angry about all this? I sit there in the car for I don't know how long before I punch a familiar number into my cell.

Horn Tavern

40 Knights Hill,

London, UK

1645 local

I'm kind of surprised the Captain wants to meet at this Pub of all places and I can't come up with a single reason for it either. I park my car at the curb behind his Corvette and enter the cozy bar where I spot him toward the back in a corner booth, already nursing a beer.

"Sir, you wanted to see me?" He nods towards the chair and I sit down, while he flags down the bar attendant and I order a Stout. "This isn't about business, Bud. I thought we established that I'm 'Harm' outside the office."

I note that he still wears his uniform while I already changed into my jeans and shirt after getting home. "I'm sorry Harm. I'm kind of surprised. I take it this is not a strictly social call?"

Harm leans forward and starts playing with the condensed water running down his glass. "I need advice, Bud." I raise my eyebrow and look at him expectantly, trying my best not to appear too eager. "What happened?"

He is silent for a minute, still playing with the droplets on his glass until he reaches over and hands me a folded piece of paper, with a nod for me to read.

My eyes scan the letter and I frown at what I see. "Harm, are you serious about this?" He gives me a sharp nod and takes another swig, ordering a second beer. "So when are you going to hand it in?" He sighs and tells me he already did. "And what did Mac say when you told her you wanted to quit flying?" I'm slowly getting a sense of where this is going to go, but I hope against my better knowledge, that he wasn't that dumb.

"She obviously answered the phone today when the call from COMNAVAIRLAND came to let me know they approved my request." Yup, there goes my hope, but I still want to clarify it. "So… you handed in the request and didn't tell her you would?" Please say no, please!

"Yes!" I fight the urge to shake him and hit my head on the table at the same time. How can a man of his education and talent be so damn mindless? "I didn't think it's got anything to do with us, it's my decision whether or not I want to keep up my flight status."

I groan in frustration. "Harm, that's the first rule of married life. NOTHING is just YOUR decision. Of course it concerns your career, but she's the one who was worried whenever you went out to a carrier. You should have seen the way she was every time she knew you would get your hand on a Tomcat or Hornet. She would snip at everybody and hole herself up in her office all day… and that was at a time when you weren't a couple even!"

Harm throws up his hands in frustration and nearly knocks over his beer. "But that's just it. I know she's worried whenever I go up, so why isn't she just glad I decided to leave active flight status?" I sigh. He just doesn't get it, does he?

"Harm, it's probably not that she isn't glad you made that decision. She is probably just worked up over the fact that you didn't talk to her before you acted. You know Mac better than any of us and yet you didn't think for one moment, that handing in your request and NOT telling her about it beforehand would be a dangerous thing to do?"

We spend the next hour and a half talking about the unwritten duties of a husband and I try to be as precise as possible in guiding him while not appearing to do so. When he keeps asking me if I want to drink something else I get suspicious. "Harm, by all means, it's not going to get any easier by putting it off. Hiding here won't solve the problem." And I know that from experience.

"I know… it's just… maybe I just wasn't made to be a husband." Now I don't believe that for a second and I tell him so. With time he will learn to avoid situations where he makes an ass of himself… which doesn't mean he won't end up in a tight spot every now and then. I flag down the bartender again and pay my check before I pat his shoulder and walk out to my car. I'm sure he's going to wallow in there for a little longer but there's nothing I can do about that. I just hope he won't wait too long.