The Young Conqueror
The Young Conqueror
Disclaimer: I did not invent Sun Ce or any other major character in this fanfic. Koei is responsible for the general appearance and mannerisms of the characters contained herein. I drew on the game personae for the sake of variety. Please note that most characterizations contained herein are based on the of the Dynasty Warriors 5 personalities, with the occasional reference to DW6 or an earlier incarnation of the game.
Since this is a story about Sun Ce, I've changed a few events to focus more on him. After Guan Yu he's my favourite character in the game and a li'l gratuitous action for the oldest Sun boy can't be a bad thing, right?
Enjoy!
The Young Conqueror, Chapter 38- Tigers
"Alright, let's try another scenario." Sun Ce said, smiling patiently. He was looking down at a map that displayed an area roughly three li by three li. Various terrain, such as trees, rock formations and a river were represented. Around the map were situated stones in two colours, red and blue. Ce placed the red stones in a small cluster next to the river and dispersed the blue ones about the map.
"So," he said, pointing to the map. "Your three units are here, spread out like so. You get a report that a unit of enemy archers is approaching rapidly and three other units of undetermined type are not far behind. What do you do?"
Xiao Qiao stared blankly at the map and the stones for close to a minute, saying nothing. She glanced back and forth between the opposing forces, the grouped red stones and the encroaching blue ones. She knelt down beside the table, looking along it, her eyes squinting. Eventually she sighed and stood up.
"This is hard." Xiao groused.
"Command usually is." Ce replied amiably. "Just think about your units and what you know about the enemy units and what you should do to prevent yourself from getting cornered and outnumbered. Go on, give it a try."
Xiao stared at the map again, fingering at the little wooden chips she would put next to a unit to indicate its formation. She eventually put a small, star-shaped wedge next to one of the red stones and gazed at Ce expectantly.
"So, you've put your spearmen in a circle," Ce observed. "Alright, now why did you do that?"
"So that they're ready for a cavalry attack," Xiao replied. "You said cavalry has a hard time dealing with spearmen who are in formation."
"True," Ce agreed. "But the closest enemy is not cavalry, they're archers- and now your spearmen are in a stationary formation and can be shot to pieces."
Xiao's face fell. "Oh…" she said quietly.
"But you still have two other units," Ce pointed out. "What are you doing with them?"
"Hey, you're right!" Xiao said, brightening up. "I've got archers and guys armed with shields and swords. So… using my archers to shoot at the enemy archers would be dumb and my spearmen are unprotected if they charge… I'll send my swordsmen after them!"
She moved the red stone that represented her swordsmen toward the blue archer stone, smiling evilly.
Sun Ce nudged the archer stone away a few inches.
Xiao frowned and moved her sword stone closer and once again Ce moved the archer stone away. Xiao sniffed like an indignant cat and moved her red stone again. Ce moved the blue stone away.
"Stop that!" Xiao yelled irately at the miscreant blue stone. She took her red swordsman stone and thumped it down next to the offending blue one with authority. Predictably the blue stone moved once again.
Xiao took the blue stone and threw it out the window.
Ce raised an eyebrow and looked down at Xiao in what could only be called amusement. Xiao felt his eyes on her and looked up at him sheepishly. She then hung her head and exited the room. She was gone for several minutes but Ce waited patiently.
Xiao eventually returned, soaking wet. She plunked the retrieved blue stone back down on the table in its last position. She noticed with dissatisfaction that the other blue stones had encroached further on her beleaguered red forces.
"Apparently stone archers are faster than stone swordsmen…" she grumbled.
"Yeah, archers are pretty quick, they have to be." Ce said agreeably. "Question is, what do you do? You can only chase 'em so far before your swordsmen get surrounded."
Xiao sighed despondently and stared at the map again. She pondered it for some time before a furrow creased her dainty brow.
"Tigers," she concluded. "I'll chase 'em down with tigers."
Ce blinked. "What? You don't have tigers, Xiao."
"Well, why not?" she asked.
"Because… I didn't give you any." Ce replied, perplexed.
"Why?"
Ce wasn't sure how to answer.
"Why hasn't my quartermaster provided me with tigers?" Xiao asked.
"Because no one has ever asked me for combat tigers before, I have to admit." Ce reasoned.
"Then I need a Nanman quartermaster." Xiao declared. "There is no reason for me not to have tigers. The jungles aren't that far away."
Ce threw back his head and laughed. He went to the door of the antechamber they were in and instructed one of the Night Tigers on guard to find a scribe. Less than a minute later, a small man carrying some sheaves of paper entered the room and bowed.
"Hao-le, I want a squad of tigers attached to Lady Qiao's current command."
The scribe looked confused and Xiao's eyes went wide.
"Er… by Lady Qiao, you mean Lady Xiao, milord?" Hao-le asked.
"The one and only," Ce said, nodding. "Yes, I want tigers and their handlers for her. Get her, what, about… ten? Whaddya say, Xiao, ten tigers?"
Xiao shrugged and nodded, at a loss for words.
"Alright, ten, then," Ce concluded. "So she wants them by the end of the month, make it happen."
The scribe bowed and hurried out.
Ce turned to Xiao and grinned. She looked at him with her head tilted and a confused expression on her face.
"Okay, what just happened?" she asked.
"I gave you tigers." Ce said simply.
"Yes, but why?"
"Because I'm open to new ideas; and if anyone could use tigers effectively for us, it's you, I figure."
"Really?" she squeaked, excited.
"I'm serious, Xiao." Ce said, nodding. "I think you'll make a really unorthodox and effective commander one day."
"But… but I can't even catch stone archers properly." Xiao whined, pointing at the map. "And you're going to trust me with tigers?"
Ce walked over to his sister-in-law and tapped his index finger against her forehead, smiling. "I believe in you, that's why. Don't you think it's about time you began believing in yourself?"
He nodded to her and then walked out of the room.
Xiao stood quietly for nearly a minute before squealing in delight, jumping up and down and clapping her hands. She dashed out of the palace and sprinted across the parade ground to the elegant pavilion she shared with her husband. She bounded up the steps to the study on the top floor, where Zhou Yu was sitting and composing an elegant poem.
"Zhou Yu!" she chirped as she burst through the door. "I couldn't catch the stone archers so Ce gave me tigers!"
Zhou Yu's brushed trailed slowly down the elongated sheet of paper, marring the poem. He hung his head and sighed in despair.
"I really have to have a talk with that man…" he said wearily.
--
"So let me get this straight," Da said as she walked alongside her younger sister through the royal pavilion's menagerie. The gardens were fragrant and beautiful. Xiao walked her pet salamander on a leash fashioned to look like blossoms. She was convinced that her amphibian felt pretty while wearing it.
"I just want to make sure I heard you correctly. Ce gave you tigers to fight with?" Da asked, eyeing her sister almost suspiciously.
"Yep," Xiao answered happily. "He said I'd do a better job than anyone else with them because of my unorthodoxy."
"You don't even know what unorthodoxy means." Da pointed out.
"Sure I do, it means I get tigers." Xiao replied. She turned down a small side path, pulling gently on her pet's leash. The salamander croaked and followed. She walked on Xiao's other side, away from the green and red monstrosity. It was normally a docile creature but she had seen it panic on occasion…
Da sighed and wondered about cosmic justice. Here she was, working her behind off to become a competent commander, shedding blood alongside her valiant troops and Xiao's lunacy got her access to exotic warbeasts?
She frowned, shaking her head. She had no business being jealous of her younger sister- Xiao wasn't married to Sun Ce, she was. Xiao wasn't princess of the Southlands, she was. In the grand scheme of things, Da had very little to complain about. After all, nobody was making her take her troops into the field and help command the armies of Wu; she was just dumb enough to insist.
"Why do you fight, sis?" Xiao asked, as if reader her thoughts.
Da pondered her response. "Why do you?"
"Oh, good answer, mighty sage." Xiao said dryly, stopping to let her sulfurous pet drink from a pond. "I want Zhou Yu to be proud of me. He's so smart and I guess I feel like I need to earn his attention and respect. Your turn."
"Ce needs me to." Da said finally.
"Oh, he does not," Xiao snorted. "As soon as he's figured out how to be everywhere at once he won't even need an army."
"It's a little deeper than that," Da reasoned as she stooped to caress a water lily that was floating in the pond. "Ce needs me to be more than I am."
"Oh, this relates back to your trippy conversation with the old guy with the white beard and weird tattoo, right?" Xiao asked, allowing her salamander to glide slowly into the water.
"If you mean the great sage Zuo Ci, then yes."
"Well, if he's so great, then why has my Zhou Yu never heard of him?" Xiao asked as she stepped onto the salamander's back and letting it float her across the pond. She leaned forward and stood on one foot, balancing herself. Da walked along the edge of the water, placing the lily blossom she had plucked in her hair.
"Not even Zhou Yu knows everybody or has heard of everyone, silly. But if Zuo Ci is right, and I am inclined to believe him, then the Da Qiao I currently am must give way to a new and stronger woman."
I'll miss the old Da Qiao," Xiao said, changing feet. "Just promise me that no matter how strong or crazy you get you'll always be my sister, okay?"
"I don't think you need to worry about that." Da said, smiling warmly. She loved the way the trials of the world did not bother Xiao. In a land fraught by strife and hardship, all Xiao cared about was making sure they'd be sisters forever.
Da turned and looked across the menagerie- across the wrought-iron partition fence, overgrown with ivy, she could see her husband and daughter, playing with their pet white tiger. The girl and cat were chasing Ce around a sward of emerald grass. The girl squealed in delight as the cub gamboled after him. The tiger squalled and leapt as Ce's legs. Laughing, he fell to the ground, instantly pounced upon by his daughter and her furry conspirator.
Da Qiao was entranced, just watching. What had she ever done to deserve such a wonderful, blissful and perfect life?
"Sis? Sis? Hellooooooo…"
Da snapped out of her reverie. She looked over at Xiao, who was standing on her salamander's back in the middle of the pond with her hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised.
"We all know how lucky you are to be the most powerful and important woman in Wu, but the rest of us don't feel the need to zone out about it."
"Sorry." Da murmured, blushing.
"Yeah, and I'm the airhead." Xiao muttered. Her pet reached the opposite side of the pond and she hopped lightly off it's back. The salamander crawled up onto the elegant stone path and she stooped to scratch it along the crown. It gurgled and croaked appreciatively.
"You have to admit, a lot has happened lately." Da pointed out.
"Lots of stuff is always happening to us and it's still no excuse for always having your head in the clouds." Xiao replied. The irony of being told this by her younger sister of all people was not lost on Da.
Xiao decided to get her sister back into the original conversation. "So, you need to be a great and glorious warrior-queen. What do you plan to do about it? Is being a good commander enough?"
"I have no idea." Da said, shrugging. "I don't really know what's involved with being a good warrior-queen, to be honest."
"Well, being a good commander would make you just another good commander, and we have plenty of those, I think." Xiao ventured. "So there's gotta be something else."
"True," Da conceded. "So then it has to be something only I can do…"
Xiao watched her sister for a moment. "Oh, I know that look. Whatever it is you're planning, just promise to start small, okay? Don't bite off more than you can chew."
Da smiled. "I promise."
The walked along together, enjoying the fragrance of the exotic flowers of the menagerie and the warm summer air. A beautiful peacock strode onto the path and Da stooped down to stroke its plumes. The bird clucked and cooed happily. It then looked up expectantly at Xiao, who complied. After a few seconds, the bird looked at the salamander, head cocked to one side, obviously expecting more of the same.
The amphibian snorted, flame gouting from its nostrils and immolating the hapless bird. The peacock screeched horribly and then collapsed in a greasy heap of burning carbon. Ever other avian in the menagerie went berserk, flying around in a panic and molting.
Da Qiao looked at her sister. "Well, that had been my favourite studding peacock, with impeccable lineage. Now he's just lunch."
Xiao blushed furiously. "Sorry, I'll replace him."
Da watched with revulsion as the salamander leaned forward and began eating the charred remains of the peacock. It paused and looked up at her, chewing and crunching slowly, blackened feathers dangling from its mouth. It let out a low croak.
"Same to you, bug-face." Da said sullenly.
--
The Valiant Cavaliers were drinking and laughing loudly as they sat around the tables prepared for them. Out in the field to the north of Baifu, a feast had been prepared for them by the order of their commander, the Lady Da Qiao. The night was wearing on but the men were merry with wine and enjoying the antics of the entertainment.
The men sang and caroused while wine was heated and served for them. Their plates were piled high with savoury meats and delicacies while girls whirled about in dances and musicians played for their amusement. In the middle of the head table, Da watched and smiled at the proceedings, happy that her men were having such a good time. She spent so much time away from them that she hardly felt like a proper commander, in spite of their near-fanatical devotion to her.
Two weeks ago, a huge brawl between the Valiant Cavaliers and another of Huang Gai's companies known as the Iron Fists had occurred when one of the men from the Fists made a comment about Da's martial competency and several of her Cavaliers took issue with the man. It was only the furious intervention of Taishi Ci and Huang Gai that had prevented the matter from getting out of hand and turning into something more serious than a company-wide fistfight.
In spite of this atrocious lack of discipline, Da asked Huang Gai for permission to feast her men, to keep their spirits up. The General had granted her request, understanding the importance of morale. Da attacked the task with a will, overseeing all the preparations herself, as only a first-class courtesan could do. Every detail was seen to and no contingency unplanned for.
The evening wore on and Da agreed to entertain the men herself, as only she could do. She sang and danced and did impressions. Se mimed the Yellow Emperor Huang Di, legendary first ruler of China, in all his belligerent glory. Next she caricatured Huang'O, the goddess of the moon, pining eternally for her husband Yi, the Celestial Archer, while her men whooped and feasted.
She entertained the men for some time with her impressions and finally bowed to their applause, wiping a sheen of sweat from her brow. She was thoroughly enjoying herself.
"Thank you, my friends!" she said grandly. "I will do one more impression before turning the entertainment back over to the musicians! Whom would you like to see me portray?"
One young man, who had clearly had too much wine, called out loudly. "Lord Sun Ce!"
There was dead silence throughout the company.
The man flushed with embarrassment while many of his comrades gazed at him in something akin to shock and horror. This was an offence worthy of a severe flogging, if not death itself.
Da felt bad for the man, who was clearly ashamed of his drunken outburst. Unable to bear his discomfort any longer, she made her decision and bowed to him.
"Good sir, nothing would give me more pleasure than to grant your request."
Her troops watched in stunned silence as she turned her back to tem and began to prepare. She tucked her blouse into her pants, making sure it was tight. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath…
She turned around and faced her men, standing lazily into one hip, with a cocky grin on her face.
"So, you're all here to see me, huh? Lucky you, because I don't do this for just anyone', y'know…"
The Cavaliers watched in silence as she sauntered around the clearing between the long tables, illuminated by the licking flames of the great fire.
"So they're callin' me the Young Conqueror. These guys're makin' me blush."
A couple of the more senior members of the company began to chuckle at her impersonation of the lord of Wu. Da was capturing his facial expressions perfectly.
"Oh, so you guys like to laugh, is that it?" she asked, turning to face the head table. She began swaggering towards them, her gait aping that of a person with much larger muscles. She cricked her neck and rotated her shoulders, as Ce was wont to do when he was warming up for a fight.
The men began to howl with laughter. Da held up her hands in a tiger claw posture, dancing back and forth from foot to foot rapidly. She jumped out of the way of some imagined and mighty strike and landed lightly, grinning at her invisible assailant.
"That all you got, pal?" she asked tauntingly. "Because as massages go, I'd give that a six outta ten."
She danced and leapt back and forth, striking and dodging as she had seen Ce do on the battlefield. She may not have known exactly how all this maneuvering related to combat, but she could mimic effectively, if nothing else. She would pause during the feigned fight and pace in a slow, measured circle, 'flexing' her chest muscles as she did so.
She picked up two sturdy sticks from the fire pit and began spinning them around as Ce did with his tonfa. She delivered mighty blows to the unseen foe, spinning and striking swiftly and gracefully.
"Am I good or what?" she called loudly as she finished off her opponent.
The men were whooping and hollering in delight at her antics. She threw the sticks away and slowly turned her back to the men and began flexing her muscles, smirking at them over her shoulder. Her second-in-command actually fell out of his chair, he was laughing so hard.
She then took a scroll from the head table and began perusing it, making a wry face. She made a gesture to hand it off to someone else, clearly Zhou Yu. She then proceeded to flex and appreciate her biceps, which were clearly of more interest to her.
Her impression lasted another ten minutes and her men were hoarse by the time she'd finished. They applauded loudly and she bowed with a casual laziness that Ce was renowned for. The Cavaliers thumped on their tables ecstatically or shook their blades in the air. She returned to her place at the head table and was served wine by her grateful commanders. They kept her drinking well into the morning and she decided that she didn't care if she would have a murderous hangover the following day.
--
Da and Xiao entered the throne room and were instantly aware of the air of tension. Ce sat casually on his throne, looking as unperturbed as ever, while Zhou Yu stood patiently beside. Everyone else, though, seemed apprehensive.
Da bowed before her husband and joined him on the dais while Xiao stood off to one side. "My lord, why is everyone so nervous?" she asked.
Ce shrugged. "I dunno, we just have some visitors coming."
Da's eyes narrowed. "Who, my lord?"
As if in response, the great doors to the hall opened and were held open by their attendant Night Tigers. From outside entered several figures, led by two very distinguished individuals…
Liu Bei and Cao Cao, side by side, strode into the hall. Behind them came a selection of generals and guards, notably Xiahou Dun with Cao Cao and the mighty Zhang Fei with Liu Bei. Both men seemed to be on a mission and their faces were stern.
Sun Ce stood as they approached and smiled at them before bowing. "It is good to see you both again, my friends," he said cheerfully. "How can this humble servant of the imperial house help you?"
Liu Bei returned the bow respectfully while Cao Cao nodded curtly. "We have urgent business to discuss with you, lord of the Southlands…" the latter said in his tight and penetrating voice.
Ce nodded. "It'd be my pleasure. But first, my congratulations to you, Lord Cao Cao, on being named Prime Minister by the Son of Heaven, and you, Lord Liu Bei, for finally being recognized as an Imperial uncle and scion of the Royal House."
Liu Bei clasped his fist in his hand and closed his eyes. "Thank you, Lord, for your kind words. Your reputation for warm words is well-known and obviously merited."
"Where is your other brother, Guan Yu?" Ce asked.
"Alas, my younger brother is not with us for this venture," Liu Bei said somewhat sadly. "He has remained in the north, guarding the borders facing Xia Pi, for a strong warrior is needed there."
"And that is what we have come to discuss with you, Lord Sun Ce." Cao Cao interjected. "There is a menace in the north that I believe requires the attention of all faithful lords of the realm."
"I'm willing to bet I already know what you're getting at." Ce mused. "What of your bodyguard, Lord Cao Cao? Where is the renowned Dian Wei?"
Cao Cao's eyes grew hard. "He fell, alas, defending me from treasonous swine in Wancheng. Were it not for him…"
"I did not know him, but I am sorry for your loss." Ce said, descending the dais, still wearing his great vermillion and gold cloak about his shoulders. "It is always painful to lose a loyal vassal."
He was looking at Cao Cao but he couldn't help but notice his sister's attention firmly fixed on Liu Bei. Sun Shang Xiang seemed thoroughly intrigued by the scion of the Han. He filed that away as an issue to ponder later.
"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Lu Bu is causing trouble in the north." Ce said, standing in front of the two men. Xiahou Dun seemed to almost bristle as Ce approached his cousin, but said nothing.
Cao Cao nodded. "And since you are one of very few to ever fight with that monster and live, we thought we should come and speak to you about the potential solution to this problem. Only my cousin, Xiahou Dun, and Master Zhang Fei have fought him one-on-one, aside from yourself. Your input on this matter would be appreciated."
Ce nodded. "Perhaps we should discuss this in private. I will have a room and wine prepared for us promptly…"
--
Sun Ce sat around a low table in a quiet antechamber, while servants poured cups of wine for each of them. Nearby, Xiahou Dun, Zhang Fei and Taishi Ci waited silently. Zhou Yu sat off by himself, ready to record any pertinent details.
Ce nodded to the other two men. "So then… Lu Bu is on the rampage? What has that bastard done now?"
Cao Cao looked grim, even by his standards. "As you may know, he has, over the past few seasons since the death of Dong Zhuo, allied himself variously with lords around the north, all of whom were eager to have such a powerful warrior as an ally."
Ce pursed his lips. "And, of course, he turned on them as soon as it suited him to do so."
"Like enough," Cao Cao agreed. "And to my shame, I must admit that I too played host to him for some time, before his arrogance and danger to my house became intolerable."
"It was I who last gave him shelter, in Xia Pi." Liu Bei added. "He was fleeing from Yuan Shao and I succored him, along with his mistress, Diao Chan and another warrior, Zhang Liao."
Ce nodded, and no one seemed to notice the darkening of his countenance at the mention of the realm's most famed courtesan, rivaled only by his own wife, Zhou Yu's, and the lady Zhen Ji, married to the son of Yuan Shao.
"My brother, Guan Yu, was abroad on a mission for me while Lu Bu was my guest. Unfortunately, one night, after Zhang Fei and I had imbibed too much wine…"
"Oh, don't lie on my behalf!" Zhang Fei boomed. "I got drunk and fell asleep, you were out of the city, brother. You don't need to cover for my mistake!"
"In any event," Liu Bei continued. "Lu Bu decided one night that Xia Pi rightfully belonged to him and attacked my garrison, routing it almost instantly. My men got Zhang Fei out of the city-"
"Still drunk." Zhang Fei added testily.
"And we fled to find my brother, Guan Yu." Liu Bei finished. "Since then, we have been on the move, looking for a place to settle down."
"Seems to be a habit of yours," Ce said cheerfully. "Just remember, my invitation to you three stands- you will always be honoured guests within my realm."
"Pleasantries aside, we have a problem on our hands." Cao Cao said. "Lu Bu now controls the vital territory of Xia Pi and looks to ally himself with Yuan Shu, your overlord. Left free to rampage…"
"He's gonna be more than a minor nuisance, yeah," Ce concluded, his brow furrowed. "Alright then, what's your proposal?"
"Lord Liu has agreed to raise troops, along with some other nobles, to ride alongside my own armies to Xia Pi to deal with Lu Bu once and for all. What we want is for the Southlands to provide troops to march alongside our own."
Ce was silent for some time before raising his eyes to look at the other two lords. "I'll go. And I'll bring my Night Tigers with me."
Cao Cao raised an eyebrow. "So few you offer? I know your realm is young, Lord Sun Ce, but it is not so fledging as to send forth such a pittance."
"This war against Lu Bu ain't gonna be won by throwing thousands of men against him and you know it." Ce said reasonably. "It's men like Zhang Fei, Xiahou Dun and I who will take him down. There's no sense letting innocent men get slaughtered for no reason."
"I have already told you, he is seeking to ally himself with Yuan Shu," Cao Cao insisted. "Even if men such as you deal with Lu Bu, his men and the armies of his allies will prove formidable."
"And you also just finished pointing out that Yuan Shu is my overlord." Ce said evenly. "I've got no problem fighting Lu Bu and bringing him to the emperor's justice, but I won't fight Yuan Shu. You guys can tussle with him and leave the big guy to me."
Xiahou Dun stood, his one eye blazing angrily. "You dare mock the Prime Minister, Lord Sun? What manner of nonsense is this? What of the vaunted hospitality of the Sun family?"
"I'm not mockin' anybody, General." Ce said firmly. "I am saying that my position requires that I not fight my superior. The Imperial House has not declared Yuan Shu a traitor, so I will not raise my hand against him. The Prime Minister, on the other hand, has declared Lu Bu a menace to the realm, and therefore I will happily go fight against him."
"But why so few troops, Lord Sun?" Liu Bei asked, more intrigued than anything.
"Because if we send lots of troops, they'll just die." Ce reasoned. "If we don't have troops, we'll need to find other ways to fight and to neutralize the enemy forces, including Yuan Shu's. The gods aren't always on the side of the biggest battalions. Lu Bu has never been a threat to us here in the South, why would I get my men killed for that?"
"And if Lu Bu ever decided to take refuge in the South?" Xiahou Dun asked pointedly.
"He'll never would be a guest here in the south, because when I found out he crossed the Great River, I would go myself and kill him. I'm not crazy enough to invite him to be a guest just because he's Lu Bu. I know a lunatic when I see one."
"Well, he has us there, Prime Minister." Liu Bei said, sighing. "We willingly allied ourselves with that monster at various times for advantage, ignoring his history and the obvious."
Cao Cao said nothing.
"I already told you, I agree that he has to go." Ce continued. "But I see no need to waste the lives of my men fighting him. At Hu Lao gate, he destroyed almost an entire regiment single-handedly. But I fought him to a standstill. Zhang Fei has fought him twice and Xiahou Dun held him off in battle too, although it cost him an eye."
Ce leaned forward to emphasize his point. "I will go, along with my Night Tigers. For good measure I will bring Zhou Yu and his Swordwind troops. That's over one thousand elite troops, as tough as any either of you have to offer. My armies are busy securing my borders and contesting the Nanman tribes to the south. They have their hands full already."
Cao Cao drew a deep breath. "Lord Sun, if you will provide but one more division, I will happily agree that you have done your part."
Ce was silent while he thought of an answer. "Alright then, I'll bring along my sister and her Amazon guard- they're as tough as anybody and they'd love to take a crack at Lu Bu. That's three, you happy yet?"
Cao Cao and Xiahou Dun seemed perplexed by Ce's offer, whereas Liu Bei merely nodded and Zhang Fei snorted. Still, none of them could deny the effectiveness of Shang Xiang's troops at Hu Lao gate, single-handedly holding the left-flank.
"Very well, Lord Sun." Cao Cao concluded. I would have you ride north to join our forces in a fortnight. The sooner we deal with this issue, the better. Lu Bu must not get entrenched in Xia Pi."
"No argument there…" Ce said grimly.
--
"My lord, I want to go with you." Da said, watching sun Ce check his war gear in their private chambers.
Ce stopped and looked at her. "Da, normally I don't put my foot down about your crazy ideas, but… are you crazy?"
"I promise to stay out of trouble, my lord." Da insisted.
"You always say that." Ce retorted.
"I know, but this time I mean it." Da said, her tone pleading. "Lord Sun Ce, you are heading out to fight Lu Bu. I could not bear to see you off and then watch as you came back on a litter."
"I won't." Ce said.
"Ce!" Da Qiao said, taking him by the arms and looking up at him, her eyes wet with tears. "It nearly destroyed me to see your father brought back to Jiang Dong slain. I would surely die if you were to return so. You are going to fight Lu Bu. The men may appreciate your bravado, but I am your wife! I cannot bear the thought of seeing you ride north and agonize over whether you will live or die, waiting day after day to hear those drums…"
She burst into tears and hugged him tight, her face buried in his shoulder.
"Those awful, awful, drums…"
Ce enclosed her in his arms, kissing the top of her head and his eyes shut. Did he really want to spend what could quite possibly be his last days parted from the most beautiful and wonderful woman he had ever known?
"Alright, Da, you can come." Ce said finally. "And your Cavaliers will be coming to guard you. But they'll also understand that they are not coming along to fight, their only purpose is to guard you and make sure you escape back to the South if anything happens to me. Got it?"
Da didn't look up at him but nodded.
Ce sighed. "I just can't say no to you, can I?"
Da Qiao stepped back and bowed low. "I shall make my preparations, Lord of Wu."
Ce shook his head as he watched his wife exit the room.
"Zhou Yu's gonna have me released to the doctors for insanity after this…" he muttered.
--
Hong Ling was walking along the path outside the barracks, whistling a tune his mother had taught him. The Valiant Cavaliers had just received orders about two hours ago that they would be accompanying Lord Sun Ce into the north to guard Lady Da Qiao while he fought Lu Bu.
Hong Ling may have preferred to be assigned to fighting, but there was certainly no dishonour in guarding the Lord's consort and the company's commander.
"So, once again, the Cavaliers lead a blessed existence," snorted someone who stepped out of the shadows of a tent. "Your comrades must have a shrine dedicated to the goddess of courtesans, I wager…"
Hong Ling stopped and scowled at Tao Her, the principal antagonist in the brawl some weeks earlier between the Valiant Cavaliers and the Iron Fists. Behind the Fist trooper were other shadows. He was obviously not alone.
"Perhaps you just didn't learn your lesson last time, rodent." Hong Ling sneered. "If you have the time and the balls, perhaps you would care to discuss the point? I'd be happy to see to it that a shrine to Shen Nong is a necessity around your company's camp."
Tao Her and three compatriots stood in front of Hong Ling. The night was dark and the distant torches near the pavilion provided only the dimmest light. Only the moon lit the landscape.
"It sounds to me like one of the Cavaliers is getting a little too self-important." Tao Her taunted. "Hiding behind a courtesan is bad enough, but perhaps his ego has been swollen by getting inside said court-"
He never finished his insult as Hong Ling lunged in and slammed his fist across Tao Her's jaw. The Fist trooper spun backward and collapsed. Hong Ling was on the others like a tiger, determined to not give them a chance to rally. Of the rank and file troopers in the company, he was one of the more skilled in unarmed combat. This would be his one and only chance to avenge this insult to Lady Da Qiao's honour.
He fought as hard as he could but their numbers eventually caught up with him. He was beginning to wear down under their blows when another Valiant Cavalier saw what was happening and charged into the fray, calling for help. Soldiers from both companies caught wind of what was happening and soon the fight was raging hot and heavy on both sides.
Da Qiao, who had been in the menagerie, heard the shouts and sounds of a brawl and dashed out into the street, looking around frantically. She recognized her men immediately.
"Oh, gods, no!" she breathed as she began to sprint toward the scene. Upon arrival she began trying to break up the combatants, but over two hundred angry men was more than she seemed to be able to handle. She pleaded and pulled at them.
"Please, I beg you!" she called loudly, pulling at the broad shoulders of one man.
She never saw the fist that flashed out and rammed into her stomach.
Da Qiao fell to her knees, her eyes wide. Colours swirled behind her eyes and a burning pain in her chest pulled her from the world. All noise became a drawled nonsense.
And through it all came a blazing white fury, and her decision was made.
With a roar she surged up and clotheslined the man who had hit her. Before he had even touched the ground she had vaulted over another and kicked a third in the head. As she landed, the Fist troopers around her backed up, obviously shocked and intimidated by her presence.
"Did I tell you to stop fighting?" she yelled angrily as she attacked them bodily.
They had no choice now but to fight.
--
Xiao Qiao was walking along with her girls when she noticed the brawl. She stopped to watch, as if trying to decide what to do until she saw her sister, deep in the middle of the action.
"Uh-oh. Uhhhh, we'd better get her out of there…" she said finally.
Her girls needed no encouragement. They whipped their habitual cloaks off and sped towards the confused battle.
"Remember, no weapons!" Xiao called as she sprinted to keep up.
--
"Oh, finally something exciting…" Shang Xiang declared as she and her guardian squad of amazons spied the wild melee. "Let's go, girls."
"Er, whose side are we on, my lady?" Fu Chin Ran asked.
Shang Xiang shrugged and then cracked her knuckles. "Who cares? Let's just get in there and show them what we're made of…"
--
Even Taishi Ci's Night Tigers could not bring order to the scene and merely ended up involved in the proceedings. General Huang Gai's guardian squad, the Thunderbolts, could also not restore peace and the venerable warrior ended up trading blows with the commander of the Night Tigers. Like giants battling over and ant hill, their duel raged through the larger melee, where others were little more than collateral damage.
Da Qiao leapt over a trooper and slammed her feet into his shoulders, vaulting overhead as she knocked him to the ground. As she landed she lashed out again, still furious about the unwarranted assault. Her lightning strike was blocked by a graceful, but powerful arm sporting a golden band; she struck again and was caught in a cross-block. She whirled and used her elbow and was blocked yet again. She twisted her torso to look at her foe. Shang Xiang smiled dazzlingly at her and winked before thrusting forward with a spearhand strike. Da bent backwards and somersaulted away, using a fearsome kick to keep her sister-in-law at bay. She grabbed an Iron Fist sergeant and flung him at Shang Xiang, who casually batted the man aside before turning to try out another foe.
--
Sun Ce and Zhou Yu watched impassively from a balcony of the pavilion. The raven-haired strategist just shook his head.
"Honestly…" he said in his mellow tenor, obviously disapproving of everyone's lack of decorum. "Should we go down and stop this now or should we wait until they have vented a little?"
Ce cracked his knuckles. "You kiddin'? I ain't missin' out on this."
Zhou Yu sighed. "Very well. I shall stay here and make sure your daughter doesn't see you and her mother misbehaving. Please make sure Xiao doesn't get in over her head."
"I promise." Ce said cheerfully. He stood on the rail for a moment and leapt into the night.
Zhou Yu hung his head. "I really need to release that man to the doctors on a plea of insanity…"
--
He landed like a thunderbolt in the middle of the melee. Before his knees had even fully flexed he had spun into a low sweeping kick and knocked several men off their feet. In the same fluid motion he surged up, slamming his fist into the jaw of a large, burly Cavalier and sending the man sailing. He spun and tagged another trooper with the back of his fist. Having cleared himself some space, he smiled and rotated his shoulders as he warmed up.
"Alright, let's get this party started…"
He was a whirling engine of chaos from which no one was safe. Any foe unlucky enough to be within range was quickly put to the ground, no doubt thankful to still be alive, let alone conscious. Even in the dim light, the combatants quickly learned to steer clear of the newcomer's reach.
Xiao's girls, still fighting as a tight unit, suddenly found themselves face to face with Sun Ce. Only the one known as An had attacked before recognition kicked in. Ce side-stepped her ferocious punched and took her by the wrist, spinning her gracefully into a knot of troops, on whom she collapsed unceremoniously. The other girls thought twice about continuing and turned to hustle Xiao away from the battle. She squawked in protest, but once she saw Ce she grinned and flashed him a victory sign.
Ce walked casually through the brawl, idly blocking attacks and counter-striking with annoying indifference. He made his way towards Fu Chin Ran, who saw him coming and stood in a low, defensive posture, clearly wary and wondering what to do next. Ce now stood in front of her, with his arms folded and smiling. She was beginning to wonder what he was up to when the unconscious form of a large Iron fist trooper crashed down on top her, pinning her to the ground.
"Serves you right for getting distracted!" Shang Xiang called derisively from somewhere else in the brawl.
Ce turned and walked away, his work clearly done.
Taishi Ci and Huang Gai were still landing thunderous blows against one another, neither willing to give in. Equally matched in size and power, Huang Gai found himself surprised by Taishi Ci's cunning, while the younger warrior was baffled by his elderly foe's speed. Both men sported countless welts, bruises and abrasions from their duel.
"I think that's probably enough, guys." Ce said, trying to get their attention.
Neither of the giant men seemed to notice and kept on fighting.
"Hey, I enjoyed this as much as the next person, but I think enough is enou-"
Ce ducked frantically as a pair of fists tried to knock his head from his shoulders. As he stood back up she shook his head and smirked.
"Well, y'can't say that I didn't try…"
He simply stepped in and took them both by the back of the head, slamming their foreheads together with thunderous force. The sound was so loud that anyone nearby actually stopped fighting to see what the noise was. The two massive warriors slumped to the ground against one another, deeply unconscious.
"The nerve of some generals…" he said as he waded back into the fray.
Tao Her had finally regained consciousness and he was standing up. His whole body ached, not only because of the dreadful blow that punk Hong Ling had tagged him with, but because well over two hundred people happened to be brawling across his supine form.
Embarrassment burned in him and he was eager for revenge.
"Alright!" he yelled as loud as he could. "Everybody step back and give a man some fighting roo-"
Tao Her slipped back into unconsciousness as Da Qiao slammed her fist across his jaw.
--
"Alright, Da, I think that's about all anyone can handle." Ce said amicably as he approached his wife. She had just finished kicking someone in the head as he walked up. He reached out to touch her shoulder when she spun about and her foot slammed across his temple.
Ce's head snapped to the side and then he looked back at Da. He shook his head in an attempt to uncross his eyes while he looked at her in confusion.
"Ow, Da…" he said in mild exasperation.
"If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon, little man!" she yelled as she rushed him, obviously intent on defending her company's honour. He dodged a blinding strike with her fist and twisted to the outside as she followed up with a thrust kick.
Somewhat at a loss, Ce backed up as she attacked, mostly just dodging her attacks, but instead of his cocky grin he seemed somewhat perplexed. As he backed away from her he slammed his fists into two combatants behind him, dropping them both and giving himself room to avoid his wife's furious assaults.
Before long, a large space had cleared for the two of them and practically all other combat had stopped as people looked on in astonishment. No one, anywhere, could have predicted this. The huge crowd went silent as they gazed at the spectacle.
Da pressed her attack, using her speed to get closer and closer to Ce, forcing him to at least block, or, gods willing, fight back. Her graceful, coordinated attacks gave way to striking however she found possible, whatever it took to close with her reluctant foe.
"You sure this is what you want, Da?" Ce asked one last time.
Da Qiao did not answer but struck and struck and struck again. She needed Ce to finish this before she exhausted herself and dishonoured her men.
"Alright, then!" Ce said loudly as he spun and stepped away, his powerful arms crossing in a tiger claw posture. His eyes blazed and his battle aura swept around him like a corona of fire. Those watching backed up in what could almost be described as fear, or even panic.
Da Qiao closed her eyes as she centered on Sun Ce and leapt in. She ignored the terror she felt as she reached out with a spear hand, praying her aim was true…
"Lord Sun Ce! By the gods, stop, I beg you!"
Ce leapt away, releasing himself from the grip of battle frenzy, landing like a cat. Da Qiao stumbled to her hands and knees, her eyes wide and breathing hard. Both she and her husband looked over at the person who had implored them to stop.
Tao Her was on his knees, forehead pressed to the ground, hands spread out in supplication.
"Please! There is no need for this! This entire ordeal was my fault and I alone bear the blame for it!"
Ce stood and walked toward Tao Her, intrigued to hear what the man had to say. Da also quietly approached. Her heart was still thundering in her chest.
"Lord Sun Ce…" Tao Her said, his voice trembling. "I… insulted your wife. I made unforgivable remarks about her to a member of her company in order to pick a fight with him. What I have done brought great shame to not only myself, but my worthy company… please hold none responsible except for this worthless servant…"
Ce stooped down and picked Tao Her up by the shoulders and looked the man in the eyes. After several seconds, he smiled and clapped the man on the shoulders.
"Huang Gai, I'm ordering you to raise another company for yourself, because I am reassigning the Iron Fists to my wife. She will now command both the Fists and the Valiant Cavaliers."
Huang Gai bowed somewhat unsteadily, propping himself up on Taishi Ci's shoulder. "As you wish, my lord."
"Commander of the Iron Fists!" Ce called loudly. A veteran warrior rushed up to Ce and bowed, his forehead to the ground.
"My lord!"
Ce nodded, his hands on his hips. "You and your men will work alongside the Cavaliers under my wife's command. That means playing nice with the other boys and obeying her without question. Got it? Questions? Concerns?"'
"None, great lord!" the man said readily. "I was dazzled by the Lady's skill in this fight. If I allowed myself occasion to doubt her before, I see now the error of my ways. There is none I would not fight on her behalf, excepting your own self. She is indeed worthy of our loyalty and respect!"
Ce sighed. "Well, that was fun. Alright folks, everyone back to your tents and rest up. If you're busted up, go see a healer, tomorrow's gonna be a busy day."
The crowd began to disperse.
"Except for you, sis…" Ce said sternly.
Shang Xiang, who had been attempting to slip away unnoticed, froze dead in her tracks.
"Busted…" Fu Chin Ran said under her breath.
--
Ce watched as the old mystic healer Ren Neng worked diligently on healing Da's cuts, abrasions and bruises. Unlike Ce, whom he had forced to sit in a vat of foul-smelling, enchanted ichor, Ren Neng merely dabbed dutifully at the Lady of Wu's injuries with a cloth steeped in said concoctions.
"Now who smells like a demon's ass?" Ce quipped, grinning.
Da Qiao shot him a look. "Not funny. I nearly got killed out there today."
"And who's fault was that?" Ce asked.
"My men's, of course." Da reasoned. If they had not been so quick to defend my honour, this never would have happened."
"So when Tao Her implied that you were letting them all take a poke at you, Hong Ling should have done nothing?"
Da was silent for moment. "No, I… oh, shut up."
She made a wry face and touched her cheek gingerly, which was sporting an ugly black bruise, from where a trooper had punched her. True, she had made him pay dearly for it, but still…
"Ow…" she groused. "Why do you boys always seem to know where to hit a girl so it feels like your eyeball is going to burst right out of its socket?"
Ce chuckled. "You can always ask one of the dozens of men you kicked in the groin, I suppose."
"They had it coming." Da grumbled darkly. "You don't hit girls."
"Even lunatics who get themselves involved in the fight and even after they've ordered you to fight back?" Ce queried.
"Knowing when to shut up is not one of your strengths, you're aware of this, right?" Da said wearily, too tired and sore to banter with her smart-assed husband.
"Lord Sun Ce…" she said finally. "When I… when I attacked you and insisted on fighting you, would you… did you intend to… fight back?"
Ce sighed. "Da, there are somewhere around ten warriors in all of the Southlands who are better than you in a fight- Ling Cao, Lu Meng, Huang Gai, Taishi Ci, my sister, Fu Chin Ran, old Mo Jing, Zhou Yu and myself. You're getting better and better, there's no question, but any one of those people will still hand your ass to you."
Da sighed. "I work so hard to get better, too. And you didn't answer my question."
"Da, being the tenth beast fighter in the southlands ain't nothin' to sniff at. You do work hard, and everyone respects you for it."
"And yet Xiao gets tigers for being a lunatic." Da said sullenly.
Ce shook his head. "And you just got another company to work with, may I point out."
"A company I had to beat into submission, may I point out…" she replied, mocking his tone.
Ce laughed. "When you're determined to be bent out of shape there's no stopping you, is there?"
"I guess it was a pretty stupid fight." Da admitted.
"It was actually kinda fun, a real good tension reliever." Ce countered. "At least I don't have to answer to my daughter for getting involved, she expects it from me."
Da flushed. She hadn't thought of that before she began swinging. Trying to explain her current condition to sun Kai-ying would not be pleasant. She shuddered as Ren Neng dabbed at her ribs, lifting her right arm over her head. She was going to be back and blue for weeks, she was sure of it.
"Ce, he's touching my breasts…" she said tightly between her lips.
The lord of Wu shrugged. "If they weren't the colour of eggplants he wouldn't need to, great sage. If you want to get involved in the punch-ups, I think you can count on that happening."
"Just answer me already, you jerk!" she hissed. "Would… you… have… fought… me?"
Ce was silent before finally coming over and helping to pin up her hair, so that Ren Neng could get at the bruises on her neck. "Y'know, the Iron Fists are a tough bunch. They're not as tactically flexible as the Cavaliers and are more suited to assault. They like using dadao's in combat when possible. In the assault on Hu Lao gate, they were key in forcing-"
Da Qiao closed her eyes as Ce rambled on about the Iron Fists. Obviously he had no intention of answering her, and to be honest that was probably for the best. Her body ached and stung and her lungs were still on fire. Did she actually enjoy fighting or was she just venting her anxiety against the world?
"You weren't… horrified or angry when I attacked you, were you?" she asked nervously.
Ce laughed. "You kiddin'? To be honest, I was kinda turned on."
"And on that note I take my leave, Lord of Wu." Ren Neng said, stepping away from his charge and heading out the door. "Please let me know when it is safe to return."
Da just shook her head as the healer left. Ce smiled and stroked her cheek gently, where it was swollen and bruised.
"I'll wait outside while you get dressed."
He turned to leave but she reached out and pulled him back to her, snuggling against her back.
"Don't go," she whispered. "Some tender and caring contact would be nice after that rather unpleasant night."
Ce nodded and turned around to hold his wife. No matter how insane or violent things got, in her heart of hearts, she would always be the gentle soul he had fallen in love with. Nothing would ever change that.
--
The small room was dimly lit and Xiao stood there, staring at the table, where still waited the dreaded red and blue stones from earlier that week. She had tried reading scrolls and manuscripts, she had stared at the table for uncounted hours, and still nothing came to her. Was she really that inept a commander?
She sighed and turned to look out the window, into the night. The moon shone brightly as she contemplated command. She had to admit, she harboured no desire for it, outside of the need to make Zhou Yu proud of her. She was pretty certain she had no natural ability for it.
She gazed sullenly down at the menagerie below, listening to the sounds of night insects and the croaking of frogs. She loved that little world so much, with it's pristine and ornate walls, that held back the vast world. She didn't mind the openness, as long as she had a comfy spot to retreat to when it all got to be too much.
Why was she bothering Ce for tigers? She didn't really deserve them, did she?
She muttered and picked up a small grey stone from the pile of tactical units and threw it angrily. It sailed far beyond the walls of the menagerie and she heard it splash into the running water beyond the walls that fed the pool.
Xiao's eyes went wide when she saw how far it had gone- it had gone much further than she expected. Had she really grown that strong so quickly? She flexed her arm, looking at the smooth skin and feeling the taut dancer's muscles beneath. She went over to a heavy bronze statue in the corner of the room and attempted to lift it. She grunted and strained for several seconds before the thing teetered and fell over. She squeaked and scampered out of the way as it crashed to the ground with a loud clang- the statue's head snapped off and rolled around the floor. It sounded like someone had exploded a war gong.
Xiao winced and uncovered her ears finally, once the noise had ended. She rushed to the door and poked her head out of it.
"Ummmmm… everything's fine!" she called out, in case anyone was planning on investigating.
She closed the door and leaned back against it, sighing and pondering why she always did the most boneheaded things. She picked up the severed head and rested it on a table while she pondered why the rock she had thrown flew so far.
She went back to the window and stared out again. If the gods had chosen that moment to bless her with a sudden feat strength, their timing was terrible.
Then it occurred to her- she was on the top floor of the pavilion! She had an advantage in height and so she had thrown the stone farther than she normally could! Greater height equaled greater throwing distance because an object thrown from higher up took longer to hit the ground, right? And it kept going forward during the extra time, so…
Xiao rushed back the table and stared at the tactical layout- she looked at her little group of red stones. She spotted a nearly hill, the peak of which read that it was eighty spans above ground level. She also noticed that one side of the hill was quite sheer.
Xiao placed her spearmen near the crest of the hill, indicating a shieldwall formation, while her archers were strung out in a line behind the spearmen. Just behind the archers, the sword and shield-bearing troops waited as a swift reserve.
Xiao squeaked in delight and clapped as she realized she had figured it out- she had now height on her foes, meaning that she could fire farther than they could and they would have to trudge up the hill to reach her. Furthermore, since one side of the hill was so sheer as to be impassable, the enemy would have to approach from the front, meaning she could not be flanked! Her spearmen could protect the other troops from a cavalry charge, and her archers could rain death down on anyone attempting to approach.
She'd done it. She didn't need tigers.
Oh, she still planned to have them, but now she didn't need them. She could officially make due.
Zhou Yu would be so proud of her.
--
Author's Notes: So here comes our rematch, something I've been looking forward to writing. Concerning the other characters from the other kingdoms, I am kind of picking and choosing their personalities form the various games- this, of course, requires no thought on the part of Cao Cao, since he has never changed over the course of the series. He is actually very close to his persona in the book, inscrutable and menacing, even though he's not evil. Xiahou Dun, ever dour and grumpy, needs little modification, although you must admit, he IS kinda rocking that new emo haircut. The same can be said for Zhang Fei, although I very strongly picture him in his DW 5 outfit, since watching him wear his jammies in 6 is just painful. I miss his rumbling bass, too.
Of note is my adaptation of Liu Bei. This character is based strongly on the presentation offered up in DW6. Finally, a Liu Bei I can live with. He is very like his character in Three Kingdoms (minus the psychotic episodes where he's bouncing Liu Chan's skull off the ground), and he even is finally carrying two swords, the way he ought to. Liu Bei's earlier incarnations drove me loco- all he ever did was scamper around with his hand dutifully raised to his breast and babbling "Virtue virtue virtue virtue!" Frankly, he was about as deep as a rain slick.
In a game full of character holocausts (cough Shang Xiang cough), I welcome this new and wonderful Liu Bei with open arms… and he is a total beast on the battlefield!
But what of the other characters? Wei Yan now looks like a rhinoceros beetle and fights with a potato masher, Zhang He looks gayer than ever, and Zhou Yu, while he still kicks ass, looks like a hooker in those boots.
Xiahou Yuan… dude, put some clothes on, seriously! Armour is no use if your big ol' pasty belly is flopping out from beneath it. Change your name to Cleitus and get it over with!
Does anyone else think that Pang Tong looks like the Tick's sidekick Arthur? Not sure this is an improvement over the hobo look…
Dian Wei now uses a wrecking ball and lethal gas to dispose of his foes. His weapon recovery time is atrocious, so hope you hit the first time around. And apparently he let Xu Zhu draw on his face while he was asleep.
Speaking of everyone's favourite special ed fat kid, he returns to the Dynasty Warriors series after a stint as the mascot/emblem for the Big Boy burger chain. I think I'll keep his 5 appearance, if you don't mind.
Sima Yi seems to have suffered a teleporter mishap that crossed him with Fuma Kotaro from Samurai Warriors (minus the Beijing opera makeup and drag-queen fishnet t-shirt). He now uses extendo-clawz instead of a feather duster. And he's not an absolute jerk-off of a human being. He still wears a dress, though.
Guan Ping seems to have been given a court order to relinquish Cloud's Buster Blade and now uses a halberd. His hair also seems to have finally relaxed, so I assume this means Xing Cai finally put out for him. Go, Ping.
Guan Yu's ridiculous Dragonball Z haircut, just… wow… His outfit in 5 was perfect, end of story. Yes, he is still a wrecking machine, second only to Lu Bu, who now looks like an oversized, armoured cockroach, complete with feathery feelers.
Sun Quan has spent a little too much time reading 90's Italian fashion magazines, because he seems to think he's Fabio now. I will be sticking with his 5 persona and appearance, if you don't mind.
Gan Ning, while still cool, is no longer a cocky bad-ass. Worry not, he will retain his dadao and tats from 5, I promise. Love the bells in 6, though. One of my roomies really likes playing him and every time I hear them I start doing my impression of Elvis singing "Here Comes Santa Claus!"
Ling Tong is still a bitch and now he's missing his wheat threshers. The disco party pants remain a nice touch.
Lu Meng seemingly works at a dude ranch in the off-season- that's the only way I can explain the bandana. Or maybe he just has a really bad cough?
Huang Gai looks like an oversized Dwarf Troll Slayer from Warhammer.
I am pleased with the new take on Lu Xun. He is still a femme, but he is no longer a twink. The Wushu swordplay is a nice touch.
I think what pisses me off most about Ce is that he's becoming a lunkhead. He was such a cheerful, carefree frat boy; now he's… I don't know. I assure you, his persona in 6 will not be making any appearances, and his outfit is going to be an occasional thing.
Zhao Yun is, well, Zhao Yun. With every game he gets closer and closer to just coming out of the Fantasy Roleplay closet and admitting he's a Paladin. Don't hold your breath, you might miss it.
Zhuge Liang (hereafter known as Julio Liang), is more and more turning into a pimp. The addition of the feather boa to his outfit did not help matters. He just needs to start referring to Yue Ying as 'bitch' or 'ho' and his transformation will be complete.
Speaking of everyone's favourite Valkior (singular of Valkyrie, children), she has apparently abandoned Odin for the rather pitiful job of being Shang Xiang's motion clone. Wielding a bow, even in the most brutal CQC, she is exceedingly irritating to use.
Dong Zhuo, the world's greatest asshat, now looks like a monstrous demon gerbil. And, like Wei Yan, he likes to use a potato masher to dispose of his foes. Seriously, why does the dysfunctional fat kid get a story line while our poor Da Qiao gets left out entirely?
Diao Chan gives up her melon hammers and the suckiest move set in history to actually kick some ass; not to mention she's got some serious underboob going on. Hornballs everywhere rejoice!
Xiao Qiao, while still a complete and utter twinkie, no longer falls over while she fights. I LOVE her new deadlock-breaking move, it's the best thing ever. I miss her musou tantrum.
Shang Xiang… oh my dear lord in heaven… what have they done to you? This, without question, is the single most brutal psyche/character transformation in history. Winston Smith didn't suffer this radical a change in the novel 1984. She dresses like a circus clown, sounds like Xiao (gee, wonder why), uses a bow, and if she were any dumber she would have to be watered twice a week. I love Japanese culture, generally, but my only hypothesis about this unwelcome hijacking of her persona is that the Japanese consumer was threatened by a strong female character and they dumbed her down to meet this outrage. Who says misogyny is dead?
I guess it's a good thing Fu Chin Ran isn't in the game, eh?
Everyone's favourite Flaming Jesus, Zhang Jiao, looks more than ever like a frilled lizard, but at least he's wearing shoes now. I'm just happy about the shoes.
And then there are the missing characters- admittedly I don't give a crap that Jiang Wei is gone, but I miss Meng Huo. I also miss Zhu Rong and her fur bikinis. Silver or red-haired, she was totally hot, even if she sounded like Bebe Newerth. Yee…
Xing Cai, Zhang Fei's daughter with the squeaky voice and the oversized shrimp fork, is also mysteriously missing in action. Half-hearted sleuthing has led me to conclude that Hinoi Team called her back to complete an album or two…
Zuo Ci is also AWOL, and maybe this is for the best, since he was ridiculously overpowered- even Lu Bu just bent over and took it when the great sage arrived on the field; and that whole thing where he looked like he was directing on orchestra while he killed you with his tarot cards? If I wanted to be killed by Herbert von Karajan, I'd go find the Berlin Philharmonic and get killed by Herbert von Karajan, simple. I don't need some goofy old Chinese guy with an indigo fetish to do it for me.
I have it on good authority that Da Qiao was not cut from the cast but simply refused to be involved, now that her husband is a total effing moron. Can't say as I blame her.