"Darcy!"
His own breath sounded loud in his ears... in and out, in and out, a harsh rasp that hurt like a knife to his lungs with every inhalation.
No... not again. Please...
His eyes skimmed the crowd over and over, his vision becoming blurry as dread settled like a stone in his gut.
"Darcy!"
Gone.
Her face swam up in his mind's eye... dark curls against fair skin, red lips curving in a smile that was somehow both shy and enticing, the faint smattering of freckles on the bridge of her nose that could only be seen up close and framed blue eyes he could drown in...
No. This isn't happening.
He dropped to the ground from his perch on the debris and marched up to Strange to seize him by the neck of his cape.
"Where is she?" he snapped, not even noticing when the tail of the cloak wrapped around his wrist in warning. "Did you project her? Is she out of the physical realm?"
Strange frowned. "I did not. The physical body remains in that case, anyway."
"Then WHERE? Where is she?"
He was surprised to see Strange's face soften to something close to pity. "I don't know."
Steve released him with a frustrated shove, the cloak relaxing back at Strange's side. His head shook slowly, his grief feeling like a tide that just would not stop coming in.
"Does anyone know where she is?"
There was silence except for the wind that whistled over the desert, rustling their torn and battered uniforms.
"None of you-" he started, turning in a circle. He registered Natasha's watchful gaze, and Bucky's tense stance as everyone shifted uncomfortably. Steve made a noise somewhere between a scoff and a choke as he started to pace. "The greatest minds in the world, in possession of the infinity stones and none of you can tell me how to get her back."
He knew he was being unreasonable, he knew he was being unfair, but he was tired of always being the diplomatic one, tired of always burying his feelings for the greater good, and above all, tired of having the important things in his life slip away from him like a ship in the night.
He no longer had the energy to care, this feeling searing a hole right right through him. He spun on his heel, his fist slamming into the hull of the crashed ship hard enough to cave it in. The snap of the bones in his hand was hidden under the clang of the metal. He didn't care. It would be healed in a few hours anyway.
The restless, burning pain was unbearable, his strike only giving him minuscule relief and he straightened, taking in another serrated breath. This was a SHIELD facility and he had no compunction to tear it apart with his bare hands if it would ease this ache.
The crowd parted, people scattering hastily to let him through.
"Let him go," he heard Bucky mutter, but to whom, he didn't know or care.
"Have you spoken with him yet?" asked Natasha siding up to Bucky as he walked down the hall hours later.
He shook his head. "I was giving him a minute. Anyone check on Foster?"
"Thor's with her but he said she's not really speaking... just gathering up all of her notes and tinkering with her equipment. He's worried but..."
"This is something that will only be fixed with time," finished Bucky, slowing his steps as he neared Steve's door. They both glanced at it, perturbed
that not a sound was emanating from the other side, and they exchanged a look before Natasha moved on.
Bucky rapped the back of his knuckles on Steve's door, waiting a full two count before pushing it open. The small living space was decimated, the coffee table broken and a chair half embedded in the sheet rock. The exterior wall of cinder block had several holes that looked distinctly fist like, with beams of sunlight filtering through to illuminate the darkened room. His boots crunched over glass as he stepped into the bedroom.
Steve was sitting on the floor, his arms propped up on his knees, something soft and blue clenched in his hand.
One of Darcy's sweaters, he realized.
"I know we all can lose people we care about in war, some a lot more than others," said Steve, his voice rough, "but this... this is starting to feel awfully personal."
Bucky moved further into the room, stepping over an overturned lamp.
"A fight for the universe and we only have one casualty... One..." He sniffed and looked up at Buck, "and it's her."
Bucky's heart twisted for his friend and he joined him on the floor. He didn't have any words, Steve's heartbreak and grief being the culmination of over seventy years of pain and loss and spirit crushing disappointment.
"I wish I could have gotten to know her better," he said finally, feeling like he had to say something. "The few times I spoke with her, she seemed like a real firecracker... makes sense if she made you so dizzy. You never were much for quiet and meek."
Steve's lip twitched in small smile and he nodded his agreement.
They sat in silence for what felt like hours, Steve's frame occasionally racked by a new wave of grief until he let his head fall back, one palm coming up to rub viciously at his face.
"So, what's been decided?" he asked finally.
Bucky took in a deep breath.
"Strange and Thor are going to take the soul stone to Asgard and then Xandar to fix what happened there. Stark has requested, as much as he 'requests' anything, that Colonel Rhodes be healed before the Stones are dispersed again. Vision and Strange will keep theirs. The rest haven't been decided on. Right now, Strange is using the the space stone to get the Wakandans back home along with the alien wreckage. Princess Shuri will analyze it and see what she can adapt technology wise." He shrugged. "After that, Strange will send us anywhere we want to go."
Steve nodded his approval absently before letting his head roll to look at Bucky. "We?"
"To the end of the line..." said Bucky before he shrugged and straightened out one of his legs, "-or whatever city borough or remote hillside you drag me to."
Steve smiled but it fell almost as soon as it appeared. "You can't, Buck. You need to go back to Wakanda, and finish your therapy with Dr. Kemora. You'll be safe there."
"It'll be fine. I'm bet-"
"No, I put your mental health second before and I won't again." He sighed. "Besides, I think I need to spend some time alone for a while."
"You sure that's a good idea?"
Steve scratched his chin. "No. But I think its what I want right now."
Bucky worked his jaw in consternation and after a long pause asked, "Where will you go?"
"Don't know..." he replied with a shrug. "I've lived in cities most of my life..."
"So, not one of those?"
Steve didn't answer.
Jane ran down the hall, cursing as some of her notes on yellow legal paper fluttered out of her grasp and she turned, scooping them up in a rough grab.
"Shuri!" she wheezed as she rounded the corner and the young Princess looked up from her the hologram on her data pad.
"Dr. Foster! I was just about to leave with my brother." She closed the program she was working on, giving the astrophysicist her full attention. "I am so, so sorry for your loss."
Jane nodded, swallowing around the lump in her throat. "Thank you, but I've been thinking. These Stones... everyone says they are all powerful. If that is the case, then if Darcy were actually dead, she should have come back, right?"
Shuri nodded for her to go on and folded her arms over her chest.
"And if she were somewhere else in the Universe, she should be able to portal herself back to us."
"Maybe she is unconscious? Or otherwise hasn't had the opportunity to portal here?"
"That's possible," acquiesced Jane, "But we already have the Guardians and Thor looking out for any signs of her in the galaxy. I think we need to look beyond." Shuri's brows furrowed and Jane barreled forward. "If she's not dead, and she's not in this galaxy, then I think she is somewhere else. In another dimension. The fifth dimension, to be exact." She brought up her fistful of wadded up notes. "I think with the data I've gathered from observing Darcy and your knowledge of vibranium, not to mention what we learn from the alien ships..." She paused, her eyes watering. "I don't want to get anyone's hopes up but... maybe, just maybe we can bring her back," she finished in a whisper.
The taller woman smiled. "Of course, my friend. You will have everything you need."