As always a huge thank you to cutelittlelumpofwool82 for being my muse and beta.
another huge thank you to Cas3975 for being a beta on this chapter. If anyone else is looking for a fantastic beta give her a hollar she is amazing!
Raj practically ran back to his dorm after the kiss. All he could think about was how badly he had screwed up. Stuart would never want to see him again after being so rudely abandoned. Raj would never be the same now. He had tasted the forbidden fruit as it were, and he wanted more.
He wished he had someone to talk to about it. His parents were out, his mother would cry and his dad would be disappointed. If he told Howard he would just be weirded out and make fun of him. Bernadette would be judgmental. Penny's favorite insult was to say something was gay. Leonard would close himself off. Sheldon wouldn't care enough about something that wasn't about himself to pay attention. Amy… Maybe he could tell Amy.
Amy would look at it rationally. She would evaluate his options, ask about his feelings. Only Amy wasn't here to talk to. Raj tried to stop thinking about what everyone else would think and focus on how he felt instead.
Kissing Stuart had been exhilarating and wonderful. Of the three kisses he had had this was by far the best. His first kiss with Jayshree Wadhani had been quick and stolen outside her apartment door after taking her home from a dance. Afterwards she had wiped her mouth and they never kissed again. The sailor moon girl at halloween hardly counted, he was so drunk he barely remembered it. He remembered everything about his kiss with Stuart, he knew he would relive it a thousand times in his mind.
Did this make him gay? He did find women attractive. He had been so in love with Bernadette that it hurt. He didn't feel any flicker of attraction when he looked at Howard or Leonard. Then he thinks about the time they walked in on Sheldon and Amy having sex. He had been equally turned on by Amy's breasts and curves as he had been by the sight Sheldon inside her. At the time he equated it to porn. Now he wondered if it was something more.
He wanders over to the phone and picks it up. Sheldon and Amy gave him their Texas number in case of emergencies. Like if Leonard and Penny have died and now it's up to him to be their emergency contact. Still he dials it and prays to the gods that Amy is the one who picks up.
"Hello, Cooper residence," He hears Amy's voice say.
"Hello Amy? This is Rajesh Koothrapali," He asks relieved.
"Rajesh? Is something wrong? Is Penny okay?" She says slightly panicked.
"Everyone is fine! Do not worry," Raj assures.
"Do you need to speak with Sheldon? I'm afraid that he's out running an errand with his mother right now," Amy asks more calmly.
"Actually I wanted to speak with you," Raj lets out a sigh of relief. He can speak freely.
"That's surprising, as I wasn't aware we were very close," Amy muses.
"What? We are very close," Raj replies awkwardly.
"We've never even been alone together," She points out.
"Only because we've never had the opportunity," He says charmingly.
"Alright, bestie. What is it that you need?" Amy asks happily.
"Something weird happened with Stuart," Raj says slowly.
"The picture book peddler?" Amy asks.
"That would be the one," Raj confirms.
"Isn't he odd anyways? I mean everyone in our little group is a little odd," Amy asks seriously and giggles at how true the statement is.
"Well, yes, but...Something happened between Stuart and I. He.. I mean we.. Kissed…" Raj stammered nervously.
"Oh!" Amy says in shock. Coincidentally at the very same time George exits the bathroom. Freshly showered with a towel wrapped low around his hips. He winks flirtatiously at Amy mistaking her gasp of surprise, thinking it was aimed at him.
"Nevermind, I shouldn't have bothered you with this. It's just…" He trails off, calling her had been a dumb idea.
"You're confused and you need guidance I understand. Please Raj, don't take my tone of surprise as disapproval. I was just momentarily caught off guard," Amy glares at George as he laughs and enters his room. Raj feels better so he continues...
"This has never happened to me before," He says softly.
"Kissing another male, you mean?" Amy asks, moving out of the hallway to sit on the couch in the family room.
"Yes," Raj sighs.
"So are you coming out to me? Do you now identify as a homosexual?" Amy asks matter-a-factly.
"No, I like girls. I also like boys sometimes. I don't know." He moans in frustration.
"There is a new school of thought that says sometimes human sexuality isn't as black and white as we were lead to believe. There can be plenty of gray area in between. Take Sheldon for instance, prior to meeting me he says he felt no attraction to people of either sex. Sexuality can be fluid and able to change throughout the course of one's life. You don't need to declare yourself anything if you don't want to," Amy explains calmly.
"I don't?" Raj says nonplused.
"Of course not. It's your body and your life you can live it as you see fit," She says with resolute.
"I feel like I need to be one or the other. Like if I tell people about Stuart and I they will just assume I am gay anyways. What should I do Amy?" He groans miserably.
"That depends, how do you feel about it? Did you enjoy your kiss with Stuart?" Amy asks seriously.
"Very much," He replies without hesitation.
"Then that's all the answer you need. Talk it over with Stuart let him know how you feel," She says gently.
"I kind of messed that up. I ran out on him after he kissed me. He probably hates me now," He whines.
"Just go talk to him. Explain how you are new to this and you got overwhelmed," Amy says confidently.
"Thank you, Amy! You have been very helpful," Raj gratefully replies.
"You're welcome, Rajesh. Oh! One more thing before we hang up. Do you think your inability to speak with women is stemmed from your latent homosexual feelings?" Amy asks fascinated by the very idea.
"I don't know… I never thought about it like that," He muses.
"Think about it and then get back to me. It's very fascinating, I might even use you as the subject of my final paper in my psychology course," She replies excitedly.
"Fine, goodnight Amy," Raj laughs and shakes his head at her reaction.
"Goodnight, Rajesh!" Amy says happily just as George plops down next to her scaring her half to death. Insisting they have a Ghostbusters double feature since he heard she had yet to see the films. It was going to be a long night.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next day Missy decides her and Amy need a little girl bonding time. Missy said that the mall was the perfect place to do that.
"So this guy, Just calls you up out of the blue and comes out to you?" Missy asks Amy as they walk down the mall's food court.
"Yep," Amy shrugs.
"Are ya'll like really good friends?" Missy asks curiously.
"We're friends for sure. We all hang out in the same group. Yet we are not particularly close. He certainly wouldn't be the one I would call if I kissed a girl and liked it," Amy smirks and nudges Missy playfully.
"Now that I think about it. You'd probably be the one I'd call too," Missy muses. "If I decided I was a lezzie and needed to tell someone. I think you'd be the most understanding and non judgmental."
"I guess, I have the kind of face you come out too?" Amy says laughing.
"That would never happen though. I like boys too much. Speaking of boys there are a couple of cute ones checking us out at ten o'clock," Missy says fluffing up her hair. Missy did that a lot now that her hair was short It was like she wanted it as messy as possible.
"Checking you out maybe. I doubt they are looking at me," Amy laughs.
"The tall cute one is totally looking at you. Oh my god! He's waving and coming over here! Amy do you know him?" Missy asks in excitement.
Amy looks to where Missy is looking and sees a tall dark haired boy striding over to them. He's waving and looks happy to see them. Amy thinks he must be mistaking her for someone else that he knows.
"Hey! What are you doing here?" He asks happily. "I didn't think I would see anyone from school here," Amy racks her brain trying to remember how she knows this guy.
"I didn't either," Amy says lamely not wanting to be rude to him since he seems so friendly.
"Ya'll know each other?" Missy asks confused.
"Yeah, she is friends with my old roomie!" He says slapping her on the back and she remembers where she knows him from. He is Raj's old roommate the one who humiliated Ramona at their failed Valentine's Day dinner.
"Zack, isn't it? What are you doing in Texas?" Amy asks him and he smiles.
"I'm from here dude! I went to Central High, Go Hellcats!" Zack shouts in the middle of the food court. Making everyone stare at the trio and Amy blushes under the scrutiny.
"Really? We went to East High," Missy says clearly interested in Zack.
"Dude!" Zack says impressed. "We should hang out. Me and my bros here are going to the beach today you should come with," He says then looks at Amy. "You could bring your boyfriend what's his name? Sherman?"
"Sheldon and I really don't think…" Amy starts.
"We'd love to come with ya'll!" Missy says eyeing Zack up and down. "You don't mind me tagging along, do you?" She asks flirtatiously.
"Hell no!" Zack says eying Missy obviously impressed with what he sees.
"Missy, I don't think Sheldon…" Amy beings to protest. Missy once again cuts her off with a glare this time.
"Would mind me tagging along with his college friends? Glad to hear it!" Missy says, then she grabs a sharpie from her purse and grabs Zack's hand to write her number on his palm. "We've got to go but you just call me later and let us know where to meet ya'll," Missy says winking then she grabs Amy's arm and drags her away leaving Zack stunned and staring after her.
"Missy! Sheldon is not going to the beach with some people he barely knows," Amy warns as Missy pulls her along.
"I thought Shelly would jump at the chance to be with some of his brainiac college buddies. By the way why have you never told me how cute some of his friends are?" Missy chastises.
"Because Zack is not one of his brainiac college buddies. I honestly don't understand how he got into Caltech at all. He must be on a sports scholarship," Amy muses. Thinking back to their first meeting he was wearing a lacrosse jersey the last time she saw him.
"Wow, snobby much?" Missy teases.
"I'm not being snobby. Just... observant," She defends.
"Then you'll go?" Missy says hopeful.
"No!" Amy says adamantly.
"Amy please! I'm too embarrassed to speak to most of my high school friends after I dropped out. This will be a chance for me to get out and make new friends," Missy pleads with sad eyes.
"Really? You would think most of your friends would have no problem with dropping out of school," Amy muses.
"There you go being snobby again," Missy says looking annoyed.
"I'm sorry, that was rude. I'll try and get Sheldon to go but don't hold your breathe," Amy sighs.
"Great! So now we can go shopping for new bathing suits," Missy beams.
"Missy! I don't know if I am even going! I don't need a suit!" Amy says exasperated.
"Come on a new suit will look great with your new hair," Missy begs and Amy sighs. Her new hair had been a bone of contention in the Cooper household. Mary and Meemaw were furious that Missy had cut it. George thought she looked hot which only made Sheldon hate it more.
"Let's go in here and look," Missy says tugging Amy into a store that is painted black and guarded by large metal gates.
"What's Hot Topic?" Amy asks warily and feeling uncomfortable in the dark store with loud music blaring.
"Just a store," Missy says walking away to browse a rack of shiny low cut tank tops and some of the tiniest shorts Amy has ever seen.
"Seems like quite a store," Amy mutters browsing around nervously. Everything looks dark, ominous and overly embellished. There are band t-shirts from musicians she has never heard of and scary looking dolls. If the merchandise wasn't off putting enough. The clientele was even worse. There was a girl with a nose peircing that connected to her ear, a boy whose hair was gelled into large spikes and dyed blue. They all have a look that crosses between solemn and angry, they glance at Amy curiously. Amy sincerely doubts there is anything in this entire store that will strike her fancy. She is about to sneak out and sit on the bench outside and wait for Missy when Missy taps her on the shoulder and makes her jump.
"This bathing suit is perfect for you! Vintage Hollywood glam," Missy says and Amy is extremely skeptical until she looks at the suit Missy holds up to her. It looks like something Ester Williams would have worn in one of her movies. It's feminine and delicate yet modest at the same time. Not exactly what Amy would have expected to see inside a store that sold tongue studs.
"It is really cute," Amy admits as she touches the material and admires the details. Maybe Meemaw would let her borrow that white floppy hat again? You can never have too much UV protection.
"And on sale, come on let's go try it on," Missy says eagerly.
Missy takes Amy to the one velvet curtained dressing room. The red polka dot suit fits perfectly and Amy ends up purchasing it with a pair of matching sandals. The checkout girl who has a mohawk and is covered in tattoos even compliments her and tells her her look was very retro and the suit is rockabilly.
Amy can't wait to get home and show Sheldon her new purchase. She hopes that it will clear the chilly air that has been between them since Missy cut her hair. When she gets back to their house Sheldon isn't home. So she puts on her bathing suit and lays in their bed waiting for him. It doesn't take long before he is home and calling her name looking for her.
"In here!" She calls out is a seductive voice.
"Amy, it's awfully early to be taking a nap," He asks confused then when he sees what she is wearing he lets out an exasperated, "Oh."
"Oh?" Amy asks offended.
"Honestly, Amy I expect this kind of chicanery from Missy but out of you it is just insulting," He says setting down the new clothes he had bought with Mary.
"What chicanery?" Amy asks hurt.
"Missy already waylaid me when mother took me home. You want me to accompany you and Missy to that oaf Zack's beach party. You are attempting to seduce me to get what you want. Honestly Amy can't we work anything out without it being about sex with you?" Sheldon sighs.
"You can be so mean sometimes," Amy says tears welling up in her eyes as she jumps up to get dressed feeling extremely foolish.
"Me mean? It is you who is the mean one here!" He objects yelling at her through the bathroom door as she slams it in his face to change.
"You just insulted and rejected me! I fail to see how I am the mean one!" Amy yells back as the tears start falling.
"No matter what my feelings are you side with Missy! I tell you that you are beautiful and I love you as you are and you chop of twelve inches of your hair. You know how I feel about beaches, parties, and strangers, yet you still conspire with her to get me to go to some beach party," Sheldon complains.
"I told her you wouldn't like the party! I told her no! You know how Missy is she finds a way to get her way," Amy huffs and splashes water on her face to calm down.
"I know all too well what you mean. People think I always got what I wanted because of the way I am. When in truth Missy used that to her advantage. Playing the poor dumb sister card to always get her way. While I'm always stuck with the leftovers," Sheldon says haughtily.
"I'm sure Missy would say the same about you," Amy points out.
"There you go again! Siding with Missy!" He snaps.
"I'm not siding with her!" Amy says emerges from the bathroom. "I'm just pointing out that Missy has aired the same grievances about you to me. It's not easy for her growing up in your shadow," She says standing in front of him crossing her arms.
"Well, it's not easy for me to always have her standing in my shadow either," He says heatedly. "Shelly don't brag about your trophy, it will make Missy sad. Shelly don't tell Missy about the train we bought you for your report card," Sheldon says sounding eerily like his mother. "Yet I always had to hear about her dance recitals, her cheer rallies, there was no money for my Griffin but come hell or high water Missy got swim lessons!"
"Sheldon…" Amy says softening.
"Then when she asks you to do anything you just follow her lead. No matter what I say! It doesn't matter what I think. You care more about what other people think than I do," Sheldon grumps.
"I care about what you think Sheldon! I care about your opinion above all else. It's just that I know you always think I'm beautiful. You can be blind to my flaws while others are more than happy point them out to me," She says sadly as her lip quivers.
"Amy…" Sheldon sighs starting to feel bad for yelling at her when it was not her that he was angry with. The last thing he wants is to see her cry or hurt her feelings.
"I only cut it because I thought it would show I had faith in her. Missy is one of my best friends, she's my sister! Yet she didn't talk to me for months because she was so worried about how I would react to her dropping out. What's worse is that I didn't even notice that she wasn't talking to me. I've been a poor friend and apparently I've been a poor wife," Amy says starting cry.
"Amy, don't cry. It is I who has been a poor husband. I let a stupid sibling rivalry get in the way of my feelings for you," Sheldon says gathering Amy in his arms and kissing her head.
"It's okay," She mumbles into his chest and hugging him tightly.
"It's never okay, I've been disrespectful and rude to you. Tell you what? As a peace offering we can go to that silly beach party," He relents.
"We don't have to go," Amy says looking up and wiping her eyes. Sheldon smiles down at her and moves a stray strand of hair from her face. She's not wearing her glasses so he cups her face and leans in to kiss each of her eyelids in apology. He boop's her nose making her smile. The new hairstyle isn't so bad, it's just different. His wife was still the most beautiful girl he's ever seen.
"I'd rather go with you then have you sneak off without me and risk everyone else seeing you in that get up you had on.." He growls into her ear and swats her behind.
"So you did liked it?" Amy laughs relieved that their argument was settled.
"Like it? My eyes nearly popped out of my head like a cartoon wolf," He says making a wolf whistle that makes her giggle.
"Then maybe I should put it back on for you?" She says and he shakes his head.
"Let's wait for tonight," He says his voice low and full of promise.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Raj heads back to the comic book store a few nights later. Just at closing time hoping to catch Stuart alone again. Stuart looks nervous when the bell above the door rings and he sees Raj walk in.
"Hey," Raj says sheepishly.
"Hi," Stuart says making a small wave.
"Stuart about the other night," Raj starts.
"I know I was out of line. It was rude of me to attack you like that. It's just that I've had a crush on you for awhile. I thought it seemed like in that moment that you might return my feelings. I was stupid," Stuart says embarrassed.
"No you're not stupid. In that moment… I mean I do return your feelings," Raj tells him chewing his lip.
"Oh?! I mean the way you ran out of here I just thought I screwed everything up," Stuart laughs nervously.
"I'm sorry, I screwed everything up. I've never done anything like this before. I was overwhelmed and scared," Raj apologizes sincerely.
"I understand," Stuart says politely. "Apology accepted."
"So we're cool?" Raj asks him and Stuart smiles and nods at him.
"You want to hang out?" Stuart asks. "I was just closing up."
"Sure," Raj says sitting on a stool and watching as Stuart shuts down the register and locks the door.
"Let's go in the back it's more private back there," Stuart tells him and Raj gets up and follows him to the back room which houses a couch, table a small radio and a lamp. Stuart sits on the couch and Raj sits down beside him. Raj drums his hands nervously on his thighs and looks around the room.
"Cool Batman poster," Raj compliments.
"Thanks, it's a limited print. It's numbered for authenticity," It gets quiet with neither of them knowing how to proceed until Raj blurts out.
"You had a crush on me?" He asks shyly.
"Yeah, you've been coming in here for awhile. I thought you were attractive," Stuart tells him and Raj is extremely flattered.
"More than the other guys? Not that I think that you are in love with all guys," Raj corrects.
"Yes, you have that dark and handsome thing going on. Also you didn't seem to be attached like the other guys. So I thought you might… you know…" Stuart says giving him a knowing look.
"Be gay?" Raj asks in contemplation.
"Yeah," Stuart gulps uncomfortably. He doesn't want to spook Raj again. Raj however looks like he is mulling everything over. "I actually thought Sheldon might be until I met Amy at Halloween. I was honestly shocked that he had a girl and more than a little shocked that he was married," He laughs and Raj joins in.
"So how does this gay thing work? Do I print out announcements? Put up a banner?" He jokes nervously.
"What! No?" Stuart laughs. "I mean I guess if you really wanted a banner you could make one."
"How did you first find out you were gay?" Raj asks him and Stuart shrugs.
"I kind of just always knew. Like my hair being curly or my eyes being green. I have always liked boys and not girls. When I should have been eying Catwoman I had a thing for Robin," Stuart explains the best he can.
"How about you?" Stuart asks. "When did you know?"
"I found myself being curious back in India. However I didn't really know until you kissed me," Raj blushes looking down at his shoes.
"Really? So I'm you're first," Stuart says feeling a bit honored.
"Yes, however I still find myself attracted to women as well. I'm sorry," Raj says shaking his head and Stuart scoots over closer to him.
"Raj, you don't have to apologize for being who you are. No one is judging you, least of all me," Stuart says and Raj looks up at him and the heat from earlier returns and he leans in and they kiss again softly.
"I really don't know what I'm doing," Raj says nervously pulling away.
"Neither do I. We'll just take it slow and see where it goes. Is that okay?" Stuart says and Raj nods his stomach filled with butterflies at the infinite possibilities both good and bad.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
After the near tragic break in Penny has been acting a little off and depressed. Leonard tries to convince her it was an honest mistake and anyone could have made it, but she just couldn't seem to shake her gloom. Leonard tries desperately to draw her out after returning home from being with the guys at the comic book store.
"We think Raj might have found a girl," Leonard tells her sitting beside her on the couch and putting her feet on his lap.
"Really?" Penny asks curiously as Leonard rubs her sore feet. "Why?"
"Well, he is out of his sweatpants, he is dressing sharp," Leonard says positively.
"Sharp for Raj," Penny laughs.
"Well yeah," Leonard agrees. "He's showered and clean. That's just a bonus to his sudden mood change. He just seems lighter, happier, he is actually fun to be around again," He says in relief.
"Sounds like a girl. So who's the lucky lady?" Penny asks moaning a little as Leonard hits the right spot on her feet.
"We don't know and he won't tell us," Leonard shrugs.
"Bummer," Penny sighs as she melts into the couch.
"Speaking of bummer. You seem like you've been a little down lately," He asks gently.
"A little. It's just everyone is coming into the restaurant after having all this spring break fun and it only reminds me that it's not my spring break and I can't have any fun," She says sadly.
"It can still be your spring break! You have the next two days off from work right?" Leonard asks as he quickly hatches a plan.
"Yeah, but I can't have any fun," Penny pouts.
"Sure you can! What do you want to do? I'll do anything that you want," He says excited to finally cheer her up.
"Really? Anything?" She muses.
"Really!" Leonard beams.
"Okay, well, I've really been wanting to go to the beach. I know it's not really your thing but who knows when I'll be able to go once the baby is born," Penny says carefully and tests his reaction.
"We can go. We'll make a day of it! We can even invite Howard and Bernadette make a whole thing of it. Maybe go to dinner afterwards?" He says with more enthusiasm than he feels.
"Leonard! Thank you! I am going to go call Bernadette right now," She says kissing him and hugging him tightly. She struggles to get off the couch but Leonard help pull her up.
"I'm going to go buy SPF 1000," Leonard sighs flopping back on the couch.