Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :)

If I could change the currents of our lives
To make the river flow where it's run dry
To be a prodigal of father time
Then I would see you tonight

If I could find the years that went away
Destroying all the cruelty of fate
I must believe that love will find a way
Tonight

Lonely finds me
One day you will come
But I'll wait for love's sake
One day to me, love

- One day, Trading Yesterday -

Sundown

CPOV

The automatic doors of the hospital swished open, and I was greeted by a breath of moist air. There was something special about the way the nature informed about the spring's arrival, as if soothe and reassure the creatures of the earth that the winter was receding. The air was filled with the aroma of wet ground, the breeze bringing traces of melting snow from the mountains.

A sweet musk combined with irises and white roses filled my notrils suddenly, and I turned my gaze towards the silent visitor leaning against my car. I made the rest of the way to the hospital parking lot, greeting the woman with hair of honey and sunshine.

"Rosalie," I nodded and smiled, pleasantly surprised to see her waiting for me after the long day.

She brushed her fingers against the hood of the black car, her eyes avoiding mine momentarily, but eventually she smiled cautiously and directed her golden gaze at me.

"Could bum a ride?" she asked.

"Of course," I answered, unlocking the car and opening the door for her. "You don't even need to ask."

Rosalie slid inside the car, and I was silently wondering the reason behind her sudden appearance. After getting inside myself and steering the car out of the city, we traveled in silence for a while. I was glad to spend some time together with her, because we rarely had the chance to talk. And my guess was that Rosalie had come to meet me at the hospital because she had something in her mind that she felt the need to say. Privately.

"Carlisle," she began after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

I prepared myself for whatever she had in mind, turning my gaze momentarily towards her.

"I feel bad about the way I acted the other day," she confessed, without a doubt referring to our family meeting two days ago.

"Your behaviour wasn't inappropriate in any way," I assured, still feeling relief that our news with Bella had been received so well. "Why do you feel bad about it?"

Rosalie fiddled with the bracelet around her wrist, focusing her gaze on it before turning to me again.

"I didn't mean to be so curt about everything," she said, silent grief shimmering in her eyes. "Esme and Edward have been in my mind a lot."

I nodded. "I understand that. But when I said that they will never be forgotten, I meant it, Rose," I assured. "I wouldn't be the person I am if I hadn't had the honor to have them in my life, even though the time we spend together seems so short now."

"I know that." Rosalie's voice was very quiet, her tone carrying tears she couldn't shed. "I wouldn't be me without them, either. It makes me regret all the disagreements I had with Edward. There were times when we didn't get along very well, but he was still my brother in every way. And I never told him how much I really cared about him."

"We all have regrets," I soothed. "We can't journey through life without ever experiencing ones. There will always be matters we wish we hadn't left unsaid, and things we wish we had done or hadn't done."

Rosalie nodded mutely, her delicate fingers brushing the bracelet again.

"All we can do is to take the life as it is," I mused, trying to offer her the guidance she needed. "And we have to look forward and strive to be better people, even if it isn't always easy. If we don't, we are only staying still, never finding peace."

"I know that," Rosalie answered again, taking a deep breath. "And that is what I'm going to do Carlisle," she promised. "And I wanted you to know that I am really happy that you have found happiness in Bella."

I swallowed, moved by her words. "Thank you, Rosalie." I turned to look at her golden eyes, finding her expression serious but not resentful. "It means a lot to hear this from you."

"I know I've been difficult at times," she apologized. "And I'm sorry about all that."

I shook my head, raising my hand from the gear shift and giving her shoulder a pat. "Don't apologize. Just look forward."

"Forward," she agreed guietly, her smile a bit timid but a smile nonetheless.

It was silent again for a few minutes until Rosalie's words broke the silence, causing a sensation of surprise in me.

"She makes you very happy," she stated.

My mind conjured up an image of the eyes of chocolate brown, the color transforming into a rusty shade of dark orange. The vivid heartbeat in my memories transformed into a thundering throb of a changing heart, and I saw a flash of a marble skin covered by tresses of dark brown hair flowing down on slender shoulders...

"Yes," I stated simply, the short word acknowledging everything and still nothing at all. No amount of words would be enough. "When I'm not with her, I'm not who I am."

Rosalie nodded. She opened her mouth to say something, hesitating before closing it again.

"What?" I asked, noticing her hesitation.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she bit her lip momentarily. "Bella is... sad sometimes," she stated cautiously.

I fixed my eyes upon the road again, turning the wheel and steering the car from the highway towards home. "She is," I agreed, wishing from the bottom of my heart that someday I could make her whole again. I slowed down the speed, needing a few extra minutes before we would be within the hearing range of the others. A part of me felt intrusive when I started to speak, but that part was quieted by concern.

"Does she speak to you about the things that trouble her?" I asked, searching Rosalie's face. Her expression was ruminative, her gaze sweeping the scenery in front of the cars.

"Not that much. I don't think she trusts me enough to talk about those things," she pondered. "We did talk about her parents, once or twice," she revealed.

"Really?" I asked, a sting of something that could count as jealousy prickling in my heart. I banished the emotion immediately - the most important thing was that Bella was able to talk to someone, even if it wasn't myself.

Rosalie chuckled suddenly, the sound partly amused but still joyless. "Bella is very complicated, you know," she stated. "There are times when I'm able to understand her quite well, and I know how she feels. But then something changes - she's like a sealed book, and no one could be able to read her."

I knew the feeling all too well; the wish - the need - to understand, but being unable to do so. But I knew that Bella held the reins in those matters. And the best way of helping her was to be patient and not push her.

As we neared the house and I took the car into the garage, a whispered but heated conversation wafted from inside the house. I couldn't tell what the words were, but the participants of the quiet argument were easy to recognize. I exchanged a look with Rosalie, and we stepped out of the car and made our way inside the house. The quiet conversation ceased.

Emmett and Jasper were nowhere in sight or to be sensed otherwise, and my guess was that they were either somewhere outside or then they had gone into the city.

Rosalie disappeared upstairs and I followed her, making my way to the fourth floor and changing my clothes quickly. I focused on the sounds of two vampires breathing in the room down the hall, idly wondering what was the cause of the argument between Bella and Alice this time.

"You're sure?" I heard Bella whisper as I walked past her closed door, making my way into my study to start on my paperwork.

"Yes," Alice assured quietly. "He'll love it," she said, a giggle escaping her lips.

"Shh!"

Their conversation made me frown, and I wondered what they had in mind.

After a while Alice informed that she was going to go and find Jasper, and her dancing steps took her through the hallway towards the staircase.

I filled the forms quickly, and I was just signing the few of the last papers when almost soundless footsteps sounded from the next room, making their way to the hallway and stopping in front of the door of my study.

"Come in," I invited with a smile, knowing that one of the things I had been looking forward to for the whole day was about to happen. I pressed the tip of the pen back against the paper, quickly signing the form to finish the task and to be able to spend time with the person whose presence I craved more than anything in this universe.

The door of my study opened, and I raised my head with a smile. "How has your day - "

My sentence was left unfinished when I registered the woman stepping into the room. I was vaguely aware of my jaw that was slightly dropped open as I gaped at the creature on the doorway. What a sight she was.

Bella made her way across the room with painfully slow steps, and the only thought that could fit into my mind was that she was wearing something different today. A skirt.

My eyes trailed from her ankles upwards to the slender calves that were covered with almost translucent black tights. Above the knees a dark garment covered her thighs and hips, and the way that piece of fabric hugged her form made my mouth go dry.

I found myself surprisingly resentful of the burgundy sweater, my mind recalling those few moments two nights ago when Bella had stood in front of me, wrapped only in a towel, and I had been painfully obvious of the lack of clothing beneath the fabric. The look in her eyes had been shy and somehow bashful when she had stood in front of me, her pale fingers wrapping the towel around her slender form to hide the secrets she always kept hidden under layers of clothing.

The look in her eyes wasn't shy now. There was teasing innocence in her eyes of dark amber as she neared my desk, rounding the wooden furniture slowly and lowering herself on the edge of the desk next to a stack of papers.

Swallowing was suddenly difficult.

The words gliding from her lips were spoken with that same utter innocence.

"Do finish your sentence," she urged, one of her eyebrows rising. She folded her arms across her chest and gazed at me with a way that seemed almost reproaching.

I took a breath, wondering where my ability to form words had disappeared.

"I meant to ask that how your day has been so far," I said slowly, my eyes stealing another glance of her legs almost involuntarily.

Bella shrugged, throwing a glance towards the window. "Okay," she answered. "I tried to decide which one of your books to steal next."

I chuckled, signing the rest of the papers quickly and putting them away. "Whichever you like," I offered, getting up from my chair and stepping closer to her, closing the short distance between us. "The books won't run out from the world. You have an entire eternity to read all of them," I promised, studying the expectant glimmer in her irises.

The expectation wasn't one-sided - I had been waiting the whole day to have her in my arms again, to brush my lips against hers. I decided to end the long wait.

My hands trailed on her narrow waist as her lips met mine, and I was home, then. Her hands brushing against my chest, traveling upwards to clasp the collar around my neck felt like home, the scent of her skin and the way her lips tasted - everything about her chanted the word home.

Because she was my home. Wherever she went, I would follow, and that place would be home.

I pulled back from her lips to slow down the sensations her touch always caused in me, pressing my forehead against hers. And I just breathed her in, knowing that she was the sweetest breath of air I had ever drawn into my lungs, her presence a necessity I could no longer survive without.

"Screw the books," she whispered, her words tickling my skin. "I'd rather do this than read."

I couldn't agree more.

I chuckled at her words, sliding my hands to grasp her wrists gently and pulling her down from the edge of the table. I steered her towards the black couch resting under the window, pulling her down onto it with me.

Bella glanced outside before bending her legs and leaning against my side, drawing a deep breath against my shirt. I draped my arm over her shoulder, enjoying the way she seeked my proximity.

"I changed my clothes so you wouldn't be too umcomfortable," I told her even though I knew she knew it.

She had a peculiar expression on her face as she drew in more of the scent of my clean shirt. "That was sweet of you," she answered quietly. After a moment she raised her head, turning towards the window again as if to look for something. It was the third time she did that during the past few minutes, making me wonder what she was searching for.

"Expecting someone?" I asked teasingly, not being able to forget her comments about the secret lover sneaking in everytime I left for the hospital everyday.

Bella nudged my ribs gently with her fingers. "No," she declared. "Alice said that the sun will shine today before it sets."

Her enthusiasm over seeing the sun made me a bit sorrowful when I realised that she could never live in a place that had a lot of sunlight. I had gotten used to it myself, but I hadn't thought about how different it would be for the girl who had spent most of her life in the heat of Arizona.

"Do you miss the sun?" I asked.

The familiar masked look came over her dark amber eyes as she stared out of the window. "Sometimes," she answered with a shrug.

I was going through a list of sunny places in my mind where I could take her someday, once she had her thirst under control. Somewhere far and warm, to a place that would be isolated enough so we could walk in the sunlight uncovered. We would be alone, just the two of us, and we would be happy.

Bella twisted her upper body on the couch, resting her forearms against the back of the couch and leaning her chin against them. Her serious eyes studied the scenery outside the window, and she was completely unaware of how fervently I wanted to bring the sun to her so that she could bathe in its warmth.

"What else do you miss?" I asked on a whim, not believing that she would give me an answer, but still hoping for one.

She was still and quiet for a while, the mountains and the grey sky reflecting from her unblinking irises.

And just when I was about to give up on hope to hear her answer, at the same time fearing that I had crossed some invisible line, she suddenly spoke, her voice quiet and somehow very frail.

"A lot of things," she whispered almost soundlessly.

I turned on the couch towards her, resting my other arm on the back of the furniture. The silence lasted for a while, making me believe that those were the only words she was willing to offer to me. Bella's dusky amber eyes took a darker hue before disappearing behind the eyelids.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," I reassured her, brushing aside the dark hair from her neck and kneading the revealed marble skin with my fingers gently. "But when you do, I want you to know that I'm here to listen. You do know that, don't you?"

She nodded quickly with her eyes closed, seeming to take comfort from my soft touches.

It took a few moments more before the setting sun peeked behind the thick veil of clouds, making Bella open her eyes and gaze at the golden giant that lighted up the grey scenery.

Her eyes held both admiration and silent longing when she gazed at the sun, and suddenly she lifted her body on the couch, opening the window carefully and looking outside without the glass blurring the scenery. The rays of sun bathed her skin, making it glow and sparkle, and Bella closed her eyes again, without a doubt enjoying the meager warmth the sun was able to provide.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

The words slipped from my tongue without a thought, and I couldn't have stopped them even if I had wanted to. The compliment was almost involuntary - instinctive - and the need to say those words was so burning that I believe staying silent would have been physically agonizing.

My question hadn't been a rhetorical one, and my eyes never left Bella as I waited for her answer. She was very still for a while, continually hiding those dark amber eyes behind her eyelids as if to tease me with her silence, enshrouding the emotions and thoughts that swirled in her mind.

Finally a small smile made the other side of her lips quirk, and she granted me the answer that made me feel utterly foolish.

"I believe you haven't," she said, silent laughter in her tone.

Foolish, indeed. All these months I had spent in her company, and I had never taken a moment to pronounce that unmistakable truth.

"What a fool I have been for not saying that before," I apologized, my fingers continuing to brush against the skin of her neck. "It's a sacrilege."

She wore that same secret smile, her lips pressing together in a sheepish way, and once again I expected a blush to redden her cheeks.

She opened her eyes after a while, the rays of the setting sun igniting the jewels in her irises alight. "Flatterer," she muttered with a teasing tone, leaning her cheek against her arm.

I chuckled, leaning closer to press a kiss near her ear. "I have no need to flatter in your company," I whispered in her ear. "The truths I observe around me will do fine." I dropped another light kiss on the side of her neck, enjoying the way she squirmed when her sensitive skin reacted to my touch.

We watched together as the sun disappeared behind the mountains, and I couldn't help but notice that the light in Bella's eyes dimmened with the daylight.

"It'll come back," I whispered, not knowing how to offer her comfort. It was incredible how such a simple thing as seeing the sun made her so content, and it was one of those things that I couldn't give her. It saddened me.

"I know," she answered quietly, reaching out to pull the window closed. I watched the way her eyebrows knitted together when she focused on not breaking the latch, the control over the strength she possessed still not completely mastered. Her quiet sigh echoed from the walls when she leaned against the couch. Her fingers danced across the surface of the upholstery, reaching out to fiddle with the sleeve of my grey shirt.

"Did Emmett and Jasper come with you?" she asked, focusing to listen to the silence of the house. Only Rosalie's quiet breathing could be heard from the second floor.

"No, only Rose," I answered. "Did they go to the city?"

A small smile adorned Bella's face then. "Yeah," she chuckled. "Jasper decided to drag Emmett into a bookstore. I can't imagine his agony."

"Neither can I."

Bella's long hair cascaded down her shoulders as she shifted, straightening her form on the couch. Her fingers left the cuff of my sweater for a while, only to return when she had found a better position. The delicate digits ghosted above the spot were my pulse had once throbbed.

"Jasper reads a lot," she mused after a moment of silence. "Almost as much as you."

"He's very scholar," I admitted. "He's mostly interested in history and philosophy, and doesn't bother to borrow any of my poetry books."

"Which is good," Bella quipped with a smile. "It gives me the chance to hog them all."

I chuckled, pleased to see the playful glimmer in her eyes. I leaned closer to steal a quick kiss, murmuring words against her soft lips. "Indeed," I agreed quietly. "And I hope it's not the only thing you're planning to take."

Her joyful laughter was drowned under another kiss.

"I'll give you ten bucks if you eat it."

I lifted my gaze from the medical journal I was reading, glancing at Emmett's teasing expression. He held out a cracker in his fingers, holding it out to Bella.

"Nope," Bella answered, turning the page of Bram Stoker's Dracula. The book had caused a great amount of amusement in her, and she snorted softly every once in a while as she came across something amusing.

"Fifteen," Emmett offered, leaning over the living room's coffee table and waving the cracker in front of Bella's nose. He had found a box of them from the kitchen's cupboards, some of the food that was stored for Bella before Christmas being forgotten there.

"Eat it yourself," Bella quipped, some of her annoyance shining through in her tone.

"I don't have to," Emmett laughed. "But you're gonna have to learn to eat human food someday without gagging. Once we move somewhere else and start high school again, you're going to have to at least pretend to eat. Otherwise humans will notice that you're weird."

"You're weird," Bella muttered under her breath. A small flicker of doubt glimmered in her eyes when she lifted her gaze from the book, looking up at me. "We're not going to move yet?" she asked. "We'll stay here at least for a while. Right?"

"Of course," I reassured, tightening my arm around her shoulder. Those affectionate gestures came very easily now, and once again I felt relief for not needing to refrain from those touches now when the others were aware of us. "We can still stay a long time in here."

Emmett leaned back against the couch opposite of us. "That's good," he agreed. "We've just managed to settle."

I realised that it had been a long time since we had all lived together in the same house. During the past years everyone had scattered on their own ways, and we hadn't been as united as we had used to be. But that had changed now, and my heart was singing with joy - my family was together, and I knew that even those who weren't here were also present somehow, even if we couldn't see or hear them. It brought me comfort.

Emmett leaned forward towards Bella again, taking the abandoned cracker from the table and holding it out.

"Twenty bucks?" he asked.

"Go away."

"Oh come on. It's not that bad," he persuaded. "Carlisle has to do it at the hospital sometimes when he can't worm his way out of going for the coffee breaks."

Bella glanced at me, quirking her brow.

"It's true," I admitted. "But I'm quite talented with words if I have to decline about something. I have to be, if I don't wish to spent the following evening vomiting human food I can't digest."

"Well, in that case I'm glad that you're good at talking your way out of those situations," she chuckled, continuing to read but being interrupted again when Emmett threw a small piece of cracker at her. Bella snarled, closing the book and reaching out for the cracker from Emmett. "Alright!" she growled. "Give me that. But then you'll leave me alone."

"Deal," Emmett smirked, without a doubt wanting to see the expression on Bella's face when she tasted human food for the first time as a vampire.

Jasper appeared at the living room door, peeking behind a pile of heavy books he carried. His butterscotch eyes were curious as he watched Bella's reaction.

Bella's razor-sharp teeth nibbled at the cracker, and her expression was pondering for a while as she studied the taste and texture. Then her eyebrows knitted together and she wrinkled her nose. Emmett laughed loudly when she bolted up from the couch, the book falling on the cushions as she raced to the hallway. The smell of human food was quite bearable sometimes, but that couldn't be said from the taste.

I found her from a bathroom along the hallway, rinsing her mouth with water. I leaned against the door frame, trying to hide my own amusement.

"I can't believe I let him talk me into that," she grumbled, her chiming voice echoing from the tiles. "You have to do this often?" she asked and straightened, wiping water from her chin.

"Not that often," I answered, reaching out to brush a drop of water from her cheekbone.

"Thank goodness," she chuckled.

I pulled her into my embrace, relishing her willingness to step into my arms. I drew in the scent of her marble skin, the different hues of soft musk mixed with lavender and strawberries befuddling my senses. No perfume could compare to her unique scent.

"Do you wish to carry on with your reading?" I queried, pulling back to gaze into her eyes. "Or would you rather take a late night walk with me?"

Bella huffed, the row of her white teeth showing when she smiled. "You don't even have to ask," she declared, starting to pull me to the hallway. "Late night walk, please."

"You would rather choose a tiresome walk with an old man like me, instead of immersing yourself in some quality literature?" I asked, feigning confusion as we walked through the front door into the night.

"I like the tiresome walks with my old man," she admitted shyly, making me feel utterly complacent about the possessive expression she had used. "And," she added. "I don't think Emmett's done with his food experimenting just yet. I don't want to take my chances and have him feed me something that could be difficult to hurl," she explained.

I chuckled at her words. "Understandable," I agreed, and Bella threw a glare at the house when she heard Emmett rummaging through the kitchen cupboards again.

The night was lovely, and the air was fresh with the smells of the upcoming spring. Those things rivaled with the beauty of the woman in my embrace, and there was no question which one would prevail. And so we continued our shared, tiresome walk that we both so enjoyed.

"Dr. Cullen."

The smell of blood was heavy in my notrils, the chaos inside the sterile walls erupting and creating a havoc that resembled a nightmare in my foreverlasting wakefulness. Heartbeats, rapid breathing, opening and closing of doors - the sounds were loud in my ears, but not as loud as the silence of the heart beneath my palms.

How could silence shout into my ears so loudly was beyond my comprehension. But it did, raging with a voice that made me crave for a short moment of deafness. And the blood... it covered my vision, it covered my hands, the redness that once was a symbol of life and existence staining everything. It covered the blue sheets, the pale skin, the locks of hair that were once the color of sand...

It covered my own unbeating heart, and it hurt.

Dear God, it hurt.

"Dr. Cullen, stop. You have to call it."

"Continue the ventilation," I ordered calmly.

"Dr. Cullen - "

"Continue, Ellen."

Dr. Wiley's grey eyes stared at me from the other side of the gurney. The emotion in her eyes was everything and nothing I needed at the moment.

"Charge 200," I ordered again, the short sentence becoming like a mantra. And I continued repeating that mantra, because if I chose to stop, if I chose not to say those words, it meant that I had failed. That I had given up...

Another litany of brisk words and orders combined with the sounds of electrics. The silent heart tensed and loosened once more, the smell of blood trailing into my nostrils again as I breathed in.

"Still no sinus rhythm," someone said.

"Dr. Cullen."

I couldn't give up...

"Carlisle."

And I drowned.

My lips were cold and numb as my eyes searched the clock. "Time of death, 3:47 AM."

A severe spinal cord injury.

Internal and external bleeding leading to hypovolemic shock.

Several skull fractures, causing pressure in the intracranial space.

An epidural hematoma.

Those technical terms brought no comfort or solidity as the unseeing eyes of hazel brown stared through me. And I drowned again, as if I wasn't already deep enough.

Maybe I wasn't.

Our Father, who art in Heaven...

My hand reached out to touch the skin that was still warm, my fingers closing the pale eyelids and hiding the sightless irises. Because I couldn't take it; there was no peace in those eyes. No peace even in death.

Hallowed by thy name...

"Death kit," someone asked quietly.

I turned and left the chaos of the emergency room behind me, tearing the stained gloves from my hands with fervency that made the material rip.

Thy kingdom come,

Thy will be done...

I looked down at my uncovered hands, realising that they were still stained. Those hands had held the ability to help that young boy, and they had failed. I had failed.

On earth as it is in heaven...

The water was warm against my palms, bringing the false feel of comfort. But it didn't wash away the tarnish, it didn't cleanse the pale marble skin that only reminded me of how far I was from being a human.

Give us this day our daily bread

and forgive us our debts...

"Is he alright?"

A hushed whisper sounded from the door behind me, echoing from the walls and gliding into my ears. Because I wasn't deaf to this world, not now when so I wanted to be.

... as we also have forgiven our debtors...

"A long night," Dr. Wiley answered to the young nurse. She sounded as tired as I felt.

And lead us not into temptation

but deliver us from evil.

The journey home was long, my loneliness accompanied with the clinging scent of musk and bergamot. One small part of my mind realised that there was smears of blood on my shirt. There had been no time to change into scrubs before the turmoil in the emergency room had started to unravel. Time was a concept I qould gladly live without now. As the fair-coloured house appeared behind the trees, all I wanted to do was to go inside, have her in my arms and keep her there until the world stopped existing.

But the house was as dark and silent as the sleeping world around it. It was vacant from life, and there were no sounds of breathing, no quiet whispers I so needed to hear.

And she - the sad girl with the eyes of dark amber wasn't there.

The blue sheets were coarse under my body as I sat down, the material roughened by the lack of her presence. The room needed her to be tender and soft as it had used to be. Her absence was palpable in everything I beheld and envisioned, in everything I touched with my tainted skin. The air around me wasn't air, and it tore my lungs - and everything, everything, screamed the absence of her again.

She wasn't here.

Maybe she would arrive together with the dawn - it would be so like her to do that, to appear at the same time as the day broke, and I found myself both hoping and dreading for the possibility. Hoping, because what a sight she would be, arriving with the sun she so missed. But the dawn was still hours away, and as much as I craved for the absence of time, I knew that I would lose my sanity if I had to wait for her that long.

But I waited, and hoped, and dreaded, and I yearned, and those were the only things I could do to prevent myself from drowning.

Eventually I just yearned - needed. More than a living creature needs oxygen, more than an addict needs the next dose. All that was left was the pure, bare need, and nothing else existed. The way I didn't exist without her.

The warmth had left my hands as I leaned my head against my palms, and I couldn't summon the strength to lift my gaze, not even when I heard the almost soundless steps coming from the dark woods. But something like faint delight combined with relief stirred inside me, and I realised that I didn't have to wait until the dawn.

And suddenly time started to matter again. The length of her steps, the few short moments she took to prevent herself from damaging the door, the few deep breaths that lasted a second or two too long...

And then she was there, and I didn't need to see or hear or sense her otherwise to know that she was there.

"Hey," she whispered. The bed dipped slightly next to me as she sat down.

And suddenly everything was soft again.

Her fingers studied the outlines of my face that I was still hiding behind my palms, and her touch traveled to the nape of my neck, brushing, touching, feeling, softening as it went.

"Alice said you had a bad day," she whispered. "And night."

My fingers rubbed my forehead and weary eyes, and I tried to summon words, or even a curt smile. But I had nothing to give her, and the silence continued. But it was a different silence now when she was here; there was comfort in it. Solace.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her fingers kneading the back of my neck again, traveling downwards to stroke the planes of my back. I had to remind myself that she had asked a question - focusing and submerging myself in her touches was easy, so easy that everything else tended to be forgotten. Summoning words was difficult again, and the thought of not answering tempted me horribly.

But she deserved an answer. She deserved everything I was able to give her, and more. So much more.

"Tired."

The short word described my spirits quite well. The mental strain during the past twenty-seven hours had worn me down more than I had thought possible.

The weight disappeared from the bed suddenly, and I almost removed my hands to see where she had gone. But movement down on the floor, gentle touches against my feet made me focus and listen again, and I reluctantly shifted to see what she was doing.

Her delicate hands were prying the shoes off my feet and I moved slightly, allowing her to remove them completely. The small gesture she had made felt oddly intimate. Her hands were tugging at my arm next, and it took me a short moment to understand that she wanted me to lie down on the bed. I complied silently, knowing that I could deny nothing from her.

The bed under my body was nearly as soft as her skin against mine. Her fingers continued that private ritual, the silky digits studying the outlines of my jaw before brushing the shape of my eyebrow and traveling downwards my neck. I turned my head involuntarily to give her a better access.

"That feels amazing," I whispered, the words slipping through my lips without any conscious decision. My voice was slightly raw, the complete opposide of the softness in her touch.

Her fingers continued playing on my sensitive skin, and I rather felt more than heard or saw her lying down next to me. Her touch never left me, the small connection between the tips of her fingers and the surface of my marble skin never breaking. And I knew the lack of her touch would leave me empty, and I wondered if it caused the same emptiness in her, too.

When had I closed my eyes?

I felt light pressure on my right shoulder as her head pressed against it. I shifted my arm, enfolding her small frame against my side where she so doubtlessly belonged.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked quietly.

I truly had no wish to, even thought it was so very difficult not to give her answers. For a short fleeting moment I had a glimpse of what she was going through everytime I challenged her to tell me about those unpleasant thoughts that burdened her mind.

I opened my eyes to gaze at the ceiling of the dim room and tightened my arm around her. Her light touches ceased, her hand sweeping across my neck to rest on my chest.

"A long day," I whispered. "Too many innocent people... too many lives thrown away, wasted. And I was incapable."

Her weight shifted, and soon her face appeared above mine, diging the ceiling from my sight and dissolving my scattered focus.

"I know this is a huge cliché, and probably brings no comfort to you, but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm sure you did everything you could to help those people." Her voice was earnest but gentle, her eyes of dark caramel flaming in the dim lighting.

I stroked her elbows as she leaned her weight against my chest, her fingers playing with the knot of my tie.

"I should have gotten used to it by now," I confessed. "Considering how perishable a human life can be. I witness it everyday, but I cannot seem to adjust to it."

Bella's fingers held the tip of my tie and she ran the fabric over my lips, the movement almost unintentional as if she was deep in thought while doing that.

"It's just so you," she answered. "I would expect nothing less from you. The way you care about the people around you... your whole essence is tied to that endless compassion. And you wouldn't be you if you felt otherwise."

Her words made the venom sting in my eyes and I swallowed thickly, her words moving me so deeply that it took a moment to summon an answer.

"Thank you, sweetheart," I whispered. "You words are kind."

"They were honest words," she answered, her fingers dropping the tie and moving to graze lightly the skin of my cheek. She drew in a cautious breath, the darkness in her pupils spreading visibly.

It puzzled me for a second or two before I breathed in myself. Her scent that hovered around me was mixed with something else - the sharp smell of musk and bergamot filled my notrils. How could I have forgotten my blood-smeared shirt was beyond me. I reproached myself quietly while pushing Bella's light frame off of my chest.

The look in her eyes was a mix of hurt and confusion, triggered by my abrupt movement.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized, taking her hand quickly and kissing it so she would know that it wasn't her proximity that had driven me away. I got up from the bed quickly, loosening the tie and unbuttoning my shirt swiftly.

"I should have changed my shirt right away," I apologized again, the confusion in her eyes transforming into understanding. The dark hues in her eyes didn't disappear, and her posture was slightly rigid. "It was very inconsiderate of me."

"Don't worry about it," she brushed it off. "I think I'm getting used to it little by little." She breathed in again and closed her eyes, a slight grimace managing to escape her well-rehearsed facade.

I shrugged the shirt off, feeling slightly unsure to stand in front of her with my upper body completely bare. I searched the closet Alice had arranged yesterday, attempting to find a proper piece of clothing to wear.

"The grey one." Bella's voice surprised me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see her. She had opened her eyes, and there was the same smile in her eyes that could be heard in her voice.

"This one?" I asked, pulling the dark grey sweater from the closet with a smile of my own.

She nodded, her eyes stealing a glance at my shoulders before she turned her gaze away sheepishly. I had a feeling that the innocence in her eyes wasn't quite reasoned.

"You know," Bella chuckled as I pulled the sweater on. "Somewhere there Alice is hanging herself with her scarf, knowing that I'm choosing clothes for you. She doesn't seem to trust me in those things."

I chuckled, making my way back to her and sitting on the bed. "I can't imagine why."

"Neither can I," she stated, her tone slightly mocking.

"Where is everyone, by the way?" I queried. "And where were you? Have you created a habit of sneaking out everytime I leave for work?"

Bella shrugged. "Well I kind of have to. With Emmett guarding the door twenty-four-seven because you ordered him to, it's challenging for my boyfriend to come here," she stated innocently, the formality in her tone causing the possessive flare ignite inside me.

"Boyfriend, huh?" I asked casually. "It seems that you're making progress with him, since he was only a lover the last time we discussed this."

Bella's chiming laughter filled the room. How I wished I could capture the delight that sound carried, and put it inside a bottle so I could observe it everytime I wished.

"Alice and Rosalie left somewhere farther away to explore the mountains," she said, stopping the teasing and answering my earlier question. "Who would think that Alice could focus enough to appreciate a pretty scenery? But anyway... Emmett and Jasper went back somewhere to the mountains, too, after they had first escorted me back to the house."

I turned towards her on the bed, reaching out to brush her jaw with my finger. "It must be frustrating for you to be guarded all the time," I stated, studying the momentary flicker of longing in Bella's eyes before it changed into acceptance.

"The babysitting doesn't really bother me," she reassured. "Not when it means that someone's life can be spared."

I nodded, saddened again because of the changes and losses this eternal life would bring to her. The isolation that had already lasted for weeks must be very straining for her, even if she refused to admit it. Not to mention how different her everyday life would be once crossing that bridge. Once she got used to the smell of humans to the extent that she could start studying with the others, she would have to be prepared for the thousands of distractions the world presented. There would be hundreds of heartbeats and different scents in the air, not to mention there was always a chance of someone getting hurt by tripping over and starting to bleed, for instance. And she would have to be prepared for those incidents and keep herself under control. It was still difficult for Jasper at times, although he had made a remarkable effort to improve his control.

How confusing it would be for Bella during the first few times when she did something as simple as walked on the street - there would be dozens of matters she had to focus on at the same second, and it wouldn't be easy. The changes this life brought to her made me sorrowful again because of the struggles she would have to go through.

But she wouldn't be alone - I would walk by her side every step of the way.

"Why are you so sullen all of a sudden?" Bella asked quietly, making me lift my gaze from the blue bedspread into her eyes of dark caramel.

"I was only thinking about the changes and difficulties this life has brought you, and the things you have to live without now." I paused, studying her expression. "And it makes me sad that you are missing out certain things. Because of what we are."

"What I'm I missing out on?" she asked with a puzzled frown.

I remembered our conversation during the sunset two days ago, thinking about the longing in her eyes when she had gazed upon the light the sun had casted before disappearing behind the mountains.

"We cannot live in a place that has a lot of sunlight, for example," I mused, turning better towards her sitting form on the bed. "And I know that you will miss it."

Once again I was making a list in my head of the safe, sunny places where I could take her to - Isle Esme, perhaps? - wondering if I should voice my plans to her.

Bella shrugged, her eyes drifting towards the dark forest behind the glass wall. "It's not only the sun I miss," she said suddenly. "It's the things it reminds me of."

Her open words surprised me and I fell silent, my mind suddenly blank and rushing at the same time.

"It's complicated," Bella muttered, giving up and shrugging again. She lowered her gaze, and the look in her eyes was so empty that it made the stone heart in my chest break.

"Your mother?" I asked gently, studying her hollow expression.

She was silent again for a while, studying the blue bedspread like it was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen.

"I just want to forget sometimes," she said brokenly. "Everything I see reminds me of something I want to forget."

I watched the girl sitting on the bed, the rapid blinking of her eyes, the way her fingers picked the fabric underneath her... The hollow craving of oblivion in the pools of dark amber, the need to be a little less shattered and a little more whole, and I asked myself: how could I mend her? How to offer a piece of that calmness she so yearned for, that we both so yearned for?

But no answers would come to me, not now when I needed to offer her one.

I could only offer her myself, and so I reached out with my arm in the hope of bringing her comfort with my touch.

There was coldness in the skin of her arm where I touched her, and all I wanted to do was to make her warm again. Like she had warmed me earlier by only being present. I crawled across the bed, enfolding her into my embrace, hoping that I would be enough to keep her whole, and at the same time fearing that I wouldn't be enough.

But in that moment when she rested in my arms, I knew; she belonged there, in my arms as I belonged to hers. Without her, I was like a window without the curtains, a candle without the flame, an ocean without the shores... In that moment, we were complete; even when the sad girl in my arms mourned for the missing pieces of her life, mourned for the sunshine she could and couldn't live without. Striving to forget, and at the same time striving to remember.

And together, we mourned for the sky without the sun.

AN: The prayer Carlisle recites in his mind is Lord's Prayer.