I'm shit. I'm so shit right now. And I need to be happy. Writing makes me happy. Weddings make everyone happy. Updates make people happy. Reviews will also make me happy. Love you guys, sorry I haven't been updating.
I squirm uncomfortably as Lottie dusts more powder over my face.
"You're smothering me," I say through the cloud of loose foundation.
"Sorry, sorry, I just... Mm..." she frowns in annoyance, frustration. She goes silent, chewing on her lip and she fixes my makeup, makes sure my hair is pinned back right, and making sure there's no stains or dirt or makeup on the pristine white gold dress that trails in one silky sheet to my ankles, goes to just past my wrist and closes in a cute collar at my throat.
"I think we're done."
I nod uneasily. That familiar kicking feeling in my stomach is there, and I feel light-headed.
"What time is it?" I ask, my voice wavering.
Lottie glances at her watch, then remembers that she always sets it wrong. She turns on her phone.
"It's time, shit, come on."
She helps me up off the stool I've been sitting on for three hours. My legs wobble and my knees feel weak. I'm so glad that nobody wanted to put me in heels, though I must say how tall everyone is in comparison irks me. Isn't it my special day? Couldn't some magical deity zap everyone and make them shorter for this one occassion?
I give myself a nervous glance in the mirror, my eyes wide. Lottie did my makeup in a "very Marilyn Manson-esque" way. I have no idea what she means by that, but my eyelids are white, I have a thick, bold winged eyeliner and false lashes. They make my eyes feel heavy, and I blink irritatedly. One eye has a purple contact in it. The pale, almost bleached look of it unnerves people.
She did my lips full blown out movie star, or as I used to call them, "hooker" red lips. My face feels cakey due to all the foundation and blush and bronzer she piled on it to hide my scars but I've got to hand it to her, she did a good job.
She takes my arm, leads me out the room. I feel dizzy.
She gives me a grin as we reach the end of the hallway. A man is standing there. I hadn't seen him lots in recent years, but of course Lottie had stayed in close touch with our family.
"She's ready," Lottie says. Oh God, no I'm not. I will never be ready for this.
Dad pulls me in for a hug, trying to remember to be gentle but he was always a full-on man. His recently trimmed beard scratches against my forehead. I feel like a small child, hiding from judgement and fear in my father's embrace.
But of course, his pressed dark gray tuxedo and the dark blue tie aren't what I'm used to with him, and this dainty, lady-like version of me isn't what he's used to.
"Juliet!"
My dad's arms shift off me, and a definitely more womanly body takes his place.
"Oh, you look so beautiful. Toby's so lucky, I'm so happy." For someone being a bridesmaid to her ex's wedding, Olga seems to be nothing but sincere. She hugs me tight.
"I'm so nervous," I whisper to her.
"It's natural. Just think about after the scary part's over," she says. My spirits lift.
"We going now?" asks my dad. |
Everything from this point seems blurred. Like I'm dreaming, or high, none of it feels real. The music is loud and wordless to me, the feelings are not there and too intense, the colours are too bright and hypnotic.
Olga and Lottie, bridesmaid, go first. I wait, clinging onto my father's arm, feeling my palms get sweaty. My head feels so light, I begin to wonder if it's going to float away.
He nods, tightens his grip on me, and he pushes open the door and takes me down the aisle.
I avoid looking at the seats, at all the people. All my family and friends, Toby's family and friends. I wonder if I'm going to throw up.
I almost give a hysteric giggle as I imagine Lottie's reaction to me vomiting over the beautiful dress she helped me pick out, but I manage to restrain it.
I don't look up from the rolled out red carpet until I'm at the end of it. My dad lets go of me. I feel faint. I need to hold someone.
A pair of very sure, warm hands take mine, from someone standing across from me.
"We are gathered here today, on this happy and joyous occassion, to join this man and woman in holy matrimony."
I glance up at the preacher. He looks very focused. There's a very thin sheen of sweat on his receding hairline. How long has he been standing here in that ridiculously thick piece of clothing, looking all imposing and regal and important whilst our family and friends tripped over chairs and bickered over seating and gossiped?
I feel a tiny smile tugging at the corner of my mouth, and I look up at Toby, feel a tiny shock.
While I was staring at the floor, or at the priest person, he clearly had only been looking at one thing. Me.
I catch my own smile reflected on his face.
Then I feel self conscious, look down, give a sly glance sideways to the guests.
Toby's mom is in the front row. She looks thrilled, and next to her is Sandra. But for some reason, the sight of her doesn't make me wrinkle my nose or upset my mood. She's not what matters. At least she looks decent, in a knee length pencil skirt and a little blazer. She has dark burgundy on her cracked lips.
I view the rest of the people there, then look past Toby to see Jack beaming at me. I manage to give him some sort of grin. Of course Gabe's there too. I feel heat rising in my cheeks as the priest turns to Toby.
"Toby Turner, do you take Juliet Caster to be your wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." Toby's eyes don't leave mine. He sounds utterly sure, completely commited. My own doubts melt away.
"And Juliet Caster, do you take Toby Turner to be your wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." My voice sounds quiet, quavering. But I'm sure. Toby's eyes seem to glow.
"Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
Before the priest is even finished, Toby has stepped forward and pulled me in and angled my head up.
I can hear a cheer that sounds like it's coming from land while I'm underwater while he kisses me, and when he pulls away I can't help but give a sort of breathless smile. He's mine now. Forever.
I don't think he can help it when he pulls me in for another kiss, because I know I can't.
The reception has the same blurred, lucid quality that the ceremony had. All I remember is I kept trying over my feet and others, as I danced with almost everyone in the room. I tried my best to avoid Sandra, but I shared one brief dance with her also while she gave me a congratulations and a peck on the cheek that I politely, if maybe a little stiffly, accepted. After every few people or so, I'd end up back in Toby's arms, which was were I wanted to be, or would be for a long time.
"I love you," he shouts over All Time Low's rendition of 'Umbrella' (Blame Narina; I let her choose a lot of the music played) crushing me against his chest as we twirl around. "And I will keep loving you, forever, and you're stuck with me loving you forever, too." he laughs.
"You're stuck with me too, because I love you forever as well," I yell back and then Jack appears and demands a dance and Gabe is bowing and offering Toby his hand from the other side and we split, our hands lingering on each others for as long as we could manage.
"He's so happy, you know," Jack tells me as he make sure that we look "as professional and well organized" as possible in our dancing stance.|
"I know, I am too," I tell him, and Jack grins, shaking his head.
"But with everything, he's so happy. You didn't hear him last night, we all got piss drunk and he just won't shut up about you, about how he's the luckiest man in the world, how you're the best thing that has ever happened to him and how he's just so ecstatic that he gets you back, and for ever and always, and then he tripped over and almost squished Klondike."
I laugh, though my cheeks burn.
When it comes to Narina, she just sorta squeals out "MY OTP WILL NEVER SINK" before we do that thing that girls do, were we grab eachothers hands and jump around in a circle. Eventually Lottie, Olga, Justine and Marzia join us and we're giggling like schoolchildren. Which Narina is, but that's besides the point. It's the best day of my life.
That's all I can write right now, but I hope it's decent? Writing that made me feel better though I'm sorry if anyone's OOC, I haven't written DLMH in months, gosh, I'm so sorry! Anyway honeys, review and favourite and follow and all that good stuff! PM if you have any questions! LOVE YOU GUYSSS 3