The Doctor gripped the front of the desk tightly as he felt Micha spreading a sticky substance on his bottom. He tried to keep his breath even reminding himself over and over that he would forget what was going to happen to his body once he had more of the drug in his system. It wasn't any comfort, though, as Micha pushed himself roughly into his body. He bit down on his arm to muffle the scream of pain as he allowed it to happen. Micha quickly started a brutal pace as he took his pleasure from the act, not knowing nor caring if the Doctor received pleasure as well. The Doctor's grip on the desk became so tight that his fingers hurt. He desperately tried to think of anything else, but all he could focus on was the pain. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the movement stopped and Micha collapsed forward pressing him onto the desk. He continued to lay there even after Micha's weight lifted.

"Take the drugs and leave," Micha told him firmly. His body sore, but his mind numb, he followed Micha's orders as he pushed himself up off the desk. He bent down to pull up his trousers, not bothering to latch his belt before reaching for the drugs. Disgust filled him as the used condom landed on the desk next to his hand. "You can take that as well to remember me by."

"No, thank you," The Doctor whispered. He gathered the bags, keeping them in his hand as he headed towards the door. His body was trembling and it took everything in him to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

"Seems like Micha has found himself a new whore," the man who guarded the door commented as the Doctor passed by him. The Doctor glared at him with all the rage of the oncoming storm. The man glared back at him finding it hard to be afraid of a man he just watched let himself be used for a small bag of powder. The Doctor stumbled out the door. He somehow made it back to his TARDIS, letting himself inside. Once inside, though, he collapsed to the ground. He curled into him sobbing in pain and regret over what he just let happen to his body. He was a Time Lord who had once made armies turn at just the sound of his name, now he was nothing more than a whore who sold himself for drugs. His father and all his teachers were right, he was a disgrace.

Still crying, he once more forced himself to his feet going to the kitchen. Once there he grabbed a large glass off of the counter. His hands shaking he poured all four of the bags into the glass. All he had to do was add water and then drink it. Just the simple act and it would all be over. He wouldn't have to live on as the last of the Time Lords but would finally be able to join them in their eternal rest. The TARDIS blew warm air on him humming softly to him. He leaned his head against her wall for a moment wishing he could hear her as she continued to comfort him. He continued to stand there until his tears turned to sobs and he was unable to cry anymore. Reaching into the drawer, he pulled out a spoon. He got a smaller cup down from the cupboard than measured himself out a small dose of the drug. He drank it will a full glass of water, followed by another. He took the rest of the drugs and poured them back into the bags for later.

The powder was starting to take effect and he could feel his mind clouding over by the time the last bag was sealed. He stored them in the drawer near the stove before making his way to his room. He was feeling a little better, now he just wanted to feel clean.

-DW-

The Doctor awoke in the dark hospital room. He could feel Jack's warm body pressed against him, but the touch was unwelcome as his dreams faded. He knew they weren't really dreams. He was finally remembering the pain he allowed his body to endure while in search of a release. He could still clearly remember holding onto the desk as Micha moved inside him. Though he could only dreamed of the one time, a small voice told him that he had allowed Micha to take him more than once. That he had willing bent over that desk for a small taste of the bitterness. He felt his stomach. So as not to wake Jack, he carefully got out of the bed hurrying to the toilet. He flicked the light on and shut the door wanting to be alone, just managing to get to his knees in front of it as his body rejected everything he had eaten that day.

When his stomach was empty, he sat back on the cold floor, not daring to move far. He was uncomfortable, but he knew that he deserved it for what he allowed to happen to his body. He had let it be used and for what? So that he could suffer now as he was forced to withdrawal from the drug that had brought him comfort. The bitterness had hidden the memories, now without it, they were beginning to resurface. At that moment, he would have given anything to not remember.

"Sweetheart?" Jack called out as he awoke to find the bed empty beside him. The Doctor didn't answer him continuing to stare forward. He heard footsteps approaching the door and then a soft knock on the door. "Are you in there?"

"I want to be alone. I deserve to be alone," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. Whether or not Jack heard him the Doctor didn't know. Regardless, Jack didn't listen to him as he opened.

"Are you alright?" Jack asked the pity in his voice clear as he looked down on the Doctor. The Doctor want his pity because despite what Jack said, the Doctor knew that he would leave him if he knew the truth. If he knew just how many times he had let his body be used in order to obtain the drugs that he wanted.

"Please Jack, just leave me alone," The Doctor begged him softly.

"I can't do that Doctor," Jack replied not able to walk away while the Doctor was in so much pain. Moving he closer, he slid down the wall sitting next to him on the floor. The Doctor winced, pulling his leg away as Jack went to lay his hand on it. Respecting that he obviously didn't want to be touched, Jack folded his hands in his lap. "You don't deserve to be alone, sweetheart. What you deserve is to be healthy, happy and loved. You aren't going to accomplish that, though, if you don't open up since keeping the pain inside is what brought you here to begin with. Remember nothing that you ever tell me will make me hate you or think any differently of you. So why don't you tell me what is bothering you."

"I remember," The Doctor whispered.

"Remember what?" Jack questioned even if he had a good idea he knew what the Doctor was talking about. The fact that the Doctor swallowed hard before continuing just made him even more sure about what he was going to hear.

"I let him use my body for three small bags," The Doctor stuttered, his voice barely audible. "Worse, I don't think it was the only time."

"Do you know his name?" Jack wondered softly. Anger filled him, but he wasn't angry at the Doctor. No, he was angry at the man who had brought the Time Lord so much pain.

"Micha," The Doctor replied. The name did him no good. He was never going to be able to find the man as even with a first name, he didn't know the planet nor the century the Doctor had been in.

"I am going to make Micha pay for hurting you," Jack informed the Doctor. The Doctor nodded still not looking at. The fact that the Doctor was willing to let Jack hurt someone worried him slightly. Still the Doctor had suffered at the hands of this man and who knows how many others. Hearing the Doctor sniffle, Jack unfolded his arms inviting the Doctor to snuggle against him. The Doctor shook his head no, though, as he continued to stare forward. Jack sighed as he leaned back against the wall, keeping the Doctor company. Despite the ground being uncomfortable, he would stay with him however long it took until he was ready to move.