Chapter 35 – Keep Your Enemies Closer
A/N: Hello! I'm soooo sorry I have been gone for months without an update. I've decided to go to university this year, and that, combined with work, has taken up 110% of my time. I'm finally on a short break at the moment, and up until now I've been fighting the urge to spend all my time writing, so I'm currently getting back into the swing of things. I'm hoping once I start back I can better manage my time so I can post the occasional update for you all!
I promise though that I have not, and do not in the near future, plan to abandon this story! I've spent way much time and effort to permanently give it up, and I'd hate to do that to anyone who is spending their precious time reading my work. If anyone is interested, I have a page on facebook (As Safe As Snape), which, if enough of you would like, I will go back to posting regular updates about chapter progress, sneak peeks, and future characters etc. Please do not feel as though you have to join though, that decision is entirely your own.
I'm hoping that I'll at least be able to post another two or three, depending on how much time I can fit in and get the chapters done. For now though, I'll shut up so you can read chapter 36…
SS
Severus started slightly as Harry's muffled scream penetrated his ears, sending a jolt of fear racing throughout his entire body. He sprinted without hesitation to the closed bedroom door and flung it open, finding the young wizard thrashing around desperately on his bed. It finally occurred to the potions master that Harry had not slipped away for a shower, but to finally get some well overdue sleep. Realising that the boy was in no immediate danger, he returned the door back to click in its frame, hurriedly moving towards his nightmare-ridden, distressed charge.
"Harry," he said calmly, trying to bring him to wakefulness. Just as Severus assumed though, he was too lost in the clutches of his dream to respond to the voice failing to break through. Once more he screamed, louder this time, his face contorting in pain and fear. He was soaked to the bone with sweat, knuckles white from clenching his fists into a death grip. Without thinking, Severus reached to smooth back the hair plastered to his sticky forehead, narrowly avoiding the fist that flung towards his chest.
He took a slight step backwards to assess his options, unable to come up with any successful strategies. He thought about dousing the child in water, which would certainly be as cruel as it was effective, but decided against it. He didn't want to send the boy into a panic attack upon waking. The only half-viable option left was using his physical strength. The boy was merely skin and bones, so it wouldn't exactly be difficult. But it did involve the risk of harming both wizards…
Pushing his thoughts aside, Severus lowered himself to sit on the edge of the soft mattress, leaning over the writhing, moaning figure sprawled out on the bed, to draw his malnourished wrists into his own hands. The man was fully expecting Harry to fight back, so when he twisted and bucked it came as no surprise. His grip remained firm yet tender to ensure no harm came to the boy, as he reached up with his free hand to gently cup the side of his face.
"Harry," he tried again, brushing his calloused thumb side to side on the child's protruding cheekbone. Harry whimpered in reply and visibly relaxed, but showed no sign of waking up. If he'd stayed that way Severus would have let him sleep, but the minute he drew his hand away Harry let out an agonising whimper and continued to flail about on the bed. Severus glanced down just in time to block the knee that had been about to collide with his ribs, causing Harry to scream out in protest as he guided them gently back down to the bed.
This time Harry jerked awake, his hand instinctively grasping for his wand as he sat bolt upright in the bed. Milliseconds later, Severus was face-to-face with a startled Harry, his wand aimed directly at the professor's throat. Severus remained silent and calm, refusing to blink as he watched the realisation dawn on the child's face. The tears pooling in his eyes were glistening as Harry lowered his wand, but they didn't fall…
"I'm sorry," was all Harry could say as he backed up against the headboard, casting his wand away carelessly with a flick of his wrist. Severus reached out as he drew his knees to his chest, causing Harry to flinch away. "I could have hurt you…"
"Harry," Severus cut in eagerly, "it's alright; I shouldn't have touched you while you were in the middle of a nightmare. If I had been hurt, the fault would have been mine, not yours." Harry's frustrated outburst interrupted before he had the chance to finish…
"How can you say that so calmly?" He fumed, throwing himself off the bed to begin pacing. "This isn't 'alright'; I'm a danger to anyone I'm near! …I always have been!" Harry grabbed fistfuls of hair frantically as his breathing grew more erratic, his mood becoming increasingly self-destructive.
In an attempt to defuse the situation, the professor continued talking calmly, even as the boy refused to make eye-contact. "You're not a danger to anyone, Harry. You were merely protecting yourself; We both knew that you weren't going to attack me. If I had assumed that was the case, I would have disarmed you before you had the chance to realise what was happening. You are too hard on yourself child…"
"You couldn't possible have known that! I had my wand aimed directly at you. I'd just…"
"…woken up from a nightmare?" He snarled, almost sarcastically. "The mind can play terrible tricks on you under the right circumstances Harry; you know that better than anyone. Never once have you put your own wellbeing first Harry, even in the face of peril. You're not the kind of person to attack while disoriented, let alone make the first move…" He wasn't sure when he had begun to yell, but Severus found that he couldn't rein his frustration in. This topic sat too close to his heart.
"…You were dreaming of the lake, weren't you? More than once the word 'grindylow' reached your lips. It was because I touched your leg, wasn't it, that you woke? I know that you were never really going to harm me…"
"You don't understand sir! I thought you were attacking me. When I reached for my wand I had every intention of using it to defend myself! I was about to cast…"
"A jinx on me? Relashio, am I correct..? You would not have hurt me with that jinx Harry. At best it would have thrown me from the bed. Without me holding onto anything all it would do is propel me an insignificant distance…"
Realising far too late that he had been testing the boy's patience, Severus could do nothing but watch as Harry, who looked almost ready to explode, stormed towards the bedroom door. It didn't escape his notice that the amount of practise he'd had stirring the boy meant that he could do so without even knowing it, something that he could only heavily berate himself for.
With no way to calm the agitated teenager now that he had made a complete ass of himself, Severus had planned on letting the boy find somewhere quiet to calm himself and gather his thoughts, before attempting to approach him again. But with the bellowed "Malfoy!" resonating menacingly throughout the sedate manor, Severus knew that resolving this mess would not be so simple…
DM
Draco hadn't meant to pry into Harry's personal issues…well, not this time, anyway.
He was just concerned that something had happened to his classmate to make him scream in what could only be described as pure terror. He didn't mean to stand at the door and listen to the interaction that was occurring between Severus and Potter, but he found he just couldn't turn away.
Just as sharp and abrupt as ever, he snorted, feeling a sickening guilt for finding even the slightest humor in Severus' words, despite the seriousness of the situation. He always was the expert in riling Potter up…
Unaware that he was still lost in his current train of thought, the door being yanked open in front of his face caused Draco to startle and freeze in panic. Never before had he seen the smaller boy look so menacing. He'd been caught in the act; it was too late to run…
He didn't dare move as his seething nemesis caught sight of him, and he couldn't help but flinch as Harry screamed his name in blind anger; "Malfoy!"
"I should have known by now that you'd be sniggering out here behind the door while Snape hurled his sarcasm in my face! Enjoy the show?!" Potter didn't wait for a reply. As he forced himself past his blonde peer in his moment of rage, Draco realised just how stupid both he and Severus had been. They were by no means friends, but for his godfather and himself to stir up the already significantly emotionally distraught teen just minutes after waking from a terrifying nightmare, well, that was just wrong…
"Potter, wait…" There was no way he was going to let him take off, not without an apology. The younger boy though, was having none of it. In a final attempt to prevent Harry from leaving, Draco reached out and firmly grasped his shoulder, stopping him dead in his tracks. "Potter..!" Harry whirled round, giving Draco a look that dared the older wizard to mess with him, uncaring of the unwanted presence lingering interestedly in the background. If Draco wanted to fight, then a fight he was going to get, regardless of the consequences.
"What do you want, Malfoy?!" Although it had been spat in such a venomous hatred, Malfoy was undeterred. He returned the hateful gaze in equal measure, a look of raw, unguarded emotion, one of which was seldom rare when they had the unfortunate fate of crossing paths…
Draco, had he been in this situation instead of Potter, would have been equally, if not more furious, than Harry. He could understand the betrayal and hurt that he knew his classmate would be currently feeling, and rightfully so. Words, in these situations, lacked the ability to convey the sincerity of an honest apology, and mend the internal hurt caused by such scathing comments… Severus would be sorry, and he would eventually apologise, but something so important could not wait past necessity. And Draco knew that what he was about to do would most definitely be necessary…
HP
Harry shouldn't have been surprised that Snape had reverted to himself so soon… He knew it was only a matter of time until his professor became sick of him, but after Snape convinced him that he cared about him, loved him, he didn't think the man would have given up on him so quickly. Really though, he should have been expecting it.
When he realised that he had been holding his wand aimed at his professor's throat, he knew Snape would be mad, even though he had woken up frightened and confused. However, although he should have, he didn't think Snape would react so, himself, to Harry. It certainly came as a shock when his professor turned to sarcasm as a way to deal with the situation, cutting off Harry at every available opportunity with his biting remarks. Harry knew he deserved it; he shouldn't have yelled…
He was sorry for causing such a commotion, for becoming frustrated and angry, but it seemed that he was the only one to see the seriousness of what could have potentially happened. He had his wand aimed at his teacher, unarmed and innocent, his mind in a fog thanks to the impact his nightmare had on him. Why couldn't Snape see that he could have potentially caused him serious harm while he wasn't in his right state of mind? Why couldn't he just yell at Harry and punish him for being so reckless? Why did he have to throw the nightmare back in his face and make him feel horrible for being afraid, rather than deal with the real issue at hand? And how is it he knew which spell Harry was about to cast...?
Eventually the conversation grew too much for Harry… One more word from Snape and he could have crossed a line, one which meant that everything that had changed between them could have readily been undone. He had to leave before he made that mistake, regardless or not whether Snape had planned on sending him away.
He needed to get out and find somewhere to breathe. Harry could feel an uneasy pressure begin to grow within his chest, and was feeling shakier and even more unwell with each passing minute. At this point he felt like anything could push him over the edge; he knew he wasn't far from snapping from the stress…
Just as he reached the door, he had decided he would go to the library. If books were enough to cheer Hermione up, then that was good enough for him. At least it would be quiet, and he'd have time to calm down… He pulled the door open, just hard enough that it wouldn't slam back against the wall, to find Malfoy, his ear all but pressed up against it.
Harry became so enraged that all he could see was red; hadn't he already made it clear when he Slytherin first arrived that it was not okay to pry in his personal business? Malfoy had taken his snooping to the extreme this time, and Harry was going to make him fully aware of it… "Malfoy! I should have known by now that you'd be sniggering out here behind the door while Snape hurled his sarcasm in my face! Enjoy the show?!" Harry didn't care how angry he sounded, this same scenario had occurred countless times before, and he'd never stood up for himself until now.
His question was rhetorical; he didn't care for an answer, so when his rival gripped his shoulder, he whirled round without haste to ensure his displeasure was clearly understood. "What do you want, Malfoy?!" He demanded, receiving a glare in return that barely matched is own. When no reply was forthcoming he waited a moment longer, taking note of the twitch that occurred in the blonde's wand hand. Good, Harry thought to himself, if he wants to duel, then that's fine me. However, Malfoy remained still, momentarily breaking eye contact. Then, with a look of grim determination, he enclosed the space between them with a slightly hesitant step, and awkwardly enclosed his arms around Harry's thin frame, initiating a strong embrace between the two…
"I'm sorry, for Severus and myself… I shouldn't have been standing at your door, it's just that, well, when you screamed, I thought you were hurt. It won't happen again, I promise… As for Severus, what he said to you, was wrong; I'm sure he knows it, too. I get that you're mad, I would be too, but try and forgive us, ok?"
Anyone that had seen the hug, other than Severus, Draco and Harry, would have found it hilarious… The embrace looked ridiculously out of place, both boys standing awkwardly in their pyjamas, their hair ruffled, and Harry looking as shocked, with his jaw hanging open, as Draco was unwavering, his gaze fixed on the wall at the opposite end of the living room. Neither boy looked comfortable, but it was apparent that it did as much good for Draco as it did for Harry…
With Draco's apology lingering in the air, the fight began to slowly ebb out of both boys; Harry began to relax, and resigned to the fact that he had completely overreacted. "…Me too; I'm sorry for snapping," Harry began, drawing back from his classmate, "I didn't mean to cause such a fuss; I don't know why I couldn't let it go… I think I need some air."
Without another word he retreated on shaky legs, heading straight for the safe confines of the library. He was beginning to feel really unwell, but he wasn't about to cave in and beg for a pain-reliever, let alone forgiveness. Deciding it would be best not to use the library entrance on the second floor, he headed for the staircase, descending down to use the ground floor entrance; at least he would have somewhere to hide for a while…