Chapter 38: Christmas TV- Slow Club

It's okay to have scars, they will make you who you are. It's okay to have fear, because that means you aren't scared of coming here. It's brutal, it's brutal why can't you see. It's brutal, it's brutal, where have you been? Because we are far apart and my lonely heart finds it hard to get through the night. You pulled me out of the dark and now it's light. So come on home. Just come on home.

Other Side of Metropolis- Superman's Mausoleum

Lois gently brushed her fingers against the soft burgundy wood of the casket which rested in front of her. She sighed as she continued to stroke it. As those memories she held dear, those memories which came alive in her dreams swam through her mind as she stood alone in the mausoleum...

She kept her eyes glued to the ceiling, counting all the bumps as she laid on her bed, hearing nothing but the sound of the dripping water coming out of the faucet, and the ticking of the clock. There were many thoughts going in her head, many plans she had to make in case the time came...

A silent sob broke through her chest as she closed her tear filled eyes, as fear took over when she realized she wasn't ready... she wasn't ready to leave the man she loved. It was too soon. She took a deep, shaky breath as she held up her left hand while her two rings sparkled in front of her, bringing them to her lips she closed her eyes once again. Suddenly, she heard the window open in their living room to which Lois quickly wiped her tears as she continued to lay in bed, trying to pace her breathing. She heard her bedroom door open as he walked in, wearing his red and blue suit, with his cape draping behind him as he smiled back at her with so much love, a smile she never wanted to see falter, "Hey baby" He said softly as he super sped out of his suit and into nothing but his boxers. Lois swallowed hard as he approached their bed where she lay, slowly crawling on top of her, wrapping his arms around her waist, slightly lifting her up into his arms as he kissed her nose.

Lois quietly wrapped her arms around his neck, softly running her fingers through his dark hair, "Hey..." She whispered. He dipped his head down and placed soft kisses along her collar bone, "How'd it go?" She said hoarsely.

Resting his head on her chest, Clark spoke, "We took care of the hostage crisis in the CIA, which was Lex's doing and it turned out to be a diversion so we would be busy fighting off his injustice gang... while he took a jet to Cairo, into an underground unit and launched a molecular device towards the sun...he was planning on shutting off Earth's number one source for living... and my powers. Luckily, Diana, Hal, J'onn, and I stopped it before it could reach the sun's core and dissolved it. Bruce and Bart found Luthor and his men in Egypt, he's lock up and is being transferred. Oliver, AC, and Dinah took care of the hostage crisis, Kara helped fight the Injustice gang since I couldn't be there."

Lois plastered on a smile as she caressed his face, "That's great Clark... I'm glad you're all okay." She said in a soft whisper.

Clark furrowed his brows as he heard a crack in her voice, her tone lacking the enthusiasm he's used to hearing. Lifting his face up to meet hers, he noticed they were masked so well with a blank look. But as his azure eyes met her hazel ones, he noticed the flash of fear and sadness for a brief second before she masked it again. Clark lifted himself up, balancing his weight on his forearms as he brushed a strand of hair away from her face, "Lois what's wrong?"

Lois' eyes fluttered as she shook her head, smiling a smile which didn't meet her eyes, "Nothing" She chuckled lightly, "I just missed you that's all. I haven't seen you in a week so I'm getting all emotional seeing you again. This bed HAS felt empty without you." Clark stared back at her, clearly not convinced as he tried reading her face. Swallowing hard, Lois pulled his face down and met his lips with her own, the kiss deepened as she tilted her head, while he slipped his tongue between her lips, demanding entrance as they kissed with need. Clark felt her wrap her leg around his waist, as he felt consumed by her, falling deep into a much needed passion from her as he slipped his hands under her shirt, feeling the heat from her skin. It took a while for him to snap back into reality as he pulled away, to which Lois whimpered at, trying to pull him down for another kiss.

"Lois-" He murmured against her soft, luscious lips, letting out a sigh as she moved to leave soft bites on his bare shoulder, "Lois..." He took her face in his hands, turning her to face him as she looked in his eyes with confusion, "I know you're keeping something..." His doubts were confirmed when she broke eyes contact and turned her head away, "What's going on? You know you can tell me..."

She sighed and exclaimed out of frustration, "Nothing! Nothing's wrong Smallville just let it go!"

He huffed, "You know I'm not gonna do that... I haven't seen you in a week and I KNOW when something's wrong so tell me"

She rolled her eyes at him, "Clark I think you've gotten hit with too many meteor rocks in the head. I'm fine. I just want to be with my husband tonight can we just have this tonight and stop interrogating me?"

He raised his brow, watching her for a moment, "So there IS something wrong." He noticed her face tightened as he left a soft kiss on her neck, "Lois... honey just tell me what's wrong? Is it work?" His brows furrowed as she stared at him with a clouded look, "Is it us?"

She blinked once and sighed, "If we're not gonna have sex tonight I'm going to sleep. You can have the bed!" She tried getting up, using her hands to push him off, but Clark took her wrists and pinned them on the pillow beside her head. She squirmed to get him off, but it was no use, "CLARK!" She yelled out.

"Lois stop!" He exclaimed, pinning her down effortlessly while she fought to get out, "I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong! I'm your husband I have a right to know don't close yourself off!" To that Lois stopped struggling and kept her eyes on his chest, "Don't close yourself off honey... talk to me. Please." He pleaded, looking down at her he felt her chest rising and falling slowly, her bottom lip quivered as tears pooled in her eyes.

She let out a sigh when she felt Clark let go of her wrists and she wrapped them around his neck, hugging him close as he hugged her back, "Clark..." She whispered as she breathed in deeply while Clark continued to hug her in silence. Lois refused to let the tears fall as she wiped them away, taking a deep breath, not wanting to let go of her husband for a second. He pulled himself away, wanting to look at her face as she traced his lips with her fingers. "A couple of days ago... I began having really bad stomach pains... like blinding pains that made me pass out." She noticed Clark looked alarmed as he gripped her tight, "I went to the doctor this morning and he asked me a bunch of questions... asking about my medical history... he asked if anyone suffered from cancer in the family..." She closed her eyes as she continued, "I told him about my mom... so he took some blood tests." She let out a deep sigh as she pulled Clark's face down and rested his forehead against hers, "There's a chance I might have..." She couldn't say it as she swallowed back the lump in her throat.

They remained silent for a long time before Clark broke it, "Lois look at me..." She slowly raised her eyes to his, "I love you... and you love me... whatever happens... we'll fight it. And for all you know you probably don't even have... I mean doctors ask about medical history all the time before a test, for all you know it's nothing-"

"Clark he had that look" She said, "He had the same look my mother's doctors had when they knew there was nothing else they could do for her. When they knew that she wasn't going to survive. I know that look. That look has been embedded into my mind since I was a kid. And it's the same look this doctor gave me!" She continued to a shaky tone, "My mother died of lung cancer Clark... I used to smoke when I was a teenager it-it makes sense..." She winced to herself as she continued, "I was so stupid and irresponsible to not even consider the possibility that-"

"Chances of inheriting lung cancer is VERY slim Lois-"

"Yes but there's still a chance!" She exclaimed.

Clark sighed, holding her face in his hands, "Okay... if it's true... then I have no doubt you'll kick cancer's ass Lois. You're the strongest woman I know inside and out. You've been through so much and this is gonna be nothing okay." He swallowed hard as he tried to fight off the emotions. He knew Lois was scared out of her mind. He had to control his emotions. He couldn't let her know he was just as scared... he wasn't ready to lose her, "I'm not gonna lose you Lois Lane-Kent. I'm going to find a way... I'll fight like hell to keep you in my life until you're a thousand years old." Lois let out a soft chuckle, "Screw the odds... let's just live. Whatever happens, I'll be here for you Lois... every step of the way. It's me and you okay?"

Her smile faded as she slowly blinked, "I'm gonna go bald..."

He bit back his laugh as he kissed her forehead, "You'll be even sexier than you already are." Shaking his head, he took her legs and wrapped them around his waist, "And we don't even know what the test results are so we're not even gonna think about this until they have the results okay? And even when those results come, we're getting a second opinion... and then a third."

She rolled her eyes at him, "Let me guess... Emil and Jor-El?" He nodded proudly as he slid her shirt off, kissing every bit of her exposed skin.

"I'm not gonna just take this doctor's word for it. For all we know... you're as healthy as a Kryptonian. We're in this together Lo. If you do have... you know..." He ran his hand through her thick locks, "Then I won't ever let you go. I'll be there when you fight it, and I'll be there when you survive it... because Lois Lane and Clark Kent aren't done yet." She tried to put on a smile for him as he leaned down and captured her lips as they made love.

"I love you so much Smallville..."

Lois smiled back at that memory, placing her hand flat against the coffin, as she remembered going into the doctor's office two days later, only to find out that she didn't have cancer, but that they were going to have a baby. And all their plans changed... they made new plans... plans that changed once again... plans she had to complete on her own. Swallowing back the lump in her throat, she slowly lifted the lid up, as she opened the casket, her breath hitched in her throat as she stared down at an empty casket... there was nothing inside. Lois slowly closed her eyes as a painful realization hit her.

Her arms dropped to her sides as she stared down at the empty casket, her hands balled into fists as she swallowed hard. After a while, she heard footsteps behind her, "Lois?" She slowly turned around and saw Bruce staring back at her with mournful eyes, walking towards her, looking back at the empty casket. He sighed as he looked back at Lois, who was holding back tears, pressing her lips together.

She held in a sob as she managed to speak hoarsely, "Clark is dead."

He furrowed his brows at her as he nodded cautiously, "Yes..." Stepping towards her, he spoke softly, "Oliver told me what happened..." She let out a deep breath as her tears pooled in her eyes. After a moment of silence, Bruce took a deep breath, "Lois-"

"I know you don't understand me...I don't understand me. I wanted to show him compassion... I wanted to feel compassion again." Lois shook her head, "You don't understand what Clark Luthor means to me... when I'm with him... it's not just about the resemblance... he has a good heart... I can feel it, because it's also like Clark Kent's heart. He has that in him... it's just been blocked off by everything he's been through... everything Lionel put him through. I just... I wanted to show him compassion."

Bruce slowly nodded, "Okay..."

She wiped her tears away, taking a deep, shaky breath, "But it makes no difference... no matter how much I care about him...he's not Clark Kent. Once we find that mirror box... we might get my Clark back." Her bottom lip quivered as she tried to speak, "But even if we do... there's a chance he's still... dead. And when that happens... I have to learn to accept that. I have to learn... to live my life without him. And this time... it'll be okay. I can't... I can't try and bring him back like this. I told myself that I couldn't be left behind one more time... and it's happening all over again... but it was all because of me. I did this to myself." Looking at nothing in particular, Lois sighed, "Chloe was right... this isn't the way it's supposed to be... I shouldn't be cheating destiny with Clark Luthor."

Bruce stared back at her with sympathy as she fought back the urge to break down. He wrapped his arms around her as she leaned her head against his shoulder, breathing deeply while Bruce held her close, "I don't even know what to say..."

"Say you don't hate me... for moving on like this."

He pressed his lips together as he rubbed her back, "I could never hate you."

Smallville

After hours of driving, Chloe had finally gotten to her destination as she parked her car in front of the loft. Staring up at the red barn for a long while, she took a deep breath and unbuckled her seat belt, and got out of the car.

Slowly walking up the stairs, she smiled back at the many memories she had shared with her best friend in this loft,

"I know how much you've dreamt of having a bland mundane generic life but... being normal is highly overrated" She gave a small sheepish smile as they sat on the steps of the loft, as Clark wore a distant, stern look. She continued with a small smile as she admitted shyly, "Besides, it makes my whole sidekick role a lot easier if you can bring super duper strength to the table." She grinned back at him, noticing he had no reaction, "I mean not that we didn't make a great team out there today..."

She slowly grazed the wooden railing as she remembered their first true conversation they had about Clark's powers and the burden of his secret he held once they were restored by Jor-El... but came with a price. A price that Clark had to carry with him for the rest of his life since his father died.

Many voices emanated, many memories flashed through her mind as she stood in the middle of the loft, staring out the window, out at the Kent farm,

"The important thing is your life is everything you want it to be..." He said as they danced together in the loft on her wedding day.

With a glowing smile, Chloe replied, "It is... it's like I've been carrying around this weight and... I don't know why but a few days ago it's like I finally let go... I can move on." She noticed a saddness reflecting on his face, and a form of loss... little did she know Clark felt as though he had lost his best friend the day he took away the memories of knowing his powers.

Slowly stepping over the wooden floor, Chloe stopped when she found the loose floorboard, bending down, she lifted it up, and picked up the black box, with all of Clark's Kryptonian possessions.

"I can't be Watchtower anymore, I've already been the ghost in the machine before. I can't do it again." She turned to face him as she was ready to say her goodbye, ready to leave behind the life she once knew and start over in Star City.

"You know you've always been much more than that to me." Clark replied, walking up to her.

With a brave smile on her face, she nodded with content, and nostalgia, "I know... you know in every epic tale there's alway one person that believes in the hero who helps inspire him to greatness." With a slight shake of her head, Chloe stepped towards him, "Maybe it wasn't just a fluke with you. I've been thinking that's my true calling, finding heroes and helping them realize their true potential beyond the reach of Watchtower. You're not alone Clark Kent..."

They both leaned against the loft window as Chloe spoke of her globetrotting experiences, the people she's met, and the future she plans to pursue, "I always knew you were destined for big things Chloe" He swallowed back the lump in his throat, feeling sentimental of their goodbye, "And I know no matter what we'll still be in each other's lives."

"You know I'll always be here for you... you know that right?"

With a slight smile, Clark nodded, "I do."

Taking, a slow, deep breath, she picked up the octagonal disc and held it out in front of her, gripping the Kryptonian key tightly in her hand, she stood up again, leaving the loft behind, Chloe got in her car and drove towards the Kawatche caves.

Metropolis

Clark continued to stare back at the wedding photo on top of the fireplace, watching the love shown in Lois' eyes, her beauty emanating from the white gown she wore, ignoring the fact that it wasn't him that had his arms wrapped around her, it wasn't him in that picture... but... just for a brief moment... he pretended it was. He pretended it was him who she said 'I do' to. It was him who she had loved for over a decade of her life. It was him who she had a son with... just for a moment. He didn't flinch as he heard the door being opened and closed. As he heard footsteps behind him, he slowly turned around, seeing Lois looking back at him with sorrow in her eyes, as she dropped her bag beside her feet, a smile slowly appeared on her face, and he couldn't help but return that faint smile back, "Hi." She said softly.

Taking a deep breath, he replied, "Hey." It was awkward for a moment as they stood in silence, unsure of what to say to one another.

"We need to talk." Lois said, swallowing hard.

With a slight nod, ignoring the pain he felt shooting into his chest, he agreed, "I know."

TBC...