Chapter 37: December 26 – January 16, 1994 – 1995, Hogwarts
I woke up the morning after the ball staring up at the ceiling.
I tell no one about this, I thought determinedly. No one needed to know about my private revelations. Not Hermione, not Ginny, not Harry, certainly not Neville, and decidedly not George. No, it was best to keep this under wraps, and try not to act differently around Neville.
I groaned a little and rolled over in my bed, burying my face in my pillow. The castle was quiet; usually I would hear people milling about downstairs, and the sounds of students on the grounds; the dance must have exhausted everyone beyond belief. I looked over at my watch, and saw that it was already eleven in the morning; I forced myself out of bed and into jeans and the shirt that Harry had given me yesterday. But beyond getting out of bed and getting dressed, I had no idea of what to do next.
"Maggie!" a voice hissed from the doorway. I looked up to see Hermione waiting for me there.
"Oh good, you're awake. I've been waiting for you, yesterday Fred and I overheard something, we wanted to tell you," Hermione explained.
I swallowed heavily. This was already nearly impossible.
"Alright, alright," I agreed, following her out of the dormitory down to the Common Room.
"So we were, erm, sitting on a bench," Hermione began.
"Snogging," George added, coming up to me and giving me a quick kiss.
"Anyway, yeah, we were there, and we overheard Hagrid and Madame Maxime talking," Hermione continued, blushing furiously.
"The short story is this," Fred interjected, walking up behind Hermione and wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "Hagrid is half giant!"
"You're kidding," I gasped, "Well, it's not that much of a surprise, I guess."
"Yeah, his mum was a giantess," Hermione paused, "I dunno what all the fuss is over it, though. Not all giants can be horrible; it's just another prejudice. Like with werewolves!"
"You're probably right," I agreed. Fred looked bemused but didn't say anything.
"You know what else?" Hermione asked. I looked at her in puzzlement.
"We should probably start hounding Harry about figure out what the clues mean," Hermione sighed. I groaned out loud.
"Hermione, he is not going to like that."
"Of course he isn't, but February twenty-fourth is coming closer every minute," Hermione paused, "If we don't hound him about it, it could be really bad."
"Alright, alright," I agreed, "Let's just be nice about it, okay?"
Hermione rolled her eyes skeptically but nodded. I then gave George a kiss in farewell and went down to have a late breakfast, sitting down by myself at the table and glopping oatmeal into a bowl.
"You doing alright, Maggie?" a voice called behind me. I jumped in my seat, sending my oatmeal everywhere, and turned to see Neville standing behind me.
"Oh Merlin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, here," Neville offered, cleaning up the oatmeal and grabbing me another bowl. I flushed horrifically and tried to hide it from Neville with my hair. There was something about waking up this morning that made me feel practically hung-over, though I hadn't had any alcohol during the ball.
"What are you doing awake this late?" Neville asked cheerfully, sitting across from me as I began to eat my oatmeal, "You didn't even stay for the whole ball. You missed Ron and Luna doing this really whacky dance, it was hysterical."
"I wasn't feeling well," I admitted. It was true. Everything had made me nearly sick to my stomach.
"I could tell, you sort of ran out of there like a bat out of hell," Neville frowned, "I'm sorry."
"It's alright," I paused, "I feel a bit better this morning, I guess."
"That's always good," Neville paused, smiling, "I think I'm going on a date with Ginny this weekend."
"That's great," I smiled, though my heart was twisted up in the tightest of knots.
"Yeah. Like I said last night, it's just for fun, but still," Neville shrugged, "You never know. And can you imagine? Me with a girlfriend. Me!" Neville beamed.
"I'm very happy for you," I smiled a little wider, though now I was clutching my fingers against my palm.
"Anyway, I'm here this late because I was helping Sprout. Some of the spell blocker plants were releasing this weird gas and she wanted me to try and figure out why. Still haven't, and I nearly choked on it. It smelled like rotten eggs! But I'll probably go back in the afternoon. Don't tell Hermione, I promised her I'd bug Harry about the second task," Neville laughed.
"I won't," I smiled slightly, "I'll even do it for you."
"You're the best," Neville beamed. The knots in my heart tightened.
"Thanks," I rolled my eyes, "Sorry, I'm just very grumpy."
"It's totally fine. I should get going, at any rate," and he got up and left to the Greenhouses.
Truth be told, soon I couldn't really focus at all on my new problems of emotion. All the homework our professors had assigned over the holidays was now unavoidable, and I spent almost every day behind a pile of books, trying to get through mountains of reading, essays, and figures. Harry, on top of it, was hunched over his scroll every day with Angelina, the two of them muttering and discussing them with one another, both with identical looks of confusion and upsetness on their faces. Hermione had progressed to the wand waving stage of the animagus transformation, and was constantly practicing under our table in the library, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. When term finally resumed, Harry still had yet to figure out what the task would consist of, and now was getting antsy.
Out of everything that had happened at the Ball, only a few things stuck. Luna and Sam hung out with us on a regular basis when we weren't in the Common Room. Hermione and Fred were now dating, and often were seen walking through the hallways holding hands. Ginny and Neville were also dating, and doing the same, though I tried not to look at that too much. Dean and Seamus were out to the school, but mostly spent their time trying to not draw attention to it. Harry had completely lost interest in Cho Chang, who seemed hurt by the way the evening had proceeded; however, he was so focused on the second task that he barely wasted thought on the issue. I was so overwhelmed with schoolwork (learning Hebrew was particularly hard), that George couldn't tell that anything was different about me.
However, our first Care of Magical Creatures lesson, we were faced with a woman who was decidedly not Hagrid. We all stared at the woman in shock as she urged us to hurry up into Hagrid's yard.
"Who are you, then?" I asked in shock, "Where's Hagrid?"
"He is indisposed," the woman answered, "I am Professor Grubbly-Plank, and I will be temporarily filling in for him until he is once again available for teaching."
I looked at her in shock and surprise as Pansy Parkinson giggled maliciously behind me. I turned around and glared at her, following this woman down around a paddock. Behind it, there was a large, beautiful unicorn tethered. Lavender, Parvati, Siobhan, and Parkinson all gasped at the sight. Hermione, Neville, Harry and I all looked at each other in worry.
"Boys, now, keep back, unicorns prefer the woman's touch," Professor Grubbly-Plank instructed. I looked in surprise and back at Neville and Harry, who shrugged. Hermione and I got into the back of the line, behind Parkinson.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with Hagrid?" I hissed in Hermione's ear. She shook her head in worry.
"Oh, he's just too ashamed to show his face," Parkinson simpered in front of us.
"What are you on about?" I grumbled.
Parkinson just laughed cruelly and reached up to pet the Unicorn. Hermione shook her head in equal confusion as she took her own turn.
I didn't care much for the unicorn, but true to form it appreciated my touch. I walked away in confusion, facing Parkinson angrily.
"Tell me, what the bloody hell happened to Hagrid?" I snarled.
Parkinson shrugged with a smirk and pulled out a newspaper article, handing it to me in amusement. I practically ripped it from her hands as Harry, Neville, and Hermione crowded around me to read it.
DUMBLEDORE'S GIANT MISTAKE
Albus Dumbledore, eccentric headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has never been afraid to make controversial staff appointments, writes Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent. In September of this year, he hired Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, the notoriously jinx-happy ex-Auror, to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, a decision that caused many raised eyebrows at the Ministry of Magic, given Moody's well-known habit of attacking anybody who makes a sudden movement in his presence. Mad-Eye Moody, however, looks responsible and kindly when set beside the part-human Dumbledore employs to teach Care of Magical Creatures.
Rubeus Hagrid, an aloof character who refused to sit down with this reporter for an interview, is rumored to have been expelled from Hogwarts in his third year. Since then, he has enjoyed the position of gamekeeper at the school, a job secured for him by Dumbledore. Last year, however, Hagrid used his mysterious influence over the headmaster to secure the additional post of Care of Magical Creatures teacher, over the heads of many better-qualified candidates.
An alarming large and ferocious-looking man, Hagrid has been using his newfound authority to terrify the students in his care with a succession of horrific creatures. While Dumbledore turns a blind eye, Hagrid has maimed several pupils during a series of lessons that many admit to being "very frightening."
"I was attacked by a hippogriff, and my friend Vincent Crabbe got a bad bite off a floberworm," says Draco Malfoy, a fourth-year student, "I and many others quit his class in disgust. We're too afraid to say anything, so we choose to not take the class instead."
Hagrid apparently has not learned a lesson from the drop in his class' attendance. This Daily Prophet reporter witnessed for herself the creatures his class was caring for; so called Blast-Ended Skrewts, they appear to be a dangerous experiment in breeding.
"He thinks they're funny," Pansy Parkinson, another fourth-year Hogwarts student, comments, "But we've all gotten pretty bad stingers. Frankly, I think we could die."
As if this were not enough, the Daily Prophet has now unearthed evidence that Hagrid is not – as he has always pretended – a pure-blood wizard. He is not, in fact, even pure human. His mother, we can exclusively reveal, is none other than the giantess Fridwulfa, whose whereabouts are currently unknown.
Bloodthirsty and brutal, the giants brought themselves to the point of extinction by warring amongst themselves during the last century. The handful that remained joined the ranks of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and were responsible for some of the worst mass Muggle killings of his reign of terror.
While many of the giants who served He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named were killed by Aurors working against the Dark Side, Fridwulfa was not among them. It is possible she escaped to one of the giant communities still existing in foreign mountain ranges. If his antics during Care of Magical Creatures lessons are any guide, however, Fridwulfa's son appears to have inherited her brutal nature.
In a bizarre twist, Hagrid is reputed to have developed a close friendship with the boy who brought about You-Know-Who's fall from power – thereby driving Hagrid's own mother, like the rest of You-Know-Who's supporters, into hiding. Perhaps Harry Potter is unaware of the unpleasant truth about his large friend – but Albus Dumbledore surely has a duty to ensure that Harry Potter, along with his fellow students, is warned about the dangers of associating with part-giants.
I couldn't believe what I had just read. The redness was growing in my vision again, so large that I was shaking from head to toe. I had crumpled up the newspaper in my hand and it was practically dust with the force of my grip on it. Parkinson looked absolutely terrified.
"Shit," Harry whispered behind me.
"Grab her!" Hermione urged. I lunged for Parkinson's throat, screaming my head off, as Neville and Hermione grabbed my arms from behind and held me back, everyone shouting over each other.
"Maggie, no!"
"Come on, she's not worth it!"
"Calm down!"
"Bet you don't really have the guts to kill someone, huh, Johnson?"
I was wildly thrashing against my friends, but Parkinson's words made my head snap up, my eyes focusing on her angrily. I hissed at her and she laughed dismissively, walking away with a jaunt in her step. I continued growling under my breath, but I knew I wouldn't be able to catch her, and I relaxed. The three let go of me, audibly breathing with relief.
"Maggie, hurting her is not going to help anything," Harry gasped, rubbing his arms. I appeared to have, in my blind rage, nearly pulled his shoulder out of its socket.
I hissed in irritation, though I logically knew he was right. I clenched my jaw, flexed my fingers, and stomped back down the hill towards Hagrid's hut. I could hear the other three scurrying to follow me. I walked up to the door to the hut and banged on it loudly. Fang was barking eagerly from inside.
"Hagrid, open the god damned door!" I roared. No, I actually roared; my voice was louder than I had ever heard it; it was practically the same volume as the Hebridean Black in the forest. But Hagrid did not exit his hut, or appear to make any sound within it. I hissed in anger and left again, not even looking back at my friends, so overwhelmed with anger and confusion I was unable to focus on anything. I sprinted into the forest, running as fast as my feet could carry me.
I used to be quite a slow runner – but since I started taking the potion I had gotten much faster, making me think that whatever I was going to be, I was going to be fast, which eliminated a good number of reptiles. At any rate, I ran and ran and ran, my feet pounding into the ground, my cloak billowing behind me as I went deeper and deeper and deeper into the forest. The twigs and branches on the trees scratched me, and the bramble on the ground gouged me, but I didn't care much. I just kept running, feeling my pony tail bounce on my back, not even pausing a beat as my sweater got caught on a branch and tore a gouge in my arm. I just kept running.
I was so deep in the forest that I couldn't see anything around me. I looked around for a moment, wondering if I had gotten too close to spider country; I then shrugged and kept going, running even deeper into the forest, deeper than I had ever been before. I wasn't even losing steam, which was surprising, as I wasn't the most physically fit person. It was hard to run when your boobs were constantly bouncing up into your face, but for some reason it didn't bother me today. It just felt good to practically be flying between all the trees. I bobbed and weaved among them, sliding down a hill deftly and continuing on, so amazed by my continued progress that I just kept going to see if I could at this point. There were plenty of sounds, growls and roars and things of monsters in the forest. But I could outrun them. Or at least, I felt like I could outrun them, and that was enough.
Eventually, the trees started to thin; the light began to grow. I headed towards it, pushing myself further, though my legs were starting to protest now. I sprinted as fast as I could and managed to reach the edge of the forest, running through the underbrush out to a field on the other side.
I began panting at last, keeling over on my knees. Something about stopping had reminded my body that I was only human, and whatever animal that was clawing inside me to get out wasn't quite there yet. I breathed heavily and clenched my teeth, straightening up and walking around in circles before collapsing to the ground.
Staring up at the clouded sky, I could tell that I hadn't taken much time to do that at all. It must have still been lunch. But I wasn't ready to go back yet. I sat up, leaning on my knees, looking into the grass quietly. I didn't quite know where I was; what was on the other side of the forest? But I chose to not do much about it. I was here, and I knew how to get back, and that was what mattered.
In fact, as I stared out over the grass, I saw that there were large mountains rising in front of me; I must have been on the side of the castle protected by the countryside from muggle view. I looked up at the mountains and idly wondered if I could climb them, before shaking my head.
You're crazy, Johnson. You are bona-fide insane.
I sighed and groaned, running my fingers angrily through my hair.
Pull yourself together. You can't keep acting like this.
I gritted my teeth angrily, growling softly to myself at my inner monologue.
Being in love with Neville is this much of a shock? The signs have been there from the very beginning. You have always deeply cared for him. This is just you growing the fuck up about it.
I looked up at the sky. What did I want? Did I still want to be with George?
You chose George in your third year. That's what happened. Neville gave you plenty of signs that he cared for you. Whether consciously or subconsciously, you chose George.
My thoughts weren't all that convincing, however. How could I trust my subconscious when I was such a complete dunderhead about this sort of thing? Still, there was no logical reason to leave George. None at all. I sighed, staring out at the mountains, as though they would hold some sort of answer. The anger at everything was bubbling up in me again as I thought about how much Hagrid would enjoy staring at these mountains with me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, the sound echoing off the mountains and through the entire valley that held Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, so loud that it rang repeatedly in my ears. I closed my eyes tightly, took a deep breath, and stood up again.
I turned around and saw that a starling was perched on a branch above me. I looked up at it, watching it glisten iridescently in the light. The bird looked back at me curiously, and I pulled out my wand. Muttering to myself, I waved my wand, remembering the incantations that Gran had told me.
The bird, apparently unaware that anything had happened to it, opened its jaw to sing. Sharp, little, pointed teeth greeted me. I laughed aloud, unable to help myself, and waved my wand again, muttering under my breath, hoping I was remembering Gran's instructions correctly. The bird yelped, startled, as its tailbone grew, and its tail lengthened out to a fan behind it. I beamed happily, jumping up and down slightly in place. I finally waved my wand again, and the bird suddenly had tiny sickle claws on its feet, replacing some of the normal toes.
The bird cawed madly, still bemused with its tail. I giggled uncontrollably and watched it happily as it looked at the tail. It then looked at me and cawed loudly.
"Oh shush, you're fine," I smirked, holding out my arm. The bird leapt from the branch and landed on my arm, chirping madly. I gently pet the back of its head, and put it down on the ground, watching curiously to see if it would walk.
Surprisingly, the bird's shock at its tail was short lived. It began walking around, not quite like a bird, but not completely different either; its gait changed, and it began to stalk forward more slowly, its head bobbing backwards and forwards elegantly. It then chirped and flew back neatly into the trees.
"So that's what they would have walked like," I murmured eagerly, clapping my hands together, "Oh, I cannot wait to tell Gran!"
I looked down at my watch. Arithmancy had started and was now close to being finished. I could tell, despite the clouds, that the sun was getting low, and soon I would be unable to see my hand in front of me in the forest. It would be dangerous to wait much longer to return. I took a deep breath, looked at the forest, and took off running again.
Getting back wasn't fueled by anger and fear like going through had been, so it went a little slower; I was a little more aware of my surroundings. However, having been through it once, I wasn't as scared as I would have been otherwise, swiftly running through the forest, up the hills in the forest, following the pathway I had basically bulldozed. It was a useful plan; though I did get scratched by some branches again, running as quickly as I could so I could get to the grounds by daylight.
Finally, I came to a halt outside of Hagrid's hut, breathing heavily again and leaning against it. I looked up at the castle and the now night's sky, terrified of going back into the school after whatever I had just pulled. I knew the one person I could trust to not care, scold, or punish me was inside of the hut I was leaning against. My mum and dad would have yelled; Harry would have begged me to work out my anger issues; Neville would have fretted over me going into the forest; Hermione would have scolded me; and everyone else would do a mixture of these things. But Hagrid, Hagrid was understanding. I knew exactly what Hagrid would say.
Oh, well, yeh know, we all gotta let it out som'how. Yeh just can' control it, Maggie. 's in yer nature, I expect. Yeh don't yell at a dragon for bein' a dragon. Here, have a cuppa.
I let out a strangled sob over why anyone would try and defame that man, before getting up and going back to his door. I knocked again incessantly, Fang audibly barking inside again.
"I'm coming in whether you like it or not, so you better be dressed!" I yelled, before forcing the door open. Hagrid was hunched over at his table, clearly drinking too much of something, visible tears raining down into his beard. In fact, his hair looked extraordinarily messy.
"Mag'," Hagrid hiccupped, "Yeh sho- yeh sho go."
"No," I responded fiercely, sitting down across from him, "You are letting this cow get to you. And I understand, what she wrote was horrible. Any normal person would let her get to them. But you know what? What she wrote was bloody nonsense."
Hagrid looked at me skeptically.
"Those guys left your class because Buckbeak escaped and Malfoy looked like a fool, not cause anything we were doing was dangerous. And yeah, these Skrewts are a bit dodgy, but you don't mean anyone harm, and I'm learning a lot about how to deal with dangerous animals. You are lively, and fun, and you have been a mentor to so many students, Hagrid. Remember how many people cheered when you were given the teaching job?" I asked. Hagrid harrumphed.
"We love you, Hagrid. We do. We all know we can count on you to accept us how we are, no matter how we are," I reassured, "Do you really think we wouldn't extend that courtesy back to you?"
Hagrid was weeping more now, but I knew what I said had struck a chord. I got up and went to hug him. My arms couldn't wrap all the way around him, but I squeezed tightly anyway, resting my head against his arm.
"I love you, Hagrid. Who cares what that devil says?" I whispered.
Hagrid sniffled heavily, but patted me gingerly on the back.
"Thank yeh, Maggie," he responded, though he still looked despondent. I took the mead away from him, sticking it in my rather ripped up bag.
"I don't want to see you drinking anymore," I stated calmly, "I'll be coming by every day to make sure you aren't. If you'll excuse me, I'm looking for the rest of your alcohol." I managed to find loads of it in some cabinets, and I quickly gathered up all the bottles. They wouldn't fit in my bag, so I took the liberty of pouring each one of them – including the ones in my bag, for good measure – out the window. The outside stank like alcohol, but it was worth it.
"Now, I don't expect you to be ready to come outside or anything," I frowned at Hagrid, "So you just take your time to come to terms with this, alright? Take your time. Sort out your feelings. I will be here every day for dinner, to check up on you."
"Thank yeh, Maggie," Hagrid repeated, "I… I don' deserve any o' it, o' course."
"Yeah, you do," I shook my head, "Stop that."
Hagrid hiccupped again, but nodded.
"Yeh know, Maggie," Hagrid mumbled, "Yeh remind me o' me, yeh know."
"Yeah?" I asked, sitting down across from him now and scratching Fang behind the ears.
"Yeah… yeh got this side tha' people jus' don' understand, do they? But yeh keep fightin'. Yeh won' let the world tell yeh what to be, what who yeh are means yeh will be. Yeh don' let anyone stop yeh from bein' you," Hagrid emphasized, "An'… An' I'm goin' ter go back ter doin' the same. Soon, any way."
"Good for you Hagrid," I hugged him again, "I should go back up into the castle, now, before my friends have conniptions. You will be alright?" Hagrid nodded. I patted him on the shoulder and left, walking up to the castle. The air was windier than when I had gone into the hut; the movement of air stung my arm, and I realized that I had a truly frightening amount of blood on my arm and robes. I groaned at what I knew my friends would say as I hurried into the castle.
I reached the Common Room soon enough, walking in to see nearly no one there, which surprised me. Only a few second years milled about, taking advantage of the disappearance of my friends by sitting next to the fire. At the sight of me, they all immediately stood up, but I waved them back into the chairs while rolling my eyes.
I went up to the bathroom in the girl's tower and cleaned off the cut, wrapping it up with a bandage. I then muttered, "Reparo!" under my breath at my robes, stitching them back up and managing to remove a lot of the little tears here and there. I then walked back down the steps, expecting to see my friends there, but there was no sign of them. I frowned in confusion, now feeling worried, and I walked out of the Common Room and through the corridors. I checked the library; they weren't there. Dinner had ended, but I checked the Great Hall anyway; no one was inside. I frowned greatly, wondering where else they could be. I thought about checking the Maurader's Map, but there was a chance Harry had it; instead, I headed up to Dumbledore's office.
I had no idea what the password was. I stood outside the gargoyle on the second floor, shuffling somewhat.
"Erm… I need to see Dumbledore?" I asked. The gargoyle didn't move. I groaned.
"Please?" I begged. The gargoyle still didn't move. I looked around madly, and then headed off for my next best bet – McGonagall. I headed up the Grand Staircase, running off to her office, banging on the door quietly.
"Come in!" she called. I walked inside and she looked at me with surprise.
"Miss Johnson! We've been looking everywhere for you," she gasped.
I pursed my lips together before responding, "Ah." It made sense now.
"Where have you been?" McGonagall demanded.
"Erm… running," I answered.
"Running where?" McGonagall furthered suspiciously. I groaned.
"In… the Forbidden Forest," I admitted.
"You ran into the Forbidden Forest?" McGonagall screeched.
"I ran through the Forbidden Forest," I explained.
"Through it?" McGonagall gasped.
"Yeah. All the way through. Came out on the other side in a field, the mountains were," I made a gesture with my hand, "Right there."
McGonagall looked torn between being impressed and being furious.
"Means whatever animal I am, it's fast, right?" I offered, hoping to distract her from her anger.
"Yes, that's very – no, do not distract me Miss Johnson!" McGonagall yelled, "That was extremely irresponsible, and against the rules of this school!"
"I was angry," I responded simply.
"You don't just get to break school rules because you are angry!"
"No, but I couldn't really control my actions, could I? It was either rip Parkinson's throat out, or run. Really, you should be proud," I shrugged.
McGonagall groaned in exasperation.
"A week's detentions, Miss Johnson, and let's make no more of that. Please don't do it again," McGonagall paused, "I think we should go and find your friends. They're very worried about you."
"Where are they?" I asked hurriedly.
"Searching the grounds, I expect!" McGonagall shook her head in exasperation, "Come on, then."
We walked out to the Grounds, searching for my friends extensively, though in the dark it was hard to find hide or tail of them. McGonagall finally sighed heavily after a good half hour of searching.
"Did any of them see you go into the Forest? When they came asking if I had seen you, they all acted like they had just seen you on the grounds; but your little family is notorious for covering for each other, Miss Johnson, and I want you to be aware of that notoriety," McGonagall scolded calmly.
"Erm… Neville, Harry, and Hermione saw me, yeah," I groaned.
McGonagall swore, which made me gape at her in shock. She stalked off to the woods, wand held aloft now as she approached the edge of the woods. I followed her rapidly, holding out my own wand and peering into the darkness.
"I do not wish to disturb Hagrid, but this isn't a job for me," McGonagall explained mournfully. I frowned, and then ran back to the hut, entering it quickly. Hagrid looked at me, startled, as I looked at him apologetically.
"They're all out in the forest – my friends – Hagrid, they went looking for me," I begged. Hagrid immediately got up, grabbing his crossbow, Fang following him as he left the hut. He walked over to Professor McGonagall, wordlessly entering the forest. McGonagall and I followed, her not even questioning my presence as we walked into the woods.
"Alright," McGonagall paused, "How do we go about this?"
"See there? Tha' must be Maggie's path," Hagrid pointed, "If they ha' any brains, they woulda followed tha'."
"Well the fact that they are in here greatly disproves your initial premise," McGonagall scowled.
"C'mon," Hagrid grunted. We followed my old path through the forest, exploring and calling out for them worriedly. It was going a lot slower now, and I realized exactly how big the forest was, and exactly how completely mental it was that I had managed to run all the way through. We walked for ages, looking around everywhere, but there was little to no sign of them. I was so worried I had begun to wring my hands in terror. My body was shaking with fear, and I was already blaming myself so horrifically that I wanted to run away and never, ever come back, so that I would stop hurting the people I cared about.
McGonagall finally noticed I was sobbing and stopped in her tracks. She raised her wand in the sky, sending up brilliant red and gold sparks that lighted like a fireworks show. The sparks pointed down to us with an arrow, serving as a beacon for the entire surrounding area. I looked around wildly and hopefully, searching the darkness for any sign of them.
Finally, I opened my mouth and screamed at the top of my lungs, any creatures that could find us be damned, "HARRY! HERMIONE! NEVILLE!"
There was some moderate rustling in the brush, but no one came. I took a deep breath and tried again, "GEORGE! FRED! GINNY!" The rustling continued, but I swallowed and looked at McGonagall. She shrugged wordlessly, and I took the deepest breath I could.
"HARRY POTTER!" I screamed as loud as I possibly could, using every bit of energy I had within me, the sound so loud that a large cloud of birds rose up from the trees and flew into the sky.
"Maggie?" a voice in the far distance screamed. I recognized it instantly as Neville.
"NEVILLE! NEVILLE, I'M OVER HERE!" I shouted, jumping up and down with joy. I ran towards the sound, which definitely was off of my pathway, Hagrid and McGonagall following.
"Maggie?" Neville called again. I could tell he was closer.
"NEVILLE, FOLLOW MY VOICE," I urged. We kept moving towards each other, shouting at the tops of our lungs, and finally I saw him in the distance. He was tripping over branches, but stumbling towards me nonetheless.
"Neville!" I shouted, tears coming to my eyes in joy as I ran out towards him. I basically tackled him to the forest floor, holding him tighter than what was probably appropriate.
"Mr. Longbottom," McGonagall shouted, "Do you realize how reckless you've been?"
"Someone had to find Maggie!" Neville grunted as I managed to pull myself together, and climb off of him, blushing furiously with complete embarrassment.
"She came back to the castle on her own, Mr. Longbottom, quite alright by the looks of it," McGonagall shook her head madly, "Where are the rest of your friends?"
"They, uh," Neville stammered, "They all went back already. 'Bout an hour ago, I suspect."
"Why, may I ask, did you not go with them?" McGonagall snapped.
"I couldn't… erm… I couldn't leave Maggie out here," Neville explained.
"Well, we've been looking for you lot for three hours," McGonagall grumbled, "If you had just stayed in the castle, or better yet, have been honest with me about where Miss Johnson had gone in the first place, none of this would have happened."
Neville looked ashamed of himself, staring down at his shoes.
"And yet, you acted exceedingly brave," McGonagall paused, "I know the forest has never been an easy location for you. For that, I award you fifteen points for Gryffindor."
Neville looked up in complete shock, his mouth hanging open.
"And a week's worth of detentions," McGonagall finished. Neville closed his mouth, though his mixture of embarrassment and shock seemed to have rendered him without a prime emotion.
"Let's go back. I wish to go to sleep," McGonagall sighed. Hagrid began leading the way, following the path I had basically bulldozed trying to get to Neville. The thought sent me into fits of embarrassment again.
"Erm, thank you for looking for me," I mumbled.
"Of course I did," Neville answered, "I was so unbelievably worried about you. Please never do that again."
"Yeah, I won't," I reassured, though I couldn't tell if I was being completely honest with that answer, "Who… erm… who came looking for me?"
"Nearly everyone," Neville explained, "Hermione, Harry, Ginny, the twins. Ron was supposed to keep a lookout for you in the Common Room, but I guess he didn't see you."
"Ah," I frowned, "Everyone stopped looking? Even George?"
"Yeah, I mean, it was getting pretty late," Neville paused, "They all figured you'd gone back up. But… I just… I was really worried you hadn't. I was pretty stupid."
"Well… still. Thank you," I flushed furiously, "Literally, no one else would do that for me."
I could see in the dull light from our wands that Neville was also blushing extensively.
"Er, yeah," Neville mumbled. I couldn't even stop myself; I leaned over and gently kissed Neville on the cheek. He blushed even more, looking at me in complete shock.
"Don't tell George about that, and we're even," I muttered quietly, looking straight ahead and trying to not melt into the ground. I saw Neville nod out of the corner of my eye.
We got back up to the castle, and I found George and the rest of them sitting around the fireplace. They all gasped when they saw us and rushed forward, all asking a million questions, badgering us so much that I felt overwhelmed.
"Guys, look, I came back on my own, okay? Then I was worried you all had gone out looking for me, so McGonagall, Hagrid and I all went out looking for you. We looked for hours, and I'm really upset you all left Neville alone out there," I stated as calmly as I could.
"We were going to come back for Neville, we just thought you might have come back to the Common Room," Harry rushed to explain.
"I'm still upset. You know how he is in the forest," I accused.
"You shouldn't have run out there!" Hermione scolded.
"Yeah, well, I'm me. I do what I do," I snapped, "You lot neglected someone. I'm going to bed," I grunted, walking up the stairs to the girl's dormitory without another word.
The next morning, I still didn't feel like dealing with any of them. I walked downstairs with my bag, fully expecting to go about to my lessons like Sam used to do. When I got there, George was looking at me, his face etched with shame.
"I was going to stay out there with Neville, I just – honestly, I didn't come back up here with the others. I went looking for you all over the grounds, because I was hoping you weren't crazy enough to still be out there," George hung his head, "It still doesn't excuse not staying with Neville, though. You have every right to be furious."
I looked at him and frowned, "While I appreciate that you did keep looking for me, I'm still not at the forgiving stage, though. What if something terrible had happened to him?"
"I know," George sighed.
"It was so irresponsible and negligent, I just," I scowled, "I need to be alone for a little while." George nodded, looking resigned but hurt, and I walked out of the Common Room in a huff. I spent the rest of the day sitting in the back, away from everyone, doodling birds in my notes during History of Magic and then in Potions.
That evening, rather than go to dinner, I fulfilled my promise and went to Hagrid's. The man was still distraught, but doing a little better; his food was still terrible, but I was able to stomach at least some of it.
The next day went much the same; I went to Charms and Ancient Runes, didn't talk to anyone (not even Sam, though Hermione then sat with him instead of me,) and ate dinner with Hagrid. I was actually enjoying the silence. I had begun to work through the question of leg wing feathers while I sat alone in places.
As I left Hagrid's hut, I was greeted with Neville standing in front of me, looking at me with a strange expression on his face.
"Hey," I sighed.
"Hey, Maggie," Neville paused, "You know, they did urge me to come back in with them. I just insisted."
"When you insisted, one of them should have stayed," I retorted. Neville sighed heavily.
"Yeah, I guess. You want to stay outside? You should have company," Neville offered. I nodded, and we both headed over to the tree by the lake. It was still very cold outside, given that it was January; but we lay down on the ground and stared up at the starry night sky above us, ignoring the coldness of the ground.
"You shouldn't stay mad at them forever," Neville murmured. I was sitting at an angle from him, rather than parallel, our heads relatively close to one another, though facing the sky. His hand was lying above his head, his hand curled up slightly. His other arm – the one farther away from me – was spread out, his palm facing the ground. My arm close to him was also above my head, lying on the ground very close to his, my fingers outstretched as though to grab his hand. My other hand was lying on my stomach, rising and falling as I breathed.
"I won't," I agreed, "I just need a little time."
"Yeah, I get that," Neville responded. We sat in silence for a few more minutes.
"I guess I just… I don't know what I'd do if I lost you," Neville sighed. I felt my breath catch in my throat.
"I feel the same about you, you know. Hence my fury," I responded.
"I also… I've been going through… something. And I wanted to… erm… talk to you about it," Neville stammered out.
"You can tell me anything, Nev," I reassured quietly.
"Erm… remember when you came out, back in November?" Neville whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Well… you started rambling about… about…" Neville choked on his words.
"Literally, Neville, you can tell me anything," I reassured again.
"You started talking about… nonbinary genders."
I turned on my stomach to face him, looking at him seriously, "Yeah?"
Neville also turned on his stomach, facing me, clearly nervous, "I think… I might be…"
I waited patiently, desperately fighting my urge to touch his cheek.
"I might be… agender," Neville whispered.
"Yeah?" I offered, smiling kindly at him.
"Yeah. I mean, I always knew I wasn't a girl, but when you talked about that, I started doing some research," Neville rambled, seemingly comforted that I wasn't freaking out, "And… I just… I mean I don't mind the he, him, his pronouns, you know, but gender is more than pronouns and I… I just… I'm not a boy," he whispered, "I'm not. I'm not a girl; I'm not a boy. What is gender? I don't like it. I don't want there to be some sort of… societal thing that defines things about me. Like boy, that says that I should always like girls – and sometimes I don't, you know, I think I'm bisexual, too – and I should be, commanding, and masculine, and I just, I know I don't have to be, to be a boy, but I don't want any part of it at all. Except facial hair. I might grow that," Neville flushed madly, "But seriously, no part of it. I am me. I like plants, and I like to be with my friends, and I enjoy dancing, and I will protect the people I love at any cost, and I'm a little shy, but I am brave, and I love figuring things out about my plants and – I'm a person. What does being a boy even mean?"
I beamed at him happily as he finished his rambling, looking at me nervously.
"Neville, I am so, so, so proud of you," I smiled, "I'm so proud of you for being so accepting of yourself, and going on this journey to understand yourself better."
"Really?" Neville breathed.
"Really," I smiled, "So, are you going to do anything major with this? You don't have to know, I'm just curious."
"I mean, I don't really want to cause any confrontation. I like my name fine, and the pronouns fine. And I wouldn't change my body or anything," Neville paused, "I just don't want to be referred to as a boy. Ever. But I don't know how to tell people that. And maybe I'd like to do some… not-boy things. Like wearing a skirt, or growing my hair out even longer, or something. Makeup would be cool to try, I guess, as long as I can make sure Malfoy doesn't see."
I stared at him, frowning slightly, "Well, I'll start the trend, and see if people pick up on it. If they don't, it'll probably be worth telling our friends. Unless you don't want to; it's entirely your choice. As for dressing or doing feminine things, go right ahead, I want you to follow your dreams." I beamed at him and he beamed back, flushing slightly again.
"Maggie, you are literally one of the most wonderful people I know," Neville murmured. I grinned happily at him and reached out to squeeze his arm, though of course what I wanted to do was kiss him again, and this secretly frustrated me.
"Neville, you are literally one of the most wonderful people I know," I parroted, beaming at him and squeezing his arm again. He beamed back, his face flushing with bashfulness.
It was getting late, though, and we were getting cold. We both got out of the ground and walked up to the castle, quietly discussing gender together, me reaffirming that his identity was valid, and good.
And so, for a little while after that, Neville and I would spend a lot of time together, talking about this together. He repeated himself a lot, but I could tell that he appreciated being able to talk out his feelings with someone he trusted. And I didn't mind, mostly because it was a topic of conversation I could navigate safely, without revealing too much that I realized how I felt about him.
Eventually, however, I knew I would have to go and forgive the group. So on the sixteenth of January, I went up to them in the common Room for the first time in twelve days.
"Alright, I forgive you lot," I sighed, looking at them apologetically, "Sorry for getting so mad."
"You had every right to be mad," Ginny responded urgently, "We were prats."
"Seriously, no hard feelings," Harry reassured as well, nodding eagerly. I went up to George and gave him a hug, which he returned eagerly; I did enjoy being in his arms again, notwithstanding everything else I was feeling. I gave him a happy kiss and held his hand tightly.
"Want to go out to Hogsmeade?" George suggested. I had promised Neville we would go together, but I knew that that would be a bad thing to suggest. I nodded, and we walked out together. It was snowing again, and I enjoyed it, reveling in the feeling of the flakes on my skin.
"Maggie, can I ask you an awkward question?" George asked as we walked down the path, his face red with cold.
"You just did," I joked, smirking at him. George rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth, his breath catching in his throat, before closing it again. He then took a deep breath, stopped in the middle of the path, and looked at me.
"Are you… erm… do you fancy Neville at all?"
My heart literally stopped for a full beat before I answered, "No."
"Alright," George looked visibly relieved, "I was just… I dunno, a little worried, cause you had been spending so much time together. And it wouldn't really matter if you just fancied him, I mean people fancy people while they're in relationships all the time, I just wanted to ask."
"Well, I don't," I continued to lie. And if I just fancied him, I wouldn't have lied. But the depth of my feelings for Neville was not something I could half-lie about. And being that in love with him – more so than George – would cause major problems. George would break up with me on the spot.
"Good," George beamed, and we continued walking to the village, though I now had a ball in the pit of my stomach that decidedly felt like pure lead.
AN: Thank you to rubidoux for reviewing! Please, guys, I'd love some feedback. Thanks! Also, yeah, I did change some things, so please reread if you were at all confused in this chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing!