Chapter 38: Hourglass of Shelby's Soul

It felt strangely similar to when her baby girl had been ripped from her arms in that home for unwed mothers in Columbus. The utter terror and pain that cut her to the core when her baby was carried crying out of the room while all she could do was sit back, watch and let the cold reality of her loss wash over her.

It was happening again. Shelby thought nothing could compare to that loss in December nine years ago, but this almost felt worse. Worse because it was happening right in front of her eyes. Again the pain was immeasurable and she had become a silent spectator in her home with her wife and child. Her child did not want her. She called out for her wife instead. Her child and spouse spent many a chat talking in whispers, away from her, and stopped when she came into the room. It was worse this time because it felt the two most important people in her lives were pushing her away. She felt dismissed and un-useful. Her perfect new world and perfect family was nothing more than a fairy tale. And fairy tales never come true. She knew it was too good to be true, anyways. It was only a matter of time.

Cass had not slept in their bed for three nights now. This would be the fourth. They had not made love since New Year's. Cass had been staying with Rachel. Rachel explaining that Mama knew how to keep the dreams away. Shelby was now feeling relegated to cook, and housekeeper. Shelby did not mind that role in Cass and Rachel's lives. She felt she was actually good at it.

I failed at everything else though, Shelby mused to herself as she walked up the silent streets of Lima in the inky blackness.

Shelby knew that Cassie wasn't doing any of this on purpose, and she knew that if the two of them were better at communicating, this probably wouldn't be happening at all. However, it was…and tonight had been the final tipping point. It was not that anything particularly different had occurred.

Well, it might have been slightly different. On this night Shelby had simply given up. Rachel had hugged and kissed her at bedtime and then Shelby asked Cass if she was coming to bed. Rachel responded as usual by asking Cass to stay and keep the bad dreams away. Instead of silently going to the master bedroom to pass the hours alone, Shelby had tried to get in the bed with Rachel too.

Cass had made some comment about how Rachel had been thrashing in her sleep and it would be better if she just met with Shelby in the master bedroom later on in the night. Of course Shelby wasn't going to be naïve enough to believe that again. So she had left. She had grabbed her coat, wallet, and phone and marched right out of the mansion. Her mind, body, and spirit were too tired, and the sting of the rejection sent her instinctively retreating. She was not abandoning Cass and Rachel, she would never do that. Instead she was just pulling back and moving away to clear her head and get her emotions better under control. She knew she was probably just over exaggerating and that these feelings would eventually pass. For now she needed to go for a walk alone.

Shelby doubted either one had even realized she was gone. She did however leave a note saying she had gone out in case Cass so happened to leave Rachel long enough to come to their bed. Shelby seriously doubted that she would be missed.

Not many places were opened in Lima, Ohio at midnight. The two bars in town would be closing soon. The only other place open at this time of night was the twenty four hour diner and café that was in the heart of downtown. Shelby decided a cup of coffee might clear her head and help her get control of her emotions. So the singer walked in that general direction until she reached the blinking red sign stating that "The Lima Bean" was open. She was recognized but not bothered as she sat at a far table in the corner. She rested there for a while and tried not to think—to push things back inside herself and erect a wall around herself. But the water was beating down on her wounded soul and rejection was sweeping her away in its current, no matter how hard she tried to stop it.

It was just another grain of sand falling from the hourglass of Shelby Corcoran-July's soul. All of the sand was gone—all at the bottom, and gone. She felt cast aside and left alone. After a continued effort to do her best, she was now floundering like a fish out of water because no, she had not been sexually abused. But she had been abused by her mother.

There was a television hanging from the ceiling in the corner of the diner. It had one of those twenty four hour a day local news stations on cable, coming out of Columbus. Shelby found herself looking at it instead of making eye contact with anyone in the building. She was in no mood for even casual conversation. The diner was nearly empty anyways, so the singer easily heard the news reporter making his newscast. Taking a sip of her coffee, Shelby leaned back into the back of the booth and listened.

"And again leading off with our breaking news, Spencer Rivers, senior partner of Rivers, Hall and Smith law firm in Columbus has been arrested and charged with rape of a 19 year old woman. He has been implicated as a potential suspect in three other cases involving the raping of women dating back 4 years ago. Police believe Rivers may be a serial rapists and are asking for anyone in the public to come forward if they are or know of any more potential victims."

Shelby's stomach dropped and she sat down her coffee cup because her hands were shaking. She stared at the picture of the man on the screen, rubbed her eyes, and then stared again.

It had been ten years, yet he had not changed much. It was him. The same man as on the television screen in front of her.

It was Rachel's birth father.

Shelby remembered that one and single time she had been with a man. She had gone to a party with April whom she was spending the night with. The two had separated in the crowd. Someone had handed her a drink. She'd swallowed it happily but it was the only one she'd had.

She'd met with this boy who acted the gentleman. Of course, they always acted like that when they were after sex, didn't they? A polite little phrase in return for some touchy-feely bullshit? But Shelby had found him quite charming at the time, and they spent the majority of the night together, talking and laughing and having a grand time. After which, he led her to a back bedroom. Their talking and laughing led to touches and kisses, which led to something even more. She hadn't regretted it at the time—a fun little experiment was how she saw it.

It was three weeks later that she'd taken the pregnancy test and regretted ever even laying eyes on the boy, because of what her parents planned on doing to her. She knew she'd only be able to keep it a secret for so long. And as it turned out, "so long" was not long enough.

Of course sleeping with him wasn't something Shelby regretted now, how could she? He'd given her Rachel. But the guilt was still there because she hadn't gotten to raise Rachel, and look at what had happened to her…

Shelby was lost in a jumble of thoughts with multiple different meanings. At the time this boy seemed like any other teenage boy. Hormone crazed and looking for a good time, but certainly not a serial rapist. Had so much changed, within those six years before he started potentially raping women?

Suddenly Shelby shuddered and wished she was drinking something stronger. Much stronger. The newscast had moved on to another story, but to Shelby time had stopped. She was that shy confused teenager again who had lost a part of herself first at that party. The rest of herself she lost the day her baby was taken from her arms. It all came flooding back to her and Shelby clutched her stomach in remembrance.

Shelby may have spent her life blaming herself, mimicking her father and mother's displeasure at her poor choices and lack of moral standards. But now, with this man's picture flashing on the television screen, Shelby saw the situation in a new light. She did not know how that was supposed to make her feel, and she wasn't entirely sure exactly how she was feeling.

Taking a moment to think about it, she decided she felt sick.

Her virginity had been taken from her by a man who had now been arrested for being a serial rapist.

She had planned on drinking her coffee and walking home before getting into her cold bed, alone once more. Now Shelby hardly felt able to move from the booth she was sitting in. Her entire being was in shock.

While the news channel was now doing weather, Spencer Rivers' name kept scrolling at the bottom of the screen as breaking news. Shelby looked at the name. She studied it, as if it would change the longer she watched. But it never did. She felt it was literally jumping out of the screen and putting at her heart and ability to breathe in state of constriction. Try as she might, she could not pull away and walk out of that front door to go back home.

Everything around her faded into the shadows of her consciousness. She lost track of the other people in the diner. She didn't see or hear anything at all. All she felt was a terrible numbness. How would she explain this to Cassie? Or god forbid Rachel ever ask about her biological father?

With a sense of sadness, the sudden yet fleeting though struck her that she may not have to. If Cassie and Rachel stayed this close and she kept getting shoved aside, they would never bother to ask Shelby about anything again.

Don't be so melodramatic. She scolded herself. They have a common fear, and they need to be there to help each other….there without me… her feelings were so mixed that she could hardly make sense of them herself.

The tinkle of a bell that announced a new customer was ignored by the brunette. The only thing she heard was the announcer re-capping the top story of the hour. The story that had blown down the carefully constructed walls around her heart and soul. Water was now rushing back in and Shelby hoped she could tread water to the revelations.

"Shelby?"

Shelby ignored the voice and it repeated itself not only a second time but also a third. It was the touch of a hand on top of hers that was gripping her coffee cup for dear life that revived her from the rushing waters beating down on her body. There had been so much stuff eating at her when she walked into the diner tonight, feeling the way that she was. Now, Shelby felt like she was being buffeted by the waves of this revelation and the re-visitation of this man who is a specter from her past.

"Shelby? Are you okay, sweets? What's going on? Are Cassie and Rachel okay? Are you here alone?"

Shelby heard the questions but they all seemed to just flood together. For the moment, Shelby just tried to concentrate on seeing the face of the individual who was speaking to her and touching her hand. Tearing her face from the television, Shelby blinked several times. In front of her was a face that she recognized dearly—that of a blonde haired woman in a police uniform. She was bent over, trying to catch Shelby's eye.

"Stef?" Shelby asked more than acknowledged.

Shelby recognized that Stef had asked her something, but that was all she understood. She chose to answer what she figured she had been asked.

"I couldn't sleep. Cass is with Rachel again in her bed, but it's fine," Shelby said, her voice having a soft, far away sound to it. "Fine, I am fine. I am supposed to be fine…always."

Lost in her own mind, Shelby did not see the police officer frown and pick up her cell phone. Shelby also missed the string of expletives that Stef Foster spewed when a call came through that was insisting immediate response.

That's the Cap., but I just got off shift. Man, I hope I am not being called back in… Stef thought to herself. Something is not right here. I will step outside and speak to the Cap and maybe call Cass also…

"Shelby, stay right here, I will be back," Stef ordered in a soft but authoritative tone. "I mean it, Shelby." She tried to look into her friend's eyes but they were glazed over and seemed to be in a different universe. Far away. Not present. "Stay here. I will be back as soon as I can. Then I will take you home..." Stef patted Shelby's hand once more and spun around towards the door of the diner. Shelby noticed that everything felt colder now. A brisk wind swept across the diner as the door shut behind Stef, whom Shelby could see standing just to the side of the front window. Caught up in her past, present, and future, Shelby only caught a few words that her friend had uttered to her.

Stef was gone, Shelby acknowledged on a surface level. She was alone once more. Shelby had caught the last thing Stef had said. She'd spoken the words, "take you home". That was the last thing Shelby wanted to do when she was feeling this way, knowing that Cassie wouldn't be around to help put her back together. Not when she couldn't put herself back together without the help. With hesitance, Shelby knew she had to go back out into the cold night if she didn't want Stef to force her to go home. Once Stef had her mind made up, there would be no convincing her otherwise.

Goosebumps covered Shelby's arms, despite her thick coat. To be honest, it did not feel a lot warmer inside of the diner than outside of it ever since Shelby had heard the newscast. Quickly, she finished her cup, put her gloves back on, and stepped back out onto the street. She had no particular destination in mind, only knew that she would not be going back to the mansion and she would not be at The Lima Bean when Stef returned.

Shelby gave a passing glance towards Stef who was turned and talking on the phone under a streetlight on the sidewalk. Shelby's hat hid most of her head, and she started walking in the opposite direction, hoping Stef wouldn't see her and stop her before she could get any sort of distance away.

Running away from your friends now, Shelby? She scoffed at herself and then sighed. No, only from my feelings. Only from my responsibilities. Only from my wife and my daughter…my entire life…it isn't like you to run. It isn't like you to stay either. It is, however, like you to just go for a walk and stare out into oblivion, hoping, wishing, and wondering. So I guess that's what I'll do.

The street was so quiet that Shelby could hear the sound of her boots on the concrete sidewalk. In the distance, she heard the sound of ambulance sirens. A gust of wind in the air made Shelby briefly reconsider her choice to leave the Lima Bean. Her fireplace sounded pretty cozy right about now, she thought and then sighed. It's not as cozy without Cassie though.

She had walked two blocks by now anyways, and did not feel like turning around.

She spent her time trying to comprehend what had happened in her life. She'd slept with a boy once. One time. It had gotten her pregnant. She'd been disowned and her baby stolen. The boy grew up to be a rapist. Their daughter, (she cringed at the phrasing and corrected herself. HER daughter. Whether this man was Rachel's biological father or not, she did not want to associate the sunshine of her life to a man so dark and cruel) had grown up abused in every way possible. Finally she had a forever home and you'd think that'd be the solution. But there were so many holes, Shelby knew, that she just wasn't seeing. Holes that an outside perspective could probably help with.

What we need is therapy.

A car horn's sharp honk made her realize she had been walking in the middle of the street. Shelby waved her hand in apology and moved back to the sidewalk. She still had no destination in mind. She was simply walking through the complex dreamscape that she often called her life. This was a much needed break.

. . .

Stef hung up after talking to her chief. Thank goodness she didn't have to go back to the office. Instead Captain Roberts was reminding her that she needed to get Natalie and Rachel interviewed because Social Services and the D.A. had been biting her ass now that the holidays were over. She had hurriedly agreed to set something up the next morning. For now, Stef had a more pressing priority.

She quickly dialed Lena and stated that she had run into Shelby at the Lima Bean; that Shelby had been acting strangely and she would be late getting in. After promising to call as soon as she knew more, she hung up and pulled Cassandra July's number from her phone's contact list. A pair of customers moved outside of the Lima Bean to smoke. Not liking the smell, Stef moved a little further from the building and pressed send. The phone rang four times before it went to voicemail. Stef frowned. She remembered Shelby mentioned that Cass was with Rachel. It was entirely possible she did not have her phone with her. Cass may have fallen asleep with the little girl and not have heard the phone. After leaving a quick message, Stef turned back around and walked to go back inside the diner. She quickly frowned as she opened the door and looked towards the table where she had left Shelby just minutes ago. Shelby Corcoran was gone.

Stef had a decision to make, and quickly. Shelby had obviously left while she was on the phone and she cursed herself for not paying more attention—she was a cop, after all.

She reassessed her information. The singer was obviously on foot. Lima was a small town and she could not have gotten very far. She could be walking home and be nearing the mansion. The singer could also be walking elsewhere and putting distance between herself and her friends and family. Deciding she would check the mansion first and see Shelby was going home, Stef ran to her police cruiser and got in. Cass would want to know immediately if Shelby had indeed run off. Decision made, Steff made a quick call to alert Holly if for some reason she showed up at the lawyer's place.

Knowing where the spare key was, Stef went around to the back of the mansion to the mudroom off of the kitchen and unlocked the door.

It was a large mansion and usually sounds from downstairs were not heard all the way upstairs. However, Cassandra was already sleeping fitfully and therefore woke at the sound of the kitchen door being opened. It was the loudest door in the house, emitting a sort of squeak, for it had not been replaced as the other ones had.

Her wake was not a peaceful one. She shot up and out of Rachel's bed as if someone had just poked her with a hot wire. Rachel didn't feel or hear a thing, and continued to sleep quite soundly. She hadn't kicked or screamed at all this night and immediately Cass felt sort of bad for telling Shelby not to sleep with them. A pang of guilt stabbed at her heart when she remembered that she'd told Shelby she'd be to bed and had fallen asleep before she could make it that far.

Curious as to what that damned noise was, (she was sure it had to have been Shelby, but why would she need to go through the kitchen door?) she sneaked out of Rachel's room and down the stairs, crossing her arms around her due to the chill after taking off the blankets she'd been curled up in.

She was surprised to see Stef walking through the kitchen, a worried expression on the police officer's face.

"No stripper pole lessons tonight, Stef, it's much too cold," Cass made a joke like she always did when she was uncomfortable. She caught the time from the clock on the wall and sighed, adding. "Also too late."

Except for this time, no one was laughing at Cassie's uncomfortable jokes.

"Do you know where Shelby is?" Stef asked. "Did she come home?"

"What?" Cass double blinked and rubbed her eyes. She was still a little hazy from sleep. "Come home from where? What are you talking about? Why wouldn't Shelby be home?"

Stef pushed past Cassandra and called out, "Shelby? Shelby!"

"SHH!" Cass ran to catch up to Stef. "Rachel is asleep!"

"Well, Shelby isn't!" Stef insisted, bringing her voice down to that of a shouted whisper.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Cass was started to get frustrated, and very concerned. What was going on that nobody was telling her about? And if Shelby wasn't home, then where the hell was she?

"Go and check the master bedroom," Stef pushed Cass towards the stairs.

"Alright, alright!" Cass took the stairs two at a time until she reached their bedroom. There was a note on the bed.

I have gone for a walk. The walls are closing in on me and I need to get my head together. I have my phone. I will be back later.

It was not signed and the handwriting did not have its usual flair. The paper was crumpled as if wrote hurriedly and with shaking hands. But it was definitely from Shelby.

Cassie's hands started to shake themselves as the room felt gotten colder.

Shelby had not done this since they had become a couple and started sleeping together. Before that, April had first told her and then she witnessed for herself Shelby getting up at night and leaving the dorm. She took the subways, sometimes riding for hours, but mostly she just walked. When they started living together and sharing a bed, the behavior stopped. It had been replaced with Shelby sometimes waking her up in the middle of the night by literally crawling on top of her. It had taken a few months before Shelby had started to talk at all when she got like that. When she did open up it was much like Rachel was currently doing. It was a little at a time about certain things that Cass took note of and started piecing together. Most of it was of becoming pregnant, having her baby taken away from her and of not being good enough…not being perfect enough.

"I didn't...how could I not have noticed...Have I been so selfish...?" Cassie whispered once she had made it back down the stairs. She leaned against the banister as guilt washed over her like a tidal wave.

Stef's approach grew softer. "Cass, you couldn't have known, you were busy taking care of Rachel-"

"Without Shelby!" Cass realized. "How can I justify paying attention to one family member and not another? Gods I'm so ridiculously selfish and ignorant and idiotic sometimes..." without hesitation she dove into the closet and grabbed her coat, scarf, hat, and gloves.

"What are you doing?" Stef asked.

"I'm going to find Shelby, what the hell does it look like I'm-" she stopped herself. Just because she was upset, didn't mean she was allowed to take it out on Stef. Without Stef, she wouldn't have even known Shelby was gone. She let that fact set in for a moment. I am such a horrible wife. And a horrible friend. "I'm sorry, Stef." she said softly, putting on her hat and picking her cell up off of the bedside table.

"It's okay," Stef understood and volunteered, "I'll stay with Rachel."

Rachel! When I was going to go on my search for Shelby I hadn't even thought about leaving Rachel here on her own. I need serious help. What the hell do I think I'm doing? What the fuck would I do without Stef here...

"Thank you," Cass said simply with tears in her eyes, "You are such a good friend."

Stef merely nodded and touched her shoulder in support. "Go," She encouraged. "She was not herself when I saw her at the Lima Bean after my shift was over. I called Holly on my way here and told her to call if she showed up there. Lena knows too and will call if she shows up at my place."

"And if she doesn't?" Cass worried, biting her lip. This was all her fault. She should have been in bed with Shelby. She should have let Shelby sleep with her and Rachel. "I mean, if she isn't in her right mind..." Oh, god, please don't let her be hurt, please, please...

"Find her," Stef insisted. "Quickly. Go...If you need anything call me right away, okay?"

Cass placed a kiss to Stef's cheek and thanked her again. Stef could feel the hot tears sliding down Cass's face. Cass wiped the tears away and put her phone to hear ear, calling her wife.

Three rings. Four rings. Five rings. No answer.

She made her way into Rachel's room and kissed the little girl's forehead as a goodbye before taking the stairs two at a time again, calling Shelby back.

It went back to voice mail.

"Hey, you've reached Shelby Corcoran. For some reason or another I can't get to the phone right now. Leave a number and I'll call back! You know when..." Beep. The voice mail finished and Cass choked back a worried sob.

"Shelby. Shelby please pick up your phone. Shelby where the hell are you? Please, sweetheart, call me back, tell me you're okay. I love you so much." She was cut off.

Two minutes later she tried again. She wouldn't drive, not in the dark on the black ice in the nervous state she was in-she'd sooner crash then get to Shelby. If Shelby had walked then she couldn't be too far. But...when had she left?

The phone went to voice mail again. "Shelby please," Her voice broke. "Just tell me where you are, tell me you're safe. I'm...I am so, so sorry, my darling..." she was cut off once more. She was tempted to throw her phone across the street. But what good would that do?

. . .

Shelby pulled her coat a little closer. She walked past the grocery store and cut through the alley towards the town hall and courthouse. She thought she felt a buzz in her pocket but her hands were cold and she could not get them to work to pick it up and answer it. So instead she stopped and looked around at where she was. She was getting close to the residential section of town. The Rivers family home was on a set of two streets past the courthouse and fire station. Shelby knew for a fact they still lived there.

A feeling of panic ran through her, even though she knew the man that had taken her virginity and innocence was not there. That fact did not erase her fear and a flight response. Shelby cut back through the alley and stopped. She heard her phone ring again but answering it and deciding where to go next was just too hard. She could turn back towards the direction of the Lima Bean and the mansion, or she could walk in the alley, past the drug store, and towards the hospital and medical offices in town. Not wanting to go home but not wanting to be farther away from the mansion either, Shelby started back towards the Lima Bean. She shuffled her feet, crossing the street carefully, mindful of a snow drift and what was probably black ice.

Maybe I will get another cup of coffee, Shelby told herself, feeling very, very cold.

She really had no idea what she would do after that.

Her phone rang again. Again, she ignored it. Her hands were freezing. Answering it would mean exposing her already freezing fingers. Although someone clearly really wanted to get a hold of her.

What if it's Cassie? She asked herself. She thought about it for a moment and figured it probably wasn't Cassie—that was just wishful thinking. It was probably Stef, since she'd been told not to leave the Lima Bean and that was exactly what she'd done. The last thing she wanted to do right now was talk to Stef about why she'd left when Stef had asked her not to. About why she wasn't home, in bed, at the mansion.

. . .

Cassie was starting to lose herself. She picked up her pace, careful not to slip or fall. As a dancer, the last thing she needed was a strained muscle a week before classes would start again. As a wife, the last thing she needed was to get hurt instead of helping Shelby.

She gave up calling Shelby. Clearly her wife was mad enough at her to ignore her. She knew she deserved it, but she hadn't made Shelby this mad in a long time. She was getting the silent treatment and she knew that was one of the worst things that Shelby Corcoran could give you.

"Shelby?!" She called out, knowing her calling would probably be for naught. If Shelby was ignoring her phone calls, why wouldn't she ignore her calling out for her as well? Would she even hear her anyways? Doubtful.

Oh, Cassie, what have you done to her this time? She must be so scared and confused and frustrated...She's dealing with things all on her own...she should never have to do that. You vowed to protect her.

Cass was nearing the Lima Bean. She could see the open sign blinking in the distance. It was an especially cold night. Shelby could have taken refuge here, since Stef had noted that she'd been there earlier.

I'll check there first, in case she came back, Cass told herself, her heart beating in anticipation of either finding her wayward wife or having the realization that Shelby was wandering around in below freezing conditions.

Shelby was on her way back to the Lima Bean, but was not quite in viewing distance of it yet.

Since Cass couldn't yet see Shelby, she opened the front door of the café and searched through the place in its entirety. Shelby was nowhere to be found. After seeing Cass circle the place twice, the barista made her way over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Can I help you?" she wondered.

Cass spun around, feeling frantic. Where the hell was Shelby?!

"Um..." Cassandra tried to gather her thoughts. "Yeah. Yes, have you seen my wife, Shelby? Did she come in here tonight more than once?"

Everyone in town recognized Shelby and Cassandra. It would be hard to not know who they were, in such a small place. The barista supplied, "She had a coffee here a while ago...Stefanie Adams-Foster was here with her. Mrs. Adams-Foster left and then shortly after, Shelby did. I haven't seen her since, I'm sorry, Cassandra…"

Cass double blinked, processing the information. "Did um...when was that?" Cass wondered, her eyes darting to corners just in case Shelby so happened to show up.

"About an hour ago? Maybe an hour and a half?"

Cassandra's face paled. Had she been walking for that long in this cold? Stef had gone straight to the mansion, right? And god only knew how long Shelby had been out before that.

"Okay, thank you." Cass practically ran out the front door, wondering where to turn next. Luckily, she didn't have to.

. . .

Shelby was walking quicker now. She was cold, she needed some more coffee and more time to think. About what exactly she wasn't entirely sure.

She didn't have any more time to think about anything though, because in her haste, her foot caught the black ice and she slid, landing on her back, bottom, and head, and knocking the wind out of herself. Her eyes widened, trying to process what was happening.

Luckily enough for her, Cassie had spotted her just as she was falling.

"Shelby!" Cass ran, making sure not to slip in the same way that Shelby had. "Jesus Christ, where have you been?" more hot tears slid down her cheeks against her will, her voice was in distress. "I've been looking all over for you!"

You have? Shelby asked in her mind. She would've asked out loud but she couldn't breathe. Cass sat her up and rubbed her back, lightly. Shelby worked on catching her breath and listened to Cassie as she spoke.

"You scared the hell out of me, sweetheart...what's going on in that head of yours? Please talk to me?"

Shelby caught her breath finally and tears welled up in her eyes as she looked guiltily up at Cassie. Up at her wife, whose green eyes were concerned and loving and thankful that besides slipping on that black ice, Shelby appeared to be safe.

"I just...You were with Rachel...the two of you are fine without me..."

"My darling, what in the world are you talking about?" Cass pulled Shelby into a hug so loving and desperate that if they were any closer they'd be the same person. Shelby let her tears fall onto Cassie's shoulder and buried her chin into her neck. She let her wife's warmth flow through her. She tried to focus on her breathing. She tried to get her heart beat to sync with Cassie's.

Cass suddenly realized she felt a warm wetness on her hand that was holding her wife's head. It could have been tears, but the dancer remembered that she had not really checked Shelby for injuries after her fall. The blonde reluctantly pulled away from the brunette and moved so she could see Shelby more clearly under the streetlight. There was a gash on her forehead that was bleeding. Cass grabbed the scarf from her neck and ripped it off. Shelby grimaced when the scarf was placed firmly there.

"Sweetheart, does anything else hurt?" Cass asked, concerned. She suspected Shelby would at least need stiches and she knew her wife did not respond well to hospitals.

Shelby shook her head no, but as far as Cass was concerned they wouldn't know for sure if anything else was wrong until April looked into this.

"You don't need me," Shelby whispered. "You and Rachel don't need me, you have each other."

"That's not true, sweetheart," Cassie said softly. "I'm so sorry we made you feel that way but I promise you that's not true at all..." it was all too much to talk about in the middle of a freezing street when Shelby had a head injury. They would discuss this at length later. Cassandra vowed that she would fix this. First, she had to get Shelby to April's office. She supported Shelby's back, wrapping an arm around her.

"He, he….he….Cass I never knew that someone like him…same guy…he was the same guy…" Shelby spoke, unable to use very clear sentences as Cass ran her hands up and down her wife's body, comfortingly.

"Shh, Shh, Shh," Cass spoke in a calming voice as she kissed the top of Shelby's head. "It's okay, Shelby, sweetie, it's going to be okay…we can talk later okay, first we need to get you to April…."

"You didn't need me…"

"I need you, I'm right here, honey…"

Shelby seemed to have a bump on her head. She was leaning to the side a little like she had landed hard on her left buttock and did not want to put pressure on it. But the good news was that Cass did not see any obvious sign of any broken bones. Just about to call April, Cass looked to the street as a single car with headlights on low approached the pair. As it got closer, Cass recognized the car.

Talk about providence and being at the right place at the right time, Cass thought to herself as April pulled to the curb and got out of the car. She figured Holly had probably called her and told her what was going on.

"What the hell happened here?" April wondered. "Shelbs, are you okay?" she immediately went to Shelby's other side for aid. Shelby let out a moan of protest, seeing as that was the side that hurt.

"Same...he...same..." Shelby rambled, blinking and trying to comprehend what she wanted to say.

April's wide eyes met Cassie's. "What is that about?" she asked.

"I don't know." Cassandra very carefully scooped Shelby up into her arms, carrying her to the back seat of April's car. "She hit her head."

"Come on," April decided. "We're going back to the hospital..."

"I left Rachel with Stef, what do I do?" Cass asked.

"Have Stef take Rachel to her house tonight. It's almost morning anyways," April suggested. "Hol is waiting for us at the hospital..."

Things were moving too quickly right now for Shelby. She closed her eyes and lay in Cassie's arms in the back seat as April drove as quickly as she could without getting arrested for speeding.

And how ironic would that sound when Stef heard about it.