Chapter Thirty-Eight

The Letting Go

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Brynjolf sat on that letter for as long as he could, telling no one about it, not even Delvin. The weeks passed, and Irina excelled in her work as a thief. Having a job of some kind almost every night, she really started to bring in some serious coin for the guild, while at the same time rebuilding their reputation. Thus, she began to earn back the respect of her fellow thieves. Even Mercer made an impressed grunt at one point.

Her punishment was nowhere near over, though, and Irina started to complain about its endurance, thinking enough time had passed and why couldn't she be set loose now? All Brynjolf would tell her in reply was that she would have to ask Mercer. She never did, of course.

Being so busy, Irina was rarely in the cistern, and when she was, she was too tired to do much else but sleep in preparation for her next trip. She was still required to go with someone else, so she often took her lessons while on the road, depending on who went with her. If Vipir was her partner, she'd practice her pickpocketing as often as she could during their trip. If Thrynn was her partner, he'd help her with her fighting whenever they stopped to make camp.

Rune was still not permitted to go with her, so they rarely saw each other. When she was home, she didn't act as eager to see him as he would have liked, and often made up excuses to end their time early. One of her favorite excuses was that she needed to train with Brynjolf while she had a chance.

Irina didn't seem to notice how it affected Rune, but Brynjolf did, and he felt sorry for the lad.

One evening, after a particularly grueling sparring session with Irina, he decided to point it out to her.

"Good fight, lass," he praised, panting and wiping sweat off his brow and neck. "I'd say you've more than got the hang of those daggers. You're giving me a run for my money."

She grinned. "Really?"

"Aye, well, frequent practice will do that. Come to think of it, we've been sparring nearly every night you're home. I'd have thought you'd want to spend more of that time with Rune."

She glanced at him with an eyebrow arched in surprise. "Since when do you care if I spend time with Rune?"

"I care about the lad," he clarified. "I don't like seeing him hurt."

"Hurt? I'm not trying to hurt him. He understands I'm just busy."

"You think so? Have you asked him?"

She seemed to consider that. "Well…no. Should I?"

Brynjolf held up his hands. "I won't tell you what to do, lass. The last thing I want is to get involved. Just…pay attention to what you're doing. That's all I wanted to say."

Silence fell as Irina mulled over his words. Brynjolf finished mopping up his sweat with a towel, and finally Irina spoke.

"I'm just too busy these days, I don't have the time I need to spend with him. Not the time I want anyway. It's this damn punishment. Seriously, Bryn, it's been over a month; how much longer does it need to last? And don't tell me to ask Mercer. I'm not talking to Mercer."

"I don't know what to say then, lass. Mercer gave you the punishment, only he can end it."

"I'm just about to go out of my mind though!" she exclaimed in frustration. "I need to try to find a lead, somehow, somewhere." She let out a deep breath and looked over at him. "Did you hear about that dragon attack on Dawnstar?"

He nodded soberly. "Aye, I did."

"It killed five people. Five people, Bryn! Five innocent people, one of them a child. What if I had been able to find a way to end these dragon attacks by now? Maybe they wouldn't have had to die. If I just hadn't been cooped up here all this time!"

"Easy, lass," he soothed. "I know you're frustrated, but shouting won't get you anywhere." In that moment he remembered the letter from Delphine. He still didn't know what that woman wanted with Irina, but maybe, just maybe, it was time to let her see it. He cleared his throat and pulled the note from his belt pouch where it had rested for a whole month. "Actually, come to think of it, I've got a letter here for you. Not sure what it's about, maybe you can make heads or tails of it."

She frowned lightly as she took the paper from him and unfolded it. It took her only seconds to read before she looked up at him again, her frown even deeper. "Who is this 'friend'? What does this mean?"

"Well, I can tell you who the friend is, but the rest of it is beyond me. It was written by a woman called Delphine. I knew her years ago. I guess you could say she and I were…close. She came looking for you, but wouldn't tell me why she wanted to see you."

"Delphine? I don't know anyone by that name. She didn't tell you anything about what she might want with me?"

"No. She just said she wanted to speak to the Dragonborn. I know exactly as much as that letter says."

"Well, then who is she? What do you think she'd want me for?"

"I really have no clue, lass. When I knew her, Delphine was a mercenary for hire, but that was years ago. Apparently now she's an innkeeper—or at least that's what she said. She specifically asked to see the Dragonborn, and insists she means you no harm."

Irina looked at the words on the page again. "It says she thinks we can help each other. Do you think she knows something about the dragons?"

Brynjolf shrugged. "I really can't say, but I suppose anything is possible."

"Do you trust her?"

"Truthfully? No, I don't. I never did."

He watched her intently as she mulled over the situation. Finally she folded up the letter and shoved it into her pocket.

"Well, I can't exactly run off and see what she wants now, can I? I suppose it would be a foolish thing to do anyway."

"You're not curious?" he said in surprise.

"Of course I'm curious, but I'm generally not reckless. If she comes calling again, tell her I'll see her, as long as you're there with me."

Brynjolf smiled. "I can do that."

Irina drew a deep breath and sighed it out. "So when did you get that letter anyway?"

Brynjolf chuckled and shook his head. "And here I was hoping you wouldn't ask that question."

"Why? Have you had it for a while?"

"A little while," he replied with a shrug. "But you have it now, and you're choosing not to act on it, so in the end, does it really matter how long I've had it?"

She frowned slightly. "I guess not. But…why did you keep it from me?"

"Why do you think? To keep you from running off on some wild adventure so soon after Mercer punished you for doing just that. You've been unpredictable lately, so I had to be careful."

Irina sighed and nodded slightly. "I guess I can see that." She waved it away as inconsequential. "I guess we'll see what comes of it. In the mean time, I'm going to go sleep in my own warm bed for once. I'm so tired of sleeping on a mat in the snow. All I do is travel anymore."

Brynjolf gave her a soft smile, remembering fondly the nights they shared huddled together in the freezing mountains. As miserable as that had been at the time, he would relive it in a heartbeat, if only to be that close to her again.

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Three relatively uneventful days passed. By now Irina had fallen into an easy rhythm with her work and training. Thieving the Thieves Guild way was becoming second nature to her, and Brynjolf and Delvin were increasingly pleased with her work.

Yet, for all her fitting in and great success, she still felt restless and dissatisfied. Her destiny still called to her, and she still could do nothing about it.

Or could she?

As she walked from the Ragged Flagon to the Cistern, she fingered a folded piece of paper. It was the letter that Brynjolf had given to her only a few short days ago. She had reread it numerous times, including just a moment ago. Every time she had read it, it had felt unimportant. After all, if this Delphine really wanted her to go all the way to Riverwood to meet with her, why didn't she put a little bait on her hook?

Now, though, she was starting to entertain the idea that maybe this Delphine knew something Irina would very much like to hear.

She had just received a new job from Vex, and as was expected of her, she had to go tell either Brynjolf or Mercer what the job was and where, so she could be held accountable for her time away. As she entered the Cistern, she could hear Mercer's angry voice carry over the sound of the falling water. Luck was not with her, as she noticed that it was Brynjolf he was talking to. As she approached, she kept a safe and respectable distance, but could still hear everything the guildmaster was saying.

"He was your responsibility, Brynjolf, you recruited him." Mercer glanced over at Irina with distain. "Seems like it's catching."

Brynjolf followed the man's gaze. "Do you need something, lass?"

"I…just came to tell you I got another job from Vex…in Riverwood," she added, looking intently for Brynjolf's reaction.

His eyes widened slightly, but he made no other indication that the news affected him.

"I was going to ask Niruin to go with me. Maybe we can get in a bit of hunting on the way; there's always a lot of game along that road."

"Then get on with it, girl," Mercer replied. "Can't you see we're in the middle of something here?"

"Sorry," she murmured, and with one more glance at Brynjolf, she hurried away to look for the Bosmer thief. She checked the training room, but no one was there. As she turned to leave, she nearly collided into someone who was just entering the room.

"Bryn! By the gods! What are you doing?"

He gripped her lightly by the shoulders to steady her. "Lass, you're not taking Niruin on that job."

"Why not?" she asked with a curious frown.

"Because it will be me who goes with you."

Her eyebrows shot up in genuine surprise. "You? Since when do you go with me on jobs?"

"Come on, lass, you know why I need to go this time."

She folded her arms over her chest and gave him a smirk. "No, actually I don't. Why don't you tell me? Oh, wait, let me guess. Because of that letter, you think that if I go to Riverwood, I'll meet with that Delphine woman, like what she has to say, and never come back. So, since you still don't trust me, you're going to come along and drag me back home by my hair when the job's done, am I right?"

"Do you have to say it like that?" Brynjolf chided. "I'm not the bad guy here. I'm going so I can keep you safe, and to help you make rational decisions so you don't get in trouble with Mercer again. You should be grateful, because he won't put up with any more foolishness on your part."

"Will you stop me from meeting with Delphine?"

"No. Not if I'm there with you. When I gave you that letter you told me that if you do meet her, you'd want me there. Is that not still true?"

Irina sighed, letting her shoulders slump a little. "Yes. I do want you there. I just wanted to make sure I would have some freedom to do what I feel I need to do."

"You'll have as much freedom as I can give, lass. And, should things take an extra turn, with me there Mercer won't be able to touch you."

Irina smiled and wrapped her arms around the older thief in a grateful hug. "Thanks, Bryn. I owe you for this."

"Aye, I'll keep that in mind," he replied with a wink as she pulled away. "I'll meet you at the south gate first thing in the morning. It's already pretty late; you'd best get some sleep while you have a chance."

"Right. See you in the morning." She turned to go, but then remembered something and turned back. "Bryn? Who was Mercer talking about a moment ago? Someone's missing?"

"Aye, Etienne hasn't been seen in over a month."

Irina frowned as she searched her memory for the last time she'd seen the quiet thief. She couldn't recall when it was. "Mercer thinks he left the guild?"

"Aye, it's a possibility of course. Or he could have been killed on a job. Chances are we'll never know."

"Will he be accepted if he does show up one day?"

"It depends on his reasons for being gone." He gave her a smile and a pat on the shoulder. "Night, lass." He left the training room, and she followed a moment later.

She headed to her bed, and after removing her belts and her cuirass, she sat down with a sigh, her eyes wandering to Rune's bed only a few feet away. Rune himself had retired a couple hours ago, before Irina's return from a job. Looking back over the last week or so, she couldn't rightly remember the last time she'd had a decent conversation with him. Now here she was leaving again in the morning.

Without another thought, she tiptoed across the distance between their beds, and lifted Rune's blankets, scooting in close beside him. He shifted with a perplexed murmur, his arms slipping around her instinctively before he was even fully awake.

"Irina?" he murmured close to her ear. "You're back." He nuzzled his face against her neck and kissed her lightly.

"For tonight at least," she confirmed. "I have to leave again in the morning. Vex already gave me another job."

"That damned woman," he grumbled. "Can't we have a moment?"

Irina hugged his arms around her. "We have this moment."

He pulled her closer to him, his body cupping hers perfectly. "Wish I could go with you. Who gets to do the honors instead?"

"It's Bryn this time."

Irina felt Rune's arms stiffen. "Why is he going?"

"Remember that letter I got a few days ago? Well, my job is in Riverwood. Bryn insisted on being the one to go so he can personally make sure I don't do something stupid."

"Are his worries justified?" he asked.

"No. Rune, I promised I wouldn't run off without a word again. I knew everyone else still didn't trust me, but I thought at least you would."

He gave her a gentle squeeze. "I do. I just…I wish it was me going instead."

Irina closed her eyes, feeling sleepiness cloud her brain. "I wish you could go too," she murmured. They fell silent, and a few minutes later Irina was sound asleep.

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She was so comfortable in Rune's arms and so exhausted from constant work without rest, that she slept soundly all night. Had she the chance, would have slept all morning as well. All too soon, though, they were both awakened by Brynjolf's voice.

"Lass, what are you doing? Get up. It's dawn; we were supposed to be leaving right now."

Irina leaned on one elbow and squinted up at him with bleary eyes. "Bryn. All right, sorry, I'm getting up."

"I'll meet you at the gate," he said, and headed for the exit.

Irina threw her covers off and sat up, head spinning. "I hate Vex right now," she muttered.

"I'll help you pack some food for your trip," Rune offered, standing up.

Twenty minutes later, the two of them left the Cistern together, since Rune offered to walk with her to the gate. However, as they were passing the Shrine of Talos, he gripped her arm lightly to get her to stop and face him.

"Irina…I've been meaning to tell you something for a while, but, well, you're never here anymore. We never get a chance to talk."

"I'm sorry, Rune. I don't like it either. Maybe when I get back I can make some time."

He shook his head. "No, I need to say it now. It's gone on long enough."

She frowned, not liking the feeling she was getting from him. "What is it?"

"I've decided, Irina, that…that I'm going to let you go."

"Let me go?" she repeated, her frown deepening as her heart rate increased. "What do you mean?"

"I think we should stop seeing each other, as a couple."

"Rune." Tears welled in her eyes as she rested both hands on his chest. "I know I haven't been around a lot lately, but it won't last forever—"

He shook his head. "That's not it, Irina. I'm letting you go because I know you don't really want to be with me."

"But I do…"

"Not as much as you want to be with someone else."

"What do you mean?"

Rune glanced away. "I know you'd rather be with Bryn."

Her eyebrows arched in surprise. Had she really been that obvious? She started to feel a little guilty. "But, Rune, I love you."

He smiled and cupped her cheeks with his hands. "I know you do, I've never doubted that. It's just…I know you love Bryn more."

"But I can't be with him, Rune, regardless of how I feel about him. He's wrong for me."

"Maybe that's true, but it doesn't make you love him any less. Irina, I've been your second love perhaps even from the very beginning of our relationship. I don't want to be second. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to you and Bryn."

Irina wiped her eyes as a couple tears got away. "But you're my best friend…I don't want to lose you."

"Come here," he said softly, drawing her into an embrace. "You'll never lose me. We were friends first, and we'll always be friends. But we have to follow our hearts where they lead us, right?" He pulled away and looked into her eyes. "I used to think I wouldn't be able to let you go. But it's been on my heart for a while, and I've finally come to terms with it. I'm not doing this for you, Irina, so you can finally be with Brynn." He shook his head. "I'm doing this for me, because it kills me every time you gaze over my shoulder at him, and I'm not naïve enough to think that you'll one day look at me like that."

"I'm so sorry, Rune. I wanted to love you as much as you deserve to be loved."

He cupped her cheeks again, and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. "I know you did." He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers in a tender farewell kiss. When he pulled away there was moisture glinting in his eyes. "Have a safe trip, Irina. I hope you find what you're looking for." With that, he turned away and strode back to the secret entrance in the mausoleum.

Irina stood there in front of the statue of Talos for several minutes, letting the tears run freely down her cheeks. She had not seen any of that coming, and she felt like her feet had been knocked out from under her. Rune had been one hundred percent right in everything he'd said. He was her second choice, and she didn't blame him for wanting out. How could she expect him to stick with someone who was in it only half way, when she refused to do so herself? She understood it, but that didn't make it any easier to bear. She did love Rune, she knew that. She didn't want to lose him, especially since she knew she couldn't be with Brynjolf. She was now alone again.

After a few minutes, she wiped her face dry and tried to compose herself. She crunched through the snow to the south gate and saw Brynjolf waiting there with two horses. He frowned when he saw her and she knew it was obvious she'd been crying.

"Lass, are you all right?"

"Let's just get going," she muttered, mounting her horse quickly. She took the reins from him and nudged the animal forward down the road. Brynjolf was the last person she wanted to talk to about this. In fact, she wished she could just be alone.

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A/N: So, what'd you guys think of that one? It was a while in coming, wasn't it? Hope you all didn't totally hate it. I want to thank all you new subscribers and reviewers for taking the time to read and comment on my story, it gives me lots of encouragement to know that new people are still finding it and getting hooked, I love that. Also, to my regular readers and reviewers, you guys are always awesome!