Forbidden Love

Chapter 38: A Mother's Sacrifice

Izanami returned to the palace while she was escorted by Izanagi. All of her servants, especially Suseri-hime, were worried of her because she wasn't there when Suseri-hime arrived with help.

"I'm alright. He helped me," Izanami explained to her servants while looking out to see Izanagi petting a cat.

"Who is he, Izanami-sama?" Suseri-hime asked, noticing that the goddess was looking at the man with the red hair outside with a gentle smile on her face.

"He's Izanagi. He helped me when you left and took me to a village doctor nearby."

"What is he still doing here?"

"He said he was on his way here when he noticed me."

"What's his reason to be going here?"

"His uncle lives here and he's going to live with him from now on because his grandmother died a few days ago."

"How do you know all of this when you've only met him earlier?"

Izanami's face flushed, realizing that she actually knew quite a lot of information about her new friend.

"Wh-why do you ask? My, my! You sure love asking questions don't you, Suseri-hime?" Izanami said, her tone of voice nervous and her smile awkward.

The goddess' servant looked at her as if she had gone mad. She couldn't' understand why her master sounded nervous, but she just let it slip.

"Anyways, you must rest, Izanami-sama. I'll prepare your futon," the lavender-haired Suseri-hime declared as she bowed to excuse herself.

Izanami gave her servant permission to leave and turned towards the balcony. She dragged her injured foot to walk outside, her hands holding onto pillars to assist her. It was easy to drag her foot on the smooth, wooden floor, but the hard part of walking out to the garden came when she had to take a step down from the balcony without any pillars to help her. When she took the step, time slowed down when she realized that she was going to fall. However, she felt something strong that held her.

It was Izanagi.

"Daijoubu?" Izanagi asked, carrying the goddess like a princess again.

Izanami's cheeks turned apple red when she heard her heart beat faster. His eyes were truly beautiful and Izanami just couldn't take her gaze away from them.

"Oh, uh…yes. I-I'm fine," Izanami replied.

The ruby-haired man sat her down on the balcony's edge, her feet dangling. He sat down with her as they looked at the setting sun in silence. They also watched the white cat play around with the butterflies and fireflies.

"I knew you were someone important…someone rich," Izanagi said, breaking the silence.

"Huh? How did you know?" Izanami asked, confused.

She remembered that he still doesn't know she was the sun and moon goddess. Although everyone knew of the universal goddess, they don't know her true name or what she looks like because she rarely comes out of her palace.

"Well, your clothes gave it away. I mean, who wears an elegant juunihitoe to wander around the forest? You live in a palace, too," Izanagi continued.

"And your name," he said, not finishing his sentence.

"What about my name?"

"They're too beautiful for an ordinary woman," Izanagi charmingly smiled, looking at the goddess' blue eyes.

The goddess gulped down as she felt butterflies in her stomach. The man with the rose-colored hair sat closer to her, making her more anxious. Before she came apart, Izanagi looked away and turned back to the sun, sparing Izanami's heart from exploding out of her chest in nervousness.

"The sun's beautiful, don't you think?" Izanagi stated.

Since Izanami was the sun goddess, she took his statement as a compliment and blushed in embarrassment.

"Wh-what about the moon?" the goddess asked.

"The moon's beautiful, too. It has its dark side, giving it a mysterious feel, but that's what makes it beautiful…because you get so curious that you'd want to know more," Izanagi smiled.

The goddess' eyes were wide in shock, her heart beating faster and louder than ever. Her cheeks were still flushed as she looked at the setting sun's reflection on Izanagi's honest, fire-red eyes.

"Sou ka," Izanami thought.

"Watakushi wa…koishiteru."

After realizing that she had fallen in love with him, Izanami tried to avoid him as much as possible, but Izanagi visited her at the palace every day, even bringing her gifts most of the time. As the seasons passed, Izanami found it hard to resist him. She couldn't get rid of his feelings for him.

"I can't fall in love," Izanami thought, remembering what she had learned.

Since Izanami was the last of the gods and goddesses, she couldn't fall in love, especially to a mere human. It was her responsibility to stay as the universal goddess, or the sun and moon goddess. If she were to stop, the whole world will be in chaos.

"Dekimasu yo, Izanami-sama," Suseri-hime proclaimed, surprising the goddess, who was in deep thought under the moonlight.

"H-how did you know what I was thinking?" Izanami exclaimed, panicking.

Suseri-hime was her main servant because she was the granddaughter of the monk that was alive during the age of gods and goddesses. She knew all about what her father taught Izanami before he passed away. His father, a servant to one of the gods, knew of the rules and other information about being a god or a goddess, so he passed his knowledge down to his daughter so that she could serve Izanami.

"What my late father didn't tell you is that you can fall in love, may it be with a human or another god, if there's still another," Suseri-hime said, sitting down beside the goddess.

"The reason why he didn't tell you that was because he wanted you to remain as the universal goddess, but if you were to fall in love and get married, your power would be split into half, making you the sun goddess and your husband, the moon god," she continued.

"Demo—" Izanami protested, only to get interrupted by her companion.

"Ii ndesu yo," Suseri-hime friendly smiled.

"You don't have to be in pain anymore to hide your feelings for him."

With great joy overwhelming her, Izanami cried on her lilac-haired servant, surprising her. Suseri-hime rubbed her shoulder, comforting her as she sobbed for happiness.

The very next day, Izanami explained to Izanagi about the whole situation. She was nervous, although, for she thought that he wouldn't accept her for keeping that kind of information from him. However, she thought wrong.

Izanagi was so joyful to hear that she shared the same feelings as him that he lifted the goddess up in the air and hugged her as tight as he could.

"I don't care who or what you are. As long as you're smiling and happy…then, I'm happy," Izanagi said with a big smile on his face that spread from cheek to cheek.

Months passed and the two decided to get married. Their wedding wasn't like the human's wedding ceremonies because the separation of the universal goddess' powers also required a ritual that would be incorporated with the wedding ceremony. The goddess was prepared and was willing to give up half of her power to her beloved. So, the two got married and Izanagi became the moon god. The two loved each other so much that after a few seasons, the sun goddess became pregnant.

Celebrations were held for the couple and the arrival of their child. Although nervous, Izanami kept a smile on her face to keep Izanagi from worrying. She wasn't nervous about how much pain she'd be in, but of what was to be of her.

Izanami didn't tell Izanagi of what she'd learned from Suseri-hime after her servant found out about her bearing a child. Suseri-hime told her that she was going to bear a child that can cause her death.

"What do you mean?" Izanami worriedly asked.

"The birthmark of your being the universal goddess disappeared because you're now the sun goddess. Since you gave half of your power to your husband, you're going to have to give your half of the power to your child to give it life and so that it could inherit your powers. As soon as you hear your child's cries, you'd only have a few moments to live."

Izanami froze, realizing that it was either she dies or the child doesn't live. She couldn't imagine life without her child, but she also couldn't imagine her family's life without her. However, after thinking about it for some time, she decided to give birth to their child.

"My child will become a great person. I know that," Izanami thought, rubbing her swollen belly.

When the time came for her delivery, she was confined in the palace to give her as much privacy. It took her a whole day to go into labor. Izanagi paced back and forth outside the palace in anxiety, the moon shining bright on him like spotlight.

Meanwhile, inside the palace, Izanami screamed in agony with her head full of thoughts of her memories with Izanagi. After being in pain for what felt like a long time, Suseri-hime pulled out the baby, its cries echoing in the room.

"It's a boy, Izanami-sama," Suseri-hime announced, tears of joy coming out as she smiled.

"I…want…to see…him," Izanami requested as she heavily breathed, her face and lips pale and her body soaked in sweat.

Before Suseri-hime handed the goddess her son, she noticed something strange that shocked and frightened her.

"His chest is glowing like the sun, but he has no birthmark," Suseri-hime muttered, her eyes widened in horror.

"What...do you…mean?" Izanami asked.

"You didn't give your moon powers to your husband…you kept it and made him the sun god," Suseri-hime said.

"That's why your birthmark disappeared. It wasn't because you're not the universal goddess anymore, but because you kept the wrong power. Since you were the universal goddess, you needed the stronger power as your life supply, which is the sun, but since you kept the moon power, it was not enough to supply your life and the child's at the same time, causing you to sacrifice your life."

"So…you mean to say…that my child and I…could both live…if I didn't…half my power?" Izanami asked, her death nearing.

Suseri-hime nodded, tears flowing down her eyes. The only sound they could hear was the baby boy's cries. The world outside the palace was quiet and oblivious of what Izanami and her servant was enduring. Izanami endured the fear of dying and the fear of leaving the world of the living while Suseri-hime endured the pain of seeing her childhood friend slowly perish. After some moments of quiet between the two, Izanami held out her arms after deciding.

"I love him…anyways," Izanami said with a smile full of pain.

Suseri-hime, realizing that her master had decided, handed her the child with widened eyes. She couldn't bear the pain of what she was thinking because she knows what Izanami decided to do. Suseri-hime's head was down, her tears being hidden from her master. Suseri-hime heard Izanami giggle when her son held onto her index finger.

"He has my eyes…and his hair color…is as beautiful as his father's. A brave and strong purple," Izanami smiled.

Not being able to tolerate the pain of seeing her master in her final moments, Suseri-hime got up to leave the room so that her loud cries wouldn't disturb her master.

"Tsukuyomi."

The lilac-haired servant stopped before she walked out of the room when she heard Izanami mutter something. Then, everything was quiet until the baby started crying once again. When she turned around, Izanami's eyes were closed, her face soaked in tears and sweat while the baby cried when his mother's finger turned cold.

Izanami had perished by her newborn's side.

Author's notes:

Izanami- deity and wife of Izanagi (Luna)

Izanagi- deity and ancestor of Amaterasu (Akaito)

Suseri-hime- Princess Suseri; servant of Izanami (Yukari)

daijoubu- "are you okay" (casual)

juunihitoe- twelve-layered silk robe that were worn by royal women from the Heian Period

sou ka- "I see"

watakushi wa koishiteru- "I'm in love"

dekimasu yo- "you can"

demo- "but"

ii ndesu yo- "it's fine"

Tsukuyomi- the moon god of Japan (Gakupo)