Athrana (Wandering Shadow)
Chapter 38- Perspective
TA3019, March 1st
It had been a couple of days since Athriel had spent the night in the twins' room. She had been avoiding them ever since. She knew it wasn't healthy but she couldn't see them yet. She didn't know how to react to what she had learned. She didn't even know what it meant. They had tried to see her a couple of hours after she had stormed off but she wouldn't open the door.
Athriel sat silently on the edge of her bed. She felt numb. She couldn't even begin to understand what had happened that morning. She had no idea how to deal with it, any of it. Last night had been so wonderful; she had completely forgotten her troubles for that short time. But then it had all come crashing back. She had realised just how much she had hurt them with her disappearance. She had come to terms with te effect she had had on Erestor, and on Glorfindel, they were family. Their grief and their forgiveness were without question. But somehow knowing that Elladan and Elrohir had mourned her brought it home to her. The thought that they believed they would fade drove all coherent thought from her mind and left her empty.
She jumped at the knock on her door. "Athriel? Athriel are you in there?" She didn't move. "Athriel we need to speak to you" She didn't move a muscle. "Please Athriel" She didn't even blink. Instead she waited until they gave up. They knew she was in here, they knew that she was ignoring them. She just couldn't deal with it just now.
Finally she sensed that they had given up. She could tell how hurt they were. A tear fell down her cheek but she still didn't move. She heard one of them put something on the floor outside her door and then they left. She knew what she would find when she opened the door, so she didn't move. Instead she continued to sit staring off into space.
She heard the movement as Erestor came along the hall on the way to his rooms. She heard him stop in front of her door as he picked up the box they had left. She wondered briefly what time it was. Was it noon? Was that why Erestor was here, to have his lunch in his rooms? Or had they told him? Had he come to make sure she was ok? She heard him open the door to his rooms, and she heard him stop by the connecting door. Still she didn't move, she couldn't, not yet. She heard the door open and followed the progression of footsteps till he was standing infront of her. "This was left outside of your door" He said putting the box down on the bed next to her.
Finally she moved. She turned her head to look at the box, the object that meant so much that she didn't understand, that she couldn't comprehend. She didn't notice when Erestor left the room. All of her attention was on the box and the note that sat on top of it.
We wanted you to have this. We don't need them anymore, now that we have you back.
Elladan & Elrohir
Athriel picked the note up, crumpling it in her hands as she cried.
Apart from that she had tried her best to get back into a routine. She had picked up her training where it had left off, she spent her evenings with Erestor and she spent time with Arwen. But there was a huge hole. Life wasn't the same without them. It never could be. But how could she have them back in her life when she didn't believe she deserved their forgiveness, she didn't deserve them in her life. Sighing Athriel left her rooms. She was spending the morning with Arwen and she really should be on her way.
Erestor sighed as he watched her go. He had tried to convince her to seek out the twins but to no avail. She was as stubborn as him after-all. There was nothing he could do except be there for her. Now that she had disappeared he made his way to the library. He had work to do. Life didn't stand still, no matter how much he wanted it to.
Upon reaching the library doors he stopped. They were in there again, he could tell. The last couple of days he had been able to hear them moving around as he got to the doors. Looking for some miracle cure. Some magical saviour that would bring their old lives back. Erestor knew better than to believe in that. He knew that only hard work and a lot of emotional trauma would get Athriel back to herself. But she didn't begrudge them their hope. They had been denied the opurtunity to help her directly, so now they did all that they could.
Opening the door Erestor saw them sitting there across from each piles of books surrounding them. Maybe they were looking for something to blame, something to fight. That was what they had done when their mother had left. "Morning boys" He said. Two identical hands raised but they didn't look up from what they were reading.
Erestor sat down with his head in his hands. Watching the three of them had really put things into perspective for him. He had been too quick to blame Glorfindel. And now he was letting his pride and stubbornness keep them apart. He had to do something, he just didn't know what. If he got up the courage to ask him to come home, would he? Had he ruined everything? Erestor looked out of the window and saw a flash of gold. In that moment he made his decision.