June, 1869
"How is it so dang hot out already?" Ellie complains as she walks towards Dean behind their house, the one he had built for them over the course of the last year. It's bigger than the old farm house, three bedrooms all on the top floor and an open bottom floor with plenty of space.
"It's June, darling," Dean smiles at her, dumping the last pail of water into the big, metal tub. "That's how."
"I don't like it much. Makes me uncomfortable," she admits, her rob wrapped tightly around her and barely fitting. She has a hand pressed to her lower back.
"Ya hurtin' again?" Dean asks with concern in the later hours of the day. After working the fields with Sam all day he's always overly concerned about her. He wasn't around to check on her and make sure she was alright.
"I'm hurtin' always these days," she huffs a slight laugh as he walks over to her. "But we comin' to an end ta that soon, ain't we?" She smiles brilliantly.
"Yessum, ma'am… we are," Dean grins wide and kisses her, his hands on either side of her pregnant stomach with his equal excitement. "Just another month's time."
"Thank the good Lord," Ellie giggles, kissing him again. "I swear, it feels hotter 'an it really is every day."
"That baby's makin' ya heat right on up," Dean reminds her, kissing her cheek. "Let's get ya cooled off, huh?"
"Yes please," she grins with complete love as her husband takes the edges of the robe, opening it up slowly as his eyes never leave her form while it's revealed to him.
Now, Ellie's been nothing but uncomfortable for a while now. The back aches, the sometimes nausea, the always there exhaustion, and the overall discomfort of being so big and barely mobile these days have made her ready to lose her mind. But Dean's been there every step of the way. He's made supper on nights that she fell asleep even if he'd worked on the fields all day. He'd be quick to rub her feet if they swelled up and every opportunity he finds to make her more comfortable, like right now, he's taken.
And he's been highly turned on by her ever growing form. Ellie wasn't prepared for that. With all the changes, some very much unappealing in her eyes, Dean's been more and more likely to try and touch her. He's adoring her more every second.
"Stop," Ellie says without any real punch as he lowers her robe to the grass, leaving her stark naked in their lawn.
"I can't help it, El. Ya ain't never been so pretty." He kisses her again before taking her hand.
"I don't feel none too pretty," she admits, letting him walk her to the tub. It wasn't a wash up day but he knew she'd be overheating. Cold water right from the well has always seemed to get her more comfortable, especially in the oppressive heat of early June, so he filled their tub up anyways.
"Well, my eyes ain't complainin'. Easy now," Dean tells her, helping her step over the edge. She gets in and eases herself down slowly, getting comfortable at her own pace. "Ya alright?"
"Mm," Ellie hums with relieve as she leans back into the tub wall with her eyes closed. "I'm much better now, darlin'. Thank ya."
Smiling to see her at least a little more comfortable, Dean gets to work. He undresses fast as she lounges in the cool water, needing to join her as quickly as he can.
"I know what ya doin'," she informs him, hearing the rustling of clothes as she keeps her eyes shut.
"Oh, ya don't mind," Dean brushes off and kicks his boots a few feet away in his haste.
"No, I don't," she grins sweetly.
After a minute Ellie can feel Dean's hands gently pushing her back forward. She scoots up and makes room, Dean stepping in behind her. Once he sits down he pulls her close until she's sitting between his legs with her back against his front, his arms around her shoulders.
After about a minute of relaxing silently Ellie sighs. "This is nice."
"It is," Dean says easily, kissing her neck once before hugging her tight.
"Won't be so quiet once our little girl gets here."
"Ya mean our boy?" Dean corrects, having his own feeling about what their child is.
"No… I mean our girl," Ellie laughs, having hoped for a girl. She just can't help but feel like Dean being the father of a little girl would be just precious. "Though I still stand by it… either way I'mma be a happy momma."
"Yeah," Dean smiles slightly as he looks out over the land, the light dimming as the sun starts to lower enough. "Don't matter, do it?"
"Not one bit," she agrees, leaning her head into his cheek. "Are ya scared?"
"Why would ya ask that?"
"I just know… lots 'a men get scared 'a becoming fathers. Just thought maybe yer a little scared."
"I ain't scared," Dean assures her, his hands running along her swelling stomach. "Nervous, yes ma'am. But I ain't scared."
"Good," Ellie answers, shifting her weight a little where she sits.
"Ya okay?" he wonders.
"Relax, dear," she says to the always worried man.
"I ain't gonna relax 'til I die now… an' certainly not 'til yer done having that baby an' ya both alright," he laughs a little at her suggestion. "Are you scared?"
"'Bout bein' a mother?" Ellie questions.
"I know ya ain't scared 'a that," Dean laughs a little at the very idea. "I mean… are ya scared 'a havin' our baby?"
She gets really quiet for a moment. Giving birth out west is much different than the east. There are hospitals and knowledgeable doctors at home… and the west gives none of those comforts.
"Ya scared, ain't ya?" Dean asks again, wanting to get a real answer from her.
"It ain't gonna be easy," she says. "And I ain't goin' inta it blind…. I guess... yes, I'm scared."
"I don't want ya ta be," Dean says, his own worries lying just under the surface of his calm exterior. He's been worried about this since they first started looking into what child birth entails when she knew she was with child.
"Can't help that," Ellie admits, her hands coming down onto his as they rest on her stomach. "I feel better wit Ellen helpin' out but… it ain't gonna be easy."
"Ya tough," Dean reminds her. "Ain't no gals out there tougher 'an you. Ya know that."
Ellie just nods as she gets a little lump in her throat with the fear of it all. "I think 'bout it, what could happen…."
"Don't do that."
"Just please… Dean won't ya please listen ta what I gotta say?" she asks, turning to look right at him. He nods and lets her have her moment. "There is so much that could go wrong that I want ta say some things."
"Go ahead," he tells her, gripping hard to her hands.
"If… if I don't make it… an' don't say I definitely will 'cause ya don't know that… if I don't then ya gotta promise me ya ain't gonna live all miserable here by yerself. I don't want that ta happen ta ya."
He wrinkles his brow and looks off in the distance, hating this conversation.
"It happens a lot out here, mothers not makin' it. So if I don't ya lean on Sam an' Louise. Ya fight that sorrow an' ya raise our girl ta be a lovely young lady."
"Boy," Dean corrects with a tightly clenched jaw.
"Either way, ya raise our child right an' ya be the good father I know ya can be."
"Don't wanna talk 'bout this, El," Dean shakes his head and refuses to look at her.
"I know," she says calmly, aware that this idea is crushing him. "But it's real."
Dean says nothing for a moment as she sits there with the sad reality of their situation.
"Miss Ellen's gonna get ya through this," Dean says with certainty. "Ellie, ya gotta trust that."
"I have a lotta faith in her," Ellie nods. "I think it best… especially wit Doc Robert's record."
"It ain't grand," Dean admits, knowing the doctor hasn't been all that highly successful with delivering babies and keeping mother and child alive.
"An' Ellen's done this five times wit other women plus three times herself."
"She got weird ideas..." Dean comments.
"I think she's smart," Ellie rebuts. "Keeping clean hands an' a clean house sounds just simple enough ta work."
"Yeah…. Maybe," Dean comments, thinking something so simple can't be the miracle answer to childbirth.
"Well, it certainly can't hurt."
Dean nods.
"What I'm most scared of ain't my death though," Ellie admits to him.
And Dean knows exactly what that means.
"That child in there is a Winchester," Dean reminds her. "If'n that little one ain't makin' it out alive an' well then ain't no baby ever gonna."
"I hope yer right," Ellie comments, tearing up a bit. "'Cause I know I ain't gonna make it through that. I know it happens all the time but… Dean, darlin', I'm already in love. I can't lose this baby."
"Then don't ya worry 'bout it so much," Dean tries his best to keep the brighter side on her mind just like they've managed for eight months so far. "That baby is gonna be just fine. And it's gonna be healthy an' happy… an' gonna be beautiful just like its momma. Ya don't worry 'bout nothin' else."
Ellie nods and sniffles and a silent tear falls, her true worries just being about the safety of her unborn child. Right then, after Dean's comforting words stating that their baby will be well, their child starts to move.
"Dean," she says with excitement, moving his hands to her right side.
"See," he says to her, smiling once more as he can feel their little one moving about. "That baby knows ya worried an' wants ya ta stop. He's tellin' ya it'll be mighty fine, El. Ya listen ta him."
"Her," Ellie corrects, sniffling again. "Oh, Dean, I just love her… him… so much."
"And this here child love ya too, momma," he says lightly. "Ya stop worryin' now."
She nods and leans hard into him, letting them relax in the hot summer afternoon as they both feel their child moving about, near ready to make its appearance in their family. She pushes her mind to accept that everything will be alright, despite her nagging fears deep down, and returns to enjoying the excitement of what is to come. She's going to be a mother. She's always just wanted to be a mom since being a child. And it's coming true.
After a time outside, soaking in the cooled water and speaking of lighter, more hopeful things, Dean looks down at her.
"I'm shrivelin' up," he tells her, lifting a hand out of the water to show the pruned skin of his fingers. "Time fer supper?"
"I'm famished!" Ellie says with wide eyes, looking forward to eating.
"When ain't ya," Dean laughs, sliding out from behind her. He gets out, dries himself a bit, and reaches for her hand. She gets out of the tub carefully and he wraps her up in her robe, one of the few items she has that still fits.
"I'mma make somethin' quick but I already got a coffee cake done fer dessert. Had extra flour."
Dean grins wide at her and kisses her, knowing she did that just for him. "I'mma get dressed."
"Alright," Ellie nods and she watches him run off into the house bare-assed. She laughs a bit when he clicks his heels together in a little jump before disappearing. He's silly sometimes, something she just simply adores of him. She places her hands on her stomach and giggles. "Deary, ya daddy got a screw loose."
Bending down with a little difficulty, she gathers his clothing in her arms to bring inside and add to the growing pile. She needs to do laundry tomorrow.
Walking to the house she stops when she can hear a piercingly loud sound, high in pitch and annoying as hell, start up. She turns around to find the source but she's alone. The sound gets louder, making her drop Dean's clothes to cover her ears.
A bright, brilliant blue light fills the sky directly above her, creating a circle of pure blue and white luminescence around her, and when she looks up she's dumbfounded. She's never seen anything like it before, the swirling light and the breeze around her it causes.
Elizabeth.
She pulls her hands away from her ears when the high pitch ends and she can hear a voice calling out to her. Her voice fails when she tries to respond as she doesn't know what to do. She's terrified.
Elizabeth, can you hear me?
Her jaw drops and she huffs a couple hard breaths, her voice still paralyzed.
Elizabeth.
"Y-y-yes," Ellie finally gets out when she can. "Wh-who… who are you?"
I am Castiel. I am an angel of the Lord.
Shaking with extreme fear, Ellie inhales hard.
I am here to deliver a message to you from my Father.
"Oh my… word…." She shakily whispers to herself, looking up at the light. "Wha-what is it?"
You are favored in the eyes of God. He has chosen you among the many women.
"Oh my… word," Ellie whispers out again when she's in shock.
You have found favor with God so do not be afraid. You are to be the mother of a very great son. He is to be named Judah. He is the son of the Most High.
"Are you the angel that saved me?" Ellie suddenly asks, a recognition somehow there within her. "When I was sick?"
I am. You are to be watched over. You are important.
"Why?" she asks.
You are a woman of true faith. You are the daughter of the Sons of God and Daughters of Men. You are to birth the Son of God and his kingdom will have no end. Judah will bring the light and love to all humanity that believes.
"Judah?"
That shall be his name and he shall bring the Lord.
"I will do this," Ellie says with a brilliant smile, her shaking calming as she grows comfortable and happy with this all. She understands what she is being asked to do. "Castiel, I will let the Lord use me for this purpose."
You will do well in this, Elizabeth. It was always to be you. And it was always to be Dean. This is what God has wanted.
"I want that also," Ellie grins wide, her religious stance making her proud to do such a massive thing.
Rejoice. For in God all things are possible. Praise be to Him.
The light disappears and in an instant the yard is calm and quiet, as if nothing has happened.
"My word," Ellie whispers out, looking down at her stomach with a bright smile.
"Whacha doin' out here?" Dean asks as he marches out of the house, buttoning up his shirt. He knows he heard her talking to herself in the yard.
"The Lord done smiled on us, darlin'," Ellie tells him, looking to Dean with a bright grin as her hands press to her large stomach.
"'A course he did," Dean grins wide, walking over to her and placing his hands over hers. "We're havin' a boy, ain't we?"
She just smiles at him and kisses his lips. She doesn't explain what just happened and instead decides it's best to keep this exciting news to herself. Dean wouldn't understand. He isn't religious like she is. He only goes to mass to make her happy and she knows that. Ellie appreciates that more than she can explain but knowing their boy is the son of God would not go over well with Dean. So… she stays quiet. At least for now.
Dean looks at her funny after she ends the kiss. "Ya ain't gonna tell me it's a girl an' that I'm wrong?"
She grins and cups his face, pulling him down to her for one more kiss. She then tells him, "Nah. I think ya been right all along. It's a boy."
July 1869
It's quiet. That's what scares him the most. How quiet it is.
He's been anxious since she told him it was time. The look of excitement and a little fear in her wide, dark eyes melted him when she said it. It's time, darlin'. Their lives are about to change.
But now he's just plain frightened as he paces the floor of the second story hallway in Ellen's inn. They came here so that Ellen could be the one to bring their little boy into the world. She was trusted and her track record was very good. Ellie picked her specifically and Dean trusted her too.
But it's so quiet now.
Inside the room he has no idea what's happening. He's not to be in there right now, he knows that, but he's losing his mind with wonder. Just moments ago Ellie was screaming like a banshee, the pain she was in must have been terrible.
And now, she's completely quiet.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ellie… Ellie, dear, ya stay wit me!
The voice is so far off she can barely hear it. Ellie was pushing just moments ago, doing all she could as she prepared to bring her son and the son of God into the world. She was so excited, so ready for this task… but now she's just tired.
Her pale face turns to the side when she feels a presence there in the room of the inn, one that wasn't there just moments ago. She can't explain why she knows it's there… but it's there.
When she sees him she's surprised. A man, tall and lean and staring with a serious expression. Why would James Novak, the farmer from a couple lands over from her own, be in her room right now?
"Elizabeth," he says her name clear as day, his voice crystal and sharp if not low and gravelly. She blinks slowly a few times, feeling weaker by the minute.
She bleedin' a whole lot! Call fer Doc Robert! He's just next door!
"It's your time, Elizabeth," the dark haired, blue eyed man says to her with calm certainty, his hand extended to her despite the chaos of the room around her. "Take my hand."
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The commotion makes Dean's stomach churn. He can hear Ellen panic, her voice alarmed and frightened as she calls for Doctor Robert.
This isn't right.
And then he can hear the sound of a little, tiny voice crying, the voice strong despite its small source. His heart soars for a split second, knowing that sound is of his child, but the commotion continues and his heart plummets with what that could mean.
"Ellie?" Dean whisper with fear, looking at the door separating him and his wife. He can't handle this. It's not proper at all but he has to know. Dean reaches for the door knob, turns, and pulls it open.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"My boy," Ellie very quietly says, remembering through the hazy cloud of sleepy weakness that's overcoming her. This man in front of her, the one that shouldn't be there yet makes her happy and warm to be in his presence, continues to reach a hand out to her. "But my Judah…."
"He is well, Elizabeth. Very well. You have done your job," James Novak promises. "Do you remember me?"
Ellie looks slowly across the room, everything in slow motion. She can make out the form of Ellen holding and checking over a bundled up little thing while the fear in her face is obvious. She watches Ellen point to the door as it opens, Jo rushing for it and pushing the form of a man out of the way.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"Dang it!" Dean yells when Jo almost bowls him over.
"Move!" Jo shouts and pushes past him in a full panic. Dean watches her run before turning back to look inside the room, the horror show on full display as reality crashes down on him hard and without an ounce of sympathy.
"Ellie?" he asks with shock, the blood everywhere. "Oh… no. No, no, no…."
"Dean," Ellie smiles weakly, her head dropped back heavily when she can hear his voice. But he sounds so scared.
"Elizabeth? Do you? Remember me?" she hears the soft and soothing voice of James ask again. When she turns to look at her neighbor that shoudn't be there, her vision blurring and slow, she can see the shadow of folded in wings, big and black and quite beautiful, coming from his back. She smiles some lightly.
"Ya my angel," she says to him, her mind slipping away.
"Ellie! Ellie, darlin'!?"
She can hear Dean but she can't look away from the angel in the room.
"I'm here to take you home," the angel tells her, stepping closer. "You're needed at home."
"El, ya fine," Dean says to her desperately. She can feel his hands on her face, turning her to look at him in the eyes. They meet. His green irises aren't lit up in their usual way. Instead he looks terrified. "It's gonna be fine. Ya hang in there, sweetheart. Ya try an' hang in there fer me, alright?"
"I… I love ya," she says, the words heavy on her tongue as she tries to speak clearly through the haze.
"Oh, Ellie, I love ya too…."
When she grins softly she understands. She wasn't meant to be on Earth any longer. She did what God needed her to do, her child is safe and in the world. Now she's needed elsewhere. That's why the angel is here right now.
Her head turns back to the angel and she looks at his smiling face. She speaks to Dean while agreeing with the angel silently, the angel she knows can't be seen by anyone else in the room. "I'mma go now, Dean."
"What!? Ya losin' it, El. Ya ain't goin' nowhere, ya hear!?"
"Ya take care a' our boy," she says, knowing it's a son she's just had. Her hand weakly reaches out to the angel, the one she knows deep down is Castiel. "An' I'll see ya… again someday…."
"Ellie, no!" Dean says to her, rushing to the other side of her bed she's bleeding out on. Her pale, pallid skin is clammy and sheet-white and he's certainly not losing her right now. "No! Ya ain't doin' this ta me!"
Ellie reaches for Castiel's hand, the angel reaching for her also, but Dean's form comes into view, blocking them unknowingly. He grabs her hand instead and brings it to his cheek, making sure she focuses on him.
"Ellie, please don't do this ta me," he asks desperately of her, eyes water-rimmed and frightened. "I ain't never been good wit kids. Ya need ta be there for our boy. Ya ain't even met him."
"Is he beautiful?" she asks him, her voice happy yet nearly gone now.
"He is," Dean nods, eyes overflowing now as tears trail their way done his cheek and onto her palm that he presses harder into his face. "An' he need ya, Ellie. He needs his momma. Please don't leave him like this. Please… don't leave me like this."
She can faintly hear people rushing into the room, the voice of a man she believes she remembers from when she was sick a few years ago. Doctor Robert. But her eyes never leave Dean's, his face just so beautiful to her and so pained right now.
A brilliant white light starts to glow behind him, the white pure and gorgeous, the magnetism of it pulling her towards it. It feels good and safe… and she wants to go towards it.
"I'mma go…."
"No!" Dean denies her, ignoring the fact that there's a newborn child wailing loudly in the room and a very frantic Doctor Robert and Ellen working quickly and loudly on stopping the profuse bleeding before it takes Ellie away for good. He just presses her nearly limp hand into his stubbled jaw harder and begs her. "No! Ellie, I ain't had ya long enough. Ya stop saying ya leavin' me 'cause ya can't do that. Please, darlin'. Ya stay wit me! Please!"
A hand appears through the light. She can hear Castiel make his last effort on her.
Come with me, sister. Rest in the field of the Lord and be peaceful.
"Please, Ellie," Dean now whispers out as if speaking to just himself at this point. "I love ya. Please. I can't do this without ya."
The pull of the calm, beautiful light along with the promise of peace suddenly doesn't sound so wonderful. With the sound of the crying, small infant in her ear along with the quiet crying of her truly beloved husband, Ellie makes a very difficult decision.
"I wanna… stay," Ellie barely gets out, her voice drifting off. "Castiel… I wanna… stay…."
"Who ya talkin' to?" Dean asks. "Just stay wit me, darlin'…."
She starts to slip under the pull of sleepiness as there is a pause. It feels long and drawn out despite being just a mere few second. The light dims as she can hear Castiel's voice depart.
As my Elizabeth wishes. Be good, sister.
At that moment she slides into the blackness as she has no other choice.
August 1869
"Ellie?"
The voice is soft and warm, like a thick, cozy blanket on a cold night. She smiles before opening her eyes because she knows exactly what she'll see when she does and it's a beautiful sight.
Lids lifting slowly once the sound of her name on his lips pulls her from a deep sleep, she sees she was right. Her grin brightens as Dean stands there at the side of her bed, the small bundled up form of their son in his arms.
"Someone's getting angry 'cause he's hungry again," Dean smiles lightly while taking a seat next to her on the mattress of the bed she slept in for the year she worked for him.
After almost losing her, the day their son was born being the most frightening thing in his life, Ellie's recovery has been slow. She's still so weak, barely able to move about most days, and while Dean needs to work the fields like always to make sure their income continues on, her sister Louise has been watching over her. Therefore, the entire family is back under the small farmhouse roof just like before Dean finished building their own on the other side of the property.
"My men," Ellie grins happily despite being tired still, the many feedings per day draining her energy. She shifts to sit up while hearing the soft sounds of her little boy's fussing. He'll be crying in no time and since the rest of the house is quiet before dawn she moves as quickly as she can. No need to once more wake the house. "He's always hungry, this one."
"He's like his daddy," Dean flashes his million watt smile at her as she moves her clothing around to feed their boy. Watching her face closely, her dark circles under her eyes and her long, exhausted face making her seem older than she is, Dean's heart swells despite it. She's still here. She never left him and he knows that without her he could never have handled this life. He just loves her so damn much.
"He's handsome like his daddy too," she smirks a little and reaches out for her boy. Dean gently hands him over, making sure she has enough strength to hold him confidently. She's been recovering so slowly that he should be more concerned but he isn't. She's here. That's what matters.
"Then lucky him," Dean huffs a laugh as Ellie gets the baby going. Once he's latched on and set, she leans back and sighs, eyes closed. "Ya tired, El?"
"Yessum… but I'm always tired these days," she tries to lighten it up like always. Even with her health as dismal as it is and being confined to her bed most hours of the day she remains happily optimistic.
But her words pain Dean. He hates how sickly she is. It's unfair. This woman has always be big and bold and energetic. Her presence in his life has been soul lifting. Yet here she is, cut down by her difficult birthing and almost killed by it. She's not the same.
But she's here. It's his new mantra.
"I'm mighty sorry this happened, Ellie," Dean laments as he looks at her with sad eyes, his hand raking lightly through her hair.
"Don't ya get all mushy on me, Dean Winchester," she says with still closed eyes. "I'mma be fine. Just been through the muck a bit is all."
"Ya been through more 'an that," Dean reminds her, Ellie lifting her heavy lids to look at him. "I'm just happy ya such a fighter. Don't know how I'd do all this without ya."
"Ya doin' it without me already," she laughs lightly, her form slack with lack of strength. "I can't barely git up off this bed as is. Ya have ta do so much… it ain't right."
"It's fine, Ellie," Dean promises as he cups the side of her face. "I'm just happy ya wit me. The rest is… nothin' important."
For about the millionth time since her boy was born Ellie's eye well up with his words.
"Aw, don't ya go cryin' on me. Again," he laughs kindly at her display.
"Ya so sweet," she cries out and sniffle once. "What'd I do ta deserve ya?"
He leans in and kisses her lips lightly once. "Ya gave me a son. Ya deserve everythin' fer that."
And Ellie just hangs her head and cries some more, all the while Dean smirks and lets her go. She's been an emotional mess since having their boy, something that he's told is normal for many women.
"I love you men so much," Ellie huffs through her sobs as she watches the face of her little one as he eats.
"We love ya too, darlin'," Dean promises as he stands up. "Lemme fix ya somethin' ta eat while yer up."
"Thank ya," Ellie tells him, still hating that he has to do everything for her that she should be doing for him.
Dean grins and leans down, kissing her cheek before leaving the room.
Ellie sighs heavily, so in love with her boy as she watches him. She could never get enough of this right here. She doesn't remember much from his birth but she remembers enough to know it was scary, very scary. But she'd go through it all again if she had to. Her family is worth it.
"How are you feeling?"
Lizzy's eyes whip over towards the sudden sound of the low, rough voice. She finds James Novak in her room, sitting with his posture ridged in the rocking chair Dean has spent most of his time in since their son came into the world.
"Mister Novak?" she questions but he just looks at her blankly, letting her know she's wrong. "Castiel?" she tries again.
"It is me," he tells her simply. "How are you?"
She smiles at him. "I'm happy."
"You do not regret your decision then?" he asks, eyes narrowing.
"My... my decision?" she asks, confused.
"I see you've forgotten," he says to her. Quickly he stands up and takes the couple steps to her bedside. He presses two fingers to her forehead and like lightning it hits her.
The day of her son's birth comes flying back. She almost died. Castiel was there. He tried to take her to Heaven with him, let her die and rest, but she refused. She couldn't leave her son. She couldn't leave her Dean. Not yet.
"Now I ask again," Castiel says, pulling the wide-brimmed hat off of his head so that his blue eyes aren't shaded any longer. "Do you regret your decision?"
"No," she says immediately. "Never. I ain't never gonna regret that."
"It is not how it was to be," Castiel warns her. "Dean was to raise this child on his own. They were to be close because of it and they would be bonded."
"An' they still will be," she tells him with certainty. "But I ain't leavin' them. Not yet."
He cocks his head to the side. "You are a stubborn woman."
"Ya ain't seen nothin'," she promises him, looking down at her son and running her light fingertips over his bald head. "This here is my family. I love my family more an' anything."
"More than our Father?" he questions.
"Ya mean God?" she questions up at him as he stays standing by her bed.
"Yes."
"Yes," she nods. "I love my God because He's good and He let me stay wit my family. But I love my family over everythin' else."
Surprising her, Castiel smiles at that. He lets his grin disappear quickly. "I have watched over you for a very long time, Elizabeth. I've known you longer than most have. You were not to live through the birth of the Second Coming."
"Why not?" Ellie asks, her heart dropping and eyes wide.
He sighs. "Our Father works in mysterious ways. But… I couldn't let you miss this. I could not bear to take you away from him." He nods his head at the boy. "Judah will need you. So will… Dean." He nods his head out the door to where her husband stands over the stove, firing it up to make her food before working the fields all day.
"They're the most important men in my life."
Castiel softens and smiles again. "Elizabeth, I am sorry for the condition this has left you in."
"I'm here. It don't matter," she says to him with confidence. "An' I plan on getting' better wit time so it'll be alright."
"You are wrong," Castiel sadly tells her.
Ellie's face drops. "What'd ya mean?"
"I mean to say that you will never fully recover from the ordeal you've been through," Castiel explains plainly.
"Why not?" she wonders, fearful at this.
He sighs. "To put it in ways that you will comprehend, the time in which you live does not have the technological advancements needed to fully recover your failing health."
She just stares at him blankly.
"There are no doctors able to help heal you fully," he clarifies.
"But… ya helped me when I was sick before," Ellie hopes. "Can't ya do it again? So I can be a good mother ta my boy?"
The regretful look on his face already gives the answer away. "I cannot heal you like I would be more than happy to do for you. If I could you'd already be back in good health."
"Oh," her heart sinks, sad with the news that she'll never be young and bright and lively for her child. "I… I don't understand."
"You were to die, Elizabeth," Castiel explains himself. "God had it planned for you to die. I went against that. I let you live. For that I am being punished."
"How?"
"My powers are… limited now."
Her brow wrinkles. "All on account 'a me?"
Castiel gives her the first real, genuine smile he's had yet. "For you, Elizabeth? I'd be quite willing to do a whole lot."
She smiles lightly back, the words very touching. "So God is mad 'atcha?"
"He is not pleased," Castiel tries to keep it light. "But that is fine with me. I shall be fine." He looks out at Dean in the kitchen area. "I must go now."
"Why?" she wonders. "Stay. Meet Dean…."
"No, I think it's best I do not do that," Castiel lets her know, his being in communications with one human bad enough. "Rest well. You will get better… just not to the point you wish for. But keep your faith. And I'll always be near."
"Ellie?"
She looks over to the doorway to see Dean standing there with a bowl in his hand, his summer work clothes already on as the first light of dawn starts to warm up his form through the one window in the room. Her heart floods with emotion for this man in the moment. She made the right choice, even if she'll never be the same.
"Who ya talkin' to?" Dean asks her.
Ellie looks to the side of her bed but the space is empty. Castiel is gone.
Turning back to him, she smiles at Dean. "Ta our boy." She once more lies.
He laughs at her as he walks back to his spot sitting on the edge of the bed. "He ain't gonna answer ya. Not yet."
"It's alright," he answers, brushing her thumb over her boy's cheek as they both look at him. "I hope he take his time. Don't want him growin' up too fast."
Dean watches her face, the expression on it soft and so filled with love that he can't take his eyes off of her. Ever since she had their boy Ellie's been sick and weak, yes, but despite the pale skin and the hollow features Dean's never thought she's looked better. His wife is gorgeous like this, being the mother she always wanted to be. She's been so giving and just so perfect that he couldn't care how it went down. They're all there, they're a family, and he loves his gal more than he ever has before.
Dean moves a strand of matted hair off her face and behind her ear. She looks to him with her bright brown eyes and smiles.
"I don't know what I woulda done without ya," Dean admits to her, still shaken by the almost loss of her. "Ya my everythin', El."
"I love ya too," she warmly grins and reaches to him, pulling him closer by the back of the neck and kissing him seriously. Even if life isn't turning out how she'd hoped she just couldn't be happier.
Note: Thank you to everyone that was kind enough to leave me messages of such kindness and love. You guys are the best! I can't tell you how appreciated it all was. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!