"Where are they?" Chi-Chi asked. Goku should have found Gohan and Goten, and all three of them should have been home by now! Their food was going to waste!
"They probably stopped to see a movie or something and forgot all about me," Chi-Chi complained, even though that was unlikely. Saiyans rarely skip meals.
Eventually, Chi-Chi got bored and turned on the TV. There was a breaking news report on the Cell Games, complete with a news ticker that read, "Cell Games, Part Two! Cell back with reign of terror! Hercule proven to be fraud! Scientists wonder why the frozen food section at the supermarket contains hot dogs!"
"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?" Chi-Chi yelled at the TV.
After a half minute, Chi-Chi figured out most of the details. Cell—or at least, someone who looked like Cell—had appeared and was defeating fighters left and right.
For a moment, Chi-Chi's heart slowed as she worried her missing family members were mixed up in this mess, but the live video footage showed Cell fighting some blonde woman that Chi-Chi had never seen before.
"Obviously, if he's not fighting a real fighter, this Cell is a fake," Chi-Chi said.
But then they announced that Hercule was being rushed to the hospital, after a painful defeat to Cell. The photograph that was shown onscreen was particularly gruesome, with blood running down Hercule's face. Chi-Chi frowned.
"I should go to the hospital to check up on him," Chi-Chi said. Not that she cared about him. At all. She just needed to learn what was going on with this new Cell person.
At the Cell Games Arena...
"Yes, that's right!" Cell laughed. "You can't kill someone who's already dead! In other words, there's no way you can stop me!"
"No!" Goten cried. For reasons too complicated to explain, Goten was now an attractive blonde woman. Just re-read the last chapter, in case you're confused.
"I can still Kamehameha you into the sun, just like last time!" Gohan said. "That should stop you!"
"Don't forget, I have Saiyan DNA," Cell said. "And every time a Saiyan is defeated, he becomes stronger! Which means I am now much stronger than I was during the original Cell Games!"
"What?" Goten asked.
"You've got to be kidding me!" Gohan said.
"That's not good!" Erasa said. She didn't know what they were talking about, but she wanted to remind all the story's readers that she was still in this scene.
*BRING!* went Erasa's cell phone. She picked it up.
"Hey, Erasa, it's Sharpener."
"Hey, Sharpener," Erasa said. "This is kind of a bad time. Cell has come back to life, and—"
"Yeah, I know. I'm watching the Cell Games on TV, and I have a question for you. Do you—?"
"Don't worry, I'm okay," Erasa said. "I haven't been hurt at all. And the medical people say that both Videl and her dad will make full recoveries."
"I don't care about them!" Sharpener said. "I want you to get the phone number of the cute blonde chick for me!"
Erasa hung up.
"So sure, you can fight me with your powerful Super Saiyan 4 form," Cell told Goten. "But that'll just make me stronger."
Goten frowned. "First I'm a girl, now I'm a bad fighter! This is the worst day ever!"
Hey, Goten! GOTEN! A voice in Goten's head said.
AHHHHH! Goten screamed. He wasn't used to hearing voices in his/her head.
It's me, King Kai! You're looking pretty, well, pretty! What's going on?
Um...who are you? Goten asked.
Never mind, King Kai sighed. I'll talk to Gohan.
"That was weird," Goten said.
"What was weird?" Cell asked.
"Your FACE!" Goten said. He started punching Cell with renewed intensity.
GOHANNNNNN!
AUGH! Gohan screamed. Believe it or not, his scream was even more feminine than Goten's, which is amazing considering that Goten was a girl.
Why haven't you told Goten about me? I'm the most awesome person you know!
Who are you? Why are you communicating with me?
It's me, King Kai!
Gohan thought for a second. ...The bug guy that Dad met in Other World?
THE CATFISH GUY WHO—never mind. I'm here to help you defeat Cell.
You mean we can defeat him?
Sure! All you have to do is knock him unconscious!
What? Gohan asked.
Look, didn't you see the episode where Cell and Frieza escaped from Hell, and Pikkon defeated them by knocking them into a fountain?
...What? Gohan asked.
It's a security measure! Knock a villain unconscious, and he reappears back in Hell. That way, you don't have to defeat them!
...This is a prank, isn't it? Nice try, Krillin.
I'm not Krillin! I'm King Kai! I'm trying to help save the universe here! Just knock Cell unconscious, and that'll end the fight!
Yeah...I don't think that's going to work. Nobody has ever knocked Cell unconscious before.
It's easier than killing him, right? King Kai asked. Look, just use the kaioken to knock him unconscious!
The ka-what?
The KAIOKEN! Unleash the power of the kaioken!
Oh, I get it! You want us to unleash the kraken!
...Forget it, King Kai said. He went back to fuming silently about how bad his life was. Not only was he the only Kai who was dead, and who still didn't have a planet after seven years, but nobody in his own galaxy had even heard of him.
Chi-Chi went to the hospital, but Hercule wasn't there. After all, Hercule was hurt at the Cell Games Arena, several hundred miles away. They sent him to a hospital closer to there, not the hospital in Hercule City.
Chi-Chi's trip wasn't an entire waste, however. Videl was in Hercule City General.
"Where is she?" Chi-Chi demanded, slamming the receptionist's desk with one hand.
"She's in Room 493," the receptionist said, looking up Videl's information on the computer. "But she just got out of the ER, so she's not allowed any visitors. You—"
The receptionist looked up and saw that Chi-Chi wasn't there anymore. Chi-Chi ran off the instant she heard what room Videl was in.
"VIDEL! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU—" Chi-Chi yelled, slamming open the door.
Chi-Chi's yells died in her throat when she saw Videl. Videl's head was covered with bandages, stained with dried blood. Chi-Chi's motherly instincts immediately kicked in, and she had the sudden urge to give Videl a hug.
Videl was lying in bed sleeping, but of course, she woke up when Chi-Chi yelled.
"Chi-Chi?" Videl asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Uh..."
"Where is here?" Videl asked, looking around. She rubbed her aching head. "Is this a hospital? How did I—?"
Videl gasped. Head pain, memory loss, hospital room...she knew those symptoms.
"I had a concussion, didn't I?" Videl asked. "Don't tell me some criminal I was fighting managed to get the better of me!"
"Well, I..." Chi-Chi said. She walked closer to the hospital bed and sat down in a nearby chair. "I don't know how you were injured. I didn't even know you were injured. I was looking for your father."
Videl closed her eyes. "So...my dad was injured?" she asked.
"I'm not exactly sure," Chi-Chi said. She patted Videl softly. "Why don't you forget about it for now and try to get some rest?"
"I'm not a little girl!" Videl said, offended. "Tell me what happened! I can take it! And why are you here, instead of Gohan? You hate me!"
"I don't hate you," Chi-Chi said. "I just...hmmmph." Chi-Chi crossed your arms. "My issue is with your father, not you. You're a very...strong young woman. I appreciate that."
Videl blinked and rubbed her head. This was such a weird situation. She was in the hospital, being comforted by her boyfriend's mother.
"Uh...thanks, I guess?" Videl said.
"You're welcome," Chi-Chi said, kindly. "Now get some rest."
"Uh...sure," Videl said. She closed her eyes and laid back down on her bed. "One more question, though. Where is Gohan? And my parents?"
"I wish I knew," Chi-Chi said, already starting to plan the harsh scolding she would give those people when they finally showed up.
Videl's mother was actually in jail at the moment. She tried rushing to the hospital to see Hercule, but she got pulled over for speeding.
Her driver's license was expired, because she hadn't gotten a new one since coming back to life. And because the DMV files had her listed as "deceased", the officer arrested her on the charge of driving with a fake license.
It was a long time before she was able to get back home.
Erasa tugged on Gohan's arm. "So, um, Gold Fighter. Is your sister going to win this fight?" she asked.
"I don't know," Gohan said. Goten wasn't exactly losing, but he definitely wasn't winning. It was mainly because he was unused to his new body. I mean, he was now twice as tall, and he had switched genders. That takes some getting used to.
"You can win if she loses, though, right?" Erasa asked.
"I'm not sure..." Gohan said. His eyes drooped.
"Oh, cheer up!" Erasa said. "At least we have each other!"
"Uh...sure," Gohan said.
Erasa twined her fingers around his. "I mean, you're a famous superhero...and a super hunk...and we...we..."
Gohan figured out what Erasa was going to do exactly .06 seconds before she kissed him. "AUGH!" he screamed, jumping backwards. "I have a girlfriend! I have a girlfriend! She'll kill me if I kissed you!"
"You do?" Erasa asked. "Shoot. Why do all the good boys have girlfriends? The only guys who like me are pervos like Sharpener and that Dende guy."
"Um...I'm sorry?" Gohan asked.
"I mean, even Videl gets a boyfriend before me, and she's not even interested in dating!" Erasa ranted. "That's so unfair! I deserve a boyfriend way more than she does!"
"I...I..." Gohan cleared his throat and talked in his deep superhero voice. "Miss Videl is my crime-fighting assistant. I must insist that you do not speak ill of her in front of me."
"Oh no, not you too!" Erasa said. "You think she's prettier than me, don't you? Don't you?"
Gohan almost choked. Are all girls this weird? He wondered. I'd rather fight Cell than talk to Erasa right now!
"And the Gold Girl has Cell in a chokehold! No! Cell is free! Oh! He hit the Gold Girl from behind!" the announcer said. "Now that's just not fair! Who would—oh?"
The cameraman was waving his left arm wildly. The announcer nodded, understanding the symbol.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick commercial break. Don't go anywhere!"
"And cut!" the cameraman said, letting down his camera.
"Hey, stop fighting!" the cameraman told Cell and Goten. "We're on commercial break!"
"What?" Cell asked.
"Aw, I hate commercials!" Goten said.
"What's a commercial?" Cell asked.
"It means everyone takes a five minute break," the announcer said.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever—" Cell started to say, when he noticed that Goten was taking his break by sleeping.
Cell growled. Why did everyone on this planet seem to be made to annoy him?
Gohan woke up his brother before the break was over. "Hey," Gohan said. "How's it going?"
"BAD!" Goten said. "I can't fight like a girl! I don't even know how girls fight!"
"I'm not sure how girls fight, either," Gohan said. "They're probably more aerodynamic, but this would have to be counter-balanced by a loss of velocity and—"
"Whaaaaaaaa?" Goten asked.
"Just try fighting like Mom does," Gohan suggested. "She's a girl, right? And she's a good fighter, too. Pretend you're Mom."
"Okay," Goten said. Goten closed his eyes and focused.
"CELL!" Goten yelled. "I didn't give you permission to leave your room! That's it! No more TV for YOU, Young Man! And no playing with Trunks, either!"
"What the—?"
Goten rounded on Cell and started smacking him around. "And NO DINNER! You eat too much anyway! Don't you want to grow up and be a scholar like your brother?"
At this point, Cell was getting sick of all the nonsense on Earth, and he decided to cut things short. He used Frieza's finishing move on Goten to kill him quickly, and...no wait, that's not what happened. The attack merely bounced off of Goten's body.
Cell's eyes widened as he cried out in fear. The look on Goten's face was terrifying. He almost looked like a Super Saiyan version of Chi-Chi. His hands started circling around, to the right of his body, his fingers moving up and down, as if they were dancing on an invisible guitar.
"NO!" Gohan screamed.
"Huh?" Erasa asked. She looked at Gohan. "What's wrong?"
"She's doing...that attack!" Gohan cried.
"What attack?" Erasa asked.
Gohan grabbed Erasa's shoulders and yelled into her face. "THE SINGLE MOST DANGEROUS ATTACK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE ALL DIE!"
"What are you—hey!" Erasa said, because Gohan quickly grabbed her and flew away at top speed. Due to his quick action, they escaped unharmed.
But it was too late for Cell. Goten had used his Mystical Super Saiyan Four powers...
...to summon The Frying Pan of Doom.
For the first time in his life, Cell knew fear.
*CLANG!*
*CLANG!*
*CLUNK!*
Cell dropped down to the ground unconscious. He never caused trouble for Earth ever again.
"Cell is defeated!" the announcer cried. "The world is safe! Hooray!"
"Hooray!" the world cheered.
"Thank you, Gold Girl!" the announcer said, running up to Goten. "Can you tell us more about yourself?"
"What's your real name?" the other announcer asked.
"My name?" Goten asked. "It's, uh...it's a secret."
"How did you learn to fight?"
"That's...a secret, too?"
"WHY SO MANY SECRETS?" the announcers yelled.
"Augh!" Goten said. "Don't yell! I can't tell you because Mom will get mad and...and..."
Goten burst into tears, like any other six-year-old boy might do in the same situation. "I don't know what's going on! Suddenly I'm a grownup, and I don't know how to go back to normal, and I have to go to the bathroom but I don't know how!"
And that was when the TV networks officially pulled the plug on the live broadcast of the Cell Games, Part Two.
"Here we are," Gohan said, landing in front of Erasa's house and setting her down. "You can go home now."
"Thanks, Gold Fighter," Erasa said. "It's been a weird night."
"Heh heh, hasn't it?" Gohan asked. "Well, goodbye!"
"WAIT!" Erasa cried. "You...how did you know where I live? I didn't tell you that."
"Uh..."
"Do I know you?" she asked. "Like, your secret identity?"
"Aaaaa!" Gohan said, his mouth opening wide.
"Ooo, say something!" Erasa said. "I'm going to try to recognize your voice this time, 'kay? Go!"
"I've...never...seen you before today!" Gohan said, in his deep superhero voice. It would have been more convincing if his voice didn't crack twice. "Goodbye, Miss Erasa!"
"Oh, I totally know him," Erasa said. She wasn't sure where she knew him from, but he was definitely familiar somehow. Maybe if she figured it out, she could blackmail him and get him to dump his girlfriend! And then he'd date her instead! A superhero boyfriend would be so cool that even Videl would be jealous!
Author's Note: Random-ish question. Cell came from an alternate timeline where Future Trunks killed Androids 17 and 18. That's why Cell had to travel to another timeline to find the androids.
Also in that timeline, Cell kills Future Trunks to get access to the time machine. Why did Cell kill Future Trunks outright, instead of absorbing him? After all, that Future Trunks was stronger than Androids 17 and 18. It would have been a huge boost to Cell's power level if he sucked up Future Trunks.
Anyway, I think this story is coming to a close, as I'm running out of ideas. I'll just try to wrap up the few plotlines I have left, and then Gohan and Videl can live happily ever after.