Best Kept Secret
Author: MoonStarDutchess
Chapter 38: Returning to East City
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA
AN: Woot! Two chapters in one month! Thank you so much to everyone that read and reviewed last chapter and everyone that adds this story to the alerts and faves or just reads. I really appreciate it.
Returning to East City
Riza could hardly believe the mission was over. Though they hadn't been there very long, it felt like the hotel had been some kind of time warp. Everything seemed to slow down and it felt like they'd been there for years.
She knew the reasons why they came there, why they went after Peak but she couldn't place why her bullet had to lodge in the guy's head. She'd just fired the shot in the situation and killed him. She didn't want to kill anyone during this mission yet without thinking she did. Even though the man worked for a criminal that didn't mean that he wasn't a human being and that he deserved to die.
She signed as she searched through her suitcase for her "Riza" clothing. She wouldn't be caught dead in Ava-like clothing ever again, though she had no clue what she would do with the clothing. Perhaps one of those girls at Gracia's wedding would enjoy wearing them. She would check with Gracia when they got back.
She slipped on her long black skirt and a green sweater, reveling in both their warmth and coverage. It may have made her look frumpy, but frumpy was comforting. She walked over to the dresser and began taking her hair down from its updo. The many pins pinning her hair up, pulling the hair as she removed them.
She looked down at the dressers top to find a brush when suddenly she felt something wet at the base of her neck. She looked up in the mirror to see Roy standing behind her, a wet rag oh the hair at her neck and her hair turned back to her normal color. Roy's was now back to normal as well.
"There's my Riza," he said softly, a small grin appearing on his face. She grabbed a brush and started to brush her hair. She was surprised when Roy took it from her and began brushing it instead.
"The investigations team got clearance to search Peak's mansion and his office here at the hotel. With Peak incarcerated, several of his men have agreed to talk in exchange for shorter or no jail terms."
Riza watched him via the mirror. He didn't look at her as he spoke, instead choosing to focus on the strands of hair that straightened of kinks thanks to the sharp bristles of the brush he was using.
"Did they figure out how Peak found out about us being who we are? Was it our own lack of acting skill?"
"We don't know how he found out. They are still trying to get that out of Peak. Not even his men knew how he knew."
"Oh," she said. Roy put the brush down on the dresser and turned her around. He lifted a hand to her face and stroked her cheek. "You want to stay here one more night or do you want to leave now? Havoc and the others voted to get the hell out of here but I told them that I would have to discuss it with you. Riza pulled away. "You are the commanding officer. You make the decision," she said, walking over to her suitcase, shutting it, and clicking the latches that enclosed it so that its contents wouldn't have the capability of falling from the case.
"Riza…we still aren't on that are we. There are more important things to worry about than-"
"We aren't still on anything. That was a simple statement," she said, interrupting him.
"Are you tired?" he questioned.
"That doesn't matter," she said.
"Yes it does," he said.
She turned and looked at him. "I'm a trained sniper, been through more hell than you little alchemists. Trained to kill and endure. I'm fine. If you want to fucking go home tonight then let's go."
Roy was shocked at her response. As he thought, she was indeed an emotional wreck. With Riza, it was always hard to tell by most people since she didn't convey her sorrow and guilt the same as everyone else. She always conveyed hers by talking about how it was her job or that she trained to do things like that. She tried to hide her feelings through her job. Also there was the "I'm fine denial." Perhaps for her sake it would be better if they got away from this hotel.
"Get packed," he said. "We'll leave in an hour."
"Yes sir," she said, not telling him that everything was already packed. Roy went to the closet and retrieved the suitcase from the closet. Riza took it from him. "I'll pack for you sir," she said, taking the suitcase from his hand.
"Riza, stop calling me sir," he said.
"It's best if I do sir. Please don't argue," she said.
Roy grabbed the suitcase from her and walked over to the wardrobe. He roughly sat it down on a chair and snapped it open. He began opening drawers, taking out his clothing, and shoving it in the case.
She walked over to him and grabbed his wrist to stop his latest potential addition to the suitcase in its tracks. "You're clothes are going to get wrinkled if you pack like that. I don't feel like ironing either."
Roy sighed. "Riza…"
"Please sir, let me do this," she said. Roy looked into his wife's gaze and saw what she really wanted to accomplish by doing the packing herself. She wanted to keep busy, to take care of something. She wanted to take her mind off things.
"All right," he said, dropping the shirts he had back into the drawer. He turned his body toward her and started to pull her into a hug but she avoided it.
"I should get packing," she said, walking past him.
Roy sighed and nodded even though she couldn't see him. He had to tell himself that Riza was acting the way she needed to at the moment and that he would have to deal with that right now. What he really wanted to do was just lie down and hold her; let her rant or scream or just talk to him about how she was feeling. Instead, he forced himself to leave the room.
Riza sighed in relief when he left and then instantly felt guilty for doing so. It wasn't that she didn't want him around…yet… it was. Her feelings were currently so mixed up that she honestly didn't know what she wanted. It wasn't as if she hadn't taken a life before but contrary to what people thought, it didn't get easier. On top of that, she was giving serious consideration to what Peak said and that made her feel even more horrible. How could she doubt Roy's loyalty for even a moment and trust the words of a monster like Peak? It was downright idiotic of her to be doing that. She started removing the clothing Roy threw into the suitcase so that she could fold it properly and soon busied herself with packing his other clothes.
As soon as Riza snapped Roy's second suitcase shut, he came through the door. "They've got two cars waiting for us downstairs to take us to the station. Havoc and the others are already down in the lobby."
Riza nodded. "I packed up your things," she said.
"Thank you," he said.
"Yeah," she replied and walked over to her own suitcase. She started to lift it off its place on the bed when she heard Roy's footsteps approaching her and then two muscular arms wrap around her. His nose nuzzled at the base of her neck.
"Love you," he said simply. "Never forget that."
Riza smiled slightly upon hearing that. Every time she heard those words, her heart felt a bit lighter. He somehow said the exact thing that made her feel a bit better. She turned in his embrace and offered the best smile she could muster. She reached up to run her right hand through his hair, messing up the slicked back style. "I know," she said. "I won't forget it. Love you too. We should get going," she said, pulling out of his embrace for what seemed like the millionth time that day. She grabbed her suitcases and walked to the door. Roy did the same and made their way down to the lobby where the others were waiting. Riza walked to stand beside Rebecca.
"Took you long enough," she said, trying to get Riza flustered. She was both disappointed and worried that Riza didn't fluster in the slightest. All she did was nod.
"Something wrong?"
"No," Riza lied.
"Yes there is I can tell whe-"
"Just drop it Rebecca," Riza snapped in a low tone.
Rebecca was surprised at the tone Riza used with her and knew that indeed there was something very wrong with her best friend. She would inquire about it when Riza wasn't in such an uncongenial mood.
The cars pulled up to the doors and Rebecca leaned really close to Riza's ear and whispered. "Please don't make me ride with Havoc. Please please please let me ride with you and the colonel." Of course, it was common knowledge that Riza always rode with Roy everywhere. She was his bodyguard after all.
Riza jerked away from her friend and looked at her strangely. "Why? What happened? I know you don't like him but you've never acted like this."
"I promise I'll tell you when we are alone just please…"
"Sir, I'd like Rebecca to ride with us," Riza said as the bellhop loaded the bags into the truck of the car. Roy looked at her surprisingly. He wasn't exactly fond of the idea of spending even a short drive with Rebecca but for Riza's sake, he'd tolerate it.
"All right," he said. "Havoc lets go," he said. The least he could do for amusement was have Havoc around. He and Rebecca always made good entertainment.
"Actually chief, I think I'll ride with Falman, Breda, and Fuery if you don't mind," he said.
Roy blinked. Great, now he would be alone in what he would dub the estrogen mobile with two moody women. Riza had a right to be feeling the way she was but Rebecca always acted as if she'd inserted her tampon backwards…and in the wrong bodily exit. Oh well, he'd been through Ishbal he could tolerate that.
"Sure, go ahead," he said.
"Havoc nodded and got into the car with his three comrades.
Roy walked over to the other car and opened the door. "Ladies," he said.
Riza sighed and walked over to the car, getting in first. Rebecca walked over to the car. "Permission to speak freely sir?"
"Since when have you felt it necessary to ask permission?"
"True, I was just going to say that I think you've found your calling. You are good at opening do-" Roy shut the door and folded his arms.
"See I was going to do something nice but then I remember that a man was only supposed to open doors for a lady. Sadly, when Riza got in the car there was no more around."
"Just what do you think I am," she snapped.
"My honor as an officer and state alchemist doesn't permit me to use such language while on duty."
Rebecca huffed. Suddenly the car door opened and they had to step back to keep from being hit.
"Are you two coming or are you going to stand out there and argue all night?" Riza questioned, her tone clearly displaying her displeasure with the two's childish contending.
"Rebecca glared at Roy. Go on," she said. "You can sit in the middle since you are the precious cargo that we must protect."
Roy narrowed his eyes and started to get ingot the car.
"Ladies first after all," she commented. Roy almost got back out of the car but Riza grabbed his collar to pull him down onto the seat.
"Just let it go," she whispered as Rebecca sat down beside him.
Roy muttered a few curse words and crossed his arms as Rebecca shut the door and the car took off toward the train station. At least he could avoid the psycho harpy on the train.
The ride to the station, much to his surprise, was rather quiet. He could feel that both women were thinking deeply about something. He knew Riza's and while he obviously didn't care as much for Rebecca, he couldn't help but wonder what had put her in this silent state. If he ever did, he would attempt to bottle it and sell it as a formula for men to silence those types of women that always nagged their men. Roy laughed inwardly as he thought of a name for them…the Rebeccanites.
Roy was brought from his thoughts when something covered his left hand that he had rested on the seat beside him. He gazed down at it and realized that Riza had intertwined her fingers with his. He got a bit nervous at the action. What if Rebecca saw? It would get all over the place if the harpy from hell found out about them. He started to move it but stopped suddenly when he realized Riza's hand was shaking slightly. Though her gaze was directed out the window, he knew that if he looked into it he would see a haunted woman. Instead of pulling it away, he gently flipped it, palm up and grasped it tightly in his grip. If this was what Riza needed, then Rebecca be damned.
They arrived at the location and Roy felt Riza pull her hand away from his. He wished that he could hold it publicly without the entire world crumbling down on them. Sometimes he damned the fact that he wanted to change the country and that doing so meant keeping their relationship a secret. IT was hard work doing so but he wouldn't change anything that he did with her in the past. He never once regretted marrying her and he knew that he never would.
The porter at the station loaded their bags onto the train. The ride would be four hours without factoring in the stopovers required. Hopefully during that time he'd be able to find some time alone with Riza. They all boarded the train and made their way to their seats. The train car was military reserved therefore there wouldn't be any other passengers joining them. The rest of the group of military officials had to stay behind to wrap things up so to speak.
As everyone entered the car, Riza made her way to the back and sat in the corner. She took out her book, which told everyone there that she didn't want to be bothered. Roy took the seats across the aisle from her so he could keep an occasional eye on her. He propped his feet upon the bench across from him and leaned back thinking about all the paperwork that awaited him on his way home. He sighed heavily causing Riza to glance over at him. The sides of her mouth quirked slightly for just a moment before it dropped and she returned her focus on the book in her hands.
Rebecca sat off by herself as well, as far away from Havoc as possible. She sat there staring out the window, waiting for the train to begin its journey. Havoc and the men instantly started up a card game knowing they were in for a long ride. This mission, as brief as it was, apparently took a lot out of everyone. Especially Riza of course.
Roy lifted his hand to the wound at his shoulder and cringed as a slight pain shot through it. He brought his hand back down and felt eyes on him. He looked to his left to see that Riza was staring at him with a concerned look. He smiled at her to reassure that he was all right. She nodded and went back to reading her book.
The train jerked as it began its journey back to Amestris and East City. The ride was rough at first but soon smoothed out (as smooth as it could be considering it was a train after all). Roy stood closed his eyes to take a short nap. Little did he know that that short nap would be an hour long? When he awoke, the train was stopped and the cabin was empty. However as soon as he stood the door opened and Riza walked in with two styrofome cups and a small bag.
"How long did I sleep?" Why'd we stop?"
"You only slept an hour," she said, handing him one of the large cups. "The reason we stopped is because this is one of the stopovers."
Roy flipped back the lid on his cup and sipped the contents. He cringed at the taste. "Hot chocolate?" he questioned.
"Oh, oops," she said. She took the cup from him and handed him the other one. "The chocolate was mine."
Roy flipped open the lid to the new cup he was holding and cautiously took a sip just in case. Much to his relief and pleasure, it was indeed coffee. He flopped back down on the bench and Riza sat down beside him.
"Where are the others?"
"Rebecca is in the dining cart and Havoc went to get a pack of cigarettes from the station store. The others are browsing the magazine and newspaper rack there as well."
She opened the bag and took out two napkins. With one of them, she reached in, pulled out a small dessert, and handed it to Roy. "Cheese Danish," she said.
Roy smiled and took it from her. She retrieved hers from the bag with the other napkin and began to eat it and drink her coffee.
"You all right?" he questioned.
"You've asked me that already and I told you I was for the most part," she said.
"You are sitting here trying to make me comfortable when you need to worry about yourself," he said.
"Make you comfortable? What makes you say that?"
"The fact you brought me coffe—"
"I always bring you coffee," she interrupted.
"Yeah but never one of my favorite breakfasts that you disapprove of."
"We need comfort food."
"Exactly," he said. "Comfort food. You are trying to comfort everyone but yourself."
"I did get hot chocolate," she said.
"Riz-" he stopped when the door opened, and the men entered. Havoc was puffy merrily on his cigarette and the other men had a few newspapers and books. Riza couldn't believe how bored they got when it was only a four-hour ride. Then again, she'd always brought a book with her but that wasn't out of boredom. It was more for the reason she had something that told people that it would be improper to interrupt.
Rebecca entered the room soon after, her own cup of coffee in her hand. She didn't even give a glance to Havoc but Riza did notice a slight blush appear on her cheeks as she sat down two benches away from the group of me. Havoc coughed and went back to staring out the window, the cigarette still dangling from him lips.
"I have a question," Roy whispered to Riza.
"Yeah, what is it?"
"Have they insulted each other any at all while I was asleep?"
"No, nothing. Rebecca has just been sitting there and Havoc has been playing cards. The most noise was Breda cursing as Furey kept beating them at poker."
"There's something wrong then," he said.
"Yeah, I think that too," she whispered.
Rebecca looked at Riza and smiled slightly. Before directing her gaze back down at the top of her coffee mug.
"I swear they are acting like two teenagers that just had their firs…My god you don't think they-" Roy started.
"Of course not. There's no way," she said, looking at Havoc then Rebecca, then back at Havoc. She then turned to look at Roy. "At least I don't think they would."
"They do fight an awful lot," Roy said.
"Rebecca doesn't like smokers," Riza responded, continuing in a low tone.
"Maybe she does but is in denial about that. Perhaps she sees past the smoking habit…never mind, you're right. There's no way."
Riza looked surprised. "What made you change your mind so sudden?"
"Havoc has much better tastes in women than that," he said. That earned him a slight elbow and chuckle from Riza. He smiled at her, glad to see something other than a serious expression on her face. They heard the conductor yell all aboard and the train began to move once more. Riza finished her pastry and started to take the book out of her purse once more. Roy stopped her by grabbing her wrist. She looked up at him and sighed, knowing the message he was trying to convey to her. She removed her hand and leaned back against the seat. Roy grinned in satisfaction and took another sip of his coffee, having long finished the pastry she'd gotten him.
An hour later Riza stood and stretched a bit. "I need some air," she said and walked out of the car to the platform. She took a deep breath of the fresh air that only this section of the country could provide. She leaned against the car and looked out at the rapidly passing scenery. She then turned her gaze down to stare at her black heeled shoes. She'd forgotten to take them off when she was changing but begrudgingly had to admit that she found them quite comfortable despite their height.
She heard the door open and expected Roy to step out but much to her dismay it was Rebecca. A wave of guilt washed through her at not being happy to see her best friend.
"You okay?" she questioned.
"Why do people keep asking me that?" Riza muttered.
"Because you killed a man tonight," she said.
"Not the first time," Riza said, trying to drop the subject.
"Doesn't matter and you know it," she said. "Rebecca lifted a hand up to her gaze. "I've killed one man and not a day goes by that I don't regret it."
"Are you trying to make me feel better?" Riza snapped.
Rebecca dropped her hand. "No, I'm trying to tell you that you can't let it bother you so much. Think about it sure, you can't keep from doing that, but you had to shoot him. You didn't have a choice."
"I could have shot him in the shoulder but I didn't think of that."
"You don't hesitate when Mustang is involved," Rebecca said, leaning against the door. "You see Mustang in danger and you ask questions later. Exactly what a good aid and bodyguard is supposed to do."
Riza turned her gaze back down to the floor. "I'll be all right Becca," she said after a period of silence.
"Yes, I know," she replied.
Riza looked at her. "Now what's the deal with you and Havoc? You haven't fought since we left the hotel and you are avoiding looking at each other like you'd turn to stone if you did."
"Argh! RIZZZZA! It's horrible!" she said like a kid that did something bad.
"You didn't sleep with him did you?" she questioned.
"ARGH! NO! I would have shot myself!"
"Then what?"
"We had a …a …tongue tango."
Riza tilted her head to look at her friend with confusion before she realized what Rebecca meant. Riza covered her mouth with one hand to try to hold in the snickers. Not over the fact that the two gave into locked up feelings but the fact that Roy's first hypothesis turned out to be true.
"It's not funny Riza! I hate that guy! He's so ugh!"
Riza steadily steeled her laughter and turned to Rebecca who was leaned harder against the door and pouting like a child.
"May be you don't hate him after all. I mean if you two hated each other then you wouldn't have kissed in the first place right?"
"Well... I KNOW! Someone pushed me!"
"And you happen to keep your lips against his for longer than it took to pull away. Come on Rebecca! You can do better than that. Stop making excuses and admit you like Lieutenant Havoc."
"I don't! And even if I was ever so slightly fond of him."
"Which you aren't," Riza said.
"Right. I aren't. I mean am not. It wouldn't make much of a difference if I were, hypothetically speaking of course, because I don't have feelings for him. We are both officers in the military."
"Maybe Havoc would quit and become a house husband," Riza said with a chuckle.
"You aren't helping!" she said, becoming all flustered.
"Wonder what your kids would look like," she said, ignoring Rebecca and channeling a bit of Maes Hughes.
"Rizaaaaa! Stop it," she said.
"All right, so what do you want to know?"
"What should I do about it?"
"About the kiss?"
"Yes! It's making things awkward between Havoc and I. I already miss the hate/hate relationship we shared."
Riza thought about it for a moment. "Maybe you should just continue flirting through arguing the way you have been all this time."
"Riza! We were not—AHHHH" Before Rebecca could speak another word, the door she was resting against opened and she went tumbling back into the floor.
"Sorry about that Lieutenant," Roy said. I was just going out to get some fresh air.
Rebecca sat up and heard the men behind her laughing. She turned to glare at them and they instantly shut up.
"Need help?" Roy questioned, holding out his hand politely to help her.
She grabbed it and examined it to make sure it was void of tricks before taking it and getting to her feet. She let go of it as if it were a snake and wiped her hand on her pants as if she was wiping grime off. Roy really didn't know that she was leaning against the door and then when he offered to help the harpy up he got a wordless insult. If she wanted to play that way then it was fine with him.
"Riza, make a note to flea dip these gloves when I get back home," he said, walking out the door and shutting it behind him, leaving a fuming Rebecca standing there.
"He got you," Havoc said delightfully.
"Shut up you walking cancer stick," she snapped and left out the other side of the car.
Havoc smirked and the men started up another game of cards.
-----
"I really didn't mean to make her fall in the floor. As funny as that was doing that wasn't in my top ten list of priorities. Top twenty maybe but not ten," Roy said, causing Riza to laugh.
"Did you find out what the deal was with her and Havoc?"
"Yeah," she said.
"And?"
"You know I can't tell. She'd kill me," she said.
"What if I guess?"
"She can't fault me if you guess right," she said.
"Well…let me see," he said, coming to stand beside her, casually laying his hand on top of one of hers that was resting on the railing of the car. Riza looked down and smiled before wrapping her pinky around his. It was quite a childish and silly gesture but she really enjoyed it.
"I know! Her and Havoc made out in an alley somewhere!" he said with a laugh, clearly joking. Riza stiffened and paled.
"Kidding of course. Let me see…" He trailed off when he saw the way Riza was standing and the shock on her face.
"Riza are you…Oh shit! I was right?" he asked, turning slightly pale as well.
Riza knew she didn't have to answer he meant it as a rhetorical question.
"Wow," he said. "What are they going to do about it?"
"Probably continue as they have been. Neither of them will ever admit that they have feelings for each other nor can they really."
"We did," he said.
"We're different," she said. "We were young when we made our decision. Didn't think things through well enough."
Roy looked at her surprised. "Are you saying that if you had it to do over again you wouldn't have married me?"
"That doesn't matter," she said.
"Yes it does," he protested. "Would you have?"
"Would you? You could have any beautiful woman you want if you hadn't got married."
"I could do that now," he joked, and earned a glare from her. "You know I'm kidding," he said.
Riza nodded but truly, she wondered. Peak had mentioned all of her insecurities during one conversation. She really wasn't as womanly as Roy needed and both of them were risking their career to be together."
"Yeah, I guess," she said.
Roy looked at her with concern but didn't speak about her response.
"Riza, I would marry you as many times as necessary. I don't regret marrying you but I regret that we have to hide like we are criminals."
"We sort of are," she replied.
Roy nodded. "Now, answer me. Would you have married me if you had it to do over? If the past suddenly came back and you knew what you knew now?"
Riza turned to face him and smiled. "Yeah, I would have. Even if I did know how much trouble you were going to be," she said. She wanted to touch him more than just a simple holding of hands but it wasn't the time. If one of the team came out here, they would have to explain a lot. Also, someone could come out the door in the car in front of them.
Roy lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Let's go back in inside. It's getting chilly out here."
"I'll come in a few minutes," she said.
Roy kissed her hand again and nodded before making his way back into the car. Riza smiled as she looked down at the hand now gripping the rail, the hand that Roy kissed. Just from his presence along with her for that short time, she felt better. Roy had this remarkable gift to make her feel special. It made her feel as if she had no blood on her hands: like she was just a normal woman. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she loved him so much.
She took another deep breath and made her way back inside the train. Leaving the cool dusky evening behind her.
AN: I really hoped you enjoyed it. If you wish, please press the new lovely review button and leave a few words. Much loves and huggles… MSD
(Am I the only one that didn't see the point in a new button?)