Chapter Thirty-Eight.

Phil looked at her and he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, handing it to her.

'So let me get this straight. You didn't actually drink anything?' he asked her.

'No' she shook her head 'but the way everyone reacted, the way they looked at me. They way Joey looked at me, the disappointment on his face…' she trailed off.

'Lauren….'

'He'd be even more disappointed with me if he knew….'

'Knew what?' he asked her.

Lauren sighed 'That I drank… a few nights ago' she told him 'Three miniature bottles of scotch' she told him.

'Where did you get them from?'

'Newsagent outside of Walford' she told him.

'Did you drink them all?'

'Yes' she nodded her head.

'Have you been to a meeting?'

'No' she shook her head 'I skipped the counsellor too' she looked up at him.

'I thought we agreed you would call me when you had the urge to drink' he told her.

'I know I did, I just… it was late and I didn't mean to drink them' she told him.

'We never mean to drink anything' he said 'Do we, hey?' He paused thinking through what she'd told him. 'Did you tell Joey?'

'No' she shook her head. 'I didn't want him to be disappointed in me, for things to go back to the way they were…. We're in a good place now'

'What about the counsellor, you could've gone to talk to her?'

'No' she shook her head again 'I don't really like her. She seems to be judgemental' Lauren explained to him

'So get another counsellor' he said 'where's Joey now?'

'In the pub' she told him 'he just sat there and said nothing, watched me leave' she told him and a fresh bout of tears came.

'Have you drunk since?' he asked her.

'No' she shook her head 'I felt disappointed in myself, I let myself down and I was in a bad place'

'Why? What happened?'

'Things weren't going well with me and Joey' she told him 'He went to visit his mum, he didn't want me to go with him, he said we needed to talk when he got back and I thought he was going to ask me to move out…I thought he was seeing someone else'

'But things between you and Joey are okay now?' Phil asked her as he sat down beside her.

'Yes… well, they were' she frowned 'Now….I don't know'

'Stay here' he told her standing up.

'Where are you going? Are you going to tell him?'

'No I'm not going to tell him, that's something you need to do' he told her 'but I'm going to find him' he said 'Wipe your eyes, blow your nose and I'll be back in a bit' she heard the front door shut as he left. Phil looked in the pub first but Joey wasn't there, he went to number 23 and rang the bell and Joey answered the door. Phil saw the worried look on his face. 'She's at mine' he told him, he turned and started walking. Joey pulled the door closed and followed Phil 'She's pretty upset with everyone's reactions' he warned him, 'especially yours'

*JL*JL*JL*JL*

Joey saw her sitting on the sofa, 'Oh babe' he whispered softly, sitting down beside her, putting his arm around her 'it's okay, you didn't do anything' he reassured her 'Lucy should have kept her mouth shut, it's not as though you necked the whole pint in front of them, you spilled some on your fingers, and everyone would have done the same as you if they were in your position. It's not as though you drank it, is it, hey?' he asked her softly 'don't cry babe, don't be so hard on yourself' Joey being nice to her made her cry harder. He pressed his lips to her hair and looked at Phil questioningly, Lauren looked up at Joey he saw her movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his attention to her 'I'm not upset with you' he told her and reached out and wiped her tears away gently with his fingers, 'I think you're doing brilliantly' he told her honestly.

'I'm not though' she said shaking her head.

'What do you mean? Of course you are' he said in surprise.

'No, I'm not' she said to him.

'Yes you do, you have over 90 days sobriety. That's an accomplishment you should be proud of'

'No I don't' she whisperered, shaking her head 'I only have 8 days'

'What do you mean? I don't understand' Joey frowned at her, his gaze switching between Phil and Lauren.

'I drank some scotch. So no Joey, I'm not doing brilliantly' she told him. She got up and walked towards the doorway, Phil was blocking it though and wouldn't move out of her way.

'Lauren you need to talk to Joey about this' he told her softly, seeing the panic and the urge to run away on her face.

'I can't' she murmured, shaking her head.

'Yes, you can' he told her firmly.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Joey asked her softly.

'Because…'

'Because what?' he pushed her.

'I didn't want you to be disappointed in me, to be judgemental'

Joey took a deep breath and sighed 'What? Am I not allowed to be disappointed you drank?' he asked her.

'No!' she spun round to look at him angrily. He nodded his head.

'Okay then, I won't be' he told her. Lauren stared at him, frowning at him, 'can I be disappointed and hurt you didn't feel as though you could come to me, talk to me?' he asked her 'I thought we were okay?' he said to her.

'It was before we were okay' Lauren said to him 'When I thought that ….' She trailed off.

'Oh I see' he nodded his head in understanding 'When you were thinking I was going to ask you to move out' he licked his lips Have you drunk since then?'

'No, of course not' she said a little softer.

'Why not?' he asked her.

'Because I don't want to' she replied. She frowned when she saw a smile forming on Joey's face.

'Say that again' he said.

'Because I don't want to' she repeated, somewhat confused.

'That's a good thing then, right?' he said and he looked at Phil 'Isn't that one half of the battle. Deciding you don't want to drink?'

Phil smiled, nodding his head 'Yeah it is' he said.

Joey crossed the room and he took Lauren's hand in his, pulling her towards him. 'That just makes me even more proud of you, babe' he told her with a smile

'But I fell off the wagon' Lauren blinked confused 'aren't you angry with me?'

'No' he shook his head 'I'm not angry with you, Lauren, right now I don't think I've been prouder. You didn't go out and get drunk, did you, hey? You fell off the wagon when it went over a big bump. You had a drink, but then you picked yourself up and climbed back on' he said to her 'and that's a big step, babe' he told her 'you chose to stay sober, to not have another drink and to stop again' he pushed her hair behind her ear 'would you have been able to do that 3 months ago?' he asked her.

'No' she shook her head, sniffing slightly.

'It took me several attempts to stay on the wagon' Phil said to her 'Grant used to pick me up and try to force me back on it but we both know you have to do it on your own, Grant figured that out eventually too, figured out he just needed to be there to catch me when I fell'

Lauren turned to look at Phil 'I'm sorry, I didn't come to you' she said to him.

'It's what I'm here for Lauren, I know what you feel. I've been where you are, and it's hard, it's so damn hard at times but you have to keep fighting this urge you have. If I can do it you can do it' he said to her 'and you have me, mum and Joey supporting you every single step of the way' he told her 'but promise me next time you feel like drinking you call me, that's what I'm here for, and if you can't find me than you call Joey and one of us will come and be with you, okay?' he asked her.

'Okay, I promise' she said nodding her head.

'Come on, let me take you home' Joey said to her. She looked up at him and nodded.

'Okay' she replied softly.

Joey smiled, taking her hand 'Thanks Phil'

'Any time. And anytime you want to talk … well you know where I am' he told Joey.

'Thanks' Joey nodded and he led Lauren out of the house and to number 23.

Lauren swallowed nervously as Joey closed the door. He took her hand, silently leading her into the bedroom.

AN: So is Joey really okay with what happened or was he just staying calm in front of Phil, being the supportive boyfriend? Now that the two of them are alone is he going to read her the riot act? R&R as always.