An Ode to the Daughters of Darkness

by Forfun100

"One more thing, when they call you a bitch, tell them thank you. Thank you very much." Olivia Gatwood. What was, what is, and what has yet to come. Six teen girls, who know more about our world than they'd ever be given credit for. Drabbles, head cannons, and character studies for the girls who represent the best and worst of the human spirit. Non linear. Non cannon (sometimes).

35. Emily – Ex

I have given my ex's persona's in my head to make the healing easier. Tell the stories of friends and lovers alike in ways that make me feel better.

James, the one who left me after a week to play sixth grade soccer, he dropped out of high school 'to play professional' but he hasn't managed to leave the state.

Kacey, who tried to get me expelled for cheating, so I watched her flunk instead.

Luke, he tried to make me turn towards Jesus and I almost did it too, until Jess convinced me that he wouldn't fuck me for converting. He's my favorite ex, I think he still prays for me.

Anyway, there's Allen and Kyle, brothers who wanted to have a threesome with me, at separate times. I hope it's obvious why I got out of that one.

Then there's Michael, the boy who stole my heart and breath in one fell swoop, so when he left me for Jess I took his favorite hoodie and wallet. Cash and all, I'm wearing that hoodie now…

I lost Jess next, because I couldn't rightfully cut out Michael without Jess; and out of all of them I think I regret losing her most. Despite everything I know she would have fought to save my life given the chance, surprise of all surprises, the bitch wasn't loyal with men. But she was loyal with love.

I guess before this I lost Beth too, to winter and the devil himself. Perhaps I should have converted after all.

Then Matt, because the idiot had to die for me, couldn't have let me handle myself, and gave in so easily to me; like a house in a hurricane he never stood a chance.

I find Ashley's hat and Chris's glasses after leaving Sam, I know they're gone. I wish I could say I stopped to say goodbye. I didn't. I kept moving. Kept living and pretended they would have wanted me to. And maybe they did, but I'll never know for sure.

Sam and Mike die for me, not that I'm surprised, but as I lie in the snow, surrounded by loneliness I feel the weight of their decision land on my shoulders.

No matter how many stories I formulate in my head to cope with all they gave me, I can't let them go. I can't say goodbye.

I wish that they were more than memories.

I wish they were with me, so that I could keep up my own persona; the one where I am always right and a bitch about it.

I can't avoid that I have to lie about their deaths to stay sane, to sound sane.

So I make them stories, it's easier this way.