It had been about a month since I had received the flowers, so, as all things eventually do, they died, along with my sense of hope. I was completely out of it, could hardly hold a conversation with anyone long enough to fully understand what the other person was saying. Why is it so hard for me to be normal? I questioned myself constantly. Why can't I function without Ichiro? Every time a dramatic girly girl would exaggerate, saying she simply could not live without her significant other, I'd always scoff and tell her in my mind to grow up. Who knew it was really like this?

I wondered constantly what he was doing, how often he thought of me, and if he really loved me as much as I loved him. There was no way to tell of course, as we had only semi-encountered the men in black once since I came back.

I had been walking home with Ran, Conan and Sonoko one day, tending to be behind the others as Conan occasionally glanced behind him to check up on me. One of these occurrences left him with a rigid stare in disbelief. At first I thought he was responding to me, so I snapped "What?" but then I realized; he was glaring at something behind me. I turned my head slowly, but didn't see anything completely out of the ordinary.

"What is it?" I asked again. Kudo only reacted this way to potentially dangerous situations.

"Ahhh, Ran-neechan! Kokone-neechan promised to take me to buy manga today, I just remembered. We'll be back for dinner though." The boy said hurriedly, turning to grab my hand.

"Ah, wait, Conan-kun! We can take you, I'm sure Kokone-chan…has…things to do." She said cautiously, knowing I wasn't in the best shape of my life.

"No, it's fine. I'll take him. We'll be in time for dinner." I argued. This surprised Ran, who hadn't heard me say a complete, original sentence in, oh, a month.

"O-okay…See you, then…" she responded carefully, turning back to join Sonoko.

"Now, what is it?" I asked earnestly. In response, Kudo dragged me to a nearby alleyway, then peered around the corner.

"That black car…you see it. Right?" He whispered, focused on the strange foreign car. I peeked around the corner and spotted it. It was empty, parked on the side of the street.

"Uh, yeah. Is that…significant?" Conan shot me a look.

"That's Gin's car." He said almost inaudibly. I felt my breath hitch. Conan glanced back to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack of sorts.

"Y-you mean…the guy that…the guy that -" I couldn't finish my sentence. Of course it would be the guy that killed my dad.

"Yeah."

We continued to watch the car for a long while. The fact that the men in black – the man that killed my father – were in Tokyo should have scared me out of my wits. To be completely honest though, I felt like I was ready to take the whole organization on my own. I had had enough of hiding, enough time without Ichiro. Just – enough.

This was stupid to assume of course, that I could take down this terrible syndicate by myself. There was no way. But I knew that when the time came, I'd be able to do some damage.

Eventually, way past dinner time by Ran's standards, Gin returned to his car. He was lighting a cigarette as he stood outside his car, then unlocked the door. I felt my stomach lurch, telling me to go beat his face in right then and there, but Conan gripped my forearm, holding me back. As if sensing this, Gin looked up and over in our direction, but Conan had me and him flat against the wall in a flash before he could spot us. The next time Conan peeked, he gave me the signal that the coast was clear. I craned my neck back around the corner in time to see him drive off, holding his cell phone to his ear. At that moment, I knew I was going to be sick. I covered my mouth, trying to hold it in, but found out this was impossible, so I turned quickly just as Conan said "Oi, what-" and heaved, barely throwing anything up since I didn't eat lunch. I took a deep breath, still leaning over, my hand steadying myself against the brick wall. Did I really just let that awful, cruel person get away? I wiped my mouth, trying to compose myself. When I felt a small hand touch my shoulder carefully, I froze.

"I know it's hard. Someday, they'll get their punish -"

"I have to go. You can get home by yourself, right? I have to get back. Haibara's waiting." I used as an excuse, but it was completely false. I had a feeling Shiho had no reason to like me, let alone wait up for me. I didn't pause though as I shook him off and started to head home.

Thinking about this made my stomach burn. That guy would definitely get his ass kicked if I was ever given the opportunity again. Off to the side, I wondered if they were still in Tokyo…

"Kone-chan? Kokone?" I heard a familiar voice that felt so far away, except it wasn't. I glanced around the dark basement of Agasa-hakase's house, but there was no one there.

"H-hello?" I whispered.

"It's me, Kone. What are you doing? Go get something to eat, sleep, do something good for yourself. For my sake, at least." That's when I knew who it was, but the sudden joy I felt was replaced by remorse.

Because it was Ichiro's voice I was hearing. That should have been a good thing…until I realized:

There was no one there.

"…Shut up. You're not supposed to be here." I responded quietly, feeling completely stupid. It had been a few weeks since I had first heard his voice. I had somewhat grown accustomed to it, but that didn't mean I was able to ignore it. Right at that moment, Haibara chose to interfere.

"Kokawa-san, you have visitors. Who are you talking to?" I flushed, but hurriedly got up.

"No one. Who is it?"

"Hattori-kun and a few others." She eyed me carefully before heading back up the stairs. I sighed, collecting myself before going up there. If Heiji ever found out I was hearing things, he'd take me back to Osaka and have me committed faster than I would be able to curse his name.

Once I reached the top of the stairs, I was almost ambushed by none other than Kazuha.

"Kokone-chan! I've missed you SO much, how are you? You look so skinny, have you been eating? And what's with these circles under your eyes?" She scolded, looking me over before she hugged me completely once more.

"I figured you could use a few extra friends…that, and Kazuha practically begged me to take her." Heiji interjected, rubbing the back of his head nervously, as if he expected me to slap him. After he figured I wouldn't, he stepped a foot closer, prepared to hug me, but I didn't offer, so he didn't push it. He stepped off to the side, and what I saw nearly caused me to pass out.

Because standing behind Heiji was Ichiro, his sweet face examining me with concern. No way, I thought. Had it really gone this far? I was seeing him now? I swear, my mind only existed to torture me. I grabbed my head with both hands, squeezing my eyes shut as my breathing rate increased by a wide margin.

"Nonononono…" I started saying to myself.

"Kone? Oi, open your eyes, is it your heart?" I heard Ichiro ask.

"Stop it, just STOP." I heard myself say. I didn't feel in control anymore.

"…Stop…what?" He questioned quietly. I knew he was close by, could feel his presence. Why did the hallucinations have to be so real?

"I can't take this anymore. Heiji, I have to tell you something, but you aren't under ANY circumstances allowed to take me back to Osaka, got it?" I threatened. I opened my eyes, and they twitched slightly. I could feel the craziness that was overwhelming me, as I was sure everyone else could see it since Heiji's eyes widened as he backed away a bit.

"…What is it?" Ichiro asked, reaching out. "Kokone, I'm here to help." He offered gently, approaching me as if I were some kind of rabid animal.

"NO." I screamed in fury, turning back to Heiji. "Heiji, I'm seeing things. It used to just be auditory hallucinations, but now I see him. I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy." I whispered to myself, trying to calm my racing heart. Heiji regarded me carefully.

"Kokone-chan…" Kazuha muttered sadly, sounding like she might cry.

"You mean Ichiro? Kokone…" Heiji said just as sadly. I looked him in the face, wondering what he could possibly say to make this any better. "He's…he's right there." He gestured toward the Ichiro I was seeing.

"…You see him too?" I whispered. Ichiro was looking at me like he was being forced to watch me die slowly.

"W-we see him, Kokone-chan. We brought him here, after that little girl called Heiji for help." Somehow I knew she was talking about Haibara.

"You're…hearing things?" Ichiro asked gently, stepping closer. I was still wary of his presence.

"I…" I bit my lip, not sure how to respond. If I told the absolute truth, Ichiro would probably not leave, or would take me back with him against my will. If I lied…that would only make me sick later…

"I'm not sick," was my response. This didn't seem to clarify anything, especially since my voice sounded hoarse and garbled.

"No one said you were." Ichiro responded quietly. I felt like I was being herded by animal catchers. I resolved myself, taking a deep breath, before attempting to smile.

"Don't worry about it. Well then, I guess you guys should be going right? Show Ichiro around Tokyo, preferably on the…other side." I suggested, trying to sound casual. It hadn't been long since we witnessed my father's murderer in the flesh, who knew who else could be lurking around? Ichiro looked a bit hurt though, causing me to regret what I had said a tiny bit. If only I could explain, Chiro, I thought. If only you could understand.

"I didn't come here to see Tokyo." Ichiro objected.

"Good, then you won't be disappointed if you leave it. I know it doesn't make sense now, but please. Just listen to me. You can't be here, and you know as well as I do that I want to come home with you, but I can't." He hesitated, a stony look on his face. Off to the side, Kazuha, Haibara and Heiji stood by, trying not to stare blatantly.

"You're not…well." He stated simply. I shot him a look.

"He's right. There's a difference between hiding and wallowing, Kokawa-san." Haibara said in that flat voice of hers.

"You're one to talk." I spat, instantly regretting it. I rubbed a hand over my face, wishing everything would disappear, including me.

"The point," she responded with more inflection. "being that you recover every once and a while from this depression of sorts until everything settles out."

"No, the point is that I'm hiding so no one else has to." I said angrily. Why couldn't everyone just cooperate for once?

"I agree with the uh…girl." Ichiro said uneasily.

"I don't care what you agree with, you need to leave. TODAY." I demanded, trying to express everything through my eyes. He regarded me carefully, unsure how to proceed.

"Alright. Fine." He finally responded curtly. "I guess we should go back to the airport, Kazuha, Hattori. Ja ne, then. Please don't die." He said casually, already heading toward the door. I felt terrible at that moment, pushing him away like that. This was how he reacted when all he wanted to do was argue.

"Chiro…" I groaned.

"No, it's fine. I'm leaving, we're leaving. Whatever. When you decide to come home, come home." He was at the door, waiting for Kazuha and Heiji, who were slowly making their way towards him, careful not to interrupt.

"It's not something I can decide!" I said desperately. He just didn't understand.

"…Okay," was all he said, and then he was out the door. Kazuha followed, while Heiji stayed where he was. She turned back to him.

"Heiji?" She questioned nervously, shaken up by what had just happened.

"I'll join you guys later. You and Ichiro-san head back to the Agency and wait for me there. I just need to talk to Kokone for a while." He said diplomatically. Kazuha looked at me, then Heiji, then me again, as if debating whether it was safe or not.

"O…kay." And that was that, she was out the door.

"…Well then. I should meet up with the Detective Boys. They'll be expecting me." Haibara said in her small voice, getting up to leave as well. Dammit, I thought, now Heiji has more incentive to yell at me. "Hakase should be back in a few hours."

After she was gone, Heiji turned around and just looked at me, a frustrated look on his face. I finally cracked, sighing.

"I know, I know. This isn't what was supposed to happen, but if you had called ahead of time, you would know that Kudo and I spotted one of them on a street not far from here." At this, Heiji gaped before covering himself.

"I…Really? Damn." He said, rubbing his chin in thought.

"Yeah. And you brought him. You BROUGHT HIM." My voice was rising with each word. Heiji held out his hands in a "calm down" symbol, almost defending himself.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea…but obviously, you are not well, as Ichiro-san said -"

"Who cares! We're getting closer to taking them down every day!" I countered.

"Ichiro-san cares!" He fired back.

"I already know that, but the more you do this kind of stuff the harder it is for him to see that I care too! You saw what I had to do back there, I had to basically tell him off, tell him I didn't WANT HIM."

"You don't have to though! If what you said is true and that organization is in Tokyo, wouldn't it be smarter to move BACK to Osaka?" I groaned in irritation.

"NO. You know what I had to do? When Kudo pointed out that black, foreign car, and when that blond-haired MURDERER walked up to it? I had to stand there!" I yelled.

"SO WHAT?" Heiji said at an equally loud decibel.

"I HAD TO WATCH THE MAN THAT KILLED MY FATHER DRIVE AWAY. THAT MAN RUINED ME. HE'S THE REASON THAT I AM THE WAY I AM." My teeth were gritted, and I could feel my awkward, uneven heartbeat in my head, causing my balance to sway slightly. I could tell that this made Heiji back down a little.

"Okay…so why can't you -"

"Because I have to be one of the people that stops that Organization. I'll never be able to make peace with the fact that I couldn't save my father, or any of the other people that were killed if I can't watch it fall." I tried to explain.

"No one expected you to save anyone from something like that. Especially at the age you were." Heiji said quietly.

"Even so. I'll never be able to function in a completely normal way – even if that organization is put to justice. But if I can fix a part of that…you have no idea how much that would help me live."

"No, no I have an idea…" he looked at me like I was a psychopath, and I guess I kind of seemed like one anyway, but still.

"Okay then. Anything else before you…leave?" I stressed the word, making it clear that I meant leave the city.

"Uh…I guess not…but Kone-chan. You really do need to take better care of yourself. If that girl – the one that doesn't seem to care much of anyone – called ME to fix YOU…that's when you know you've got problems." He cracked a jeering smile, despite the situation. I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up. I don't need fixing done by you. I'll be fine after this is all over."

"Hm, it's a good thing it just about is, then." A chilling, deep voice that didn't belong to Heiji said from behind us. I knew even before I whipped myself around who it would be:

Gin.