Jack woke up with Mark's bare arm thrown snugly across his chest, holding him in place. He was on his back, Mark was fully on his stomach, and they were both laying the wrong way on the bed, with their feet close to their pillows. The sheets and blankets were a mess. Mark's shirt was nowhere to be seen. Jack thought back to the previous night.
Mark had insisted on slowing things down – physically – until Jack was feeling better, and Jack had been both grateful and frustrated. Mark was infinitely kind and cautious, which only made it harder for Jack to keep his hands to himself.
They had decided to get in a couple hours of driving practice, before eating dinner late, and then heading back to the bedroom. Mark had been a perfect gentleman. Jack had not. Mark had made him promise that their pants would stay on. Jack had taken off his shirt instead.
They'd made out aggressively for so long that Jack had lost track of time, making a mess of the bed, and leaving another handful of red marks along each other's necks and shoulders. But Mark had made sure it hadn't gone any further than that, and they'd eventually tired themselves out. Jack assumed the transition between heated makeout session and sleep must have been abrupt, given their current configuration.
Jack was inspecting Mark's bare arm and back. He loved how solid Mark was, loved the feeling of being held, anchored under Mark's weight. He thought about what it felt like when Mark climbed over him, pinned him down…
He sighed. He had no idea what time it was, and they had things to do. They had friends coming over later, and Jack needed to spend time building his new computer. He was anxious to improve the quality of his recording setup so he could use it for the rest of the week. He reminded himself that Mark wasn't going anywhere… Waiting could be fun, right?
He put his hands on Mark's arm, and kissed his way from Mark's elbow to his shoulder. Mark opened his eyes, although Jack thought it must have been an effort, since most of his face was pressed firmly into the mattress.
"Ehh."
Jack giggled.
"Hello, love. Looks like we got a little carried away."
Mark lifted his head, stretched his neck. "You got carried away. I kept all of my promises."
"I know, I'm horrible. I'm sorry, I don't mean to tease yeh."
Mark lifted himself up and climbed over Jack.
"That is ridiculous." He kissed Jack's lips, then looked in his eyes. "What, you think I'm in this for the orgasms, or something?"
Jack shook his head, giggling. "That's not what I meant."
"Good." Mark kissed him again. "Sean. I love fooling around with you. There's no endgame."
He kissed Jack's neck, slowly. "You don't owe me anything."
He moved down Jack's body and pushed his shirt up, revealing several inches of bare skin. He kissed his way down to Jack's waistband, slid his fingertips underneath, and started to ease Jack's boxers off.
"Oh. Mark. Yeh don't have to…"
Mark looked up at him. "I know I don't. I want to." He ran his thumb over the bulge in Jack's boxers, then kissed it. "I'll be gentle. Ok?"
Jack nodded. "Ok."
Mark slid Jack's boxers the rest of the way off. He settled between Jack's knees and looped his left arm under Jack's right thigh, resting his arm along Jack's hip. He opened his hand, palm up, and Jack took it.
Mark held Jack's cock lightly in his right hand, and licked at the head with the tip of his tongue. He heard Jack sighing, gave Jack's hand a squeeze. He took Jack into his mouth, applied light pressure, moved his lips and tongue as slowly as he could. Jack moaned softly, smoothing at Mark's hair with his free hand.
Mark moved slowly for a long time, enjoying the feeling of Jack's skin against his lips and tongue, loving every quiet sound Jack made. Eventually Jack started arching his back and squeezing Mark's hand more tightly. Mark looped his right arm under Jack's left thigh so that he was cradling both of Jack's hips. He moved Jack's whole lower body, guiding Jack in slow, deep thrusts inside his mouth. He knew Jack was hovering, ready to fall.
He squeezed Jack's hand. Jack gripped at him tightly.
He moved Jack's hips. Jack moaned, low and sweet.
He held Jack firmly. He licked, sucked, rocked Jack over the edge. Jack squeezed Mark's hand as he came.
"Oh- Mark..."
Mark swallowed, pressed a kiss against Jack's hip, and moved up Jack's body.
"Yeah Sean?"
Jack stared at him. "I feel like yeh must love me so much. To be able to do that. I mean, I could actually feel it."
Mark grinned. "And you love me, too. I know you do."
Jack nodded. "So much. I can prove it."
He kissed Mark's lips firmly and slid his hands down Mark's chest. Mark kissed him eagerly for a moment before pulling back.
"Later. Time to get up."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "Ser'sly?"
"Sean. I know you. You need to get up and be productive, yes?"
"Jesus, how do you always know?"
Mark kissed his nose. "I'm happy to spend all day looking forward to this."
"I promise it'll be worth it."
"I know." Mark kissed his lips. "Omelets for breakfast?"
"Later. You can't go. Shower with me."
Mark looked at him skeptically.
"I'll behave. I promise."
"Ok. I trust you."
Jack was true to his word. Mark helped him shower and shave, forcing himself to move efficiently, ignoring every impulse to keep Jack to himself. They dressed quickly, and Mark went to make breakfast while Jack recorded a vlog and an intro for his next video.
"Top o' the mornin' to yeh laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to my vlog! Many of you have left me questions about my move to California, and I want to take the time to answer some of them now!
First of all, fer those of you who think the whole thing is a prank or a joke- I promise you, it's not. I applied for a work visa and I'm a legitimate resident of the state of California. I'm spending a few hours a week consulting for Blizzard Entertainment, which shouldn't interfere much with my YouTube schedule, and it's an incredible opportunity fer me to learn and contribute more within the gaming industry. I'll share more details about that as I'm able to. My visa will last fer the next six months, so around New Year's, I'll be deciding whether to reapply for an additional six months. I love it here, and I've never been happier, so I have every intention of staying, but I figured yeh'd like to know some of the details.
Fer those of you who have paid close attention to the subtle nuances of my life in past videos, yeh're right- I've never driven before, and I've never needed to until now. I spent most of the day yesterday studying fer my driving test, and have been collecting footage of the whole hilarious and demoralizing process. Stay tuned!
Fer those of you who are concerned about the changes to my appearance… all I can say is, I love you guys, but yeh need to let the facial hair go. I know you all get used to me looking a certain way on camera, but change is just a part of life. I need to feel like I have control over the way I look, and I hope you can all respect that. Along those lines, I have seen an incredible amount of speculation about what may or may not have happened in my personal life to set all of this in motion. I'll take this opportunity to put a few rumors to rest. No, I didn't go through a horrible breakup. No, I didn't meet a girlfriend online and move here to be with her. No, I didn't have a falling out with my family. No, I didn't commit any terrible crimes in Ireland that caused me to flee the country. Yes, I did think about how this move might affect my YouTube career before I made this decision, and yes, I knew it could be risky, and that some people in the community would have a really hard time with it. This community and this channel have been the most important things in my life fer a long time, so trust me when I say, I have really good reasons fer being here. Many of you have been nothing but supportive and encouraging through this process, and I really can't thank you enough fer the support. I have no doubt that this was the right decision to make, but it hasn't exactly been easy, and I'm so grateful fer all the love you guys have been sending my way. I'll do my best to send it right back to yeh."
Jack recorded an outro, then set up a new recording, repeated his intro, and recorded a brief introduction to his next video. Mark had agreed to help him film the process of building his new computer, along with some humorous scenes for dramatic effect, and Jack intended to share an edited version on his channel.
"I'm very excited today, because I'm about to build a BRAND NEW computer! Fer those of you who were wondering, I did take some of my equipment with me from Ireland, but I saw this as a perfect opportunity to update my computer, so I ordered the parts and had them shipped directly to my new house. Also, I honestly enjoy building computers, and I haven't done it fer a while, and I thought you guys might enjoy getting some insight into the process. Buckle up!"
He ended the recording and headed to the kitchen. Mark was putting plates of food onto the table: omelets and home fries.
"Oh my God. That looks so good. You know I would love you even if yeh sucked at cooking, right? But Jesus, it's a nice perk."
Mark grinned, speared a piece of potato with a fork, and held it in front of Jack's mouth. Jack took the bite and groaned happily. "Fucking amazing. Thanks, love."
They ate quickly, then launched into recording. Mark filmed Jack as he unwrapped and organized the pieces of the computer. Jack commentated as he assembled the components, and Mark was impressed with the way he was able to make something so technical sound fun and interesting. Mark could tell that Jack was often speaking directly to him, even though he was on camera, and he felt flutters of affection and excitement every time it occurred to him that he might be inspiring Jack's energy and enthusiasm. He was reminded again that Jack was brilliant. Knowledge flowed from him freely as he gestured expressively, his eyes bright. Mark was humbled, amazed, and hopelessly in love.
When Jack was finished, they spent time filming some scenes inspired by Terminator. Jack pretended that his new computer had acquired consciousness, and filmed staged conversations with it, then acted as though the machine had taken him hostage so it could achieve world domination and enslave mankind. Mark experienced a very specific kind of enjoyment while binding Jack's wrists together with spare wires for these scenes. He wondered what it would be like if he took Jack hostage. He filed the thought away for future consideration.
It was mid-afternoon by the time they finished and heard their doorbell ringing. Suzy, Arin, and Danny helped them carry the new patio furniture to the backyard, and they got to work assembling a large dining set and several lounge chairs. Jack and Suzy blew up inflatable rafts while Arin, Danny, and Mark started prepping for lunch on the grill. They were all sweaty and uncomfortable by the time Mark was getting ready to grill, so everyone changed into swimsuits before regrouping in the backyard. They wolfed down the food, complimented Mark's culinary skills, and got ready to jump in the pool.
Jack pulled off his shirt and headed toward the deep end with Suzy and Arin.
"Holy shit." Arin grabbed his arm, looking him over. "What the actual fuck. Should we take you to the hospital?" Jack was confused until he saw Arin's smirk, and realized that he'd just identified the bruises and bite mark on his shoulders. Jack blushed.
Suzy giggled. "Oh my God. I'm sorry, that is so hot. Good one, Mark," she called.
"What's hot?" Danny approached them. "Oh, shit. Mark, come here."
Mark wandered over, confused. He'd just removed his own shirt, and Danny took the opportunity to look him over as well.
"Oh, you guys are so busted," Arin said, eyeing the bruises near Mark's shoulders, less visible because of his tanned skin. "Thanks for the mental images. I'm going to go bleach my eyeballs now." He jumped in the pool.
Suzy continued to giggle. "Don't listen to him, he's kidding."
"I'm not," Danny chimed in. "Thanks for the mental images. I'll cherish them forever." He jumped in the pool, too.
Suzy gave Jack's hand a squeeze. "You ok? I know it might not seem like it, but Arin's trying to be supportive. He's trying to act normal... or, well, act like he would have before. So, douchey, like always. See what I mean?"
Jack smiled, nodded. "I'm good. Mark?"
Mark grinned. "Me too. Oh, hey, what's that?" He pointed over Jack's shoulder, and Jack turned toward the pool. Mark pushed him in, and Jack came up with both middle fingers pointed dramatically at Mark.
Mark laughed hysterically. "C'mon, McLoughlin, you make it so fucking easy, I can't resist." Mark and Suzy jumped in.
They spent the afternoon having an absolute blast in the pool. Danny floated serenely on a raft while Mark and Jack challenged Suzy and Arin to chicken fights. Jack and Suzy were evenly matched, tossing each other brutally into the water while perched on Mark and Arin's shoulders. They were all sunburned, exhausted, and deliriously happy by the time the Grumps had to leave, and they hugged each other goodbye, promising to repeat the day's events as soon as possible.
Mark and Jack returned to the backyard and settled into lounge chairs while Chica frolicked in the grass.
"Jesus, that was awesome. But I am going to be so sunburned."
Mark looked Jack over. "I don't think it's that bad. I put, like, ten layers of sunscreen on you. I bought aloe though, just in case."
Jack nodded. "Thanks."
They enjoyed a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Jack spoke up.
"Mark? This was an awesome day, and everything. But I think we need to talk about a couple of things."
Mark shifted so he could look at Jack more easily.
"Sure, what's up?"
Jack swiped at his phone and winced. "We need to talk about Felix."
Mark grimaced. "Yeah, I know."
They had both been stalling Felix for the last two weeks with evasive text messages, and his attempts to reach them were becoming both dramatic and profane.
"I really want to tell him the truth…" Jack started.
"Yeah, but he's the fucking captain of our fucking ship," Mark finished.
"Yep. D'you think he's even capable of keeping it to himself?"
Mark looked thoughtful. "I mean, I think of him as an actual friend, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about both of us."
"Yeah, me too. I'm just not sure he'll understand why we need to keep it a secret."
"Maybe you should just call him? Feel it out a little bit?"
Jack nodded. "Ok. I'll give it a try. Can I tell him, if it seems like the right idea?"
"Sure. Lying about it sucks. Just go for it."
Jack tapped at his phone, and Felix picked up immediately.
"YOU ABSOLUTE DOUCHEBAG OF A MOTHERFUCKER."
"Hey, Felix."
"I MEAN IT, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
"Nice to talk to you too!"
"Don't fuck with me, Jackaboy, I'm not pleased with you at the moment. Explain yourself."
"Dude, I'm sorry, I've just had some shit going on-"
"Like?"
Jack took a deep breath, grimacing in Mark's direction. "I can't really tell you everything right now."
"Like the fact that you're fucking Mark?"
Jack almost dropped the phone. "WHO TOLD YOU THAT?"
"OH MY GOD! NO ONE! I WAS GUESSING!"
"FUCK!"
"FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! I can't believe you didn't tell me!"
"Felix, I'm sorry, we're just not ready to announce it to the whole world yet…"
Silence on the other end. "Dude, I hate to break it to you, but the whole world already knows."
"No, they don't. Some people assume. It's not the same thing. Having to explain all of it is really stressful. We're still trying to figure everything out. We haven't even told our whole families yet- Mark's mom and brother don't even know. We're really not ready fer it to get out."
"Ok, ok, fine. Is Mark there?" Felix was impatient.
"Yeah."
"Let me talk to him."
Jack handed the phone to Mark with a scowl. "Best of luck."
Mark put the phone to his ear.
"Hey-"
Jack could hear a torrent of indecipherable screaming on the other end. Mark winced and held the phone away from his ear.
"Jesus, Felix- FELIX! No. Shut up. NO. What the fuck, man? Like I would actually do that? No, it was me. I swear. Yeah. I fucking love him, dickbag. YES. JESUS. What kind of proof do you want? We moved in together, it's serious. No. I won't. YES. I SWEAR."
Jack was staring in fascination.
"Ok. Yeah. Just for now. We'll see you in a couple weeks, right? We can talk about it then. Ok? Yes. Yes. Relax. Ok. Yeah."
Mark handed the phone back to Jack. "Jesus fucking Christ, he's all yours."
Jack held the phone up to his ear. "Hey."
"Dude, if he hurts you, I will fucking murder him. Just so you know. Glad you're getting laid, though. Good for you."
"Um. Thanks?"
"Games this week?"
"Sure."
"Bye." Felix hung up.
Jack stared at Mark. "What the fuck was that?"
"Oh, just five minutes of Felix violently threatening my life. I get the feeling he's not sure if I deserve you." Mark looked thoughtful. "I think he might be a little bit in love with you, actually."
Jack giggled. "We're just friends, Mark."
They were both silent for a minute.
"Sean."
"Yeah?"
"We should talk about PAX, too."
Jack nodded. "I know."
The weekend of PAX West was rapidly approaching. They had both been planning to attend long before Jack had come to visit Mark, and they needed to finalize their plans over the next week. This was another conversation they had been actively avoiding.
"I almost waited, you know. I knew I would see you in September. I just… I don't know. I didn't want to risk losing my nerve. I couldn't wait."
Jack smiled. "I'm glad yeh didn't."
"So." Mark looked at Jack. "I remember you saying you were thinking of doing a solo panel."
Jack felt a pang. It was an emotion he hadn't experienced in a long time. Regret.
He tried to choose his words carefully. "I don't think there's any way I can."
Mark's expression was pained. "Sean, I'll do whatever you think is best. I'll support you if you want to-"
Jack was shaking his head. "Imagine the kinds of things people will be asking me about. I can't do it. It's not the right time."
Mark nodded slowly, frustration settling in his chest. He'd had a feeling Jack would be making this decision, and it was killing him. He knew what a massive opportunity it would be for Jack to run his own panel, and how much Jack would have loved every second of it. He knew Jack was free to make this choice, but he couldn't help feeling responsible.
"Maybe you can do a solo signing?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah, they said I can do more than one. We can do one together, like we've done in the past- if yeh still want to, I mean. And I can do a second one myself on a different day."
"Yeah. That'll be great. So, obviously, you have to do the panel with me and Bob and Wade, again."
Jack forced himself to smile, hating this conversation more by the second. "Yeah, and I'll do the big group panel with everyone, too."
"Sean…"
The look on Mark's face was making everything worse.
"Don't, love-"
"I'm sorry…"
Jack sighed.
"Please don't apologize. We'll make it work. PAX East is in March. Maybe I can do the panel then."
Mark nodded. "It'll be great. And this part of the year always goes by so fast. We have Halloween… the holidays…"
"And then it'll be January."
Mark reached over and picked up Jack's hand.
"And you'll be here. With me. And I'll do everything I can to be worth all of this."
Jack got out of his chair, stood over Mark for a moment, then pulled him up. He put his arms around Mark's bare shoulders and hugged him tightly.
"You're worth it. You are." He kissed the side of Mark's face. He took Mark's hand and led him into the house, up the stairs, and into the bedroom. He pulled off Mark's damp shorts and steered him onto the bed. He settled on his knees between Mark's legs and kissed him, slowly, for a long time. He started to move down Mark's body-
"No. Stay with me." Jack smiled, brushed Mark's hair back from his face.
"Anything you want, love. Tell me."
Mark wrapped his legs around Jack's waist, pulled him close, rocked his hips against Jack.
Jack kissed his lips. "You sure?"
Mark nodded.
When Jack finally slid inside of him, Mark buried his face against Jack's shoulder. He held Jack tightly as they moved together, trying to forget.
Six months.
Jack's lips were hard against his neck. Jack was moving deep inside him.
It's not enough.
Jack was moaning against his ear, pushing both of them to the edge.
"Sean."
"Mark."
"Stay with me-"
He meant forever. He didn't say it.