Chapter 38: Dead End

A private conflict raged inside me all week as to whether or not my father was a violent criminal. The jump drive held the answer, but, as both Severus and Lily reminded me on a daily basis, electronics did not work at Hogwarts or on the grounds due to magical interference. Since it was end of term with all the final term tests and papers, no one wanted to adventure beyond the grounds in favor of studying.

I could not study due to the war waging inside of me. My energy instead was focused on figuring out how to resolve the conflict inside of me.

The first conflict was that my father was in jail and as such, I did not have a legal guardian to take care of me and thus could not leave Hogwarts for Christmas. Normally, I wouldn't care. I have no reason to go home for the holidays, no family to spend it with, BUT if I wanted to see the contents of the jump drive myself, I had to leave Hogwarts. This meant I needed someone to take me in for the break.

The second conflict was about how I would deal with learning about my father's involvement, however slight, in Jason Blossom's murder. Up until the jump drive discovery, I had squashed it by thinking my father was innocent, but I knew that wasn't the case. At first I didn't think there was anyone to turn to, but then I remembered that Severus's dad was similar to my own—terrorizing his part of town. This was now a difficult task as he and Regulus were minor celebrities now, beyond the fact that they spent every spare moment together.

Deciding that catching Severus was easier than begging Archie or Betty to let me come and stay with them over the holidays, I decided I would pull Severus away from Regulus during the break before dinner.

I was right behind Severus after charms class, but a swarm of students separated me from Severus, bringing Regulus to him. I had to follow the adoring crowd until it dissipated but by then the famed couple had disappeared.

I was about to give up and head for dinner when I heard a door close a ways down the hallway. It was a slim chance, but I had to try anyway. I made my way to the offending door and wrenched it open.

To my luck and embarrassment, Regulus and Severus jumped apart at the opening of the door. Severus drew his wand and Regulus took a fighting stance.

"Oh, it's you," Severus said, lowering his wand.

We all exchanged awkward looks before I found the courage to speak.

"Erm, could I have a word with you? Alone?" I asked.

Severus nodded. "Reg, watch the door."

Regulus nodded and left the classroom.

"He'll be able to hear—" I started to object, when Severus shook his head.

"Muffliato," he whispered. "Now he won't."

I felt awkward standing alone in the classroom with Severus, knowing what I had just interrupted and the rumors that our roommates had spread about us. I shook my head and tried to focus on the two points.

"No, I can't help you read the jumpdrive at Hogwarts and no, I can't give you a place to stay over the holidays." He said.

"No, it's not that. It's….How do you…How often does your dad end up in prison?" I asked, thinking of my own father in prison currently awaiting trial.

"Not too often, he usually goes to jail for disorderly conduct. He's gotten a sentence or two for drugs." He shrugged.

"How do you cope with it?"

"It's actually nice to have him locked away. So this is dealing with your father killing that one guy?"

"He didn't kill him!" I exploded and immediately regretted it. To my surprise, Severus didn't even flinch.

"What makes you say that?"

"He told me he was no murderer."

"And you believed him?"

"He's not a very good liar."

"If he's not a murderer, shouldn't he go free? Why are you asking me about this?"

"Just…because you know what is like to have a disappointment for a father. My father said he wasn't a murderer but he wasn't clean in this either. I just need to know because he is bound to spend some time in prison."

"How I cope," Severus said as if pondering the question. "I don't consider him my father. To me, he's a good-for-nothing sperm donor that won't leave us alone. I don't think I can relate as surviving with my father is hard, when he leaves life gets better."

"How can you say that about your father?"

"He is no father of mine!" Severus snapped, grabbing me by the front of my robes.

Just as quickly as the rage burst, he let go and took a step back.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking at the floor.

"I'm sorry I brought it up." I gave a cautious glance at him before exiting the classroom.

I nodded at Regulus as I passed him at the door and he went back inside to join Severus.

I stormed off. It had been a waste of time. He was no help.

I went to dinner and I felt guilty about my father's involvement. If my father was bad like Severus's father and actually guilty of some terrible things, I couldn't just sit around and act like I agreed with what he did. I decided I would do something about it.

As I entered the Great Hall, I spotted Cheryl. I prepared myself as she was sitting in the center of the Great Hall. This was going to be a scene.

I approached her and waited until she spotted me. I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Cheryl."

For a moment we looked at each other in silence. Then she stood up. I wasn't sure whether she was going to hug or hit me. I only knew that the Great Hall had become silent and was staring.

She slapped me. Then she started pounding on me. I couldn't blame her and I stayed unmoving. My father as good as killed her brother.

Kevin jumped up and stood in between us. Someone else grabbed Cheryl. Betty took my hand and led me out of the Great Hall.

That night I was studying in the library for the Care of Magical Creatures exam. Professor Kettleburn was going to have us identify several creatures from their non-magical components. I could still not concentrate on anything.

"Crups are the dog-things, right?" Betty was asking. "They look like those…that one dog."

"Yeah, and they have a forked tail that is usually removed at birth," Lily explained.

"Then how are we supposed to identify it?" Veronica asked, flipping through her Care of Magical Creatures textbook.

Their talking was giving me a headache.

"I'm leaving," I said and got up. I had been so uninvolved, everything was still in my bag. Betty gave me a sad smile as I stormed into the hallway.

I had only gone down one floor when I came upon a scene that made me stop in my tracks. Potter and Black were transfiguring a crowd of third year's clothing into attire suited for different muggle occupations. A poor boy was in tights, shoes, and tutu of a ballerina, a kid was bumping into the wall in a backwards spacesuit, a girl was equipped like a cowboy, another boy was in a female nurse costume, someone in a fireman attire, and the last one was in a business suit.

I turned around and hoped that Potter and Black hadn't noticed me, but lady luck was not my friend.

"I've been dying to do this, James. Watch!" Black called.

I could feel that something happened to my head, but I couldn't tell what. I put my hands up and felt ceramic. I kept feeling around to figure out what shape it was. I found a handle and eventually the lip. The lip had a spout.

"See! Jug-Head!" Black called out.

I turned back around and glared at him.

"So original!" I sarcastically called back, very glad that magic was not as rampant in the hallways in Riverdale so as to say this was a regular occurrence.

"You should see the art," Potter said with a smile. "It's a nice Gryffindor red with the crest of the best house of Hogwarts."

"Why would you put a Slytherin crest on a red background?" A voice came from the end of the hallway.

It was Veronica, which meant that Betty was seeing me in this embarrassing situation. At least my face was already red so no one would be able to notice my face getting even redder.

"What are you doing?" Lily's voice echoed behind me.

"Studying for our muggle studies test," Potter said, ruffling his hair. I immediately detected flirting.

"Muggle studies?" Lily repeated.

Potter and Black indicated to the third year students, some who were trying to cover up the excess skin their outfits were showing.

"James, Sirius," Lily said with disappointment in her voice.

"Put them back in their robes," Betty commanded, confirming my fear that she was there.

As Potter and Black began to protest, I slipped through a concealed hallway to spare the humiliation. All I wanted to know was the truth. Why was the universe fighting against me?

"Jughead," Betty's gentle voice came from behind me. She had followed me. I shouldn't have been surprised.

"Go away," I moaned, but I really didn't mean it.

"At least let me set your head back to normal before you run off to be alone again," she replied gently.

I turned and nodded. It would be difficult to fix my own head without a 360-degree mirror. She waved her wand and I felt warmth return to my head. She gently stroked my face. I wanted to pull her in so close and tell her that everything was going to be alright, but I didn't know it for myself. Tears welled up in my eyes. I had cried in front of her already, but it was a blow to my dignity every time.

"Juggie," Betty pulled me in a tight hug. It felt good and I returned the hug, but it caused tears to actually fall from my eyes.

"It will be ok," she repeated several times until I managed to calm down.

"I'm finding it hard to concentrate with the mystery of the thumb drive. I can't imagine how much harder it is for you knowing that it has something to do with your father's involvement." Betty spoke quietly. "Even harder knowing your father was already arrested for the crime."

The thought of my father being wrongfully arrested filled me with anger. I pulled away, turned around, and dried my eyes.

"The worst part is I won't even get to see what is on it!" I exploded and faux kicked the wall.

"What do you mean?" Betty asked.

"I can't go home," I said roughly. "My father is in jail and there is nowhere for me to stay except the empty trailer, which I doubt Dumbledore will permit. This means I'm stuck at Hogwarts all break. This means I can't see what is on the jump drive!"

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that," Betty replied. "Maybe, maybe I can convince my mother to say you are staying with us even though you'll stay at the trailer? Or maybe we could ask Archie if you can stay with him?"

"I don't want to impose," I said, grateful for her help, but hating how vulnerable I felt in needing to ask for help.

"I'll talk to Lily too. My family is coming up to see her family since my mother can make portkeys. I'll be spending the first week with the Evans, maybe they won't mind you joining?"

"I really don't want to impose…"

"Impose on what?" Lily asked, just entering the hidden hallway.

"Would it be alright if Jughead joins my family for the first bit of the break? He doesn't have anywhere to stay and he really wants to see what is on the jump drive."

"Yeah, totally," Lily said. "The more the merrier. If only I could convince your family to stay through Christmas."

"You know that wouldn't work, besides that'll be cutting it close to Polly's due date."

"Yeah, that's the point. She should have them in England so I can see the cute babies!"

The girls laughed.

"We'll take care of you, Juggie," Betty said, linking her arm in mine. "Don't worry."

I conceded and followed them back to the library to study. I really needed to not fail.