Chapter 38:

"You'll never get away with this," declared the Lich's annoying internal voice. "Won't I," he retorted? "The two people with the knowledge to stop me are either dead or in my power, Simone Petrikova. The man with the will is now an emotionally compromised wreck. He's impotent. I've already won. It's all over but the screaming, and, mmm, do I love screams." Now deciding to ignore her, he once again turned to the Ice Tiara and the task at hand. He had to freeze the ocean to a distance of several hundred miles from shore and all the way to the bottom. Then he needed to move east to the Pacific and do the same thing.

Hundreds of miles away in the Grey Forest, the Matriarch stood at the window of her home, staring into the darkness. Things had never been more dire. She'd received word of the disaster in Wizard City. Now she found herself looking over her shoulder. Marjolaine was in league with the Lich. Her Lawkeeper was dead–slain by the Lich. The whole world seemed as though it would descend into the Night-O-Sphere.

She had no idea what to do.

If a powerful wizard could be so easily defeated, what was she going to do? She'd ordered the Lawkeepers to high alert, but they had no walls or defenses to man. Their town was completely open! "Mother," murmured her aide. "Come and sit." With a half-hearted and worried chuckle, the plump woman opined, "it's... Why, it's like you fear the dark!" "She does," retorted Marjolaine Baudin. The aide spun about to find the rogue wood nymph standing there. Flanking her were two columns of oozing darkness. The plump woman darted back from her. Not that the newcomer was at all interested in her.

Striding forward, eyes fixed on the Matriarch, the evil woman said, "it's time you retired, old woman. Things will be different now..." The matriarch spat in her face. Wiping her face, the evil woman growled, "the wasting curse... Let her suffer." As the terrified aide stared in horror, one of those creatures grabbed the Matriarch by her hand. Slowly, as the aide watched, the older woman began to age. Rapidly. One moment, she was a vigorous if past-her-prime matron. The next, she was a worn and stooped crone. Shortly after, she was a desiccated husk. "Her mind's still alive," chuckled Marjolaine. She might have been discussing the weather. Slowly the light faded from the former Matriarch's eyes as her body blackened into a mummified corpse. The evil woman turned to the woman who stood in the corner, knees knocking and face gone pale. "Go and wash the piss off yourself and summon my cabinet," snarled Marjolaine Baudin. "A-at once, Mother," stammered the plump woman before she ran from the room.

Back in the Candy Kingdom, Bonnibel Bubblegum came slipping through a secret passage of her castle in the dark with only a small flashlight to guide her. She came dressed in one of her sexiest outfits, and she was on a mission. It was a little selfish. She was woman enough to admit that. At the same time, well, Simone was gone. There wasn't anybody in the way, was there? More to the point, Finn was the great love of her life too, and she wanted to let him know that she was still there for him.

At her destination, a tall, pale figure came stalking up the hallway, having waited until the sounds of Bonnie's palace ebbed to nothing. Marceline Abadeer was in kind of a state. Simon was gone. The Lich had killed him and left Finn literally holding the bag. The demon-woman had wanted to find out from Finn if Simon had left her any message, but the day had been hectic and crazy, with the various princesses trying to drag her into whatever little scheme they wanted to enact. She'd put them off. She'd put them off because she was proscribed from meddling. She could hint. She could suggest. If she took that too far, she risked being barred from Ooo the way her father had been. She'd never see Finn, Bonnie, or Marshall again. All the power in the world, thought the Arch-Demoness, no ability to make use of it. This sucks! She wanted Finn. She needed advice. She needed to know what to do now.

Unfortunately the world seemed to be speeding down the track towards Judgment Day, and everyone was frantically trying to get off the train. There hadn't been a moment that Finn wasn't rushing around doing what Finn did. He was too busy to see her. That was what came as the kick in the teeth. She'd spent his youth jerking his chain, leading him on, and fucking with his mind until he didn't know what to think about their relationship. Now it looked a lot like she'd squandered their time together. Pacing the room, the Princess of Darkness thought about how she could move them past this. And that was how Bonnie found her when the secret passage opened.

Marceline had come dressed in a black, schoolgirl skirt that came just below her hips under a white blouse that was almost transparent. In its way, the outfit was just as sexy as what the tall princess was wearing as the blouse showed off Marceline's firm, perky boobies. On top of that, she'd painted glossy black lipstick on her luscious lips, and the eye-liner she wore made her red-eyes pop. Staring her best friend in the eye, Marceline rumbled, "really, Bonnie?" The Candy Monarch blushed to her hair. Still she gave as good as she got, pointing out that Marceline had been trying to steal her boyfriend. That was when Finn's door opened, revealing Phoebe, who'd come in a conservative dressing gown.

"Shouldn't you be in bed," demanded Marceline? "I could ask you the same thing," the Flame King retorted. "Besides, I came to comfort him, not fuck him. Do you two have any shame?" And that was how the fight started. The three women got into an ugly, accusatory bitch session with Marceline and Phoebe ganging up on Bonnie for acting like a whore, Bonnie and Marceline ganging up on Phoebe for risking her child, and Flame King and Princess Bubblegum ganging up on Marcy for being irresponsible and inconsiderate.

At the height of the confrontation, the door across the hall opened, revealing an irritated and drowsy Mafia Princess. Cherry had been doing her best to ignore the three dingbats across the hall in the empty room, but when they had the nerve to start shouting, that was the limit. Yawning heavily, Cherry told the trio, "he's in Bonnie's study working with Betty on finding the Lich's origin. You three horny bitches should go back to bed. Besides, don't you think it's a little premature to be at his door, looking for sloppy sex? Can he at least have a chance to mourn before you ask him to choose one of us...?" The chagrined trio tore out of there, finally allowing Cherry to get back to sleep.

Down in the study, Finn the Human had his nose deep in one of Simon's old journals, struggling with Simon's encroaching madness to understand what his old friend was trying to say. It was slow going and had been all night. Betty had already checked out on him. She was sitting at the table with her body laying up on a pile of books and her head on her forearms. Setting aside the journal for a moment, Finn got up, got her a cushion from the couch, and slipped it under her head. Seeing that he was already up, he decided to go get some air.

Betty, meanwhile, was lost in a strange dreamscape of empty, ruined cities. She was walking the surface of a broken Earth. She felt her lungs burn from the heavy, sulfurous air. This was the world she'd skipped over. Simon and Marceline had lived through this. It was hardly any wonder that her husband went mad. She was certain she wouldn't have lasted a day.

"It wasn't fun, princess," said a familiar voice. Betty spun about to find Simon there. He was fading in and out of that weird Ice-King appearance. "You're imagining me as Ice-King," said Simon. Betty mentally blinked, "uh, what?" Simon moved on. "Finn might have the right idea, princess," said Simon, "but his ADHD means he's gonna' need your help executing it." Betty gave him a frown. "Finn's a sharp guy," Simon explained. "He's a lot smarter than he lets on. Give him a chance, princess. We've only got one shot at this, and you're the only way I can help." "Why," demanded Betty? Simon replied, "Death's been chasing me since yesterday. I can't appear directly to anybody..." Betty rolled her eyes. Simon was deliberately obtuse even in her imagination. "I heard that," groused the specter. "Would it kill you to listen just once?"

Startled, Betty just stared. Had that come out of her subconscious? She knew she was sometimes hard on her husband, but had she been that bad? 'Simon' was still speaking. Said he, "I think the Lich may be Russian. Things he said to me suggest maybe Siberia. I know there was a Door-Lord's sanctum there because he showed it to me once. Might be some of his stuff inside." Glancing around him, the former Ice King squeaked, "gotta' go, hon!"

Betty awoke with a start to find herself laying on a cushion with her son staring down at her. Yawning, she asked, "what time is it?" Patrick replied, "eight o'clock..." The older woman sat up abruptly. She'd been here all night. Staring down at the cushion, she asked, "did you?" "No," the young man replied, "I found you that way..." Brushing back her hair, Betty said, "we haven't talked. How you holding up, honey?" Solemnly, Patrick replied, "I'm ok, mom. I-I'm more worried about you..." A voice inside her suggested he really ought to be. Putting on a pleasant smile, Betty told her son, "I'm gonna' get by, kiddo. This... It's a part of life. Sometimes bad stuff happens to people you care about. You went through it with Fionna, right? I'm gonna' miss your dad, but I'll be ok."

Patrick nodded uncertainly. Apparently there was some stuff that was still bothering him. Sitting back in her chair, Betty told him, "out with it... I know that look, Patrick. It's better to spit it out than to have me go looking..." The young man blushed in unpleasant memory at all the times his mother had 'gone looking'. She'd found his stash of naughty pictures that way once. He'd gotten a lecture about respecting women as people instead of objects. "I've asked Fionna to marry me," said Patrick. Betty frowned at him. She wasn't really keen on this situation. In a lot of ways it felt like incest. Simone had always treated Patrick like her little brother. Now Patrick was talking about essentially marrying his niece. On the flip side of that, who else was there? Susan Strong? She was nearing fifty! That only left one of Ooo's mutants, and Betty had struggled with being comfortable with that.

Men, as usual, didn't seem to mind. As long as they had a hole to stick their peckers in, they were happy. Finn and his son had gleefully screwed some of everything from that nasty dog-person, Jake Junior, to the head fire-elemental herself. Still, Betty had been trying to get herself comfortable with one of the more human-looking mutants. Somebody from Warrior Kingdom or Engagement Ring Kingdom, where the people were all but human save for some skin-tone issues. "Ok," sighed Betty. She wasn't happy with this, but it was certainly not his worst option. With the decision made, she rose and gave him a hug. "Good luck, honey," she said. "I'm sure you and she will do fine together."

Stepping back, Betty straightened her robes and brushed back her hair. Looking around her, she asked, "any idea where Finn is?" "Bonnie's lab. He's at her computer, digging around." Betty goggled. He was still going?! As Betty pondered that, her son said, "Princess Nadia's taking Fi and I out to the Lich's island tomorrow, mom. I... was kinda' hopin' you would have dinner with us and Finn..." "O-ok," stammered an astonished Betty. As Patrick rose to go, a strange impulse came over her. "Hey, Pat, honey," she murmured? "Yeah, mom," he replied? She wasn't sure why she was asking, but she decided to just lay it out there, "did your father ever have any musician friends come over?" Frowning, Patrick wracked his brain. "Yeah," he said. "Guy named Theo. Least that's what he called himself. I remember him because I thought he was human, but dad said he wasn't... Why?" "Just trying to find names of people your dad knew," Betty lied. "People who'd like to know... about things..." With a nod, Patrick got on his way. Betty found herself staring at his back. Was it true? Death had been in her house?! He'd fucking come to her house!

Now she was angry! She was angry that the bastard had the nerve to invade their home, looking to harass her husband for having the temerity to be living his life. Now, more than anything, she wanted to shut down the Lich permanently just to spite their nemesis. She headed out to find Finn. It was a little crazy to think that she was going to be related by marriage to him. Of course, there was Simone. Her husband had adopted Simone as their daughter, but they weren't genetically related. Now, she would probably be sharing grandchildren with Finn Mertens. Rising herself, Betty headed out to find the man himself.

Just as Patrick had said, he was down in Bonnibel's laboratory, working away as if he hadn't been at it all night. "Hey," he greeted her when she walked in. "Any progress," she asked? With a heavy-hearted sigh, Finn said, "Simon was kind of a mess when he met skeleton-face. I doubt that he could remember his own name." He'd been much too impaired to write down anything useful. "There's a hundred different places that it could be," said Finn. Betty thought long and hard about her dream. She'd dabbled in the occult back in her youth, but honestly it was more for the outrage than anything. She'd honestly never truly believed in it. Did she dare believe now?

"Simon spoke to me last night," she murmured. Finn's head snapped up to hers. Blushing to her hair, she said, "he's come to me twice... I... I thought I was crazy... losing it. But he said something... Patrick confirmed it..." "Slow down," said Finn. Rising, he steered the older woman into a seat. When she was seated, he got her a glass of water and waited for her to get that down before continuing. Betty found herself a little surprised to realize she really was thirsty. It was uncanny that he'd been able to figure that out from just looking at her.

"Ok," said Finn. "Tell me..." "I... Simon's ghost is appearing to me," she said. "He... he comes at night. In my dreams. He said it's because Death is pursuing him." Frowning, Finn said, "Death's wanted Simon for a while. He even told Marceline that." Finn began to pace. Scratching at his long, blonde locks, he said, "I think this is real, Betty. Ghosts are real. I used to be friends with one. Her name was Warrior Princess, but she'd lost her memories of who she was." Turning to look at her, he said, "Death sometimes visits people in their sleep. That's how he worked on Penny, so it probably works for Simon too. What did he say?"

Betty thought about that for a long while. She was decent with remembering her dreams. It didn't take her long to come up with the contents of last night's dream. "Th-there's something called a Door Lord," she said. "Simon thought the Lich killed one of them and took his place..." "Did he say where," Finn asked? "Siberia," said Betty. "It's in Siberia... East of Nadia's Kingdom." "Baba-Yaga's Wasteland," muttered Finn. "Not good." At her questioning look, he said, "there's a really nasty old witch–almost as old as Peebles. She rules a lot of the wastelands, and she doesn't really like visitors. She's gone to war with Nadia's people a couple of times." "That's ominous," Betty murmured. "Yeah," said Finn. "A big, steamin' bowl of not good." But they had a lead now.

Sitting down before the computer again, Finn began hunting through Bonnie's endless piles of records. The computer churned on his queries while he fired more questions at Betty. She described the city she'd seen in her dream of Simon, and Finn typed the description into the computer too. After an interminable amount of time grinding away, the machine spat out an answer. Tapping the screen, Finn said, "yeah. This is it. This guy used to terrorize Nadia's Kingdom, takin' stuff and sometimes peeps too. He up and disappeared without warning, and all the attacks stopped..." "Because the Lich killed him," Betty rumbled. She sighed heavily. This was getting too real. This wasn't a story about some grand adventure in the wilderness, and, after her experiences in the cave, she wasn't really excited about tackling an adventure again. But they had no choice.

"Finn," said Betty. "Yeah, man," he replied, as he took notes. With a sigh, Betty announced, "Patrick's proposed to Fionna..." Finn nodded. In his mind, it stood to reason. They'd been living together for over a year. Why not? "Y-you're not...," Betty murmured. "The world's coming apart," Finn replied. "Dude's trying to kill us all. I'm glad they can be happy in spite of all that." It was kind of a slap in the face. He was right. He was sooo right. Betty nodded. "Patrick wants to have dinner tonight," she said. "Just family." "Ok," said Finn. "Pro'lly do it at my place." Nodding, Betty got on her way. She just wasn't comfortable being around him right now.

It was seven o'clock when Betty came walking up the driveway to the treehouse. She was a little surprised to find that the driveway was full, and there were cars even out on the road. There were two limousines and several trucks present, including Fionna's beater. There was even a pair of intimidating Fire Wolves laying lazily on the concrete of the driveway. She'd thought they had agreed that this was just going to be family. What was he doing? As she approached the door, a pair of Banana Guards opened it in front of her. "Uh, the boss is upstairs," said one of them. Wearing a frown on her lovely face, the older woman went up the stairs, her mind whirling. What was going on?

When she stepped out on the landing, she found a multitude of people there. Oh, Fionna and Patrick were present. The young couple had pride of place there on the beat-up old couch that Simone had refused to throw out. Around them were Fionna's brother and sister, Billy and Star–along with a multitude of other people. Princess Ragnhild was present and all but clinging to Billy Mertens. That sort of stood to reason. Betty understood from Simone's words that the two were an item now. Star was there with a massively built man who's blonde hair and green skin told that he hailed from Warrior Kingdom. She hadn't even known the little nymph was dating.

All of that sort of made sense. What startled Betty was finding Boniface Bubblegum there with his mother, sister and wife. Princess Shoko had brought along a towering elemental male, who'd come decked out in asbestos boots, britches, and jacket. Alongside those were Marceline Abadeer and her son, Marshall. And rounding out the massive contingent was Cherry Cream Soda, with her son, Van. Finn was at the stove in the kitchen, working on dinner, and at his side stood the Flame King, Phoebe, resplendent in a deep black gown.

At a loss, Betty stood there gawking at the raucous dinner party she'd sort of dropped in Finn's lap. She couldn't really help thinking about the party she'd interrupted weeks ago. Her husband had explained just how angry and hurt Finn had been when she'd more or less taken over the home-coming party he'd created for Simone and Emeraude, and she'd been mortified. She hadn't given any thought to that. Now here she was again, pushing her way into this man's home and his life. Easy, Betty, she told herself. Patrick and Fionna are getting married. We're going to be in-laws.

"Mom," Patrick greeted her. He and Fionna rose and met her halfway to the stairs. Taking either hand, they led her over to the table Finn had cobbled together in the center of the living-room/dining-room space. She got placed at the far end of the table. The rest of that massive crew of people filled in around the perimeter. Finn came out of the kitchen with Phoebe and began laying out platters of food. He was cleaning out the larder because he was going to be gone for a long time, and there was no point in leaving food here for Beemo to waste.

The would-be bride and groom got up and began serving everyone, leaving Finn to sit down at the head of the table. As the soup and salad got laid out, Betty tried to make small talk. With a sheepish chuckle, she said, "I... Well, I thought it was just going to be family, or I would have dressed better..." Finn, who was wearing his trademark jeans and blue shirt, replied, "this is family. Boniface and Marshall are the sons I didn't know I had. Shoko's my daughter. Since they're mothers of my kids, I invited Bonnie and Marcy to come too." Which would also explain the elemental woman and the gangster. Betty's mouth came open. The bubblegum princess and Vampire Queen flushed to their hair.

Blushing, Bonnie admitted, "I... stole a sample of Finn's genetic material. I... wanted children..." With a glance at Marceline, she admitted, "we both did." Froyo Princess gawped at the pair of them. She could hardly believe that was true. Betty was staring at the man of this strange little house, hardly able to believe he could be so calm about that. These two had used him as a sperm-donor without his permission! Ignoring her staring, Finn said, "I'd hoped for Simone and E to be here to have this moment with us. Honestly, it's... it's not how I would want to see Pat and Fi starting out together with us facing the end of everything. At the same time, I can think of few things more fitting as a response to what he plans for us than pledging ourselves to life and love."

Sitting across from each other, Pat and Fi giggled. Maybe it was the moment, or maybe it was the time they'd spent together, but both just laughed. Blushing, Fionna said, "thanks, daddy." Smiling back, Finn said, "no, sweetie. Thank you." The group of them dug in, then, working their way through the simple fare that Finn had cooked up for them. When the soup and salad were gone, Fi and Pat went and got the main courses, laying out chicken and steak. Nibbling at coal, Phoebe did her best to carry the conversation down at Finn's end of the table, even if nobody was really excited to talk right now. As supper wound down, the various guests rose and headed out–going downstairs to the entry to enjoy the cool evening air and leaving Finn and Betty–and those women–alone in the kitchen.

Finn put the pans in to soak, then motioned for the pack of them to follow him into his office. Once there, he put the princesses on the couch, while he brought in a couple of chairs from the kitchen. Once all were seated, Bonnie opened the conversation. "Finn's told me about what you found," she said. "I'm a little concerned about having the two of you go into Baba Yaga's domain without backup." Standing at the window, Finn said, "been thinkin' about it, Peebles. I think you're looking at it wrong." "How so, Finn," she asked? "It would take an army to fight Baba Yaga, PB," Finn replied. "We don't have two armies, and even if we did, I'd rather keep the second in reserve just in case..." He still feared the Lich's other half.

Finn said, "we don't want to attract attention, Peebles. We want to get in and get out. Soldiers would just attract her attention." Taking a deep breath and staring down at her hands, the bubblegum woman said, "alright, Finn. We do this your way." "Thanks, Peebles," Finn said. Turning to face them at last, the big man said, "I guess that's that. Betty? You can crash here if you like, otherwise I'll see you at the airfield tomorrow morning. Ragnhild, I think that's all. I'd like to talk to Bonnie, Marceline, Phoebes, and Cherry alone."

Betty blushed. The mothers of his children. Five of his eight children. Part of her was intensely curious about what he had to say to them. At the same time, this was their business and their kids, and she would have cut the tits off of any bitch who thought she would stick her nose in Betty's dealings with Patrick. Rising, she headed out, gathering on her coat and heading downstairs for good measure. She found her son sitting on the bed of Fionna's truck with his fiancé, staring up at the moon. Star was sitting on the grass with the massive mountain of a man who'd shown up with her, and, oddly enough, the other bubblegum-princess was sitting in the lap of the fire-elemental. It was a shocking sight until Betty remembered the fire-shield spell Simon once taught her.

Boniface was standing off to the right of the door, having a hushed conversation with his older and younger brothers, while French Toast looked on, looking a little lost, as she cradled her little boy. That was a girl who had been left completely unprepared for life. Part of Betty would have taken her in hand as she'd tried to take Simone, but just the thought of how Simone had met her end sent the older woman almost running down the driveway to her car. She needed to be out of here. She needed some air and time to think.

Upstairs, Finn stood before four of the women in his life. "I've been a long time about this," he said, "but it's time I come perfectly clean. Guys... I'm not... I'm not ever going to be able to choose between you. I love all of you. I... It's just how I am. Right now, I'm kind of a mess inside, and I think you'd all be better off if maybe you moved on." There. He had said it.

All four women stared at him for a moment, and the big man almost flinched away from them. Glancing away, he said, "this isn't going to end well for me. The Lich has taken this up two or three notches..." "All the more reason for you not to be alone, Finn," said Phoebe. Rolling her eyes, Cherry said, "why do men always want to carry everything by themselves?" Marceline just laughed at him and said, "see you when you get back, weenie." One by one, the four of them presented him with toe-curling kisses before strolling out the door. Cherry was the last. Standing at the door of his office, she said, "when you want to talk, Finn... I'm here. I've... been through this... I know what you're feeling." Finn flushed to his hair. He shouldn't have forgotten. Before he could say a word, she said, "carry my love with you always, honey. I'll be waiting on you."